New To FWB

[Sp3ll1ng]

So, a few questions for a woman with her first friend with benefits. I recently talked to my "friend" and here is a few things I have heard so far that he has broken of the rules. Tell me what you would do?

 

1. He texts/calls me everyday (Mornings, breaks, and at night)

 

2. He says "If this ever turns into a relationship"

 

3. He is willing to take me home after picking me up.

 

Not only has he done those, also, we haven't even had intercourse yet. I have told him countless times

 

"Please, do not ruin this first time experience for me, you are my friend and that is how I want it. If things happen later on down the road, then so be it, but for now, I ONLY WANT TO **** YOU."

 

 

What would you guys do?

Edited July 7, 2011 by Sp3ll1ng

[thehead]

I'd tell him to find a girl who wants a relationship since he obviously does.

 

This doesn't sound like it's going to turn out well at all. I hope I'm wrong.

[buster2209]

Surely if you're not having sex, then the 'with benefits' is dropped and you are just friends?

 

Or am I missing something?

[east coast edward]

Err, well as a guy its simple.

 

If I was in love with you, or I wanted a full-on relationship with you and you said "look I only want to **** you"....... then its obvious .. I'd **** you.

 

I'd probably get quite emotionally disturbed because you didn't reciprocate with the lorve thing, and bottle it up. The whole emotional thing would blow at some point, casing a mega hiatus.

 

Surely the way to deal with this is to be communicative. If you want bo be FWB or ****-buddies, then it must mean that you fancy him. He must fancy you, but the way he wants to peruse the relationship thing is OTT. There's a sense in this that says, just do it. If he wants to do caring things for you as wll, ket him. Its nice. You'd be far worse with a bad boyfriend who trated you dis-respectfully.

 

Isn't this the thing with Friends with benefits - you are friends, and occasionally make love. But that's it, you are friends. There're plenty of couples who are not friends, infact don't like each other, but still have intense relationships.

 

If you want FWB then cool, but its actually fundamental that you like each other. So what if he loves you and cares for you, thats a bonus. There are plenty of women in relationships where they wish that the man had even the slightest respect for them.

 

(PS note - sorry I didn't want to sound crude, but I did put the word in and it came out as ****. I wonder what happens if I mention Scunthorpe - well that's ok then.... given that you can say Scunthorpe, I can mention Grimsby, Cleethoropes and Immingham as well.... LOL)

Edited July 7, 2011 by east coast edward

[Sp3ll1ng]

Surely if you're not having sex, then the 'with benefits' is dropped and you are just friends?

 

Or am I missing something?

 

We haven't had sex YET lol. It is the beginning of the FWB.

[Sp3ll1ng]

Err, well as a guy its simple.

 

If I was in love with you, or I wanted a full-on relationship with you and you said "look I only want to **** you"....... then its obvious .. I'd **** you.

 

I'd probably get quite emotionally disturbed because you didn't reciprocate with the lorve thing, and bottle it up. The whole emotional thing would blow at some point, casing a mega hiatus.

 

Surely the way to deal with this is to be communicative. If you want bo be FWB or ****-buddies, then it must mean that you fancy him. He must fancy you, but the way he wants to peruse the relationship thing is OTT. There's a sense in this that says, just do it. If he wants to do caring things for you as wll, ket him. Its nice. You'd be far worse with a bad boyfriend who trated you dis-respectfully.

 

Isn't this the thing with Friends with benefits - you are friends, and occasionally make love. But that's it, you are friends. There're plenty of couples who are not friends, infact don't like each other, but still have intense relationships.

 

If you want FWB then cool, but its actually fundamental that you like each other. So what if he loves you and cares for you, thats a bonus. There are plenty of women in relationships where they wish that the man had even the slightest respect for them.

 

(PS note - sorry I didn't want to sound crude, but I did put the word in and it came out as ****. I wonder what happens if I mention Scunthorpe - well that's ok then.... given that you can say Scunthorpe, I can mention Grimsby, Cleethoropes and Immingham as well.... LOL)

 

 

You make an excellent point. There are many women out there who want a guy to just even give them the slightest respect, and I have a guy here who wants a FWB and maybe even more. I guess I should be thankful if something more does come out of it, it's just, I have been through so much in my life and I cannot take another emotional break-down. That is the only reason I accepted a FWB because I have been emotionally hurt by an ex lover. Thought that maybe if I had a friend that I could just play with on some days that it would make me stronger, and maybe even able to gain the confidence to go out and look again for "love". We shall see though huh? Thank you for your inspiring words though.

[east coast edward]

You make an excellent point. There are many women out there who want a guy to just even give them the slightest respect, and I have a guy here who wants a FWB and maybe even more. I guess I should be thankful if something more does come out of it, it's just, I have been through so much in my life and I cannot take another emotional break-down. That is the only reason I accepted a FWB because I have been emotionally hurt by an ex lover. Thought that maybe if I had a friend that I could just play with on some days that it would make me stronger, and maybe even able to gain the confidence to go out and look again for "love". We shall see though huh? Thank you for your inspiring words though.

 

You make a good point too. Taking a partner into a relationship is a serious risk, if someone has hurt you in the recent past then that risk may be un-tenable.

 

I know, I'm trying to form a relationship with a wonderful person, she has over the last decade had bad boyfriends who in different ways abused and betrayed her. She is so emotionally numbed that I find it painful, and sometimes lonely to engage, but I love her and she knows. She loves me back, but its not the same, there's such a wound that she's just terrified.

[Sp3ll1ng]

You make a good point too. Taking a partner into a relationship is a serious risk, if someone has hurt you in the recent past then that risk may be un-tenable.

 

I know, I'm trying to form a relationship with a wonderful person, she has over the last decade had bad boyfriends who in different ways abused and betrayed her. She is so emotionally numbed that I find it painful, and sometimes lonely to engage, but I love her and she knows. She loves me back, but its not the same, there's such a wound that she's just terrified.

 

I have been through that before, I understand where she is coming from. I have broken from that before, and I shall share with you the secret on how to help her. It might be painful and it might be a lot of work, but if you are hard-headed and never give up, you can show her that not all guys are like the guys she has dated. Show her exactly the way she makes you feel and just show her that no matter what, you will always be there for her.

 

That is what a guy did for me before to help me over-come the numbness. I ended up waiting too long to show him that I cared about him the same way he did for me and he left, but, amazingly, I stayed strong that time. I learned to just hold onto my heart until I believed the right one came along. Now, the only problem I have is, I feel like I cannot love, which is why I cannot seem to hold a relationship.

 

Best of lucks for you though, and I hope my advice helped in any way, even though I just basically talked in a big circle lol. Still, BEST OF LUCK!

[Tayla]

So, a few questions for a woman with her first friend with benefits. I recently talked to my "friend" and here is a few things I have heard so far that he has broken of the rules. Tell me what you would do?

 

1. He texts/calls me everyday (Mornings, breaks, and at night)

 

2. He says "If this ever turns into a relationship"

 

3. He is willing to take me home after picking me up.

 

Not only has he done those, also, we haven't even had intercourse yet. I have told him countless times

 

"Please, do not ruin this first time experience for me, you are my friend and that is how I want it. If things happen later on down the road, then so be it, but for now, I ONLY WANT TO **** YOU."

 

 

What would you guys do?

 

1: Which part of "It is a relationship" don't you get? He is "relating" to you " and you think its against some kind of FWB handbook of no nos?

2: I agree with the other poster, this is not going to fair well for you or for him. You may want to count your blessings that a guy is interested in you and be a friend.

3: What is the emotional payoff in the FWB anyways? That you can walk away at anytime and still feel great that you got your physical need met? I am being sincere in this question....

[hisal]

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[Miss Clavel]

3: What is the emotional payoff in the FWB anyways? That you can walk away at anytime and still feel great that you got your physical need met? I am being sincere in this question....

 

Usually both "friends" understand that neither is the other's "true love". Both friends are free to pursue "true love" without anyone getting nosey or hurt.