hurtininmn Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 So I'm not sure what do think/say. I should start by saying we have been happily married for almost 12 years. We were high school sweet hearts and had dated since 16. We have never had any other sexual partners. Our sex life is decent. We have 3 kids who are between 10-5. It started out the other night and I had asked her if she has been thinking sexually about others. It kind of turns me on a little bit. I told her I didn't need names or anything. She didn't want to say anything as it bothers her. She ended up saying she thought about this one guy at work (she even said name) about ****ing him when he got home from chicago (just a fantasy). Then she goes on to say how she has dressed sexy specifically for him cause it makes her feel sexy. She knew he would look at her ass. I then asked if she thought of him while we had sex and she said yes. I asked how long it's been going on and she said a few years. He has moved and she still thinks about him even 6 months after he's left. Now I know that we ALL have fantasies and fantasize about others. I guess I'm more hurt cause it's with the same guy for so long. He's not even there anymore yet she still thinks about him. I also understand how women want to feel sexy by others rather then just a husband. There are times when she would tell me she was horny during the day but of course when she gets home it's gone...so no go on gettin any for me. She said that when she thinks guys are checking her out it turns her on. Anyways, I'm not sure what to think. Am I overreacting and theres nothing to worry about. I can't stop thinking about how much she's thought about this other guy sexually. Next time we have sex I'm gonna be thinking is it about me or him? Any help/comments would be welcome. Hurtininmn Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Does it really matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home? Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 If she dresses sexy for him and not for you, you're gonna be screwed real soon. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Does it really matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home? In a half-hearted relationship that didn't carry much weight...I would agree with this. But I'd hate to have this as my relationship mantra. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtininmn Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 It's not that I don't get it sometimes. It's just a matter of am I getting it for ME or for HIM? As far as dressing sexy, she does for me sometimes to. She doesn't do it all the time at work. There are just times where she will KNOWING thats why she's doing it. Also, I don't think she's ever cheated and she's said she hasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 None of us have any control over what our partners think about during sex. I don't see what your wife did as cheating. You pressed her for more information and when you got that information, you got an answer you didn't want to hear. There have been times I've thought about someone else, mostly a fictional character or a celebrity, when I've had sex. Do I tell my spouse? No. Is it possible he's thinking of someone else when he's with me? Sure. Does it bother me? No. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Nothing wrong with a healthy fantasy. Nothing wrong with a couple playing a few of them out in the bedroom (or wherever). Some of you people are sooo jaded. You think everything everyone does is a clear indication they're about to cheat on you. Life is not black and white. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtininmn Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 None of us have any control over what our partners think about during sex. I don't see what your wife did as cheating. You pressed her for more information and when you got that information, you got an answer you didn't want to hear. There have been times I've thought about someone else, mostly a fictional character or a celebrity, when I've had sex. Do I tell my spouse? No. Is it possible he's thinking of someone else when he's with me? Sure. Does it bother me? No. I understand that we all have fantasies. I guess, I just didn't think we had them over the same guy/girl for such a long time. Does that make sense? And your right, I did get an answer I didn't want to hear. I was looking more for a one time fantasy type of thing. Not that they've been about the same dude for A LONG time. I guess it's more about being over the same person for so long. I guess I'd thunk that it would change. If it were different people or celebs it I think I would feel different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtininmn Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 She has not been with another man and she probably does not want to go to the tomb like that. She knows you get horny when she has fantasies about ****ing other men. If the marriage becomes dull or rough she may give herself permission to have an affair. Actually she may do it if she is bored. Sometimes, all is needed is an opportunity that cannot be turned down. She dresses sexy because she loves attention. That is another risk factor for an affair. How is her FOO (family or origin)? Any history of infidelity? This may also be a factor. Be careful dude. An fantasy is not the same as real life. I've never had other pussy either. I fantasize about it but it's usually just a jack off time...lol. It's not about the same neighbor over and over who I'm trying to flirt with. Her history is good. Good family. No history of cheating/divorces. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtininmn Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Nothing wrong with a healthy fantasy. Nothing wrong with a couple playing a few of them out in the bedroom (or wherever). Some of you people are sooo jaded. You think everything everyone does is a clear indication they're about to cheat on you. Life is not black and white. Not saying she's gonna cheat. I trust her. I guess I'm looking at if this is normal or if this is a little more then just fantasy? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 What is normal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtininmn Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 What is normal? Good question... Maybe fantasizing over Brad Pitt or a neighbor or athlete every now and then. I wouldn't put fantasizing over a guy at work for 3 years and he leaves for 6 months and you keep having them. And while all of this she's dressing sexy for him and it/he turns her on by checking her out. Maybe I'm making more of it then there is, I don't know. Kind of why I came on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 What can you expect marrying your high school sweetheart. Men and women go through an exploratory phase and LTRs should only come after. Just be glad she hasn't cheated..yet. Link to post Share on other sites
whammy Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 you know, this is a crazy idea, but maybe husbands should keep their marriage from getting dull by being fun and spontaneous. A husband could stay in shape, f*ck his wife good, and be the unpredictable alpha male that his wife thinks about instead of some guy at work.... that might solve 99% of the problems on this board before they even start. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I am just wondering how your wife would feel if you told her that you have constantly had sexual fantasies about a woman you work with. In addition, you tell her that there have been times when you have been having sex with your wife and all you though of was this other woman. Finally you tell your wife that this other women has moved away 6 months ago but you are still thinking of her. I bet your wife would be crushed. I think you have a right to feel down. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 Every one has fantasies, but they shouldn't become an obsession----and she admitted she was trying to turn him on, and dressing for him, so she actually took it out of the fantasy realm, something might have happened, had he still been here You need to as was suggested above---sit down and talk to each other, and start to spice up your mge. You both missed the normal dating, and fooling around period others go thru---so be careful Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 (edited) you know, this is a crazy idea, but maybe husbands should keep their marriage from getting dull by being fun and spontaneous. A husband could stay in shape, f*ck his wife good, and be the unpredictable alpha male that his wife thinks about instead of some guy at work.... that might solve 99% of the problems on this board before they even start. here's another crazy idea, women could get over their ridiculous fantasies and husbands should knock them down off of their pedestals. they don't get to have a husband that chases you forever. they get to have boyfriends in short term dating that will chase them, but they will all stop eventually. usually about the time that you have to....oh i don't know....sell your boat to buy a suburban to haul three kids around in. there are no princesses in the US, we fought a war specifically so that there wouldn't be any, last time i checked. the marriage ceremony wasn't him promising her, it was both promising each other. i got a better idea: husbands should buy the house before they're dating with the intent of finding a wife. then they should point out to their flirty wife that she doesn't get any free passes. she's in a 2 bedroom apartment settling for whatever worthless pathetic loser who'll deal with a woman with three kids just to get laid as soon as the attorneys get finished, and she can cry herself to sleep alone when she can't find one of those losers on her one day off of work, thinking about what a horrible person she is for dragging their children through such a traumatic experience just so she could screw around with a co-worker, and he'll send a hand written reminder of that with every child support check, which if she's lucky, might cover the rent and utilities on that two bedroom apartment, but not much more. so she should think long and hard (pun intended) before she f*cks the mail room boy, because she only gets to make that mistake once. Edited July 9, 2011 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 The chase shouldn't end after marriage. Both should put a huge effort in to meeting each other's needs. Dating should be like an audition of how you are going to perform in a marriage, not a show that ends once the ring goes on. Ridiculous to think that men need to put no effort into pleasing their wives while everyday she picks up his damn dirty socks off the floor. Link to post Share on other sites
Jason Todd Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Another wh0re-cuckold story!yaaawn LOL Funny.... Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 The chase shouldn't end after marriage. Both should put a huge effort in to meeting each other's needs. Dating should be like an audition of how you are going to perform in a marriage, not a show that ends once the ring goes on. Ridiculous to think that men need to put no effort into pleasing their wives while everyday she picks up his damn dirty socks off the floor. because going to the same office every day for 20 years to put cover sheets on TPS reports is glamorous, if only husbands could make their wives see how exciting their lives are. and sorry, but nothing you said justifies a wife with three children flirting or cheating with a guy at work. although i'm sure that won't stop people who post later in this thread from continuing to try and justify it. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 I had asked her if she has been thinking sexually about others. It kind of turns me on a little bit. You wanted the truth, you got it, now you're hurting? It turns you on in your fantasy world thinking about your wife thinking about other guys but I think you actually didn't think she had those sort of feelings. Next time when fondling a grenade, be careful you don't pull the pin out....some things are best just left alone Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 because going to the same office every day for 20 years to put cover sheets on TPS reports is glamorous, if only husbands could make their wives see how exciting their lives are. and sorry, but nothing you said justifies a wife with three children flirting or cheating with a guy at work. although i'm sure that won't stop people who post later in this thread from continuing to try and justify it. Yup and then in another thread talk about how evil porn and staying out late with your guy friends is. That is worse than actual cheating according to some people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtininmn Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 Thanks everyone for your replies. It's nice to see how others see such things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtininmn Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 You wanted the truth, you got it, now you're hurting? It turns you on in your fantasy world thinking about your wife thinking about other guys but I think you actually didn't think she had those sort of feelings. Next time when fondling a grenade, be careful you don't pull the pin out....some things are best just left alone Your right. I was the one asking. As I said, I wasn't expecting what I had heard. I was thinking more of getting banged on her work desk kind of things and not so much thinking about the same dude for years and still thinking about him 6 months after being gone. That is where the hurt comes in. Not the fantasies (as we all have them) but the LONGTERM fantasy with the same guy for years. But your correct in that I pulled the pin and it went off. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 no matter how irrational she is, you can still be rational. knowing is better than not knowing. if you don't know you can't make an informed decision. so you know. now it's just a matter of figuring out how you plan to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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