Realizing that your ex really doesn't care about you anymore.

[RuinedLife]

First of all, you have to tell yourself "I don't know how he feels." You don't. Plain fact. Even if he tells you, you don't know if it's true. You don't know that he cares, you don't know if he doesn't. You don't know if he's happier without you or miserable. You look for signs & grab onto breadcrumbs to convince yourself one way or the other, because you feel you just HAVE to know the truth. That's why you keep breaking NC.

 

But here's the most important thing: IT DOESN"T MATTER!

 

You're caught between trying to make yourself feel better (He loves me) and acceptance (he loves me not). Whether he does or not doesn't change your situation, & it doesn't change who you are or how you should feel about yourself.

 

Treat yourself well. Love yourself. If you feel there's something wrong with you, then work on improving it--not for him or anyone else, but for yourself. Be a good person. Be proud. Be kind. Be giving. Prove to yourself you are worth something.

 

Just remember: You don't know & you probably never will. If he doesn't want to be with you, that's a reflection on who he his, not you. Even if he did want you back, why should you? What's in it for you? It will never be the same (you're missing "what was", not "what would be now"), and you deserve better. Imagine the day he asks & you saying "No thanks!" Either way, it shouldn't change the way you feel about yourself. His feelings about you DO NOT MATTER!

 

Now quit wasting your time on him & get out there and enjoy your life.

 

Yes I really need to try and drill that thought into my head - "IT DOESN'T MATTER" ... Because I spend way too long obsessing over what he might be thinking, why he seems to think so badly about me now, why he says he wants to talk and then doesn't contact me. And its driving me completely bananas!

 

I'm trying to enjoy life best I can and do what I love. Heartache just takes time to get over I guess, its a combination of grief and rejection and takes awhile to really come to terms with and move on from that. Well for me at least. But hopefully in time all my regrets and thoughts about him will fade into the past where they belong. I just wish I could press a button and end all the heartache today.

[Badenov]

I just wish I could press a button and end all the heartache today.

 

Relapses will be normal. Just turn off your phone, unplug the computer, go for a walk to clear your head, and keep saying "this too shall pass." Remember that breaking NC will NOT make you feel any better. Only time will.

[Frank13]

I keep trying to forgive myself

 

Please remember this: No matter what you coulda/woulda/shoulda done, it wouldn't have mattered. Sometimes when the other person wants out but doesn't want to be "the bad guy," they grab onto the first flimsiest excuse the other person gives them. Beating yourself up is pointless, he took the coward's way out.

 

I was going to say the same thing. Your fight was just an excuse he used to make the break he wanted.

[onlyafool]

First of all, you have to tell yourself "I don't know how he feels." You don't. Plain fact. Even if he tells you, you don't know if it's true. You don't know that he cares, you don't know if he doesn't. You don't know if he's happier without you or miserable. You look for signs & grab onto breadcrumbs to convince yourself one way or the other, because you feel you just HAVE to know the truth. That's why you keep breaking NC.

 

But here's the most important thing: IT DOESN"T MATTER!

 

You're caught between trying to make yourself feel better (He loves me) and acceptance (he loves me not). Whether he does or not doesn't change your situation, & it doesn't change who you are or how you should feel about yourself.

 

Treat yourself well. Love yourself. If you feel there's something wrong with you, then work on improving it--not for him or anyone else, but for yourself. Be a good person. Be proud. Be kind. Be giving. Prove to yourself you are worth something.

 

Just remember: You don't know & you probably never will. If he doesn't want to be with you, that's a reflection on who he his, not you. Even if he did want you back, why should you? What's in it for you? It will never be the same (you're missing "what was", not "what would be now"), and you deserve better. Imagine the day he asks & you saying "No thanks!" Either way, it shouldn't change the way you feel about yourself. His feelings about you DO NOT MATTER!

 

Now quit wasting your time on him & get out there and enjoy your life.

 

Truer words have never been typed. This is as solid a piece of advice as anyone on this site could give you. Please take it to heart.