Girlfriend going out drinking.

[LoveNoob]

Hi readers, i got some stuff i want to get off my chest.

 

My girlfriend just finished her last exam today, and im very happy for her because she did great and she's been really stressed out the past weeks which actually made things a bit difficult for myself aswell.

 

Tomorrow she wants to celebrate the end of her exams by going out clubbing and getting drunk. Sadly i cannot be with her to join her.

 

She tends to go clubbing for an evening every few weeks (Used to be several times a week before we got together. She got more 'homely' since) and comes home quite tipsy or lightly drunk, as you would expect from someone who went out with her (male and female) friends so that's perfectly fine. When she gets home i tend to check up on her that evening or the following morning and ask how her evening was and if it had any notable good or bad events.

 

When she's sober i trust my girlfriend to not fool around with other guys as she's venomously against cheating and even stopped being friends with some girls because they cheated on their BF.

But the past 3 years there have been two 'incidents' that make me nervous when she gets drunk.

 

1: Almost 3 years ago, when we were dating and becoming an item, she got totally smashed on her birthday when her new uni friends were supposed to look after her but one of them took her to his home. She figured out what was going on at the last moment when the guy leaned in to try to kiss and grope her and she ran away from the guy as fast as she could, spending a few hours walking home and crying about what almost happened.

 

2: Just over 2 years ago, she was clubbing with some friends and she got drunk. Her female friend, who knew she was in a relationship with me, dared her to snog a cute guy they were talking with and she did snog him. The next day she couldnt remember it until her friend told her about it and the memories came back.

Needless to say i was pissed off at her and her friend but i stayed calm. She got physically sick from guilt and being upset, hating herself for kissing the guy and hurting me. I forgave her, she went to apoligise to the guy (who didnt initiate the kiss and didnt know about me at all) and hasnt been in contact with the guy since.

 

Since then no more incidents or breaches of trust, yet i can sense how i seem to struggle to trust her when i know she gets really drunk or smashed. Luckily it doesnt happen as often anymore. I told her about this discomfort and i noticed she tends to get drunk less often or severly though she seems to think i worry a bit too much. Evenings like tomorrow are clearly "lets go get wasted and party" evenings for her that keep me a bit worried unless i keep myself preoccupied.

 

What to do? I want her to have the freedom to do as she likes. And once or twice a year i also tend to get wasted with my friends at a metal festival or concert. But i am not in any danger of being taken advantage of by women as i dont seem to attract them anyway, nor do i hit on or flirt with girls. But my girlfriend has guys hitting on her several times every time she goes out.

Edited July 7, 2011 by LoveNoob

[Arabella]

Honestly, it sounds like she's a good girl with some really crappy friends. I understand your concern, and if I were you, I would probably feel the same way.

 

You need to sit her down and explain this to her; that you want her to feel free to do as she wishes, but that you are concerned about her judgement when she drinks. There have been several close calls, one of which would be considered cheating by most people (including me), so she should understand your concern.

 

That said, you can reach some sort of agreement that makes both of you comfortable. You could request that she doesn't have more than a couple of drinks. Or ask that she brings along a friend that you trust to keep watch over her. Not only for your peace of mind, but also hers. What happened with that male friend could have been terrible!

 

Just a matter of sitting down and talking about it. Good luck!

[LoveNoob]

She is indeed a good girl. She feels terrible about herself if she upsets or hurts someone, which counts triple if that person is me.

 

Before she was with me she 'got around' a lot and has had over 50 sexual partners (inter- and outercourse, male and female) during her teenage years. Admitting that for a lot of them she was drunk. Facts like that make me uncomfortable about her past and her drinking but i manage as long as i dont get confronted with it.

She broke contact with the few former lovers she still talked to because she heard me say it was a bit awkward for me. One of those former lovers she stopped talking to was a close friend of hers. It's down to just one guy who is a part of her friend circle that she sometimes runs into when she goes out but contact with him seems casual and incidental.

She called herself slutty during her teenage years but doesnt feel anything is wrong with being slutty as long as you dont cheat, dont get pregnant and dont get diseases. Which is a fair point i suppose. I wish i managed to sleep with that many women before i met her hehe. Though she regrets sleeping with so many guys after finding out my discomfort and insecurity because of it.

 

She never cheated on anyone, and only had casual sex if she was single, or had threesomes with her current partner and a friend. She usually got a new BF/GF within a week of breaking up or getting dumped by her last one because she's terrified of being alone and unloved. She has dated (but not been sexually active) with probably over a hundred people. Usually giving up and finding someone else as soon as she felt that person wasnt what she was looking for, she's picky.

 

Her only other serious relationship lasted about 9 months and was cut short when the guy she was with passed away suddenly. Most of the sex she had came after his death when she was desperately looking for someone to 'replace him'. Early this year she told me i am the only person aside from that guy she actually really loved. I guess when a picky 'slutty' girl stops switching partners and stays with you for 3 years and says she's finally happy, it's pretty good.

 

I talked to her about her past and also how i feel when she goes out and gets very drunk. As i said in my previous post she seems to understand and gets drunk maybe once every 2 months or so nowadays insted of once a week as it was before we got together.

 

I dont want to be controlling, i just wish she could get smashed safely without the risk of her being taken advantage of or doing something stupid.

[PegNosePete]

Agree, she sounds trustworthy. But yes it does sound like a dangerous situation.

 

If she thinks there is a risk she might do something wrong when drunk, then she should take precautions to prevent it. The most obvious being, don't get drunk unless you're around. Or at least, don't get *as* drunk when you're not around - keep in control of her judgement.

 

Considering the past events I would be tempted to read her the riot act, say that you have forgiven her in the past but she should consider that a "yellow card", and next time it'll be a red one. However telling her that might just cause her to not be honest with you, should it happen again. So it's a bit risky. I think I would go with the first plan, as in, "advise" her to not get so drunk that she loses judgement. Remind her of her past actions, not in a nasty way, but in a "don't let it happen again" way. It should be fairly obvious what you mean by this and what the consequences will be, there's no need to spell it out.

[jnj express]

You can't/don't want to control her---but the problem is with her friends and the alcohol

 

There will be absolutely nothing you can do about it, if she gets to drunk, and does something you both will regret, cuz she is out there in harms way---she went, you allowed it----so if something happens, your relationship blows up, trust is gone, and you read here, you know the results/consequences

 

This cannot happen if she does not go

 

What i would ask you, is if you are in a committed relationship why does she need to be going out drinking w/out you every 2 months---or is it that she just has to go and get a buzz on with her friends---as if there were no other ways to go out, except for going to bars, and getting drunk w/out your SO-------

 

As I said before---she has gotten into trouble twice when drunk, allowing herself to be seduced, and dared into physical contact with another, and she couldn't/didn't prevent it from happening due to the alcohol

 

One of these times as I said before---she will go to far, and your relationship will be a whole lot different---even now, you are worried---well IF YOU LOVE EACH OTHER, AND ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP---AND SHE HAS ANY RESPECT FOR YOU SHE WILL NOT GO OUT AND TIE ONE ON---PUTTING HERSELF IN HARMS WAY----and there is no reason you should NOT ask her NOT to go---you are not controlling---you are preventing a possible destruction of your relationship

[LoveNoob]

Yeah, i think i have done the advice thing a few times the past 2 years. She knows how i think about alcohol, that a person who chooses to get drunk also chooses to accept any consequences from being drunk.

 

In other words, if she chooses to get drunk and cheats on me, i'll be pissed off just as much as if it was her being sober. "But i was drunk!" is an excuse that will only serve to piss me off further.

When she kissed that guy while drunk 2 years ago she took responsibility for her actions and told me about it the moment her friend told her what happened. She did not attempt to shift the blame to the booze. And this was before she knew about my stance on making mistakes while drunk.

Her honesty, severe guilt, selfloathing, and taking full responsibility is what made me berate her calmly but making it clear i was dissapointed in her and she better not let it happen again.

 

A few months ago a female friend of hers got offered drink after drink from a 'nice guy' who listened to her problems with her BF. Eventually she got taken to his home when she was too drunk to resist. I was suprised to learn my GF shared my opinion that it was atleast 50% the girl's own fault for putting herself in a bad situation.

 

She's a smart girl, i just hope she doesnt make any judgement errors and thinks "ah what the heck, let's have fun and get wasted. :D" ... and having her body defiled by the 'fluids' of random people while she has no idea what she's doing.

 

I would be so instantly disgusted and enraged id ban her from my life on the spot. And if i found out who took advantage of her, id make them see that even sensitive, pansy, shy geeks like me should not be messed with.

[PegNosePete]

Sounds like you've got your head screwed on right dude.

 

id make them see that even sensitive, pansy, shy geeks like me should not be messed with.

Top of the FBI most wanted list, right?

[LoveNoob]

As for why she goes without me, i didnt add the times we do go together and get drunk but look after each other.

The only times she goes out without me is if i am unable to join her because i live kinda far away from her, or i have to work the next day, or i am busy with my hobbies/friends or she is having a "girls only" night out with her female friends.

 

I do not see a problem with her clubbing without me, i do not see a problem with her drinking with her friends, i do see a risk when she gets drunk and doesnt have anyone looking out for her. Or her friends are too retarded (read my first post on that).

[LoveNoob]

Sounds like you've got your head screwed on right dude.

 

 

Top of the FBI most wanted list, right?

 

The FBI aint got nothing on me!...Literally, as i live in Europe.

 

But id knock out a few of his teeth if i got the chance. Maybe kick him in the balls so hard he'd be unable to have sex for months.....heh that made me chuckle and think of that scene from Hot Shots.

[robdrm32]

As for why she goes without me, i didnt add the times we do go together and get drunk but look after each other.

The only times she goes out without me is if i am unable to join her because i live kinda far away from her, or i have to work the next day, or i am busy with my hobbies/friends or she is having a "girls only" night out with her female friends.

 

I do not see a problem with her clubbing without me, i do not see a problem with her drinking with her friends, i do see a risk when she gets drunk and doesnt have anyone looking out for her. Or her friends are too retarded (read my first post on that).

 

Well no offense bro but 50 sex partners in a lifetime is alot and speaks to her judgement.

 

You say you don't see a problem with her clubbing without you, only that she doesn't have anyone to look out for her.

 

To me its basically you don't trust her decision making, which given the experiences you probably shouldn't. So you are basically only comfortable with her being drunk around you, or someone you deem trustworthy enough to "look out for her"

 

I would advise you tell her you aren't comfortable with her going out and getting plastered without you. If she goes out and does it anyways then maybe you aren't meant for eachother.

 

Let me be clear, don't tell her she CANT. Tell her that you aren't comfortable with it and see what she does with that info.

 

Its different if she goes to a bar/restaurant and has a few drinks with friends, but going to a club (which is a singles scene) is a problem for you. make that clear to her.

[Memphis Raines]

LoveNoob

 

The whole reason to go out and party is to get attention. Someone who wants to club all the time is not a good partner for a committed relationship, trust me on that.

 

she wouldn't go clubbing if there were no other guys around and it was just other girls.

 

So you may want to decide if you want a girl that likes to "club" all the time. If you decide you do want her, then expect to be getting upset about other "incidents" in the future.

 

if I were you, I'd find someone that didn't want this attention from others so bad.

[LoveNoob]

Did the last two posters completely skip over the part where i mentioned she used to go clubbing all the time but now only seems to do it like once every 3-5 weeks since she got together with me? And only goes beyond being tipsy just a few times a year insted of atleast once a week like she did before she knew it made me uncomfortable.

 

She says she no longer enjoys clubbing so often and often prefers to stay home with me. She's a former cheerleader and ballroom dancer so yeah she loves attention and dancing. She admitted she feels confident and good when she gets compliments and gets to show off her dancing. She often dances by herself if im not with her.

 

And what i said was: "i do see a risk when she gets drunk and doesnt have anyone looking out for her.

 

I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ANYTHING SHE DOES

(sorry for caps, just wanted to make it clear haha)

 

I never told her and never will tell her she cannot do anything. I tell her what makes me uncomfortable and then it's up to her to decide if she wants to avoid it. And she already did a lot the past 3 years, such as giving up friendships, going out far less, and getting drunk far less often.

 

Owh, while typing this she phoned me she wants to come over and watch some TV and have sex before she goes and gets ready to go out with her friends in a few hours.

 

Anyway to sum it up, when i know she goes out and gets drunk, i get a bit nervous about the possibility of something going wrong. And i wasnt sure if i was worrying too much, or have a valid point.

[Memphis Raines]

Did the last two posters completely skip over the part where i mentioned she used to go clubbing all the time but now only seems to do it like once every 3-5 weeks since she got together with me?

 

no, didn't skip over that at all. clubbing is clubbing and the reason to go is just the same as if she were to go once a week.

 

She says she no longer enjoys clubbing so often and often prefers to stay home with me. She's a former cheerleader and ballroom dancer so yeah she loves attention and dancing. She admitted she feels confident and good when she gets compliments and gets to show off her dancing. She often dances by herself if im not with her.

 

And what i said was: "i do see a risk when she gets drunk and doesnt have anyone looking out for her.

 

I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ANYTHING SHE DOES

(sorry for caps, just wanted to make it clear haha)

 

haha.......so why are you here then?

 

and not that you'll listen, but being drunk brings out ones true character. lets them do things they really want to do, but just don't have the guts to while sober.

 

again, there is a reason she goes to clubs, and it aint just to talk to the girls.

 

 

I never told her and never will tell her she cannot do anything.

 

nor should you. but you have a right to not like what she is doing and not be with her as a result.

 

but again, you just said you don't have a problem with what she does.

 

so again, why are you here if you don't have a problem?

 

because sounds like you only want to hear anything that supports you staying with her. but you don't have a problem with what she does:confused:

 

I tell her what makes me uncomfortable and then it's up to her to decide if she wants to avoid it.

 

but you, again, just said you dont have a problem with what she does.

 

 

And she already did a lot the past 3 years, such as giving up friendships, going out far less, and getting drunk far less often.

 

doing these things that make you uncomfortable "less"? thats like someone else saying that things are good and there are no problems because their cheating girlfriend "cheats alot less than before":confused:

 

 

Owh, while typing this she phoned me she wants to come over and watch some TV and have sex before she goes and gets ready to go out with her friends in a few hours.

 

Anyway to sum it up, when i know she goes out and gets drunk, i get a bit nervous about the possibility of something going wrong. And i wasnt sure if i was worrying too much, or have a valid point.

 

well, I don't think the truth as I see it, and told to you will make much difference seeing as you think I glossed over her less frequent trips to the meat market.

 

All I can say is if you don't have a problem with what she does, dismiss a couple of us because you don't want to hear the truth about people that like to club, well then, ignore us and stay with your girlfriend.

 

if she goes clubbing, which she clearly is again tonight, then leave her alone, don't ever question her about what she does and don't worry about it if me and the other poster are so way off base.

 

let her club and don't bring it up to her.

[LoveNoob]

I am here because i wanted to vent my nervousness. Maybe people in similar situations could offer advice to make things easier.

 

Doing something that causes discomfort less than before is not the same as "cheating a whole lot less". I do not understand how you made the connection between drinking, which increases risk and discomfort, and full blown cheating, which is a problem and plain wrong.

 

And i indeed do not have a problem with what she does as she isnt doing anything wrong. She is just going out clubbing, drinking with her friends and dancing. Which she should be free to do so. So cut the "haha...." attitude please.

 

You are right, the drinking part brings out what people want to do at that moment which they wouldnt if they were sober. Because when we are sober we think about more than some petty desires.

Hell, there are some hot girls i would love to have sex with and some people id love to punch in the face. But i wont because i'm not an animal, i dont let instincts guide me. If we all gave in to temptation or instinct we'd all be in jail for murder, theft, vandalism, etc.

 

I do respect all input, even if i feel attacked by it or if it isnt what i would like to hear. That includes your input. I can be stubborn and naive sometimes.

 

There is a difference in what i mean with having a problem with something, and being uncomfortable with something. What i meant with a problem is that if i would not be able to be in a relationship because of a certain thing, it is really a problem.

If she were to again kiss another guy it would have become a problem and it would be her choice to either make sure i can trust her at all times , or break up.

 

Discomfort is something different. And oddly enough, after venting on here, and talking to her a little about it earlier tonight i feel more at ease. From the talk we had tonight it was clear she still feels guilty about the kissing incident 2 years ago and she said she could understand my discomfort and was going to be careful with how much she drinks.

 

As for never bringing it up with her again, you might have a point. I think i am going to try to just not bring it up again after she comes home. Judging by the past, if something does indeed happen, she is going to tell me strait away anyway. And she is absolutely terrible at hiding stuff from me i have noticed the past 3 years.

 

Anyway, thanks for the discussion, your reply rattled me a bit but sometimes thats needed, though unpleasant.

[Untouchable_Fire]

There is a difference between being controlling and being permissive. You are being permissive and if something bad happens... it's your fault for being a vagina.

 

The absolute worst thing a man can be is passive... and you are about as hard as a wet noodle here.

 

If all you want is for her to go out and not drink... then Lay down the law. She has already cheated on you once, this should be sufficient reason to cut out this behavior. Plus is shows just what she is willing to do for you. Also it proves to her how much you care... that you are willing to fight for her... stand up to her.

 

She really seems like a nice girl, but she kinda has some emotional problems.

 

Also... in my experience the girls that are the most hardcore against cheating are the ones that fall first.

[thatone]

 

2: Just over 2 years ago, she was clubbing with some friends and she got drunk. Her female friend, who knew she was in a relationship with me, dared her to snog a cute guy they were talking with and she did snog him. The next day she couldnt remember it until her friend told her about it and the memories came back.

Needless to say i was pissed off at her and her friend but i stayed calm. She got physically sick from guilt and being upset, hating herself for kissing the guy and hurting me. I forgave her, she went to apoligise to the guy (who didnt initiate the kiss and didnt know about me at all) and hasnt been in contact with the guy since.

 

Since then no more incidents or breaches of trust, yet i can sense how i seem to struggle to trust her when i know she gets really drunk or smashed. Luckily it doesnt happen as often anymore. I told her about this discomfort and i noticed she tends to get drunk less often or severly though she seems to think i worry a bit too much. Evenings like tomorrow are clearly "lets go get wasted and party" evenings for her that keep me a bit worried unless i keep myself preoccupied.

 

What to do? I want her to have the freedom to do as she likes. And once or twice a year i also tend to get wasted with my friends at a metal festival or concert. But i am not in any danger of being taken advantage of by women as i dont seem to attract them anyway, nor do i hit on or flirt with girls. But my girlfriend has guys hitting on her several times every time she goes out.

 

bottom line, it's you or her whore friend(s).

 

that's what it'll have to come to. that's clearly the bad influence. time for her to grow up or go back to being single.

[robdrm32]

Did the last two posters completely skip over the part where i mentioned she used to go clubbing all the time but now only seems to do it like once every 3-5 weeks since she got together with me? And only goes beyond being tipsy just a few times a year insted of atleast once a week like she did before she knew it made me uncomfortable.

 

She says she no longer enjoys clubbing so often and often prefers to stay home with me. She's a former cheerleader and ballroom dancer so yeah she loves attention and dancing. She admitted she feels confident and good when she gets compliments and gets to show off her dancing. She often dances by herself if im not with her.

 

And what i said was: "i do see a risk when she gets drunk and doesnt have anyone looking out for her.

 

I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ANYTHING SHE DOES

 

(sorry for caps, just wanted to make it clear haha)

 

 

 

then why are you posting here exactly? Your attributing your nervousness to yourself and not her actions.

 

You stated you have a hard time trusting her when she goes out to get smashed based off things she has done in the past.

 

You have choices bro.

 

Go out with her to keep an eye.

 

Don't let her go.

 

Or just trust her entirely.

 

Your call hombre

[whammy]

doesnt really have too much to do with this post, but this just reminds me that GNO (girls night out) is never a good thing. And I know alot of boyfriends/ husband always fall for the "I just wanna go dance with my girls" bullsh*t. Your a fool you think straight women go out and dress hot for any other reason but to attraction and get attention from men. Next time your wife says "I just want to dance with my girls" then say "cool, I will put on some music and you all can dance in the kitchen" and see what she says. Also, imagine this... there is a nation-wide ban of men going out. Men were no longer allowed to go to clubs, bars, parties, etc... think your wife would still desire to go out if no men were there?

[NervisPervis]

doesnt really have too much to do with this post, but this just reminds me that GNO (girls night out) is never a good thing.

 

It has EVERYTHING to do with this post. He's not on an alcoholics forum. Heck, he's not even in the addictions part of THIS forum. He's in cheating, flirting and jealousy. Even HE knows the problem isn't really the alcohol. So why IS HE HERE? Let's read the rest of what whammy has to say:

 

 

And I know alot of boyfriends/ husband always fall for the "I just wanna go dance with my girls" bullsh*t. Your a fool you think straight women go out and dress hot for any other reason but to attraction and get attention from men. Next time your wife says "I just want to dance with my girls" then say "cool, I will put on some music and you all can dance in the kitchen" and see what she says. Also, imagine this... there is a nation-wide ban of men going out. Men were no longer allowed to go to clubs, bars, parties, etc... think your wife would still desire to go out if no men were there?

 

Spot-On. Good post. His GF has had 50 sexual partners in her life. Oh, she knows how to get picked-up, and she likes it. You should be VERY AFRAID when she goes out to meat markets.

 

Speaking of which, how was her big night out? Did she tell you all about it? Did she tell you who she partied with? Did she tell you who bought her drinks? Who she danced with? Were there slow dances? Did she meet any special new friends? Did she bar-hop with them? Coffe afterwards, maybe? Did she even tell you where she went?

 

No? She was kind of secretive? Well, don't worry about that. What happens on a GNO USUALLY stays with the girls.

[whammy]

It has EVERYTHING to do with this post. He's not on an alcoholics forum. Heck, he's not even in the addictions part of THIS forum. He's in cheating, flirting and jealousy. Even HE knows the problem isn't really the alcohol. So why IS HE HERE? Let's read the rest of what whammy has to say:

 

 

 

 

Spot-On. Good post. His GF has had 50 sexual partners in her life. Oh, she knows how to get picked-up, and she likes it. You should be VERY AFRAID when she goes out to meat markets.

 

Speaking of which, how was her big night out? Did she tell you all about it? Did she tell you who she partied with? Did she tell you who bought her drinks? Who she danced with? Were there slow dances? Did she meet any special new friends? Did she bar-hop with them? Coffe afterwards, maybe? Did she even tell you where she went?

 

No? She was kind of secretive? Well, don't worry about that. What happens on a GNO USUALLY stays with the girls.

 

GNO's are ALWAYS a sign that the girl is shifting away from the relationship toward other guys. in other words... if your wife starts going out alot.... it is a fact that she is no longer invested in the relationship and wants to see want else is out there and/or wants to cheat.

[Memphis Raines]

I am here because i wanted to vent my nervousness. Maybe people in similar situations could offer advice to make things easier.

 

the only thing you are wanting to hear is that this is no problem and that her desire for clubbing, and for obvious reasons, is no big deal.

 

so here it goes.

 

you have nothing to worry about. let her go clubbing. leave her alone about it.

 

everything is just hunky dory

 

 

And i indeed do not have a problem with what she does as she isnt doing anything wrong. She is just going out clubbing, drinking with her friends and dancing.

 

there you have it. so she will do it, let her do it without complaint and don't question her about it again.

 

 

Which she should be free to do so. So cut the "haha...." attitude please.

 

I "haha"d because you did:o

 

 

If she were to again kiss another guy it would have become a problem and it would be her choice to either make sure i can trust her at all times , or break up.

 

dont worry. being around all those other guys with the attention, she will not kiss another guy. forget that she already did kiss another guy, it won't happen again.

 

 

Discomfort is something different. And oddly enough, after venting on here, and talking to her a little about it earlier tonight i feel more at ease. From the talk we had tonight it was clear she still feels guilty about the kissing incident 2 years ago and she said she could understand my discomfort and was going to be careful with how much she drinks.

 

nah, she doesn't have to watch how much she drinks. she is doing nothing wrong.

[Thehusband2]

just have to add the flipside...

 

There IS such thing as GNO. I dont think you can generalize, you just have to know your SO...bottom line! If there has been questionable behavior...then dude gno is a bad thing for sure. Or, atleast, it might lead to a bad thing but you cannot be sure so ensure it just doesnt happen at club / bar etc...

 

I loved the posts about whether a women would go out + dress up for a place with no men there...YES they would. Women love to look great especially if there everyday job/routine doesnt permiot for that.

 

Example: my wife+her friends/. It was my wifes friends' bday last week. All the women got dressed smokin hot to go where??? to the party room in there building where my wifes friend had rented a DJ and the party was composed of like 80% females (all her friends!!). Then they went out to a bar where they were the only customers! They danced the rest of the night all gisls all good.

 

Also, I am a guy, commited to my SO and love the dance floor + getting hammered...will I pick up a girl...hell no, thats not why I am there! I know that i am a minority but just sayin that not everyone has that mindset and gno CAN just mean gno

[NervisPervis]

will I pick up a girl...hell no, thats not why I am there! I know that i am a minority but just sayin that not everyone has that mindset and gno CAN just mean gno

 

You're in the minority. Meaning that a majority of the people at these places ARE looking to get laid.

 

Thanks for the post, but I'd prefer my wife not hang out there.

[OldOnTheInside]

You're in the minority. Meaning that a majority of the people at these places ARE looking to get laid.

 

Thanks for the post, but I'd prefer my wife not hang out there.

 

Good point. If it looks like a dog, walks like a dog, and barks like a dog...

 

If you ever read this LN, just remember: Taking somebody's past and present actions into consideration isn't necessarily being "judgemental"...it's playing smart. You have to balance being observational and careful, without reaching the point of paranoia and insecurity. If you are too trusting, people will take advantage of you. If you aren't trusting enough, you'll drive away and hurt a lot of friendly people.

 

It's a useful life skill that goes far beyond romantic relationships.

[Ginger Beer]

just have to add the flipside...

 

There IS such thing as GNO. I dont think you can generalize, you just have to know your SO...bottom line! If there has been questionable behavior...then dude gno is a bad thing for sure. Or, atleast, it might lead to a bad thing but you cannot be sure so ensure it just doesnt happen at club / bar etc...

 

I loved the posts about whether a women would go out + dress up for a place with no men there...YES they would. Women love to look great especially if there everyday job/routine doesnt permiot for that.

 

Example: my wife+her friends/. It was my wifes friends' bday last week. All the women got dressed smokin hot to go where??? to the party room in there building where my wifes friend had rented a DJ and the party was composed of like 80% females (all her friends!!). Then they went out to a bar where they were the only customers! They danced the rest of the night all gisls all good.

 

Also, I am a guy, commited to my SO and love the dance floor + getting hammered...will I pick up a girl...hell no, thats not why I am there! I know that i am a minority but just sayin that not everyone has that mindset and gno CAN just mean gno

 

No, there isn't, there really isn't.

 

It also doesn't matter how much you think you know your partner or if you trust them or not, that's only for your own benefit/comfort; it has no bearing on their actions once they're in a nightclub with their girlfriends intoxicated. They don't think to themselves 'I won't cheat because my husband/boyfriend trusts me' once a drunk male makes a move on her.

 

To be honest from what I've been told and what I've seen when women are released into a club with their friends on a GNO they're more akin to children or teenagers in a position of responsibility; very excited, very tempted to do bad things and often egg each other on. It's only after they've made the mistake do they actually think about the consequences (husband/boyfriend finding out etc).