bikinibeach Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't know what I expect anyone to say to me about this that I don't already know. He posted a measly, neutral two sentence msg on the blog he and I had together about some random thing that reminded him of me and said he hoped I was well. It came with terrible timing, I had some very fond memories of him today that were playing my heartstrings like a poison harp. Also hurtful ones over the cruel ways he treated me and the dumb things he did. It is so hard. My first reaction was to blow it off with a shoulder shrug and keep marching on with my nc rehab. But now, it has gotten to me the way it was no doubt intended to. I don't see my counselor again until the 18th. I've told myself I at least need to make it til then. Has anyone responded to crumbs and regretted it? What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bikinibeach Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 i am so tempted to get back in touch with him and find out if he has miraculously and by some act of god become a man and broken his codependency with his ex and resolved his lifelong relationship with his mother and set boundaries with his girl "friends" who walk all over him and treat any girl he's interested in like **** and stopped being critical for no reason also maybe he might have magically decided to not be a cheating louse, stop browsing sex websites, stop complaining about me to his "best friend" of a dependent ex.... phew...ok well that helped. alot. thank you loveshack!! Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I suppose it depends on the crumbs you get as to whether you respond. I got a friend request on FB, so politely turned it down and reminded her of why. My reason for replying has a lot to do with how we seperated. It was mutual and we did try to remain friends, so I have no ill-feeling towards her, no hate or anger. So my reply was simply my way of being polite and saying I can't be your friend but I can still be friendly. Your break-up I'm guessing was a little more heated than that, so responding to bread crumbs in this case may be out of the question. Only you can decide that. But for my two cents, if the break up was harsh, full of hate, someone cheated, etc etc. then it would take a lot more than bread crumbs to get me responding. Your call really. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 i am so tempted to get back in touch with him and find out if he has miraculously and by some act of god become a man and broken his codependency with his ex and resolved his lifelong relationship with his mother and set boundaries with his girl "friends" who walk all over him and treat any girl he's interested in like **** and stopped being critical for no reason also maybe he might have magically decided to not be a cheating louse, stop browsing sex websites, stop complaining about me to his "best friend" of a dependent ex.... phew...ok well that helped. alot. thank you loveshack!! ugh - - it sounds like your ex has a lot of the same issues as mine! i responded to breadcrumbs the first time i went NC. it turned out to be a huge mistake. because even though i kept my responses brief - - i was setting myself up to break NC for good (well at least for that month we stayed in contact). which i did back in february huge mistake. all he did was take the opportunity to hit me over the head with how he only sent me those breadcrumb texts to let me know that there were no hard feelings (we had a big fight prior to that - - which is what led to me going NC) and that he just wanted to be friends and that i should really date other people. he then proceeded to tell me about all the dates he had lined up. i went back to NC three weeks later - - telling him that i could no longer handle being friends with him and why. i haven't heard from him since. i have to admit as crappy as he treated me it stings not to hear from him. but it's probably for the best that i dont. (p.s. - - thanks for the PM! i responded but not sure if you got it - -my sent msgs folder still says "0" and doesn't show anything) Link to post Share on other sites
Author bikinibeach Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 I found a gem on this thread from a user called LifeIsGreat. THANKYOU LIFEISGREAT! cut and pasted. reading this saved me completely. i am not in the least bit tempted- YAY! "So your ex is feeding you crumbs...... ...... and you're trying to make sense of it? If you have been dumped and wondering if you are getting signals from your ex that they want back, keep this in mind.... It's been said here that an ex should be knocking down your door asking for another shot at the relationship. I truly believe that. Whether I have been the dumper or dumpee I have always made my intentions very clear. If you are getting mixed signals, or 'crumbs', let it go. If your ex doesn't have the fortitude to be straight up with you, that's not someone you want in your life anyway. Relationships take work and communcation (not games and hints). These crumbs you are licking off the floor mean several things: 1) your ex isn't really sure they want you anyway 2) your ex is trying to make themselves feel better/get closure at your expense 3) your ex wants you back but doesn't have the emotional health, communication skills, balls, taking of responsibility, likes to play games, has unhealthy pride. You see, either way it's a loose/loose situation if you keep working with these crumbs, and keep hoping they are a sign from God. Until your ex is clear about intentions, LEAVE THEM ALONE and stop wondering what they are trying to do. None of the answers is a healthy way to get back together anyway." Link to post Share on other sites
Author bikinibeach Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 all he did was take the opportunity to hit me over the head with how he only sent me those breadcrumb texts to let me know that there were no hard feelings (we had a big fight prior to that - - which is what led to me going NC) and that he just wanted to be friends and that i should really date other people. he then proceeded to tell me about all the dates he had lined up. Thank you for sharing this! I am pretty sure our ex is the same person so that is likely what he was planning. i could TOTALLY see him doing this. moronic. and yes i got your pm! thanks for writing back! i'll reply @smudge: sounds like you used sound judgement with the facebook issue. he and i are not friendly so the best he will get from me is silence Link to post Share on other sites
Author bikinibeach Posted July 9, 2011 Author Share Posted July 9, 2011 also found this on baggagereclaim about a***hole exes who treat you like crap and still want to be "friends": "Emotionally unavailable people can’t commit to staying but they can’t commit to leaving either" he's got string of failed love interests that he clings onto and hauls that baggage onto he's dating to help shoulder the load. i am so relieved. when i'm sad, it's because i miss the person i thought he was and the amazing times we shared. it's hard to accept that's gone forever and there's no way to get it back. because he wasn't right for me though, i know that the next person i meet who is ACTUALLY genuine and really loves me, will feel a million times better than this ever did sigh Link to post Share on other sites
brokenfaith Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 I've read a lot of your posts OP and I have to commend you for being so strong. Sounds like your ex is a real jerk sometimes!! To answer your ?: I went NC for the first two weeks post BU because I needed time to calm down from being dumped. I thought my ex was going to be the guy I settled down with and knew I couldn't be friends anytime soon. I've had a string of LC emails with him-- always initiated by him... and some of them were definite crumbs. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I respond. Though, when I do write back, I always am VERY concise and wait a little while to collect my thoughts before replying. Other times I don't feel bad for responding. My ex is going through a life crisis and doesn't know what he wants at ALL. With anything. Job, car, etc. He dumped me because he wasn't ready to think about marriage (remarriage for him) and he knew I wanted that one day. He let me go because he didn't know if he'd ever change his mind about marriage. I respond because at the time, in my heart, it felt like the right thing to do. Of course I was :D that he wrote me, but also kept it VERY much in perspective that some of it was crumbs. I feel kinda like I wanna respond at times because he IS depressed, confused and lost. But then I worry I look like the girl who will ALWAYS be there. So... IDK. I'm kinda torn too. I am waiting for my therapist to get back to me about another appt and I need to ask her what I should do. We're kinda in the same boat! lol. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Thank you for sharing this! I am pretty sure our ex is the same person so that is likely what he was planning. i could TOTALLY see him doing this. moronic. and yes i got your pm! thanks for writing back! i'll reply you don't have to write back - - unless you want to - - i just didn't want you to think i was ignoring you lol.. omg could you imagine if it was the same guy?! that would be a hoot! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) i am so tempted to get back in touch with him and find out if he has miraculously and by some act of god become a man and broken his codependency with his ex and resolved his lifelong relationship with his mother and set boundaries with his girl "friends" who walk all over him and treat any girl he's interested in like **** and stopped being critical for no reason also maybe he might have magically decided to not be a cheating louse, stop browsing sex websites, stop complaining about me to his "best friend" of a dependent ex.... phew...ok well that helped. alot. thank you loveshack!! Have we met? Joking aside, I was like that. Mind, so was my ex, perhaps more so than me, so we sort of fitted well together, in a not very sense. The thing is you are now one of his exes. The horrible, horrible thing is, in order to show an ex who has poor boundaries and is emotionally loose what closure is, you have to go NC. If not for his sake, for the sake of the poor cow he next starts dating. Edited July 11, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 i know that the next person i meet who is ACTUALLY genuine and really loves me, will feel a million times better than this ever did That person is you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bikinibeach Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 @brokenfaith thankyou! i can't believe i have supporters rooting for me thanks for following my tragic tale lol @betterdeal...hm. i like you. all true. very true except now you guys are going to be si disappointed.. Link to post Share on other sites
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