I have strong feelings for her, but I can't get over her past with my bestfriend

[JamesFinishesLast]

This is really long, I know but I feel like i need to explain the whole thing for it to make sense. I'll start by saying I'm 18 years old. I've been involved with this girl and i want to start a relationship with her. We both have strong feelings for one another but I feel like one night from a few weeks ago is going to destroy us.

 

I started talking to her after a break up she had. She knew I didn't get a long with her ex and we talked about our problems with him. I knew her a little bit because prior to this she had talking to my bestfriend, whom I'd been getting on rocky terms with lately. He brags to everyone how he's just using her for sex and he manipulates things she said to him to make her look obsessed with him (she knew none of this however). I just got out of a relationship where I felt I was being used and I felt bad for her because i knew everyone just used her. I found a kindred spirit in this girl and even though i had no attraction to her I was empathetic towards her and tried to make her feel better.

 

We were never started to talk and flirt more over the next two weeks but she was never my top priority. She told me how every guy just hurts her and I agreed that's usually what happens to me. We promised not to do that to one another. That weekend I was supposed to go over to her friends house and we were going to hookup but I was with my best friend and he had been talking about how obsessed she was with him. I was supposed to leave around midnight but at 11ish she stopped replying and I saw she was texting him. In the end we went over and she hooked up with him, they didn't have sex but her got to second base. I was very angry and upset so I told her I was done with her and I don't let people treat me like that.

 

A few days I got a text from her phone but it was her best friend (whom i find very attractive) and she said she wanted to get with me. Her friend and were very flirtatious but we never really got close. I made up with the original girl and I started to help her out with my best friend. I felt guilty though, I knew he was only using her and she thought he was in love with her.

 

At some point we started talking romantically again and it was a lot more serious than the time before. She told me how she had strong feelings for me but she didn't want to break my best friends heart. I told how he really felt and she was upset but she was glad I told her. Since then we've become really close, we talk every night for hours and we have everything in common. We both want to be together and she feels horrible about that night but I can't get over it. I don't know why but it didn't bother me until I found out she was naked on him when they were doing all that stuff. It's not so much the fact that she wasn't clothed as much as that it's my bestfriend. It just doesn't feel right, I can get past things she's done with other people I know but I was so close to him like it bothers me to no end.

 

Everything seems different now when i think about it and I want to know how I can get over it or if I should just stop with her. Jealousy always comes in but it's coming in this early and I'm not sure I can move past that image or that betrayal of trust she made when she got with him that night. Please help.

[Magictoasty]

You need to man up,

 

 

Your best 'friend' knew you were into her and still did that? if he didn't then fair enough, but you need to stop, turn to him and say "look this chick, I'm into her now and she's into me, I want you to stay away from her".

 

She sounds like a weak minded fool owned by her instincts, your friend sounds like a jerk and you sound like a lost puppy.

 

Take charge or be treated like a bitch by everybody involved in this triangle.

 

If your friend flirts with her or texts her, punch him, do him DAMAGE, if he does it again hurt him HARDER, and if she persues him, punch him and then break up with her by calling her a shallow airhead whore who has it in her genes to be subjugated and treated like **** by males and thats not the kind of genepool you want to mix with.

[oldguy]

This is really long, I know but I feel like i need to explain the whole thing for it to make sense. I'll start by saying I'm 18 years old. I've been involved with this girl and i want to start a relationship with her. We both have strong feelings for one another but I feel like one night from a few weeks ago is going to destroy us.

 

I started talking to her after a break up she had. She knew I didn't get a long with her ex and we talked about our problems with him. I knew her a little bit because prior to this she had talking to my bestfriend, whom I'd been getting on rocky terms with lately. He brags to everyone how he's just using her for sex and he manipulates things she said to him to make her look obsessed with him (she knew none of this however). I just got out of a relationship where I felt I was being used and I felt bad for her because i knew everyone just used her. I found a kindred spirit in this girl and even though i had no attraction to her I was empathetic towards her and tried to make her feel better.

Your making this girl sound like she is hopping from one guy to the next & that she has insecurity issues. You also seem to be hinting that "you feel sorry for her" & that is a BAD reason to date someone.

 

We were never started to talk and flirt more over the next two weeks but she was never my top priority. She told me how every guy just hurts her and I agreed that's usually what happens to me. We promised not to do that to one another. That weekend I was supposed to go over to her friends house and we were going to hookup but I was with my best friend and he had been talking about how obsessed she was with him. I was supposed to leave around midnight but at 11ish she stopped replying and I saw she was texting him. In the end we went over and she hooked up with him, they didn't have sex but her got to second base. I was very angry and upset so I told her I was done with her and I don't let people treat me like that.

 

A few days I got a text from her phone but it was her best friend (whom i find very attractive) and she said she wanted to get with me. Her friend and were very flirtatious but we never really got close. I made up with the original girl and I started to help her out with my best friend. I felt guilty though, I knew he was only using her and she thought he was in love with her.

 

At some point we started talking romantically again and it was a lot more serious than the time before. She told me how she had strong feelings for me but she didn't want to break my best friends heart. I told how he really felt and she was upset but she was glad I told her. Since then we've become really close, we talk every night for hours and we have everything in common. We both want to be together and she feels horrible about that night but I can't get over it. I don't know why but it didn't bother me until I found out she was naked on him when they were doing all that stuff. It's not so much the fact that she wasn't clothed as much as that it's my bestfriend. It just doesn't feel right, I can get past things she's done with other people I know but I was so close to him like it bothers me to no end.

 

Everything seems different now when i think about it and I want to know how I can get over it or if I should just stop with her. Jealousy always comes in but it's coming in this early and I'm not sure I can move past that image or that betrayal of trust she made when she got with him that night. Please help.

Your suffering from RJ, retroactive jealousy & your with a girl who sounds like she has some issues that may just be related to age but possibly something a bit deeper. since your 18 I'm hoping she is very near your age. Just from reading this, & I have to admit it gets a bit confusing, you sound like your in a sad situation & I think you should check out RJ. there is reference to it here & on the internet to get you started. I'm sorry for how you are feeling. Edited July 8, 2011 by oldguy