sbradford2 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 I can't seem to shake it. I can't stop looking through his phone! I feel bad when I do this and I know that I need to stop and just trust him. Anyways I have been with my kids father for over 10 years now and we've never gotten married. At one point I didn't want to marry him because I couldn't trust him because of betrayls in the past. The lying, the cheating, you know that kinda stuff. We have been trying to work things out and it is so weird because one minute I can't stand him and can never see myself spending another 10 years with him and then the next I am in love with him just like when we first met. Help! I'm so confused. I truly love him but afraid. I know that I must trust him but I cannot seem to shake the fact that he could cheat and for me to not know anything about it again. I want to stop worrying about this. But once again while he was watching tv in the other room I snooped through his phone. I don't want to feel like his fool. His drunk counsin asked me a question last night that really made me think. He said do you truly love this man and I said yes and he said would you ever marry him and I paused. I know, I know. After 10 years you would think that I would have it together by now but sometimes I feel like whether we marry or not we have known eachother long enough and nothings going to be different anyways so why marry? So I am not at all in a hurry to get married. Link to post Share on other sites
BrighterDaze Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Your story sounds very similar to mine. I have been in a relationship for 15 years. We are not married, but we have one son. He cheated on me years ago and it was devastating. We worked through it, but I became resentful. We went to counseling, but the counselor was awful and gave excuses for his behavior. You can read my story, if you like. I think that you are checking his phone right now, because you need to have a sense of security. It is so hard to learn of their infidelity. It hits like a ton of bricks and so, we check everything and become skeptical. It died down for me and will probably for you too. I think we both have to wonder why we stayed with men who not only do not want to marry us, but cheated on us. ...and yet we stayed.... and continue to stay. This board has been so helpful. Most people suggested that I get counseling and maybe he and I should do so together. He is up for that and since I am moving towards finally leaving, he is more receptive to anything that I offer. See, we were best friends. We do everything together. So, his behavior was even harder for me. I know that you are in pain. It hurts so much. I stopped eating. I couldn't sleep well, but I got through it and so will you. My fear is that I will feel this pain again and I didnt sign up for that. Marriage would be nice, but a great relationship would be better. We'll see what happens next. No matter what you decide, it wont be easy for you and your kids. When mom is unhappy, so is the home. So, the children suffer. And honestly, would you want your daughter (if you have one) to use your relationship as an example for her own? Just something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sbradford2 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 Thank so much for your response. That is exactly what my biggest fear is that I will eventually feel the pain of him being unfaithful again and not knowing what's going to happen. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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