jkl6158 Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 When you lose someone you care so much about how do you deal with sleeping alone? The guy I was dating for 4 months broke up with me a few days ago and I'm finding the nights and mornings to be just awful because I wake up and he isn't there, and I just get this empty pit in my stomach. We spent so many nights at each other's houses even from pretty early on, and in the last few weeks it was probably 5 nights a week or so. When my ex of 4 1/2 yrs broke up with me in the past it wasn't so hard to accept because the last 6 months of our relationship we were long distance and I only got to see him once a month so I was used to being alone. But I am a very affectionate person and one of the best things about a relationship to me is that cuddling and kissing when you wake up in the middle of night and holding each other as you fall asleep. During the day I've been spending as much time with friends as possible to get my mind off things, but during the nights and mornings I just miss him beyond belief and just want him there to there to hold me. All I can do is cry. Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 It is really difficult, i know i dreaded going to bed, a friend of mine had given me a cd-101 power thoughts by louise L Hay, and every night i put it on and it has helped enormously, i also used paul Mcennas cd-i can mend your broken heart, i always fall asleep listening to either of these and they have made a major difference, it says your subconscience picks up on the messages. seems to be working as i was a total mess at the beginning of our split. I hope you get some peace, and time really does heal, doesnt feel like it will right now I know but hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Do you have a teddy bear or something like that? It works for some people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jkl6158 Posted July 10, 2011 Author Share Posted July 10, 2011 I may try to look into those CDs. Today I listened over and over to sad breakup songs... not sure if they are making me feel slightly better or dwell on my sadness. I don't think I have a teddy bear nor do I think it will help. It's definitely not the same as falling asleep and waking up to someone I just absolutely adore. I actually got a cat when my ex broke up with me a 1 1/2 yrs ago, hoping he'd keep me company and sleep in my bed with me. Unfortunately he's a bit psychotic and thinks 3am is play time so he's not allowed in my bedroom at night. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 10, 2011 Share Posted July 10, 2011 Hi there, I know your pain as well I know that we will get through it. I have been sleeping alone for the most part for 5 months now. My husband lives upstairs and we are separated. A few nights we have slept beside each other and cuddled, but then the next nights are a hard crash back to aloneness. I have started to rest easier and can even appreciate having the pillows and blankets to myself a little. Hopefully it won't be like this forever though. I really hope things feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I know how you feel. I have slept alone for the most part of the last 15 years (from age 26 to age 42). Long story, we are getting divorced, he chose to sleep separately all that time. F*cked up, I know, I know. You will get used to it. There are some nice things about it, getting better sleep and having bed all to yourself. The problem now for me is wondering if I will ever be able to share a bed in any future relationships! Listen, things could be worse. Hang in there and just know, others do understand your loneliness in sleeping alone. It won't be like that forever. Chin up and all the best to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Silivren Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Someone mentioned stuffed animal - I like to cuddle with extra pillows. I try to think about how awesome it is not to have to share the bed - being able to sprawl out... Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 A pillow or something that does not smell like him helps. I thought about getting one of the pillow pal stuffed animals cause it's a pillow that doubles as a bed decoration. If any of your stuff smells like him clean it right away! His smell will only make your pain worse cause you will unconsciously notice it and it you will feel nutters cause of it! Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Dont listen to sad break up songs...!!!! Try the cds, let me know how you got on, they have really helped me out alot! One thing I always think of when i feel a bit sad,is that my ex snored-loudly, and i live in quite a noisy street, so the nights i'd wake up from noise outside and be cross, my ex would be in a deep sleep snoring away and that would drive me crazy, also he always made the pillows smell. so now i have more peaceful nights and my pillows still smell of fabric softner. One song, that i listened to, is maybe a bit dad, but it is quite cathartic is by a brilliant english artist called Adele called "someone like you" she wrote it after she found out her ex was with someone else after he told her he didnt wasnt anything serious, it just goes to show break ups and pain happens to all of us, even someone as talented and rich and great as her. Maybe u tube it and have a listen. When I was younger and going through this i remember also listening to alanis morissete jagged little pill all day-great break up album...no sadness there! Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 :pI meant "sad" not dad..in that above post!!..too early and typing too fast!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jkl6158 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Well unfortunately I honestly don't sleep better by myself. Even sleeping alone I only sleep on the very edge of my bed and I don't move a whole lot. I'm somewhat of an insomniac but I find when I sleeping with someone it must provide some kind of comfort cause I'll actually sleep through the night which rarely happens on my own. Sleepykitten- soooo funny you mention that song. I had it on repeat for like hours yesterday and I think it kept playing in my dreams last night too cause I listened to it so much. Very fitting song minus him finding someone new at this point... but I honestly do want nothing but the best for him because he's a wonderful guy. I thought I was feeling a little better last night because he came over to give me a sweatshirt I left at his house and because I told him I wanted to talk. Basically he broke up with me because he said the feelings just weren't there like they should have been at this point. He said while he had a great time whenever we were together, he felt guilty that when we were apart it wasn't like he was wondering what I was doing or felt a need to get me to hang out. And when I asked him if he'd be excited to see me whenever we had plans it didn't sound like so much, which is very different from the excitement I'd have all day when I knew I'd be seeing him later on. So as much as I wanted to convince him that for him to stick around this long and treat me as though he really cared he must truly have feelings for me and was confused... but I guess those things kind of make a statement. My gut tells me he's not quite over his ex who he never once mentioned til the night he broke up with me... he said he didn't feel a spark for me like he did for his ex who I guess broke his heart. He said he felt for me more like a friend. Which I still don't understand because it sure seemed like there was a lot of attraction and physicality to our relationship. So after a lot of crying (from both of us) and me begging him to make me understand, plus kind of trying to convince him he was making a mistake, I said I still wanted him to be part of my life and maybe we could be friends. He said he'd love to be friends but he didn't want to make things even harder for me, because he'd tried it with his ex who broke his heart and he said he just couldn't do it. I felt much better about us remaining friends, but then when I got in bed last night I couldn't stop thinking that as friends I will always miss that physical aspect with him... not just sex but the cuddling and touching and kissing and just having someone beside me. I don't know how to go from how we were to a hands off friendship. It's very hard to determine how much of me wanting to be his friend is because I know he could be a great friend (and this is at least a big part because we really do connect and have so much fun together), and how much is because I hope that he'll come to realize that he cares about me more than he thought and change his mind. We left it as we'd give staying friends a shot but I guess only time will tell... I just wish reciprocated the feelings I had for him because I was falling in love with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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