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very angry today


kittycat95

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Well I broke NC yesterday after four full days. I felt awful afterwards for breaking it. The funny this is he replied to my text almost instantaneously and told me he was going to be busy (So I would know why he did not reply). I felt strange that I broke NC...and part of me wished/expected him to be more affectionate with me than he was. Anyway although he later said he was happy that I contacted him, the contact did not go well at all. Although he spoke to me, and he even called me on the telephone and we talked normally (at first...until he got angry at some stupid thing and hung up on me)...he was INCREDIBLY RUDE TO ME. I could not believe it. Someone who gave me such a hard time for being "mean" to him after the break up was acting like a complete jerk... Even when I said certain things that were innocuous he would just say "I don't care" when I clearly know that he DOES because otherwise he wouldn't have gotten so angry with me.

 

Yesterday I warned him twice I would block him if he didn't stop being disrespectful. He didn't stop, so I sent a text saying he was being extremely rude to me all day and I didn't tolerate it, that it didn't matter if I was nice or not, he was going to act like that, and that I was blocking him. Then I said oh let me guess....you don't care lol.

 

Then I blocked him so even if he tried to sent a reply it would just tell him he was blocked.

 

Today I feel so incredibly angry that I dealt with all of that unnecessary drama yesterday over somebody who hasn't changed and who will never change. I was so remorseful for the smallest mean things I did to him and maybe that gave him license to think he could say and do whatever he wanted (certain things he said! and he had the nerve to hang up in my face). When I told him, oh what about not judging people I thought you didn't like that, he actually had the nerve to say it was okay for him to judge me but not vice versa.

 

I feel like throwing things today. I'm in an awful, irritable mood. Not only did I contact him and feel weak and pathetic for doing so, but my hands got extremely burned because I played with fire.

 

Lesson learned. Here we go again. Today is NC day 1.

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You're not the only one, a lot of people are on the same boat as you so don't beat yourself up. But did you seriously think he would change in four days??

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Yes, I really believed after four days he might not be such an a-hole to me but he was still narcissistic, egotistical, and a-holish. I learned my lesson.

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