Need Male Advice (Female ok): What Am I Still Chasing/Holding on to?

[mimispider]

Need some Male Advice. What do you guys think?

 

 

 

I was seeing this guy off and on for a year, about SIX years ago. For the first four or five months, no sex involved, as I wanted to keep him around. At the end of that four/five months, we finally had sex, just before he was going away on vacation. When he returned, he told me that he got back with his ex. I told him good luck, hope everything works out.

 

 

In November of that year, I was leaving a bar when he came chasing after me. He apologized and asked if he could get in touch. A month later we finally went on a date. Coincidentally, I was leaving for a week vacation now. The second week I was back, I received an email wondering why I hadn't been in touch sooner. This time I had news: I had met my husband on vacation. He told me good luck.

 

 

The perfect "right back at you" huh?

 

 

Except, six months later we ran into each other again and had a chance to talk. He explained that he just got out of a long relationship and is enjoying the single life. I explained that I needed more of a committment in my life at the time. He asked why I was marrying a guy I barely knew, etc.

 

Then he shocks me with a: "Why don't we go back to my place for a night of great sex, no strings attached?" I said NO; I had a good thing with my fiance and wasn't going to do anything to screw it up. He later asked if I wanted a ride home. I said no. When I left he came chasing after me again asking if I was sure he couldn't drive me home. I said no but would love to get together sometime the next week when we were both going to be in the same city visiting his family/my fiance at the same time. He asked, "How is that possible?" That was the last I saw/spoke to him.

 

 

 

Well years later, I'm married to a great guy, but I still can't get him out of my head. Why? I don't know. I'm NOT looking to cheat on my husband, I just get butterflies still when I think of contacting this guy. I just want to know what he's up to for some strange reason.

 

 

 

So a few days ago I sent out an email that went to my whole address book, and he was included, just listing a change in my email address. I haven't heard from him.

 

 

 

The questions I have are: Would he remember me after six years if we were just seeing each other? Would he think he was emailed by accident? Would I look like I had alterior motives if I sent him a personal email to see how he is doing now? Should I get in touch personally or no? Finally, did this guy appear to mean more to me than I meant to him?

 

What am I Still Chasing/Holding on to?

[bluechocolate]

Sounds to me like you both nearly had something a few times and you never had proper "closure" ( I had that word but sometimes it works!). And now you're suffering from a "what if....." syndrome.

 

What could you possibly hope to gain from contacting him after all this time? You say you're married to a great guy - do you want to end that marriage? Are you unhappy in your marriage? Don't contact him - if he received your change of address that would have been his opportunity to reply - and he didn't. You never know, he may be married and have children and resent you popping up into his life like this after six years. Let it go.

[secondstage2004]

i strongly recommend you against any form of contact with your ex. it will ruin your beautiful marriage.

[UCFKevin]

What you are experiencing is the What If factor.

 

What if you had said yes?

 

What if you ended up with him and not your husband?

 

You'll never know. Accept that.

[moimeme]

The relationship you never did have can be a place of refuge because it never was tested in real life. It seems ideal because there are no day-to-day mundane issues to cloud your fluffy dream. Because of this, the 'What if' relationship can linger fondly in memory. However, the truth is that you didn't get together when you could have and there were reasons for that which are likely still valid.

 

Don't trade in a good thing in reality for your fantasy. 99 times out of a hundred, the grass on the other side seems greener because it's full of hardy weeds that you really would not want to have to deal with.