Why do so many young women flake? How do you respond?

[U1987]

Seriously, I feel like there's an epidemic going on; I feel like young women (girls in the 18-25 range) simply can't be trusted to keep a promise to meet up at a certain place and time.

 

The last three girls I asked out acted really interested in me, gave me their number, texted me a bunch of times and agreed to a first date, but they all canceled last minute or straight-up no-showed; we never even had a first date.

 

This one girl I met a month ago at the bar. We hit it off and exchanged numbers, texted back and forth a few times and agreed to a date later that week. A few hours before, she texted me saying "Hey, I'm really sorry but my parents aren't letting me go out, they're upset I came home late last night"

 

I was really skeptical; Inside, I was thinking "Seriously? You're 21 and your parents still ground you?" but I just responded "you SOOOOO owe me a drink next week :)" We then agreed to another first date next week. As I was driving to her place, I texted her that I'm on my way and that I'll be there in a few minutes. She texted back "I'm sorry, but I can't go out tonight "

 

I replied, "Seriously?" She didn't respond to that. I was really upset because I had declined an invitation from a friend to go out because I thought I would have a date with this girl. She gave no explanation that night or the next day, so I texted her on Facebook "I give up. You blew me off twice so I'm not going to ask you out again. Don't agree to go out with someone and cancel last minute, it's a dick-move."Then I unfriended her.

 

Just last Thursday, I had a date with a girl; we were supposed to meet at this bar at 10:00. I get there at 10:00 and text her "I'm here, call me when you park."

 

She texts me at 10:30 saying "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it tonight. I'll explain later."

 

I texted her back "I really wish you told me this earlier, because just I drove all the way out her from ******* and got us a table." My house is 30 minutes away, and I had been waiting there for 30 minutes, but she just replied "I'm so sorry."

 

It's been 3 days and there's still no explanation, and as far as I can tell from her facebook status updates, nothing terrible has happened to her.

 

I'm really at a loss for words. It's just frustrating, because for every 1 girl I go out with, there are 2 girls who flake last minute and never even have a first date.

 

I wouldn't mind them telling me upfront that they're not interested, but I do mind them leading me on to believe there's gonna be a date. I do mind them wasting my time, gas and money to go to these places only to not show up last minute.

 

What do I have to do to prevent this from happening again?

[utterer of lies]

What do I have to do to prevent this from happening again?

 

Stop online dating.

[Queen Zenobia]

As a woman I find this behavior absolutely irresponsible. I was taught (by perhaps "old fashioned" parents) that when you make an appointment you show up, unless there's some sort of major emergency (like someone had a heart attack, or a baby) and even then you give the other party as advanced notice as reasonably possible.

 

I'm in that 18-25 age range so I don't make excuses for immaturity or any other lame excuse. This kind of thing makes women look bad and reflects badly on those of us who do honor commitment and responsibility.

 

I don't what to tell you except to keep moving along, eventually you'll find a girl who doesn't flake.

[utterer of lies]

buzzwords-filled drivel

 

cool story bro

[U1987]

Stop online dating.

 

I didn't meet these girls online, I met them face to face in real life.

[Woggle]

Because they can get away with it. There will always some sucker willing to kiss their butt.

[utterer of lies]

I didn't meet these girls online, I met them face to face in real life.

 

Weird. Maybe it's you, not them. You might have seem threatening or creepy and they were afraid to reject you to your face.

 

 

And for the second story: Why didn't you call (not text) her before you got into your car and make sure the date is still on? Before you had expenses and time wasted? Seems like reasonable precautions for a first date...

[U1987]

Weird. Maybe it's you, not them. You might have seem threatening or creepy and they were afraid to reject you to your face.

 

 

And for the second story: Why didn't you call (not text) her before you got into your car and make sure the date is still on? Before you had expenses and time wasted? Seems like reasonable precautions for a first date...

 

She seemed really sweet and sincere when we first met; she didn't strike me as the flighty type.

 

Eitherway, what does a guy have to do to prevent this from happening?

 

Would a woman be turned off if a guy told her after he asked her out "Just don't flake on me last minute. If you can't make it, tell me far in advance."

[somedude81]

This one girl I met a month ago at the bar. We hit it off and exchanged numbers, texted back and forth a few times and agreed to a date later that week. A few hours before, she texted me saying "Hey, I'm really sorry but my parents aren't letting me go out, they're upset I came home late last night"

That is why I don't bother doing cold approaches.

 

I can not think of a reason why a girl would want to go on a date with a total stranger.

 

Besides the obvious reason, I can't see why a guy would want to either.

 

Granted I haven't dated a lot, but I've never had a girl flake on me. I've always made sure to have plenty of rapport and talked to the girl a few times before I asked her out.

 

Asking out random girls I just met seems like an exercise in frustration.

[Jono85]

honestly these girls are scum. period.

 

it hasn't happened to me that much, maybe a few times. but imo it helps weed out the scum nice and early so its not all bad.

 

 

but yeah i think extremely low of these types of ppl, and it's sad and unfortunate they were raised like that.

[Jono85]

Here's a text exchange from a 23 year old I met during the day, and with whom I exchanged numbers (texts in bold):

 

 

 

 

Amazing how she turned it around and made me seem like the bad guy!

 

 

My goal was to bait her into responding. On that metric, it was a success. I'd rather have ANY response than NO response. It's basic human courtesy, respect, and civility! Whatever happened to manners?!

 

dude that exchange was pathetic i'm sorry. u didn't get a text back from ur very first text. that's a huge red flag that she's not interested. so ok, u give her ONE last chance and call her like u did, and leave a short voice mail msg maybe. done. the 2nd call, and 2nd text was pathetic and scary. have a little pride. if a girl ignores ONE call, or ONE text (ok sometimes one text isn't enough cuz the VERY odd time some ppl dont get texts so u try calling a day or two later, that's not too desperate) move on.

[Shaun-Dro]

Seriously, I feel like there's an epidemic going on; I feel like young women (girls in the 18-25 range) simply can't be trusted to keep a promise to meet up at a certain place and time.

 

The last three girls I asked out acted really interested in me, gave me their number, texted me a bunch of times and agreed to a first date, but they all canceled last minute or straight-up no-showed; we never even had a first date.

 

This one girl I met a month ago at the bar. We hit it off and exchanged numbers, texted back and forth a few times and agreed to a date later that week. A few hours before, she texted me saying "Hey, I'm really sorry but my parents aren't letting me go out, they're upset I came home late last night"

 

I was really skeptical; Inside, I was thinking "Seriously? You're 21 and your parents still ground you?" but I just responded "you SOOOOO owe me a drink next week :)" We then agreed to another first date next week. As I was driving to her place, I texted her that I'm on my way and that I'll be there in a few minutes. She texted back "I'm sorry, but I can't go out tonight "

 

I replied, "Seriously?" She didn't respond to that. I was really upset because I had declined an invitation from a friend to go out because I thought I would have a date with this girl. She gave no explanation that night or the next day, so I texted her on Facebook "I give up. You blew me off twice so I'm not going to ask you out again. Don't agree to go out with someone and cancel last minute, it's a dick-move."Then I unfriended her.

 

Just last Thursday, I had a date with a girl; we were supposed to meet at this bar at 10:00. I get there at 10:00 and text her "I'm here, call me when you park."

 

She texts me at 10:30 saying "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it tonight. I'll explain later."

 

I texted her back "I really wish you told me this earlier, because just I drove all the way out her from ******* and got us a table." My house is 30 minutes away, and I had been waiting there for 30 minutes, but she just replied "I'm so sorry."

 

It's been 3 days and there's still no explanation, and as far as I can tell from her facebook status updates, nothing terrible has happened to her.

 

I'm really at a loss for words. It's just frustrating, because for every 1 girl I go out with, there are 2 girls who flake last minute and never even have a first date.

 

I wouldn't mind them telling me upfront that they're not interested, but I do mind them leading me on to believe there's gonna be a date. I do mind them wasting my time, gas and money to go to these places only to not show up last minute.

 

What do I have to do to prevent this from happening again?

 

Seriously, you wanna know? Okay, I'll tell you. This is from a guy who was once in the same boat as you, almost, but the frustration of today's girls, not women, but refer to them as girls, because they need to grow the hell up, has made me stronger.

 

Buddy, you need to turn pit-bull on them. I'm not kidding. Just drop that old nice guy habit you have and not let these walking pieces of ass get away with this crap they're pulling on you.

 

You have no idea what a nice guy I was used to be a long, long time ago. I finally turned myself around (against women's wishes of course) and just became darker, meaner, and will straighten out a woman in a hearbeat. I will go after her so fast it's scary if she ever tries to disrespect me. I think they know this now, so they're pretty sweet to me on all instances lol.

 

I don't advise you to be mean to every girl in sight. That makes no sense. You treat people the way you wanna be treated. But when these women you're supposed to date pull these flake jobs on you, crucify them for it.

 

They'll be stunned and even scared for a little bit if you show your edge, but it'll reward you in the end. Remember, you can accomplish this without insulting her, but basically tell her where she can take a crap next time.

 

I speak from experience because I have a hot babe hanging on my coat tails right now since last month, and though it's still early, she never pulls a flake job on me, because she knows better, and I'm anything but nice to her.

 

Sure, I might throw her some friendly crumbs here and there to keep her wanting more of it, but never lose your masculinity. This is what society is sorely missing these days: the men to become "real" men again. I wish you luck.

[U1987]

 

Dating 1.0 is dead. It’s time for Dating 2.0 – game in the smartphone era. And men must adapt!

 

So how do you that? How do you keep the attention of these girls who grew up on iPod and text messaging and Youtube?

[Shaun-Dro]

So how do you that? How do you keep the attention of these girls who grew up on iPod and text messaging and Youtube?

 

I just gave you some advice and it looks like it went over your head.

[U1987]

I just gave you some advice and it looks like it went over your head.

 

Didn't see your post before I hit "submit."

 

Still, I told off that first girl, and I told off another tease/flake a few months before. Why didn't they come back tripping over themselves to make it up to me?

[mo mo]

Women take out their hostility on random dudes because the 10 rated guy they are "FWBing" (girl is a 6-7) won't put up with any attitude or drama at all from her or he will boot her and replace her in an instant, and she knows it. The way to a happy sex life for a guy in the U.S. today is to get in the top echelon of men, that will cure up the flake factor in a hurry.

 

I don't agree at all.

 

I don't wanna get into it too much, because I don't have a whole lot of time, but I have seen immature young flaky women treat really good guys, guys in the "upper echelon" like crap and they won't date them because they are "not ready for a relationship" or some ****. Then they'll go ahead and sex up losers.

[KathyM]

Seriously, I feel like there's an epidemic going on; I feel like young women (girls in the 18-25 range) simply can't be trusted to keep a promise to meet up at a certain place and time.

 

The last three girls I asked out acted really interested in me, gave me their number, texted me a bunch of times and agreed to a first date, but they all canceled last minute or straight-up no-showed; we never even had a first date.

 

This one girl I met a month ago at the bar. We hit it off and exchanged numbers, texted back and forth a few times and agreed to a date later that week. A few hours before, she texted me saying "Hey, I'm really sorry but my parents aren't letting me go out, they're upset I came home late last night"

 

I was really skeptical; Inside, I was thinking "Seriously? You're 21 and your parents still ground you?" but I just responded "you SOOOOO owe me a drink next week :)" We then agreed to another first date next week. As I was driving to her place, I texted her that I'm on my way and that I'll be there in a few minutes. She texted back "I'm sorry, but I can't go out tonight "

 

I replied, "Seriously?" She didn't respond to that. I was really upset because I had declined an invitation from a friend to go out because I thought I would have a date with this girl. She gave no explanation that night or the next day, so I texted her on Facebook "I give up. You blew me off twice so I'm not going to ask you out again. Don't agree to go out with someone and cancel last minute, it's a dick-move."Then I unfriended her.

 

Just last Thursday, I had a date with a girl; we were supposed to meet at this bar at 10:00. I get there at 10:00 and text her "I'm here, call me when you park."

 

She texts me at 10:30 saying "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it tonight. I'll explain later."

 

I texted her back "I really wish you told me this earlier, because just I drove all the way out her from ******* and got us a table." My house is 30 minutes away, and I had been waiting there for 30 minutes, but she just replied "I'm so sorry."

 

It's been 3 days and there's still no explanation, and as far as I can tell from her facebook status updates, nothing terrible has happened to her.

 

I'm really at a loss for words. It's just frustrating, because for every 1 girl I go out with, there are 2 girls who flake last minute and never even have a first date.

 

I wouldn't mind them telling me upfront that they're not interested, but I do mind them leading me on to believe there's gonna be a date. I do mind them wasting my time, gas and money to go to these places only to not show up last minute.

 

What do I have to do to prevent this from happening again?

To answer your question, meet and cultivate relationships with higher quality women. The women you meet at bars are usually not too reliable. Sounds like if they get a better offer at the last minute from someone else, they'll blow you off and think nothing of it. I believe that's what is happening. They didn't all of a sudden just change their mind about going out with you. They got an offer from someone else that appealed to them more. Sorry about that. I would suggest looking for dating partners in better quality places. You're not as likely to be treated so badly.

[Shaun-Dro]

Didn't see your post before I hit "submit."

 

Still, I told off that first girl, and I told off another tease/flake a few months before. Why didn't they come back tripping over themselves to make it up to me?

 

Easy answer: because these girls never had the chance to see you again, in order to do that. Most of the girls I straightened out had to deal with me after that face-to-face, and when I turned up the "ignoring" game, it forced them to get my approval again. Some of them I wounded up dating while the others just wanted me to be nice to them by kissing my ass.

 

The girl I'm with now I bit her head off practically. I made a thread about it a while ago, and then I returned to her weeks later and chatted her up, but never apologized for treating her the way I thought she deserved and to this very day, we're together, and she has never asked me about it. I think I know why too.

 

In order to get a woman to wanna make it up to you after a short time with her is all in how you handle her sexually. If you know what buttons to press, she'll always have you on her mind. And when she misbehaves like the child she sometimes is, you punish her. In return, she'll correct herself because she wants more of what she's getting from you, until she does it again. And believe me, women are always out to keep testing you. They really can't help themselves. It's a little evil programming they have.

[U1987]

Easy answer: because these girls never had the chance to see you again, in order to do that. Most of the girls I straightened out had to deal with me after that face-to-face, and when I turned up the "ignoring" game, it forced them to get my approval again. Some of them I wounded up dating while the others just wanted me to be nice to them by kissing my ass.

 

The girl I'm with now I bit her head off practically. I made a thread about it a while ago, and then I returned to her weeks later and chatted her up, but never apologized for treating her the way I thought she deserved and to this very day, we're together, and she has never asked me about it. I think I know why too.

 

In order to get a woman to wanna make it up to you after a short time with her is all in how you handle her sexually. If you know what buttons to press, she'll always have you on her mind. And when she misbehaves like the child she sometimes is, you punish her. In return, she'll correct herself because she wants more of what she's getting from you, until she does it again. And believe me, women are always out to keep testing you. They really can't help themselves. It's a little evil programming they have.

 

Okay, but the point is, how do you get a girl to make it up to you when you otherwise don't have a chance to meet her face to face again? How can I do all these things you mentioned with a girl I've only met once and will probably not run into again?

 

Tell me specifically what I should do with these past 2 girls.

[Eddie Edirol]

Didn't see your post before I hit "submit."

 

Still, I told off that first girl, and I told off another tease/flake a few months before. Why didn't they come back tripping over themselves to make it up to me?

 

If you are approaching every girl you meet, youre probably basically forcing their number from them without really getting to know them to see if they are interested. because none of these women take your calls. Keep in mind the texting generation of girls are too chickenshyt to tell you that they dont want to give you their number, because they dont want you to keep trying after they say no. So youre getting these numbers out of pity. When people want to get to know you, they will return that first text within a couple hours. Many times they get your number and text you first.

 

When you get these numbers, you have to assume that they will flake at every point until you actually meet them in person. That way you will never be disappointed. They will flake at the first text, then at the first call, they agree to a date - thats def a flake. They will flake at the confirmation, they will flake at first meeting, they will flake with the "after the date text". That way, if they do actually meet up with you, its a pleasant surprise, but youre NEVER looking forward to the date because you expect them to flake.

 

Stop expecting them to meet you, they dont have to. When you cant even pick up on the fact they they werent that interested in you when you met, and you cant take a hint of ignored texts, you just make yourself look foolish. And for god sakes, text or call them to confirm BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR HOUSE!

 

There will be alot of girls out there who arent getting attention from the 10's that they want, so for the moment that you meet, while their self esteem is down, they think they might want attention from you. But when you text them, they remember who you are and think "ugh, i dont really wanna met that guy now that im clear headed, how do I blow him off without making him into a stalker?"

 

Its life, deal with it, and stop blaming them, its your fault that you built them up the way you have.

[Shaun-Dro]

Okay, but the point is, how do you get a girl to make it up to you when you otherwise don't have a chance to meet her face to face again? How can I do all these things you mentioned with a girl I've only met once and will probably not run into again?

 

Tell me specifically what I should do with these past 2 girls.

 

Since you already told them off, talking about them is useless, but if there is another girl in your mist, I'd be happy to help you out. Drop me a note in my inbox and I will message you privately on it, if that's cool with you.

[U1987]

Since you already told them off, talking about them is useless, but if there is another girl in your mist, I'd be happy to help you out. Drop me a note in my inbox and I will message you privately on it, if that's cool with you.

 

Alright, I haven't told off the last one; the one who no-showed on Thursday and said "she'll explain later" and never did. Like I said, from her facebook status updates, nothing bad happened to her that would justify this. So what do I have to do? I haven't talked to her since that text on thursday.

[U1987]

If you are approaching every girl you meet, youre probably basically forcing their number from them without really getting to know them to see if they are interested. because none of these women take your calls. Keep in mind the texting generation of girls are too chickenshyt to tell you that they dont want to give you their number, because they dont want you to keep trying after they say no. So youre getting these numbers out of pity. When people want to get to know you, they will return that first text within a couple hours. Many times they get your number and text you first.

 

When you get these numbers, you have to assume that they will flake at every point until you actually meet them in person. That way you will never be disappointed. They will flake at the first text, then at the first call, they agree to a date - thats def a flake. They will flake at the confirmation, they will flake at first meeting, they will flake with the "after the date text". That way, if they do actually meet up with you, its a pleasant surprise, but youre NEVER looking forward to the date because you expect them to flake.

 

Stop expecting them to meet you, they dont have to. When you cant even pick up on the fact they they werent that interested in you when you met, and you cant take a hint of ignored texts, you just make yourself look foolish. And for god sakes, text or call them to confirm BEFORE YOU LEAVE YOUR HOUSE!

 

There will be alot of girls out there who arent getting attention from the 10's that they want, so for the moment that you meet, while their self esteem is down, they think they might want attention from you. But when you text them, they remember who you are and think "ugh, i dont really wanna met that guy now that im clear headed, how do I blow him off without making him into a stalker?"

 

Its life, deal with it, and stop blaming them, its your fault that you built them up the way you have.

 

i didn't do anything wrong.

[Shaun-Dro]

Alright, I haven't told off the last one; the one who no-showed on Thursday and said "she'll explain later" and never did. Like I said, from her facebook status updates, nothing bad happened to her that would justify this. So what do I have to do? I haven't talked to her since that text on thursday.

 

How did you meet this girl? Is there any chance for a possible run-in again with her? This is going to be a back and forth banter unless you message me in private. But it's up to you.

[U1987]

All I want to know is, how do you flake-proof a girl in from the get-go? How can you make it so that she WON'T flake? How do you get her into a position where flaking is not an option for her to do?