Why do so many young women flake? How do you respond?

[grkBoy]

Women do this crap at that age because they can get away with it.

 

Let's be honest, when a girl who is an adult age is out at bars and then suddenly tells you her parents won't let her go out...that's total BS. She's simply making a very flimsy excuse because she doesn't want to come clean and say she's not into you.

 

I'll bet money if some guy she was really into came along, and she did have strict parents...she would be sneaking out to see him.

 

She could claim she wants to abstain til marriage, but will gladly spread her legs when it's an "amazing" guy...even if the guy dumps her the moment he's finished on her.

 

But women can get away with it...because there's plenty more men who will then try to get with them. I've had plenty of women flake on me, and they had no shortage of men trying to be with them.

 

Get mad...but don't give chances. If a girl flakes on me, she's done. If she comes back to try to "rekindle" or "let's catch up", I simply say "no".

 

The only karma is how practically all these women who did flake on me are still single, or divorced, or knocked up, and still can't find a solid RL. I didn't ask for bad things to happen, but their own immaturity brought bad things on them.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

 

Let's be honest, when a girl who is an adult age is out at bars and then suddenly tells you her parents won't let her go out...that's total BS. She's simply making a very flimsy excuse because she doesn't want to come clean and say she's not into you.

 

In fact (speaking as a parent of a now 23 year old daughter who has lived at home with me at times since she was an "adult") it is not unusual for young adults who are living at home and partaking of the perks there to be under whatever rules and parameters the parents deem appropriate. Including curfews.

 

I'll bet money if some guy she was really into came along, and she did have strict parents...she would be sneaking out to see him.

 

You're probably right about that.

 

The girls who flake probably have bad manners and are not interested in you. A good combination to just move on from and forget.

[Woggle]

Just move on. You should always be happy when they show their true colors early on.

[nyc_guy2003]

I have a pretty good friend who is flaky. It's the #1 thing I don't like about her.

 

When she flakes on me, I don't contact her to hang out the next time. Eventually, she asks me to hang out again, and we do. If she gets into a pattern of flaking (more than once in a row), I call her on it, and say I don't like to repeatedly make plans that fall through, as it's a waste of my time. She always straightens up when I call her on it.

 

If I were a guy who set up a date with someone and she flaked, I wouldn't contact her again AT ALL. I see it basically as putting your balls right on the table in front of her -- you treated me disrespectfully, and I am coming back for more. If she doesn't contact you, you know she's not interested, and you can stop wasting your time.

 

If men didn't put up with this so easily, women would stop doing it.

 

Agree with this. I am married but have single, attractive female friends in their 20s. A lot of them flake on me too when we have plans to hang out, guess it's force of habit for young good looking girls. After the first flake I usually go NC on them until they come back to me again and then everything's done on my terms and scheduling after that.

[grkBoy]

In fact (speaking as a parent of a now 23 year old daughter who has lived at home with me at times since she was an "adult") it is not unusual for young adults who are living at home and partaking of the perks there to be under whatever rules and parameters the parents deem appropriate. Including curfews.

 

I guess I never saw it much with the women I've known. Seen it in some instances where the families are very "old world", but most of the time when I encountered a woman who tells me she needs to ask her parents' permission, I'd find out she was completely lying and it was merely an excuse to tell me she wasn't into me.

 

Not hating any women for not liking me, but more trying to tell guys when you hear this stuff you should just move on and write off those women.

 

 

You're probably right about that.

 

The girls who flake probably have bad manners and are not interested in you. A good combination to just move on from and forget.

 

I wholeheartedly agree.

[Shaun-Dro]

Just for the record, when I say you go pit-bull on them, I'm referring to a person, preferably the one you're seeing, tries to disrespect you after you have already put your best foot forward. I never expect her to get down on her knees and beg for forgiveness after that.

 

Anyway, in order to seriously affect a woman emotionally is to ignore her. This has to be done in a setting where she sees you repeatedly and you pay absolutely no attention to her. Believe me it works. I've done it many times, including to the girl I'm seeing right now, so I know what I'm talking about.

 

The worst thing you can do is take advice from a woman. She's only going to tell you what's best at the moment in connection with how she feels. It won't be the same feeling when she's interacting with you and then you screw up her emotions by showing her your "spine" and putting her in her place. Women's emotions flip-flop every 24 hours. Never take her seriously because she can't even take herself seriously.

 

Let me tell you something. On Saturday, when I was with my sister and we went into the supermarket to get a few things, the cashier showed an attitude to my sister for no apparent reason. I called this cashier on it and she immediately straightened up and apologized. I never yelled, cursed, or said anything threatening. I just corrected her, the way men always used to do. The way my father always did. The way my grandfather did and the way I'm doing it today, as I'm determined to keep this breed alive.

 

OP, I gave you some advice. Please refer to it. But still be you. Don't try to emulate anyone that you're not. That won't work. Just don't give off a platonic vibe that I think you're giving off. Let it be known quickly that you're interested in getting some without actually saying it. If the girl is in to you, she will take you up on it, whether it's on her terms or yours.

 

I'm hitting on another girl right now and I told her upfront what I want. I gave her that eye and got her thinking. I never joked with her. I don't say much except what's on my mind. And then I leave, period.

 

While women will tell you not to do what I'm doing, disregard her, because she's only speaking on the moment and what sounds good or bad to her on paper. Women respond differently when put in such positions. It took until I reached my 30s to finally understand this and to fully embrace it. I expect it will happen for you eventually.

 

Just continue doing what you're doing, because you have personality. You seem pretty cool and chilled but lay off the platonic stuff and amp up the attraction signals by being a man who doesn't care. Learn to not care. It's easy. You can take her or leave her. You certainly don't need her. Women have proven nothing to real men but a roll in the hay and maybe a nice cooked meal if she throws down in the kitchen. Aside from that, you have a better time hanging out with your male friends, unless you get lucky and meet a special kind that's into the guy stuff while still maintaining her soft feminine side. That's rare so don't expect it.

 

About the flaking jobs it's best to let them be. These girls are losers that'll flake on their own mother if she depended on them for help, less it be life or death situation. You need to keep plowing at your own pace and never expect anything from these women, because she knows she's got nothing to offer you but a roll in the hay. After that, she's pretty useless.

[Ruby Slippers]

After the first flake I usually go NC on them until they come back to me again and then everything's done on my terms and scheduling after that.

Yes, this is a good point, too -- as soon as they flake, any future plans are on YOUR terms. The day, time, and place YOU want. A flake earns them an automatic downgrade. I will always work with a cool, reliable friend. With the flaky one, flaky behavior is rewarded with less flexibility on my part.

 

Also, saying NO to her is very effective. Sometimes when we are out, she'll want to change what we're doing right in the middle of it. I say no. She can switch gears and do something else if she wants, but I am sticking with what we're doing and what I'm enjoying, with or without her. She always gives in when I put my foot down like this. If I bent to her whims, she'd walk all over me.

[U1987]

Just for the record, when I say you go pit-bull on them, I'm referring to a person, preferably the one you're seeing, tries to disrespect you after you have already put your best foot forward. I never expect her to get down on her knees and beg for forgiveness after that.

 

Anyway, in order to seriously affect a woman emotionally is to ignore her. This has to be done in a setting where she sees you repeatedly and you pay absolutely no attention to her. Believe me it works. I've done it many times, including to the girl I'm seeing right now, so I know what I'm talking about.

 

Okay, but like I said, HOW DOES THAT WORK WITH SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE IN PERSON AGAIN? My job and classes don't have a lot of girls so I've been asking out girls I meet randomly on my daily routine.

 

How do you ignore someone you wouldn't otherwise interact with either way? That's like telling someone who doesn't eat at McDonalds to boycott McDonalds; they wouldn't have gone there either way even if you hadn't told them not to.

 

 

OP, I gave you some advice. Please refer to it. But still be you. Don't try to emulate anyone that you're not. That won't work. Just don't give off a platonic vibe that I think you're giving off.

 

How did you come to the conclusion that I'm giving off a "platonic vibe?" It's not like I'm trying to be friends with these girls for months and months at a time before asking them out; I ask them out the day I meet them.

[singlelife]

Guys really shouldn't take it so personal. If they flake out just leave them alone. No way to try and get pay back get that out of your mind. Just move on. if she does try to get with you later then think about it at that time. I have been stood up and just went and had sex with another girl. When the girl wanted to hook up later or wanted to be part of our group I just shot her down or made it so she had to prove herself as a reliable person. In my case the times it happened the girl was upset of not getting to be with me. It wasn't that serious just didn't think I should waste time with an unreliable person. But I didn't dwell on it.

[welikeincrowds]

Just to reiterate what every other sensible person has said: you can't make anyone do anything. They can walk away at any time. What you can do is A) try your best to be convincing and B) accept that there will be losses.

 

A. Try your best to be convincing. Tell me if you are doing the following things, and if so, to what degree:

 

1. You are maintaining eye contact

2. You are getting into her personal space

3. You are affirming her with positive messages ("That's funny", "That's great", "That's cute", "I like that" -- statements you can easily transition into "You're funny", "You're great", "You're cute", "I like you")

4. You are touching her

5. You are escalating based on her signals -- smiling, open body language, apparent comfort with what you are doing, advances of her own

5. You are getting her phone number on a high note in the conversation

 

B. Accept that there will be losses. Are you doing the following things:

 

1. Calling her the next day to plan a date

2. Planning a first date that is short and non-committal, time-wise

3. Calling an at least an hour before the date to confirm the time and place with her

 

These are tools you can use to minimize the chance of being stood-up, either because she doesn't make a solid plan or tells you she can't make it, or because you stay in her mind.

[singlelife]

Women flake because no one before been calling the out on it, would you be the first?

 

 

You got a point. In my case if I have to call a girl out then I am gonna also be out after that. I have been told 2 theories. Women are really selfish or stupid like a child. I don't care which one.

[U1987]

 

You sound like a future wife beater...

 

I don't believe in marriage. I think marriage is an outdated institution and I don't intend to partake in it.

 

you think you have a right, that it is your job and your responsibility to decide what someone should and should not do. I am also willing to bet that you are very controlling and a jealous BF too.

 

Um, no. I've always let my girlfriends do what they want whenever with whoever, even other guys. I've always trusted my GF's around other men, and I've never been cheated on.

 

Besides, my main goal is casual dating, not to be a serious BF, so I don't understand how you came to these conclusions about me.

[lino]

They flake because they can. All you can do is move on.

There is no way to flake proof anything.

[dispatch3d]

This one girl I met a month ago at the bar. We hit it off and exchanged numbers, texted back and forth a few times and agreed to a date later that week. A few hours before, she texted me saying "Hey, I'm really sorry but my parents aren't letting me go out, they're upset I came home late last night"

Lol. You've got to be kidding me with your response to this one. I would definitely have made a joke of her being too much of a slut to go on dates.Seriously, some girl you are putting effort into dating, texts you and says I just slept with some dude last night because I was loaded and now feel weird dating you. You respond with "oh baby, give me a shot next week then!". Christ you may as well have fun with the hoarish mean ones.

Just last Thursday, I had a date with a girl; we were supposed to meet at this bar at 10:00. I get there at 10:00 and text her "I'm here, call me when you park."

 

She texts me at 10:30 saying "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it tonight. I'll explain later."

 

LOL this one also wouldn't fly well. I'd just either text back "save it", or not text back at all.

 

Date the ones who show up. The rude ones who do **** like this, I'd just put on ignore. They probably aren't very nice people if they pull crap like this.

[dispatch3d]

Yep... I have to agree with that. If I ever flake on a guy it's probably because I wasn't really interested to begin with, just had a hard time saying no.

 

You can't MAKE a girl regret flaking on you. Sorry. She's probably just saving you an uncomfortable date.

 

If I am really interested in a guy I will definitely not be flaky. But in 99% of those cases he's probably someone I KNOW or someone I think is incredibly interesting and attractive (physically and mentally). I'm not really comfortable going on dates with complete strangers in most cases. Anyway, let's not pretend like this is all girls, it's a two way street.

 

lol you've gotta be ****ing kidding me.

 

It's not a two way street.

[dispatch3d]

You realize the flaky ones are generally dumb as hell and you'd have no interest dating them anyways? I can't emphasize this enough. Be glad they didn't show up. People who are well educated, responsible, do **** with their life, are busy, etc. don't have the time to waste making plans then flaking. You aren't getting flaked on by the hot successful well-put together and highly educated women of your dreams. You're being flaked on by the 20 year old cashier at walmart who looks hot in a dress, but knows under any kind of scrutiny you'll see her for her 20th percentile IQ, lack of any interesting topics to talk about, and quickly dwindling number of friends (flaky behaviour catches up with you).

 

As far as engaging them in some kind of argument. **** that. I argue over important ****. Not with retarded immature girls.

[thatone]

Yep... I have to agree with that. If I ever flake on a guy it's probably because I wasn't really interested to begin with, just had a hard time saying no.

 

You can't MAKE a girl regret flaking on you. Sorry. She's probably just saving you an uncomfortable date.

 

If I am really interested in a guy I will definitely not be flaky. But in 99% of those cases he's probably someone I KNOW or someone I think is incredibly interesting and attractive (physically and mentally). I'm not really comfortable going on dates with complete strangers in most cases. Anyway, let's not pretend like this is all girls, it's a two way street.

 

so what you're saying is you lack confidence, are self centered, unreliable, and unable to even converse with people you don't already know because of these issues. and when confronted your best response is "everyone else does it" (when they don't).

 

thanks for proving the point every man in this thread has been telling the OP about.

Edited July 12, 2011 by thatone

[Chicago_Guy]

lol you've gotta be ****ing kidding me.

 

It's not a two way street.

 

I agree - it is definitely not a two-way street. Few men are going to flake on a woman they asked out and why would they? If they weren't interested, they wouldn't have asked her out in the first place. Maybe some men would flake if a girl they didn't like kept chasing after them, but the flaking in that scenario is probably very rare.

[phineas]

Dating 101

 

1. Just because someone Facebooks or texts you... Does not mean that they want to date / see you.

 

2. Only pursue and date girls that actually can, do and are willing to see / date you.

 

3. If you didn't know 1 & 2 above... I can't believe people actually need to tell you this. So do not bother trying to date. I promise, you are not ready and will have little or no success.

 

If you want my opinion, the whole Facebook / Texting Generation... is screwed!

 

Yeah, and it's women of all ages i'm sure you have noticed.

 

I've hit the point where if a woman flakes & someone isn't dead or in the hospital I won't even respond to the text & if they start hitting me up again I ignore unless they start to get annoying. Then I respond but I go into zero effort mode by telling them to come over for a movie because i don't even care to make the effort to meet them somewhere.

 

Since 90% of them are attention whores anyways this pretty much ensures they will stop wasting my time.

 

besides, most of the time they meet out of guilt then flake again right after anyways.

 

I don't change plans for a woman anymore unless she's been around for a while.

 

She wants to see me, she can plan something for the following week. I got 3 evenings a week without my kids & I got stuff to do.

 

I've found myself showered up with no-place to go all of a sudden & weed whacking to do or some other project & my evening is basically shot cause some chick cancelled with a text while I was in the shower.

 

These are women pushing 40 also.

 

what amazes me is if I decide to talk to these women again when they keep bugging me, (the guy they blew me off for blew them off. LOL!) they don't ever apologize & they act like it never happened.

 

Seriously? who the hell wants to date someone that lacks basic manners?

[Yumaoy356]

Thanks a lot

[sweetjasmine]

unable to even converse with people you don't already know because of these issues.

 

Where on earth are you getting this?

 

The following is true for me:

I'm not really comfortable going on dates with complete strangers in most cases.

 

In fact, I've never gone on a date with someone who was a total stranger. Every man I've ever gone out on a date with has been someone I knew for at least a few months.

 

It has nothing to do with your ability to "converse with people you don't already know" because of "issues." I can't speak for the other poster, but I'm perfectly capable of speaking to total strangers in social contexts. That doesn't mean I jump right into dating them. And not jumping straight into dating them doesn't mean someone has issues.

 

And guess what? Going out on dates only with people I know has prevented me from ever flaking on anyone or standing someone up.

[buster2209]

Seriously, you wanna know? Okay, I'll tell you. This is from a guy who was once in the same boat as you, almost, but the frustration of today's girls, not women, but refer to them as girls, because they need to grow the hell up, has made me stronger.

 

Buddy, you need to turn pit-bull on them. I'm not kidding. Just drop that old nice guy habit you have and not let these walking pieces of ass get away with this crap they're pulling on you.

 

You have no idea what a nice guy I was used to be a long, long time ago. I finally turned myself around (against women's wishes of course) and just became darker, meaner, and will straighten out a woman in a hearbeat. I will go after her so fast it's scary if she ever tries to disrespect me. I think they know this now, so they're pretty sweet to me on all instances lol.

 

I don't advise you to be mean to every girl in sight. That makes no sense. You treat people the way you wanna be treated. But when these women you're supposed to date pull these flake jobs on you, crucify them for it.

 

They'll be stunned and even scared for a little bit if you show your edge, but it'll reward you in the end. Remember, you can accomplish this without insulting her, but basically tell her where she can take a crap next time.

 

I speak from experience because I have a hot babe hanging on my coat tails right now since last month, and though it's still early, she never pulls a flake job on me, because she knows better, and I'm anything but nice to her.

 

Sure, I might throw her some friendly crumbs here and there to keep her wanting more of it, but never lose your masculinity. This is what society is sorely missing these days: the men to become "real" men again. I wish you luck.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself!

 

If I didn't know any better, I would say you are a student of Doc Love....

[Disillusioned]

Because they can get away with it. There will always some sucker willing to kiss their butt.

 

/\ What Woggle said.

[Imajerk17]

Yep... I have to agree with that. If I ever flake on a guy it's probably because I wasn't really interested to begin with, just had a hard time saying no.

 

You can't MAKE a girl regret flaking on you. Sorry. She's probably just saving you an uncomfortable date.

 

If I am really interested in a guy I will definitely not be flaky. But in 99% of those cases he's probably someone I KNOW or someone I think is incredibly interesting and attractive (physically and mentally). I'm not really comfortable going on dates with complete strangers in most cases. Anyway, let's not pretend like this is all girls, it's a two way street.

 

As irritating and disappointing as I find kalikula's views on her flaking to be, I do appreciate someone like her posted on this thread. After all, she gave us a lot of insight into the mindset of girls like these.

 

Basically, she basically cares about her own feelings. She said "yes" originally to avoid an uncomfortable confrontation for her, or because it was something that she might want to do. Then when the time comes, she says "no" because it's how she feels now, and it is easy for her to do so (she can duck and screen all his communication now).

 

The honor of keeping her word doesn't mean much to her. Nor do the feelings of the guy she flaked on.

 

C'est la vie...

[Emilia]

Before you all start sucking each other's d**ks, it happens the other way round too. I have met flakey men though I have to say in my dating life I have only went out with one guy that tried to pull it on me. I don't tolerate it. From what I've seen it comes from guys that put 'bros before hos' and they expect a girl to be 'spontaneous', ie change her plans just because on a Friday night he'd rather go out with his friends on a bender and he would prefer to save less popular nights for the girl. There was one I dated that was like this and he was the same way with his mates too. Obviously it got very old very fast.

 

I see plenty of men that play silly little games and they come across to me as potential flakes but I recognise the signs early on and don't end up dating them. They do exist though and I agree it's selfish and very annoying.

 

I pulled one up the other day, we chatted on an online dating site and I know he tried to string me along while he kept his options open with other women. As soon as I spotted that I dropped him. I don't argue, I don't shout, I don't fight, don't get aggressive like one male poster here suggested, just go quiet and never speak to them again.