Why do so many young women flake? How do you respond?

[stillafool]

You realize the flaky ones are generally dumb as hell and you'd have no interest dating them anyways? I can't emphasize this enough. Be glad they didn't show up. People who are well educated, responsible, do **** with their life, are busy, etc. don't have the time to waste making plans then flaking. You aren't getting flaked on by the hot successful well-put together and highly educated women of your dreams. You're being flaked on by the 20 year old cashier at walmart who looks hot in a dress, but knows under any kind of scrutiny you'll see her for her 20th percentile IQ, lack of any interesting topics to talk about, and quickly dwindling number of friends (flaky behaviour catches up with you).

 

As far as engaging them in some kind of argument. **** that. I argue over important ****. Not with retarded immature girls.

 

 

Do you find out if a girl is highly educated, successful and well put together before you ask her out to prevent being flaked on?

[stillafool]

Seriously, you wanna know? Okay, I'll tell you. This is from a guy who was once in the same boat as you, almost, but the frustration of today's girls, not women, but refer to them as girls, because they need to grow the hell up, has made me stronger.

 

Buddy, you need to turn pit-bull on them. I'm not kidding. Just drop that old nice guy habit you have and not let these walking pieces of ass get away with this crap they're pulling on you.

 

You have no idea what a nice guy I was used to be a long, long time ago. I finally turned myself around (against women's wishes of course) and just became darker, meaner, and will straighten out a woman in a hearbeat. I will go after her so fast it's scary if she ever tries to disrespect me. I think they know this now, so they're pretty sweet to me on all instances lol.

 

I don't advise you to be mean to every girl in sight. That makes no sense. You treat people the way you wanna be treated. But when these women you're supposed to date pull these flake jobs on you, crucify them for it.

 

They'll be stunned and even scared for a little bit if you show your edge, but it'll reward you in the end. Remember, you can accomplish this without insulting her, but basically tell her where she can take a crap next time.

 

I speak from experience because I have a hot babe hanging on my coat tails right now since last month, and though it's still early, she never pulls a flake job on me, because she knows better, and I'm anything but nice to her.

 

Sure, I might throw her some friendly crumbs here and there to keep her wanting more of it, but never lose your masculinity. This is what society is sorely missing these days: the men to become "real" men again. I wish you luck.

 

God you seem like you hate women. Why not forget them alltogether and be happy!

[Dusk1983]

Missed another thread. Did we bash women again?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Women don't subscribe to notions of honor and integrity.

 

Why is such ignorant, sexist hate even tolerated by ANYONE in the year 2011? I cannot believe my eyes when I read such drek ... and there is so much of it to read here on LS.

 

Why so much hate and fear towards your sisters, men? Can't you grow past it? Can you seek help or something? It's pathetic.

[Woggle]

Why is such ignorant, sexist hate even tolerated by ANYONE in the year 2011? I cannot believe my eyes when I read such drek ... and there is so much of it to read here on LS.

 

Why so much hate and fear towards your sisters, men? Can't you grow past it? Can you seek help or something? It's pathetic.

 

I don't like it either way but the gender hatred is not one sided. Why do some people on here never notice the misandry that flows on the other direction. If you want to stop gender hatred it has to go both ways.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Offensive and over the top.

 

Yes, it was. And, sadly, completely appropriate in response to the ignorance being spewed here. For example:

 

 

 

Sure guys flake, about 5% as much as women.

 

Dude, if posts such as that didn't reveal nothing but fear, ignorance, hate and a very small mind, I might be offended. Instead, I'm just ... bemused.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I don't like it either way but the gender hatred is not one sided. Why do some people on here never notice the misandry that flows on the other direction. If you want to stop gender hatred it has to go both ways.

 

Woggle, here is a challenge. Find me an example of "misandry" right now, here on LS, that is in a current thread.

 

I don't think anyone is failing to notice it - it's not something that is thrown in our faces constantly around here like the hatred towards women is.

 

And, I am not denying that it exists. It's just not very prevalent around here, at all. Nor in my real life. Thank goodness, I don't have "sexist pigs," homophobes or racists in my real life, either.

 

The woman haters are so virulent right now that one wouldn't even have to look. Go to the "tramp stamp" thread, for example.

 

The haters make me want to vomit. They are making this entire site into a sewer.

[Woggle]

Woggle, here is a challenge. Find me an example of "misandry" right now, here on LS, that is in a current thread.

 

I don't think anyone is failing to notice it - it's not something that is thrown in our faces constantly around here like the hatred towards women is.

 

And, I am not denying that it exists. It's just not very prevalent around here, at all. Nor in my real life. Thank goodness, I don't have "sexist pigs," homophobes or racists in my real life, either.

 

The woman haters are so virulent right now that one wouldn't even have to look. Go to the "tramp stamp" thread, for example.

 

The haters make me want to vomit. They are making this entire site into a sewer.

 

It's more subtle. It shows how men who come here and are obviously hurting are mocked and told to stop whining. I wish the misandrists were as blatant and open and as the misogynists. There is no guessing where a woman stands with these men but there have been times where a woman I actually had respect for on here says something about men that catches me off guard. Believe me when I say this guessing game is much worse than knowing exactly where you stand.

[thatone]

 

In fact, I've never gone on a date with someone who was a total stranger. Every man I've ever gone out on a date with has been someone I knew for at least a few months.

 

It has nothing to do with your ability to "converse with people you don't already know" because of "issues." I can't speak for the other poster, but I'm perfectly capable of speaking to total strangers in social contexts. That doesn't mean I jump right into dating them. And not jumping straight into dating them doesn't mean someone has issues.

 

And guess what? Going out on dates only with people I know has prevented me from ever flaking on anyone or standing someone up.

 

 

standing people up does denote mental issues and bad traits. like i said yesterday...

 

a) tendency to lie

b) unreliable

c) selfish

d) insecure

 

those are not good traits, those are character flaws.

 

are you telling me that any of these women trying to defend standing men up would show sympathy to men who stood them up? of course not, that falls under 'selfish'.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It's more subtle. It shows how men who come here and are obviously hurting are mocked and told to stop whining. I wish the misandrists were as blatant and open and as the misogynists. There is no guessing where a woman stands with these men but there have been times where a woman I actually had respect for on here says something about men that catches me off guard. Believe me when I say this guessing game is much worse than knowing exactly where you stand.

 

Woggle,

 

You might be projecting rather than picking up on "misandry."

 

People who are impatient with whining often are impatient with it whether it's coming from a man or a woman. I'm like that. I don't "mock" anyone who is hurting, though I am capable of asking them to stop whining.

 

People who lack empathy probably lack it for any gender.

 

I passionately HATE sexism as well as racism & homophobia. I won't tolerate it when I encounter it. In real life, if a person shows any of those traits when dealing with me, I won't ignore it. I don't care even a tiny bit about the gender of the offending person.

[Woggle]

Woggle,

 

You might be projecting rather than picking up on "misandry."

 

People who are impatient with whining often are impatient with it whether it's coming from a man or a woman. I'm like that. I don't "mock" anyone who is hurting, though I am capable of asking them to stop whining.

 

People who lack empathy probably lack it for any gender.

 

I passionately HATE sexism as well as racism & homophobia. I won't tolerate it when I encounter it. In real life, if a person shows any of those traits when dealing with me, I won't ignore it. I don't care even a tiny bit about the gender of the offending person.

 

But do you hate it when it comes from both genders and when it is directed at both genders. If somebody posted a thread talking about how all men are pigs and we are all cheating dogs would that offend you just as much?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Frankly, I don't really understand why a discussion of "flakiness" has to be aimed at one gender or the other. Wouldn't it be more productive to talk about how we deal with it when we encounter it, regardless of our gender or that of the flake in question? Instead, we are treated to bogus percentages, proclamations about women's dearth of "honor," and a whole slew of generalized trashing of women ...

 

just because this one particular guy evidently has been stood up or put off by more than 90% of women he's approached, if you take his whole posting history into account.

 

Wouldn't common sense tell us that maybe HE needs advice or help with HIS own side of it - whether it means looking at the women he's picking, or perhaps partly his approach or the way he comes off, rather than trashing an entire gender?

[Mme. Chaucer]

But do you hate it when it comes from both genders and when it is directed at both genders. If somebody posted a thread talking about how all men are pigs and we are all cheating dogs would that offend you just as much?

 

Not QUITE as much, because I am a woman, I have a daughter, and I take it more personally when it's directed at women. It's just an emotional reaction. But, ALMOST as much. And if I read such a thread, I will def speak up about it.

[Woggle]

Not QUITE as much, because I am a woman, I have a daughter, and I take it more personally when it's directed at women. It's just an emotional reaction. But, ALMOST as much. And if I read such a thread, I will def speak up about it.

 

Well I am a man and I have an emotional reaction to misandry.

[radiodarcy]

Before you all start sucking each other's d**ks, it happens the other way round too. I have met flakey men though I have to say in my dating life I have only went out with one guy that tried to pull it on me. I don't tolerate it. From what I've seen it comes from guys that put 'bros before hos' and they expect a girl to be 'spontaneous', ie change her plans just because on a Friday night he'd rather go out with his friends on a bender and he would prefer to save less popular nights for the girl. There was one I dated that was like this and he was the same way with his mates too. Obviously it got very old very fast.

 

I see plenty of men that play silly little games and they come across to me as potential flakes but I recognise the signs early on and don't end up dating them. They do exist though and I agree it's selfish and very annoying.

 

I pulled one up the other day, we chatted on an online dating site and I know he tried to string me along while he kept his options open with other women. As soon as I spotted that I dropped him. I don't argue, I don't shout, I don't fight, don't get aggressive like one male poster here suggested, just go quiet and never speak to them again.

 

agreed. i made the mistake of putting up with being treated like this by one guy and will never do it again . all it took was that one person for me to have a two strikes and your out policy when it comes to people who behave this way.

 

it's rude, it's immature and it does not warrant the dignity of a response. i simply stop engaging them and move on.

[thatone]

that in no way is comparable to what we're talking about here. we're talking about women standing men up. a man who refuses to make plans with you on any given day is not even in the same ballpark, if anything those men are being honest about what they think of you.

[GivenUp0083]

A lot of guys can relate to your frustrations. Flaking is part of the game!

 

The 2000s saw a dramatic acceleration in the growth of female-centric communications technology - namely, the explosion of texting, social networking, and online dating.

 

All the growth in technology has had a negative effect on the dating scene for men. Simply, girls today have too many distractions and too many options. When was the last time you saw an attractive young woman traveling alone without iPod earpods, or peering down at her smartphone, or without a cell phone glued to her ear?

 

There was a time when “getting a number” actually meant something. You’d call her home and she’d pick up, you’d have an actual phone conversation, and you’d set up a date. Seems like something from the Jurassic period, but the older guys here will attest to this.

 

Now it’s 2011. How many threads have we read here where a guy seemingly has a great interaction with a girl in a bar and gets the number, only to have the girl screen out his call or ignore his texts the next day? “Flaking” as a verb didn’t exist in the 90s or earlier – flakes were something that came with dandruff.

 

It’s funny to read guys in here still crowing about getting numbers. Fellas, numbers means nothing. Girls today give out their number like candy on Halloween. How many of those numbers are translating to dates?

 

Now guys will come on here and say that it’s all a numbers game – that you need to talk to 100 girls and get 20 numbers, play these little text games, and maybe get 3 dates out of it. Who has time for that? I have other demands on my time – I work, I study, I work out, volunteer, have hobbies, and spend time with family and friends. Far better to invest in one quality interaction with one quality girl that I’ll be assured of eventually dating.

 

Of course, none of this was epidemic before the late 00s because the technology didn’t exist.

 

Dating 1.0 is dead. It’s time for Dating 2.0 – game in the smartphone era. And men must adapt!

 

 

 

Wow, Spinaroonie couldn't have said it any better. The world of dating has changed, we don't live in the same dating era of asking a girl out on a date. You have to, unfortunately, play a numbers game to find the few remaining decent and mature women left in the world.

 

You need to start implementing DGAF immediately.

 

First off, asking girls for their numbers is the right way to go. But that's ALL you should do. When you're out having a good time, talking, flirting....you need to be the one to walk away. Not her. This is what I do:

 

I go up to her, tell her it was nice meeting her and that you'd like to give her a call sometime. Then ask her for her phone number. If she says anything other than the digits of her number, it's a bad sign. If she says "why" or "how about you give me yours" or anything other than her phone number, just say that's okay, nevermind and walk away and talk to a different girl.

 

She should know at that point WHY you want her number, and if she's interested she should give it to you. Again, as pointed out above, she may just give you her number despite not having interest. Or, when she wakes up tomorrow she won't feel the same and change her mind.

 

So, I like to hit her up the very next day. I don't wait 2-3 days, everyone does that. Here's the other catch, IF she likes you, she'll be glad to hear from you. You can text her a "hey, it's ____, how'd your night go?" or give her a call to say hi and talk about a funny thing that happened to you that day.

 

You have to develop a sixth sense of what the girl is thinking. Pay attention to her tone and her interest, not her words. If you think the conversation is going well, ask her on a date. Be specific, give a fun event, or ask her if she wants to grab drinks on x day at x time. If she refuses for ANY reason, just say "well you have my number, you let me know when your schedule opens up" and never call her again. If she really is busy that day, she'll make a suggestion of a better night to go out right then and there, or she'll call you some time and ask YOU out.

 

Stop putting so much on the line and asking these women out multiple times. If she wants to see you, it will happen. If she flakes or stands you up, you should be turned off and say "why would I want to date this girl?" and never talk to her again.

 

Learn to walk away from the users and losers of the female species. There's many of them out there, you need to get good at determining which women are worth your time and which ones aren't.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Well I am a man and I have an emotional reaction to misandry.

 

Of course, but please (if you truly hate it) stand up against ALL gender bashing. It's the same, at the root of it.

 

And I would be interested in seeing examples of what you perceive as "misandry" here on LS. Please do not include the well known trolls (which are sock puppets of men and exist only to illustrate the hateful portrayals of women that the guys constantly harp upon) with initials MD and NWM.

[Woggle]

I wish women would stand up against gender hatred as well. Do that and I am right on board.

[Mme. Chaucer]

"Approaching women" advice is aimed at men, men approach and ask out more. Flaking complaints are aimed at women more in this early process of dating because women flake more. Men ask out on dates more, women flake more. It's true. If you don't believe it, start a thread and ask "who flakes more, women or men?" If you are truly interested in learning and discussion, you would do this. Do you ever just disagree with someone instead of using the misogyny excuse to repeatedly harrass, name-call and flame posters such as myself for their honest opinions?

 

 

I use no "misogyny excuse." I call out haters.

 

Yes, I often "just disagree" with someone. I respond differently when I encounter blatant hate, bigotry, racism, sexism, etc. I don't "disagree" with that - I don't tolerate it quietly.

 

There was no question posed about "who flakes more, men or women." So why should we be addressing it here?

 

To get back to the OP, I would STILL advise him to turn his question back to himself: either he is "targeting" women with bad manners, or he is approaching them in a way that engenders evasive moves to avoid him rather than straightforward ones. If a person is feeling cornered (like one would if on the receiving end of the "watch trick" proposed on his other thread), a person is more likely to try to get out of the situation without a confrontation.

 

Not to excuse the bad manners or evasive moves - but since he dislikes being on the receiving end of them, the only thing he can really do is to adjust HIS behavior. He cannot change the behavior or the motivations of other people - especially those he's just barely met.

 

Why do you keep returning to LS after your repeated banning? You get banned for a reason.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I wish women would stand up against gender hatred as well. Do that and I am right on board.

 

Woggle, I am not going to argue with you. You know very well that if I encounter gender hatred towards men, I will stand up against it. I can't remember encountering any here.

 

I'm an equal opportunity hater of haters. I guess hating the haters makes me a hypocrite. Oh well.

[Queen Zenobia]

I use no "misogyny excuse." I call out haters.

 

Yes, I often "just disagree" with someone. I respond differently when I encounter blatant hate, bigotry, racism, sexism, etc. I don't "disagree" with that - I don't tolerate it quietly.

 

There was no question posed about "who flakes more, men or women." So why should we be addressing it here?

 

To get back to the OP, I would STILL advise him to turn his question back to himself: either he is "targeting" women with bad manners, or he is approaching them in a way that engenders evasive moves to avoid him rather than straightforward ones. If a person is feeling cornered (like one would if on the receiving end of the "watch trick" proposed on his other thread), a person is more likely to try to get out of the situation without a confrontation.

 

Not to excuse the bad manners or evasive moves - but since he dislikes being on the receiving end of them, the only thing he can really do is to adjust HIS behavior. He cannot change the behavior or the motivations of other people - especially those he's just barely met.

 

Why do you keep returning to LS after your repeated banning? You get banned for a reason.

 

I don't know. My advice would be for him to just keep plugging away, he's bound to find someone who doesn't flake on him at some point. It's impossible to know whether someone has bad manners, especially a stranger, he shouldn't worry about trying to figure that out before asking them on a date. He should also not invest too much in the outcome, if they flake then they flake their loss, if not they can have a good time together and see where things go.

 

Between this issue and everything else that goes on (for both genders) dating can be hard sometimes.

[stillafool]

Learn to walk away from the users and losers of the female species. There's many of them out there, you need to get good at determining which women are worth your time and which ones aren't.

 

This is all there is to it. To both sexes do this. Don't chose according to how one looks.

[Emilia]

Seriously, you wanna know? Okay, I'll tell you. This is from a guy who was once in the same boat as you, almost, but the frustration of today's girls, not women, but refer to them as girls, because they need to grow the hell up, has made me stronger.

 

Buddy, you need to turn pit-bull on them. I'm not kidding. Just drop that old nice guy habit you have and not let these walking pieces of ass get away with this crap they're pulling on you.

 

You have no idea what a nice guy I was used to be a long, long time ago. I finally turned myself around (against women's wishes of course) and just became darker, meaner, and will straighten out a woman in a hearbeat. I will go after her so fast it's scary if she ever tries to disrespect me. I think they know this now, so they're pretty sweet to me on all instances lol.

 

I don't advise you to be mean to every girl in sight. That makes no sense. You treat people the way you wanna be treated. But when these women you're supposed to date pull these flake jobs on you, crucify them for it.

 

They'll be stunned and even scared for a little bit if you show your edge, but it'll reward you in the end. Remember, you can accomplish this without insulting her, but basically tell her where she can take a crap next time.

 

I speak from experience because I have a hot babe hanging on my coat tails right now since last month, and though it's still early, she never pulls a flake job on me, because she knows better, and I'm anything but nice to her.

 

Sure, I might throw her some friendly crumbs here and there to keep her wanting more of it, but never lose your masculinity. This is what society is sorely missing these days: the men to become "real" men again. I wish you luck.

 

you are what is commonly referred to as a 'psycho'. only women with low self esteem will date you, anyone with a healthy attitude will run to the hills

[thatone]

you are what is commonly referred to as a 'psycho'. only women with low self esteem will date you, anyone with a healthy attitude will run to the hills

 

no, he's what's commonly referred to as "enlightened".

 

you will sit there and hate every word he says from afar but if you were put opposite of him as a girlfriend you would respond exactly the way he described, virtually all women do.

 

i've met exactly one in my 34 years who doesn't buckle like a belt when you call her on her BS.