srcolema Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 My question is why are there so many negative comments on this issue? I have three kids they are 13, 10, and 7. I got pregnant as a teenager so the first child was a "oops" and you know my daughter's father was like that ain't my baby "like so many teen fathers say." Then a year and a half later I met my son's father and we where so in love but then that fell apart then I was pregnant again so by this time I knew if I had sex and didn't have birth control then I would get pregnant but I was so in love. Another year or so past and I met my youngest child's dad and again I fell hopelessly in love again and here came my youngest. By this time I was like maybe I need to stop having kids. Growing up my grandma had seven kids four by her husband who died, one by a bad situation, and two by another man who she was not married to. My mother got pregnant with me and got married then was in the process of a divorce when she was pregnant with my brother. In my family they would like you to get married but **** happens life moves on. I'm not saying that the choices I made where smart or that I was thinking at all. But nobody seems to care if the kids are happy or healthy and I must be a bad mother because my kids have three different dads. I'm not saying that it wouldn't have been easier for my kids to have one dad so when it time to go to dad's then all them can go. I made my bed and I'm laying in it. The past is the past and it is all in how people are raised up. In my neighborhood **** happens like that all the time I can think of many people whom kids have different fathers, or they have all by one man and not married or got married had kids and now divorced. I felt bad about this issue years ago, because society says people should get married before having kids, and people should only have kids by one person, but the past is the past. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 I think alot of women are doing what you and your grandma did nowadays. I guess people wonder why after the 1st pregnancy you didn't use birth control to avoid it from happening again until you were ready. Or, maybe you were ready to have the kids when you did, heck I don't know. But, at any rate you have your kids and if you guys are happy why are you worried what other people think? Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 So your family has a history of making bad choices. So what? Move on, concentrate on your kids and your own life and forget about the men for awhile. Go back to school, do something with your life. Regardless of what you seem to think of yourself, you are NOT dirt. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Prove people wrong by avoiding men, focusing on your career and your kids. When my dad left, my mom never dated when I was still in the house, mainly to keep me from having to deal with other men she may bring around. I knew I was more important to her than just having a guy around to comfort her; I knew it was a sacrifice, and I appreciated her for it. My best friend, on the other hand, was on stepfather #7 when I knew her. It ate her alive, knowing that her mom cared more about her own happiness than that of her children. You have the kids, that's the life you have now, so do the responsible thing and focus on them. You can date later, when they're gone. That way, you'll know people have no basis for talking. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Glad you think well of your family. That is what is important for you. It sounds like its a tradition in your family....? Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I'm not saying that the choices I made where smart or that I was thinking at all. But nobody seems to care if the kids are happy or healthy and I must be a bad mother because my kids have three different dads. I'm sure your children care about being happy and healthy...and as far as gauging whether you're a good mother goes, they're in a better position to do that than anybody. I'm not saying that it wouldn't have been easier for my kids to have one dad so when it time to go to dad's then all them can go. I made my bed and I'm laying in it. The past is the past and it is all in how people are raised up. In my neighborhood **** happens like that all the time I can think of many people whom kids have different fathers, or they have all by one man and not married or got married had kids and now divorced. I felt bad about this issue years ago, because society says people should get married before having kids, and people should only have kids by one person, but the past is the past. I'm sure the time will come for all those people when they make a choice or a mistake that they get harangued for. When it happens, they might regret their own judgements in the past...if they're not too busy feeling sorry for themselves to think about it. As you know, society does judge people in your situation...and will tend to use you as an "example" in the hope of trying to prevent others from making the same choice. So in a way, you and your kids become the casualties of other people's debates and determination to be right on the issue of how children should be parented. All you can do is keep on with the line you've taken. That regardless of whether the choices you made back then were wise, you've gone all out to make a success of the resulting situation. Other people's determination to make you feel badly about yourself will often stem from their own personal issues... which needn't be your concern. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 My question is why are there so many negative comments on this issue? I have three kids they are 13, 10, and 7. I got pregnant as a teenager so the first child was a "oops" and you know my daughter's father was like that ain't my baby "like so many teen fathers say." Then a year and a half later I met my son's father and we where so in love but then that fell apart then I was pregnant again so by this time I knew if I had sex and didn't have birth control then I would get pregnant but I was so in love. Another year or so past and I met my youngest child's dad and again I fell hopelessly in love again and here came my youngest. By this time I was like maybe I need to stop having kids. Growing up my grandma had seven kids four by her husband who died, one by a bad situation, and two by another man who she was not married to. My mother got pregnant with me and got married then was in the process of a divorce when she was pregnant with my brother. In my family they would like you to get married but **** happens life moves on. I'm not saying that the choices I made where smart or that I was thinking at all. But nobody seems to care if the kids are happy or healthy and I must be a bad mother because my kids have three different dads. I'm not saying that it wouldn't have been easier for my kids to have one dad so when it time to go to dad's then all them can go. I made my bed and I'm laying in it. The past is the past and it is all in how people are raised up. In my neighborhood **** happens like that all the time I can think of many people whom kids have different fathers, or they have all by one man and not married or got married had kids and now divorced. I felt bad about this issue years ago, because society says people should get married before having kids, and people should only have kids by one person, but the past is the past. I would say that the only thing that matters is that you can provide a good example to your children, regardless of the circumstance and help them to not also have children young. I got my youngest teen a 'baby think it over doll' and have been VERY open with her on the topic of contraception. All and all this is the most important risk to try and avert in my opinion. People will say what they want but really it is about helping childen to be wiser than we were on so many different levels. At the same time I think it is about affirming how important they are and that they can achieve everything they dream of achieving. I am VERY proud of my children indeed because they get this and are happy and successful .. Relationship wise, I have no choice but to concur that single mums are viewed as easy targets by men. This says more about society than anything else in my view and tbh, I got to be well practised at avoiding such persons like the plague when I was a single mummy .. My children blew my mind from the second I saw them and they are my first love. It matters not what anyone wants to say about me having them young. I feel honoured to have given them my youth... and I still look GREAT anyway, lol. What matters is that you look after yourself and the kids and I hope one day you can have someone appreciate you for you and love your children also. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I don't know if you are familiar with the TV show, 'Shameless'.. but that **** is alive and well in society and this is what people are concerned by on a political level.. me too! Some folk don't even try for ****s sake... Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
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