Rorschach64 Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Hey, recently was broken up with and was told that she cannot forget the pain if she is trying to be with me ever again blah blah. Basically said cannot be with me ever again cause of what I did. The issue is she is maintaining heavy contact with me, constantly going out of her way to talk to me and inviting me to web cam chats and always nagging at me about stuff I shouldn't do. What is going on here :|? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 guilt from the breakup... shes feeling guilty, just go NC and do your own thing and let her find another outlet for the guilt Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 Still wants a connection so you can validate her and her pain. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 So basically she is seeking the comfort that was part of the relationship and try to reassure she was right in her decision by maintaining heavy contact with me? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 11, 2011 Share Posted July 11, 2011 ding, ding! Assurance, certainty, validation and comfort. All without the effort of being in a relationship but without the discomfort of completely ending it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Share Posted July 11, 2011 Roger that! It is annoying that she is doing it right now and constantly asking if I am okay and saying I look upset, lol. Anyway yeah I am going to go NC, let **** play out that way. Thanks for advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Well I just recently went NC using a message over FB with my ex after having a pretty nice conversation making her laugh and all that. I am not sure what to expect from going NC but I do plan on contacting her before I leave for deployment and giving her my mailing address over seas. If anyone can give me any insight as what to expect from the NC path, let me know! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Amenceinjex Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Fantastic.Can admin survive this into a sticky? Darling Your nature shines help of these pictures [/url] I. LOVE. HERVE LEGER!!! The dresses are absolutely super! during the way,my favorite is Herve Leger Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Well I just recently went NC using a message over FB with my ex after having a pretty nice conversation making her laugh and all that. I am not sure what to expect from going NC but I do plan on contacting her before I leave for deployment and giving her my mailing address over seas. If anyone can give me any insight as what to expect from the NC path, let me know! Thanks This is a bad idea, do not break NC. The NC path is about you separating yourself from her emotionally. It has nothing to do with her, its about you. First off, you need to break free of her emotionally and this takes time and only NC can do this. Do not give her anyway to contact you as it will only HURT you and help her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 I understand not giving her a way to contact me. I planned on ignoring all messages, calls, texts, and whatever. I was considering contacting her maybe after 6 months, that's just about the time I am leaving for deployment. During this contact I plan on letting her know my intentions, that I do not want to be friends. Or should I just contact her when I feel truly detached from the whole past relationship instead of a solid time frame? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Or do you think I should wait completely after my deployment...which from now to then is like 15 months of NC? lol Oh by the way thank you for the help in this, I really appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Theres no reason to tell her your not going to be friends, your actions speak louder then your words. Once you become indifferent, it wont really matter, you wont care enough to contact her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Yeah, you are right about that. Well guess there is only onward from here with NC and leave things up to chance, I suppose. I appreciate your help. Have a good one, sir! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Heh, just realized I forgot to mention the fact I do eventually want to get back with her for a second chance and no morem thats why I mentioned the whole making my intentions clear, I want her back but I do not want to be her friend thing. I am sure that won't change the whole NC plan that was laid out. Link to post Share on other sites
sd89 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 what ive come to realise is that if she truly wants to be with you again, she will find a way, and if not, then its not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Well plot thickens, like usual , her best friend approaches me and is apparently trying to get us back together since she was the happiest he has ever seen her with me and he believes in it. Says something to the fact that she is going through a time of extreme confusion and other roughness with her family, school and work. Though she is apparently exhibiting behavior he has never seen before in her and thinks there is something bigger to this but then again he believes she will take me back, eventually. Oh and she misses me. So I am staying No Contact till he figures out what the hell is going on, just an update heh. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Im going to advise you of something here. I am against second chances when someone breaks up with you for one reason and I learned this the hard way. You can actually be your own rebound and you do not even realize it. It has to do with what they say to you when they come back and you have to truly listen to them. #1 if they say I'm sorry I think I made a mistake, then go for it. #2 if they ask you if you are ok with them coming back or you ask them if they are ok with them coming back then this is where you HAVE to walk. You are going to be the rebound, the crutch from the person they are with now, to the next person. Want to know how I know? Because I was my own rebound of myself until she found someone else. Im not going to tell you how painful that was but it involved an ER visit at 3am because I was coughing up blood and my blood pressure was 165 over 121 a week after she left again. If I would have let her go 4 months ago, I would be in a much better place then I am today. The fact is you will not be truly healed from the first breakup if they get back with you. In the back of your mind you will resent them and the relationship will not work no matter how hard you try. You really need a lot of time, to start over rebuild who you were and who she fell in love with and then by the time that happens, you probably will find someone better Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Right, I got what you mean. You are saying that, if they say they are sorry, they recognize the fact that it was inappropriate or uncalled for their lane of approach to the situation and everyone learned something from the situation. Where as them just asking to be let back in or vice versa with no remorse means there is nothing learned from the situation, it is just simply ignoring everything that just happened and trying to move on pretending everything is okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 ...and ouch to that ER visit Sorry to hear that man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rorschach64 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 Well, I recently just found out that she stagged the whole break up. She apparently has been seeing another dude behind my back the whole time while we were dating the last month and she recently has revealed this guy to her friends after 4 days of breaking up with me. What a damn horrible person she is.... Link to post Share on other sites
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