Day 6 now. Barely pulling through.

[Yona88]

Starting to wonder if or "when the window has closed" if I still can get him back. There's no way he will ever want to come back to Idaho. It's really doubtful. I don't even want to be here. I'm starting to wonder if I need to do something big for this to even possibly happen. All my friends are in Washington, along with him.

 

I still have this lingering feeling of him being in the room with me. Most of his stuff was removed, but there's a few things here and there that remind me. It's a weird feeling.

 

My mom helped me clean the apartment tonight and we sat around watching movies. I started to bawl my eyes again. She said she can really see I care so much about this guy compared to others.

 

I was so tempted to call him earlier, but if I got his mom picking up and saying "He's not here right now/ doesn't want to talk" it would just end up hurting more.

 

6 days isn't much space to give him though if I did. Can't do it. This is killing me.

Edited July 11, 2011 by Yona88

[Yona88]

When does this anxious feeling go away? I am feeling so hopeless.

[wilsonx]

It will go away... it just takes time... I wake up everyday sick to my stomach for how my ex treated me... Everyday it hurts, you just have to use that negative energy for positive things, go meet new people, hang out, pick up new hobbies, learn something you always wanted to do. Workout

[Nohbody]

Anxiety will get better, but it will return when you least expect it... then go again... then come back. Your emotions are going to cycle crazily for a long while, but if you hang tough you will begin to notice that each time the cycle comes and goes it's a tiny, tiny, tiny bit easier to deal with. And eventually... they tell me it goes away.

 

Still waiting, myself. 2 months NC, more or less. Keep it up. You'll be ok.

[D-Lish]

Can you get out of the lease on your apartment?

Is he still paying rent on your place? Did you sign the lease together- is his name on the lease as well?

[Yona88]

Yeah it's been a total rollercoaster ride. I definitely feel better than I did a few days ago. But I know that might change when I go back to the apartment. I stayed at my parents the last few days and have been eating fruit for meals and laying outside in the sun trying to relax.

 

Talked to the apartment manager and he said just keep in contact with what I'm going to do. Both of our names are on the lease.

 

Really considering leaving to Seattle at the end of this month. I have friends that are encouraging me to come out. I don't know anyone out here. :S

[Yona88]

It feels so weird. I feel like I'm trying to heal... I feel better than I did a few days ago... But at the same time, I am occasionally getting "panic" when I think of him possibly dating new people. (Since we had been together for over 2 years) He's been gone 6-7 days now. This healing process is confusing. Part of me wants to heal, the other doesn't want to - or us to be over each other. I think I know with time it will happen. Our relationship was bad.

 

All the competition (pretty girls that live near him)... my crushed self esteem... and the fact that it's over. I don't like feeling like this. I am totally bashing on my looks, my personality, everything. I'm having some very confusing/conflicted feelings.

 

I feel good about wanting to finally get my life together and better myself. I feel bad because I'm bashing my looks and personality and stuff because of Justin.

 

And I should reallly delete my Facebook. It's only making me feel worse.

Edited July 12, 2011 by Yona88

[D-Lish]

It feels so weird. I feel like I'm trying to heal... I feel better than I did a few days ago... But at the same time, I am occasionally getting "panic" when I think of him possibly dating new people. (Since we had been together for over 2 years) He's been gone 6-7 days now. This healing process is confusing. Part of me wants to heal, the other doesn't want to - or us to be over each other. I think I know with time it will happen. Our relationship was bad.

 

All the competition (pretty girls that live near him)... my crushed self esteem... and the fact that it's over. I don't like feeling like this. I am totally bashing on my looks, my personality, everything. I'm having some very confusing/conflicted feelings.

 

I feel good about wanting to finally get my life together and better myself. I feel bad because I'm bashing my looks and personality and stuff because of Justin.

 

And I should reallly delete my Facebook. It's only making me feel worse.

 

Delete your facebook if it will help! You can always reactivate it- it's never "gone".

 

Listen, at some point your bf needs to man up and contribute to getting the lease figured out. He's responsible for half of the rent- is he just planning on dumping the entire bill on you for next month? This does need to get handled- because dumping the responsibility of figuring out the apartment shouldn't be something you have to do alone. You also shouldn't get saddled with the entire bill.

 

Maybe you might have to talk to his mother about this if she is the one that is receptive to your calls. The lease is "business"- and he has to take care of his end of the contract.

[D-Lish]

I know it's hard not hearing anything, not knowing where you stand. He's obviously got a lot of feelings to sort out.

 

The thing is- if he's not coming back, he needs to let you know so you can sort out your lease situation.

 

All the panicky feelings are normal- this is a tough time for you.

Make sure to keep yourself busy- it does help to take your mind of things a little.

 

((hugs)) to you.