Bit of a set back to healing :(

[sleepykitten]

Hi Good me-so sorry to hear your weekend was tough, but sounds like you did really well it being the first full one since the split,by getting out and not falling apart-good for you! they're tough, i had friends on repeat on dvd and will and grace!! Was improtant though for me to stay in and not do what i did when I was younger and go out on the pull to "replace" or numb those feelings as down the road the issues are never dealt with and rear their ugly heads upon each break up....hence all my sadness and pain with this one too, so determined not to repeat these patterns anymore. Its his b/day tomorrow dont think i should text? It just opens a massive can of worms! Day 14 or 15 today and so far its better than last week, did pull quite a fitty on friday so that was good for the ego-11 yrs younger than me though so at least i know i cant rebound into another relationship with him! And he told me-(he was a bar man in the bar i used to go to) that he had always really liked me but didnt think he stood a chance with me. It definatly helps when youre out of the "blue" phase when you go out have a great night and get some attention! I had 2 awful dates in the blue phase as thought dating would help and my god it made me more depressed!! Hope you have a good week, take it day by day and you've done so well the first weekend is the worst, especially the sunday and you've passed it!

[The_Good_Me]

Thanks Sleepy I'm just so glad I know I can get through a weekend without getting heavily depressed for hours. I'm sure the first one is the hardest like you say and the next one won't be so bad. Fortunately next weekend I have a whole day of snowboarding on Saturday and Sunday I'll probably be dying from back & bum pain lol

 

It's good to hear you're not planning on jumping into a rebound relationship. I've not experienced one myself but I've heard they very rarely work out. It sounds like you're on the right track, healing properly from this last break up so you're best prepared for your next romance

 

I don't think you should text him. I know you're feeling really strong after a great weekend but I would consider it a risk to your state of mind at this stage. If he didn't reply, it might upset you and if he did reply, it would probably have the same effect in a different way. You're in a good place at the moment and you should do your best to keep yourself there. Tomorrow will probably have you on an emotional rollercoaster and it will be a challenge. Make sure you have plans for when you finish work like a heavy gym session. Push yourself as hard as possible to exhaust your body. It'll help you sleep and get the day out the way. You've just passed 2 weeks NC and that's great going! There's no need for you to go back to day 1, the only way is forwards! It looks like you already know this though so take the above as a bit of reassurance.

 

Well done for pulling someone 11 years younger! That must be a great boost for your confidence! being a guy 10 years out of the pulling game, I dread to think what I'd be like on the pull now haha. I've been out a few times but I've not even been looking. Mainly because I know I'm not over my ex but if I get to the stage where I'm ready to date again I know I'm going to be pretty intimidated. Fortunately I'm in no rush and at the moment I'm just finding ways to enjoy being single and living my life for me for a change though it would be nice to recieve some female attention just for the confidence boost.

 

Thanks again for the encouraging words you have yourself a good weekend too and stay strong tomorrow! you can do it

[The Aviator]

Hi guys,

 

Thought I’d post up after returning from my EPIC road trip down to Rome. 3,456 miles through 8 European countries. 4 Cars and 10 guys! A real boys own adventure.

 

It was great to be surrounded by just us guys having a blast and mucking about. I thought very little of my ex but then during the last 2-3 days leading up to my birthday I began thinking about her an awful lot. Mainly because I would be thinking to myself 'wow, I really wish you were with me here experiencing what I am' and I did miss her. It also coincided with 4 months since she left me.

 

On my birthday I never did receive a 'Happy Birthday' text. I didn't get my hopes up on receiving one but I still felt quite disappointed that she didn't send one, especially on a special birthday being my 21st. I kept checking my phone throughout the day but nothing. Then I began to think maybe she has left me a card at my home address or an email but when I got home...nothing. What a heartless cow! lol

[The_Good_Me]

Hi guys,

 

Thought I’d post up after returning from my EPIC road trip down to Rome. 3,456 miles through 8 European countries. 4 Cars and 10 guys! A real boys own adventure.

 

It was great to be surrounded by just us guys having a blast and mucking about. I thought very little of my ex but then during the last 2-3 days leading up to my birthday I began thinking about her an awful lot. Mainly because I would be thinking to myself 'wow, I really wish you were with me here experiencing what I am' and I did miss her. It also coincided with 4 months since she left me.

 

On my birthday I never did receive a 'Happy Birthday' text. I didn't get my hopes up on receiving one but I still felt quite disappointed that she didn't send one, especially on a special birthday being my 21st. I kept checking my phone throughout the day but nothing. Then I began to think maybe she has left me a card at my home address or an email but when I got home...nothing. What a heartless cow! lol

 

Hi Aviator, welcome back

 

Sounds like your holiday was amazing! Glad you had a good time mate! totally jealous of course hehe.

 

I know what you mean about wanting to share your good experiences with your ex. I did a 9-5 snowboarding day at the weekend and I ended up in a class of 13. I was the only one there on my own and between snowboarding runs, all I could think was "I wish my ex was with me experiencing this!". Starting to get angry at myself when I have those thoughts now though but it doesn't stop it hurting.

 

In one way, I'm sorry you didn't hear from your ex but in the other I am glad. I'm sorry because I realise how much that must hurt. However, I'm glad she didn't because the "Happy Birthday" would more than likely of re-opened the wounds to make them fresh again. It would more than likely have played with your head and it would have been just a simple "Happy Birthday" which is what you want, but deep down you would more than likely over analyze which as we all know can be just as painful.

 

I read on here the other day that one of the reasons the dumper remains NC is because they do not wish to fill us with false hope of getting back together. Your ex more than likely still cares about you and cares about you enough not to mess with your head on your birthday. It's a possibility anyway.

 

Well done for reaching the 4 month mark of NC man and again I am glad you enjoyed your holiday. Now that you're back, make sure you have plenty of distractions to keep the momentum of the holiday up. You were bound to get a bit upset around your birthday (natural) so ride it out and get back into the stronger days of NC. It sounds like you're well on your way to healing buddy

[reimeivn]

yeah that makes sense dont worry about what if this happen, or what if that happen. They will happen most possibly but just keep your head high and ignore them. My mom said hey you guys are not together anymore, it doesnt matter what the ex does now. Which makes sense. They can do whatever they want.

 

and just ignore it will be best because nothing is gonna come back to you. If you want to find out more, believe me you will be sad.

[The Aviator]

Thanks for your kind words! I've been having phases of feeling really good in myself recently. As I type this I feel absolutely fine in myself which is so strange! It's always better in the afternoons and evenings I find.

 

I'm very fortunate to be heading away next week once more for a residential gliding course. I won the scholarship after attending an interview in London just a few weeks after me and my ex split up. I don't know how they chose me because I was still feeling a wreck in myself when I had it!

 

As can probably be gathered from my username, my absolute passion is with flying. I feel lucky that I have something I can work towards now I am single. It is amazing how all thoughts of my ex disappear when I think about getting back in the sky! I tell myself my ex is an idiot for dumping a qualified pilot who always took her flying. I remember saying to her the day she left me what boyfriend could fly her across country at 4,000 feet and 130mph! Stuff her, i'll let another young lady in the future appreciate it a lot more than she ever would!

 

I'll be in touch when I get back to let you know how it all went!

 

Take care!

[broken-and-lost]

Nc is the best way to go guys it's been 8 months for me and i've been trying really hard to get over my ex but she keeps sending me stupid e-mails every month or so with stuff like i saw this job and thought of you but don't contact me, been going on for months which just makes me feel all of the raw emotions again, so trust me if you can you are so much better off making sure you never speak or see them again as it will just hurt and hurt........... hope you all are being strong

[The Aviator]

The Good Me, How have you been coping?

[The_Good_Me]

The Good Me, How have you been coping?

Hey Aviator

 

Thank you very much for asking, thats really nice of you

 

Last week and the weekend just gone were horrendous unfortunately. I was due to be married on the 13th of August which was last Saturday. In the weeks run up to the day I was pretty much a wreck. At work I kept my shades on, put on some headphones and blocked everyone out. I just couldn't deal with anything but work and not even that helped. Saturday came and I was tearing myself apart all day. It was almost as bad as the day she broke up with me. I had a mini break down when I got into bed as I couldn't stop thinking "I should be getting into bed with my wife but instead I am alone and sad". Just that thought felt as though it was literally pulling my heart from my chest. Horrible feeling and it lasted until around 7am when I think my body just gave up through exhaustion. Only got 2 hours sleep and then had a similar day on Sunday thinking "I should be recovering with my new wife from a great wedding, all loved up and looking after each other. Instead, I was lying there crying!".

 

Strangely though as of this morning I felt absolutely fine! Dunno where it came from as I woke up and just smiled. I laughed at myself for smiling as I couldn't believe what was happening (maybe I've gone mad? lol). It's lasted the whole day and it's been nice to have had a day where I've laughed and joked with friends again. I am slightly worried that this weekend has been like a 2nd break up and I'm going through another stage of denial or something but since last week was terrible, I'm going to run with this good feeling until I feel low again. It's nice to feel uplifted for a change just hope it lasts!

 

Last post I saw from you, you were going gliding! How did that go mate? and how are you doing regarding everything else?

 

Thanks again for asking after me mate. Really cool of you!

[sleepykitten]

Hey Good Me, was thinking about you the other day, am so sorry you had such a painful weekend. Glad it is over, that was hanging over you which is probably why the days after you felt much better as now that thing you were dreading is over and you got through it. That pain even though at the time is like nothing else and pretty indescribable (spelt wrong i know) to anyone who hasnt been through it it does make you stronger in the long run.

Its great to read you felt uplifted-thats such a great feeling, like the sun coming out or the day after the worlds worst hangover! I hope it lasts for you too.

[The_Good_Me]

Hey Good Me, was thinking about you the other day, am so sorry you had such a painful weekend. Glad it is over, that was hanging over you which is probably why the days after you felt much better as now that thing you were dreading is over and you got through it. That pain even though at the time is like nothing else and pretty indescribable (spelt wrong i know) to anyone who hasnt been through it it does make you stronger in the long run.

Its great to read you felt uplifted-thats such a great feeling, like the sun coming out or the day after the worlds worst hangover! I hope it lasts for you too.

 

Hey Sleepy

 

Thanks so much for replying and thinking of me recently. That's really nice of you

 

I think you're right that the wedding was hanging over me. I was dreading it since the break up and it just got worse and worse the closer I got to the date. I'm glad I finally don't have to dread the day anymore. Maybe now I can really start to heal! Fingers crossed anyway

 

Thanks again for replying! It was really kind of you

 

How have you been getting on recently?

[sleepykitten]

Hi

Well, pretty crap this past week as weekend before last i found out the ex was "in a relationship" 2 weeks out of our b/u so all the time post b/u that we saw each other and were together he was lying to me when i asked if he had met anyone else and i strongly believe he was seeing her before we split up too. She has an open fb page so i got to see all her status updates about her "perfect" boyfriend and her wonderful favourite person. Suffice to saywas a bit of a kick in the guts.

[The_Good_Me]

Hi

Well, pretty crap this past week as weekend before last i found out the ex was "in a relationship" 2 weeks out of our b/u so all the time post b/u that we saw each other and were together he was lying to me when i asked if he had met anyone else and i strongly believe he was seeing her before we split up too. She has an open fb page so i got to see all her status updates about her "perfect" boyfriend and her wonderful favourite person. Suffice to saywas a bit of a kick in the guts.

 

Hey Sleepy

 

I am so sorry to hear this I can only imagine how this must feel and I'm sure I am way off the mark! I am going to try really hard here to find some positives for you.

 

At least, even in this horrific way, he has shown his true colours and shown that he does not deserve you! He seems destined to go from relationship to relationship until it bites him back and he suffers!

 

He has also shown that he is a coward in not telling you he was with someone else. They will always say "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you!" and that may true but it's not the only reason! They daren't tell you because they know what they did is awful and cannot face telling you. In a probably sick way, I believe that if you truly care about someone, you tell them EXACTLY why and what happened to cause the break up! I'm sure some people will disagree with me as it's probably one of those "each to their own" kind of things. If my ex had cheated on me and left me to be with someone new, I would rather she told me at the time so I knew what I was dealing with. Not knowing has left my brain to think of every possible scenario and that tore me apart! At this stage though I think I've come quite a way into healing and knowing now would just set me back so I'm pretty much destined not to know now.

 

I think the main thing you need to focus on now is to try and stop yourself looking at their fb pages as it can only hurt you. I used to check my ex's fb once a week and even a photo change to her smiling was enough to wreck me for a couple of days. I imagine seeing status & wall posts is a million times worse! If you can, please stop for your own sake. I've not looked at my ex's fb now for 3 weeks minimum (might even be closer to 4 now, sorta lost count). It is hard and I do get tempted all the time but it feels great when I stop myself.

 

I just hope that this new information, although terrible, will also help you to heal quicker in the long run as you realise that he is wrong for you! You really do deserve to be with someone who'll treat you right and all he did when he broke up with you was put a decent person back on the market! As always I wish you the best of luck in getting over this guy as quickly and as smoothly as possible. The sooner that happens, the closer you get to mr right!

[sleepykitten]

Morning Good Me

Thank you for you kind words and advice. After i saw her fb page and went through it I blocked her so I couldnt keep looking, i had blocked his when we split up. Its true, I do see him in a different light now and the hurt is less than it was a couple of weeks ago when I found out, I know he does have an issue with being on his own and cant do it he has always gone from one relationship to the next. It kind of makes me feel better to know I havent done this i really dont want to settle for someone just because i'm lobely or hurt, thats not fair on either of us.

Hope youre doing ok this week?

[stronganyway]

Be reassure, NC is best. It is SO freaking hard (I am in the middle of it right now!!!) but it is like giving yourself a gift- YOUR LIFE. I was so depressed this A.M. and saw a quote from a buhdist newspaper/publication that said, "When you are full of sorrow, you are full of a kind of poisen (Sorry my spelling is terrible). Look at that and find out how you can turn that poisen into medicine for yourself" I thought it was very cool, and I thought, O.K., that relationship is poisen and NC is my medicine.

[The_Good_Me]

Morning Good Me

Thank you for you kind words and advice. After i saw her fb page and went through it I blocked her so I couldnt keep looking, i had blocked his when we split up. Its true, I do see him in a different light now and the hurt is less than it was a couple of weeks ago when I found out, I know he does have an issue with being on his own and cant do it he has always gone from one relationship to the next. It kind of makes me feel better to know I havent done this i really dont want to settle for someone just because i'm lobely or hurt, thats not fair on either of us.

Hope youre doing ok this week?

 

Hey Sleepy

 

I am so glad you're seeing the positive in this bad situation! I think for some people it is easy to jump around into new relationships quickly and those kinds of relationships very rarely last it seems. You have a good head on your shoulders and when you find a like minded person when it comes to relationships, I have no doubt you will be in your best relationship. This guy will become a distant bad memory!

 

Last week was pretty good for me (hurray!) as I just had a good laugh with mates at work. Last night some of us ended up going into town on a spur of the moment decision which I instigated. I've been out a good few times since I split up with my ex but last night was the first night where I started to notice other girls and I didn't think about my ex once while I was out. Not sure if this is going to last or not but I'm thinking it's probably a good step forward. I realise that while healing, you can take steps forwards and then something can happen and you take a step or 2 steps back so I'm not counting my chickens just yet, just enjoying feeling good for a change!

 

Feeling pretty rough after last night so going to spend the day recovering hehe

 

How're you doing this weekend? any plans?

[The_Good_Me]

Be reassure, NC is best. It is SO freaking hard (I am in the middle of it right now!!!) but it is like giving yourself a gift- YOUR LIFE. I was so depressed this A.M. and saw a quote from a buhdist newspaper/publication that said, "When you are full of sorrow, you are full of a kind of poisen (Sorry my spelling is terrible). Look at that and find out how you can turn that poisen into medicine for yourself" I thought it was very cool, and I thought, O.K., that relationship is poisen and NC is my medicine.

 

Hi Stronganyway, nice to meet you.

 

You're right! NC is the best way to go even though its hard and hurts so much to do! I totally agree with what you said about giving yourself a gift and that gift being your life! It took me a very long time to see that after the break up mind.

 

After moving to a different city I've met and am meeting new people, plus I've taken up a couple of hobbies I couldn't really get into while I was with my ex. I'm also making plans for the future that again I could never do if I was still with her! They're not necesserily better plans as I would trade everything I have now to not have gone through the break up but you have to play the cards that fate deals you and now that she's gone, literally the entire world is at my feet and I intend to experience it

[sleepykitten]

Hi there Good Me, makes me happy to hear you had a good week and weekend. Those nights when things seem better and your head isnt full to bursting with the ex is like light at the end of a long dark tunnel.

I had a good weekend too, saw a guy I met about a mth ago, i have been honest with him and told him I cant and dont want to be in a relationship (he would like to be with me) at the moment as apart from the whole rebound issue and wanting to try and deal with all of this I also dont want to be obligated to anyone but me at the moment. So, since that was said i have seen him once a week (boundries! lol) and he's easy to be with, no pressure. THen Sunday saw a really good friend but spent too much money shopping!Ahh retail therapy!

I know what you mean about steps forward and steps back I have had that too something even a thought can trigger it all off again. I am just so sick of constanly thinking and wondering and feeling sad its so lovely at the moment to feel like that weight has lifted a bit.

So-hope youre hang over didnt last too long and you had nice sunday and that youre week is even better than last one. You sound like a great guy I am sure if she isnt already your ex will be regretting her actions and decisions!

[The_Good_Me]

Hey sleepy

 

You're so right, it is so nice to have a few good nights it does show you that it is possible to be happy, even temporary happiness is better than none at all.

 

I'm glad to hear you had a good weekend! I bet it's nice to recieve some attention from someone even if you're not ready to persue anything with them. I think it's wise that you haven't jumped at the chance to be with someone new. I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding a new partner when you're good and ready

 

It sounds like we're very much in the same state of mind at the moment. Both recently been through a bad patch but are now both in a window of feeling good about ourselves. Lets hope this window stays open for a good while for us both! Too many "both's" in this paragraph but I'm too lazy to change it

 

Hangover was fortunately just a saturday thing. Had to do a 6 hour shift on sunday but felt alright so went for a run when I got home and cooked myself a nice dinner. Was all good.

 

Thanks so much for your kind words, I'd like to think that one day she'll regret what she's done but I can't see it happening any time soon. I'm the only guy she's ever been with so she has nobody to compare me too. I'm pretty convinced she has someone else already but to be fair, I don't know for sure. I've stopped myself from checking her fb and I'm not in contact with her family. We don't have any mutual friends anymore either so it's pretty unlikely that I'll hear anything. I've just got to leave her to it and let her lead the life she's chosen. If she were to come back, I probably won't be able to forgive her so I think it's safe to say we're completely over and I just need to heal. Bleh! hate that it's come to this If I had a drink though, I'd toast to the future, *clink*

 

Have a good week sleepy

[pink glitter]

Stay NC, Be strong!Contacting her then gaining nothing from it will take you back to square one, you don't need that.

I'm in a similar situation to you and my heart is constantly “Screaming“ at me to contact him but I know my heads right :-)

Your doing well, I'm in the same boat as you, your not alone babe

[Queen of Hearts 10]

Dear The_Good_Me,

 

I have been reading all of the correspondence on this thread.

Which I just wanted to say has been great ! All of a sudden the

words across the page jumped out at me with such a strong impact,

I had to write you.

 

It was the words " THE ILLUSION of RECONCILIATION "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I have not been able to do NC. It has been a year of contacting my EX, trying

everything

to talk my way back into his life. Keeping myself in his phone, in his head,

and a little in his heart, to get him to come back around !

 

It's been my head and my heart filled with exactly that an Illusion ! So there it is the key

to closure. He is out of Love with me, I need to grasp that for good !!

He's not coming back, he has a new love and I need to walk

away and let the smoldering ashes burn out !! There is nothing left to recover.

 

It's time to accept this ending.

I have lost the fight forever.

I can heal this, and be strong !

 

I'm very thankful for this post today ! Queen of Hearts 10

[The_Good_Me]

Hello Queen of Hearts, nice to meet you

 

Thank you for writing to me, it's always nice to get replies on here and it's wonderful to see that something I wrote could help someone I shall sleep a little better tonight so thank you very much for your kind words.

 

I am so sorry to hear that you've not been able to keep up NC and have taken a year to get to this stage. At least you are here now as it's never ever too late to initiate NC. You are definitely making the right decision!

 

It must have taken great courage for you to say things like...

 

"It's time to accept this ending.

I have lost the fight forever.

I can heal this, and be strong !"

 

It hurts so much to admit to yourself that it is over and it's time to give up on the person who meant the world to you. Well done for doing just that! you should be proud of yourself as now you have opened up the path to healing, moving on and a better future!

 

I wish you the very best of luck in healing as quickly and as smoothly as it could possibly be!

 

Again thank you so much for replying with your kind words! I am so happy you are thankful for this post Take care of yourself!

[The Aviator]

Sorry to hear you had a bit of a rough patch mate! Our situations are almost identical, ok I just didn't get to engagement/marriage stage.

 

I have been feeling very much better in myself. Gliding and the road trip really helped to take my mind off things but whenever I get a moment (which is quite often) where i'm not doing anything, i will think of her and I still get the occasional intense pain where I miss her terribly. I do miss her so much and like yourself I do like to think that maybe one day she will regret it. Who knows. The grass probably really is greener on the other side for her.

 

She still has another year at university and I don't know if she'll move back home or stay there. It's still very upsetting to think I may never-ever hear from her again.

 

In the mean time...back to the joys of work but i've saved the best till last and am jetting out to Phoenix, AZ towards the end of september for 2.5 weeks to do some flying. Can't wait!

[The_Good_Me]

Hey Aviator

 

I'm glad to hear you're doing better overall mate it does indeed sound like we're very much in a similar if not the same state of mind regarding our ex's. Whenever I'm alone doing nothing, I tend to miss her a lot and feel a great deal of pain. I'm also thinking that the grass will be greener for my ex and I doubt I'll ever hear from her again. I can't stop wanting her to regret he decision though, not yet anyway but I guess that will come in time when we're both further along in the healing process.

 

Something thats been helping me recently is realising that my ex has changed from the person that I fell in love with. It tears me up when I think of her with someone else so I keep telling myself that he isn't with the girl I once knew. He has got her body and face, but he'll never have that sweet girl that was with me. I'm sure she's still an amazing person and he's one lucky guy, but it just helps knowing that she isn't exactly the same. Might sound silly but it helps me when I'm about to cry for example.

 

It is terrible thinking we'll never get to speak to or see our ex's again. It's just weird to be with someone for so long, share the most intimate moments with that person and then *puff* they've gone from our lives just as quickly as they came. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger though!

 

Mate... you are always on holiday lol! I am green with envy! especially with all this flying you're doing! I remember having a flying lesson for my 16th birthday! it was awesome! I always wanted to get my private pilots licence but alas I couldn't afford it. I heard you can travel to america, learn to fly out there, add the cost of living on top of that and it's STILL cheaper than learning to fly in the UK. Not sure how true that is mind you. Anyway I digress! If I don't hear from you before you go, have a great time mate!

[The Aviator]

Well i've returned from Az! What an experience. Loved every minute of it. As usual it goes too quick and you find yourself back home like nothing has ever happened haha.

 

The Good Me, how have you been mate? I am thinking of posting a '6 months later' thread on here soon as I passed the 6 months mark whilst out in the States. Can't believe it! Still in NC.

 

I pumped into the ex's parents up town last night. I've not seen them since the break up. They were very surprised and happy to see me. The mum could not stop hugging me and had tears in her eyes and said how much she had missed me. It was quite choking but I had to be strong because I was with all my mates! Neither of us made any mention of my ex which was a good thing. Still it's nice to know I had such a nice relationship with her parents. I miss them too. They were such a loving and welcoming family. Still can't believe all this has been thrown away! What a terrible sad waste