Somethings suspicious

[littlebit]

So my husband went crazy for about 3 weeks being hateful toward me, being distant, and things just did not seem right. He referred to our relationship as roommates. The topic of divorce even came up a couple of times. This all was coming from left field to me and happened suddenly. Sure we have had issues but I didn't think they were this bad. This has been going on about 3 weeks and I have been very confussed but suspicious. He has been angry that I'm suspicious. Things were really spiraling out of control. I was getting hurt and angry and he just seemed mean and fed up. I had told him I loved him but was tired of how he was making me feel so if a divorce was what he wanted I was welling to go that route and that he needed to think about what he wanted and be a man about it and let me know. I informed him that though I may be hurt I would get over it and that it would be better to get over it then waste years on a man who no longer loved me. We were truly on the rocks. But then serving strange happened, Sunday morning he came and talked to me. He told me he loved me and wanted to do whatever it would take to make our marriage work. He now keeps telling me how much he loves me and it just seems so strange. Things feel normal again but what happened to him? I don't want to go through this again as this was very tough for me and I had to be strong and let him know I could be alone. I love him but I meant it when I said I didn't want to waste my energy on a man who can't love me back or who hurts me. I won't settle for that as I have to much pride and self esteem to allow him to bring me down. I feel like he was up to no good although I have no proof. Any idea why the sudden change?

[luvbun80]

So my husband went crazy for about 3 weeks being hateful toward me, being distant, and things just did not seem right. He referred to our relationship as roommates. The topic of divorce even came up a couple of times. This all was coming from left field to me and happened suddenly. Sure we have had issues but I didn't think they were this bad. This has been going on about 3 weeks and I have been very confussed but suspicious. He has been angry that I'm suspicious. Things were really spiraling out of control. I was getting hurt and angry and he just seemed mean and fed up. I had told him I loved him but was tired of how he was making me feel so if a divorce was what he wanted I was welling to go that route and that he needed to think about what he wanted and be a man about it and let me know. I informed him that though I may be hurt I would get over it and that it would be better to get over it then waste years on a man who no longer loved me. We were truly on the rocks. But then serving strange happened, Sunday morning he came and talked to me. He told me he loved me and wanted to do whatever it would take to make our marriage work. He now keeps telling me how much he loves me and it just seems so strange. Things feel normal again but what happened to him? I don't want to go through this again as this was very tough for me and I had to be strong and let him know I could be alone. I love him but I meant it when I said I didn't want to waste my energy on a man who can't love me back or who hurts me. I won't settle for that as I have to much pride and self esteem to allow him to bring me down. I feel like he was up to no good although I have no proof. Any idea why the sudden change?

 

First of all I really empathize with you, it's hard to recover trust in the relationship once divorce threats have been thrown around. Also he is very fortunate that you are sitting down and trying to understand rather than fighting back on the same destructive terms. And everybody can have mood swings once in a while but it sounds like he was way out of line.

 

It seems like he had a lot of frustration bottled up and let it out at you all at once. Is he usually rather mild / pleasant? He could be internalizing a lot of stuff that should not be. Now you have drained the abscess but if you don't get to the root it will keep building up and fester beneath. Since he brought up the roommate word maybe it is something related to sex. But really you can only find out from him.

 

I think I know what you mean with the "up to no good".. was he screwing someone else for 3 weeks then came back when it didn't work out? It's possible I guess but I don't know that I would attack that angle (unless you have other reasons to suspect it) because it shifts from a situation where you are trying to help him and find out what is up with him to one where you are accusing him... I would tend to get defensive and clam up completely, even (or maybe more so) if the accusations were baseless.

[dirkgently]

just a question. Is there a lot of stress in his life outside of the marriage, something that he normally holds in or does not involve you in?

 

Seems like a lot lot of stuff (some bound to be marriage / relationship based) over whelmed him all at once and unfortunately you were on the receiving end of his dealing with it.

 

Talking, talking and more talking - eventually it will all come out.