friendship gone very bad

[seanhex]

I meet this guy online, we became best friends long distance over skype. Over the 5 months we shared ideas about design etc..spoke hours online. Later I went over to his country to meet him, but less than a few days and we had an argument, things went bad and he drove me to a hotel and told me that he can not associate with me. All this because i asked him to take me around and show me places. I later came back home and was very upset about my trip there. Finally asked him to add me back to social media and he took his time, for a few weeks did not respond to my emails, txt but even after adding me to skype he verbally abused me and never allowed for me to talk to him or see him on skype like we used to. Until recently i wrote him and told him that it has been 2 months since i left your country and your still holding voice chat against me and still treating me like a stranger, calling me names on skype and having no respect.

 

I told him that even being on facebook and twitter means nothing to me because we don't even use those to communicate so i deleted him from those, but i wanted to remain on skype, while a few days on skype after this, he would never respond to my messages again, so i said to him not to ignore me, since that would hurt me the most, instantly he deleted me from skype as i was typing this.

 

So now it has been a week and before i would try to contact him, but this time i can not, he brought me so much pain and i told him that, but he seems very insensitive.

 

Lately i noticed he checks my website almost every other day. He designed me a website and I was suppose to work on it, he goes there to see if i am doing anything on it, ofcourse i am not. should i work on the site? Would this give him gratification?

 

I wrote him a testimonial before the fight, he put it on his site, but after the fight, he took my name out and my company name, and used partial letters from my name under the testimonial, it looks stupid but why does he do this? I assume he wants me to get mad and contact him like before. But i am exhausted and tired of all this drama.

 

What should i do, work on the site he designed for me? Evey day that goes by, I think of all the name calling and feel less motivated to connect back. Knowing that he only brought me pain. Real friends don't do that, specially when one travels to see them.

Edited July 12, 2011 by seanhex

[crazylove]

You want to 'reconnnect' with someone who clearly doesn't want to 'reconnect' with you at all??! You need to move on and put it down to experience. If you want to work on your website, go ahead. But if you feel you can't because of the breakdown with your ex friend then don't. Seems a shame to waste it though now it's up and running.

[madjac74]

I appreciate your post because it just proves my point about online relationships. I understand you guys were only friends but I think this applies to people who are considering a romantic LDR. You guys were best friends online but upon meeting you guys obviously didnt work together.

 

Its a shame that your relationship took this bad turn and the whole thing seems kinda odd to me. Im not sure what happened with this fight but you must have really touched a nerve. Best friends however are usually the quickest to forgive each other and move on.

 

You don't need his drama and verbal abuse and you should cut ALL ties with him until he can talk to you with some respect. And cutting all ties means getting rid of the website or moving it somewhere where he has no way of connecting to it and keeping tabs on you or maybe even sabotaging you.

[seanhex]

Thank you guys, well before i went over, his verbal abuse was about me being gay, which he has no right to assume that, he would call me all the bad words possible, but i tried to ignore it, tried to focus on his good qualities, when i went there i told him i am not gay, I think from then on he changed on me. He once told me to stay in the car and not go in the store with him, because his friends would see me with him, or the few days i was there, I begged him to take me around and show me places and he would not. I asked for a pillow so that i can sleep on, and he would offer me his old ones on the floor in his closet, meanwhile he had two on his bed. I was put on a sofa to sleep, even when i said please take me so i can buy my own pillow he would not. Yet he kept calling me names, once picked up a chair and wanted to hit me on the head and then left the room and called me some fag name. I somehow think he wanted to have an affair with me, but he realized i was not gay. This is my guess. But I am moving on. working on the site he designed for me reminds me of how horrible he treated me in a foreign country of his. I was not treated like a guest, meanwhile i did everything there for him,even bought his favorite food.

 

I guess all that did not mean anything to him, and when i returned the abuse got worse on skype, called me fag, gay, obsessed, weirdo, you name it. I would be sick in bed for a day hearing this stuff from him, until when i told him how he hurts me and his words has left me a scar for life. That is when he deleted me on skype too.

 

I do not think he was a friend, he was using me, learned all the tricks of the trade about our profession and moved on, even told me he has new friends that he voice chats for hours with, so that he can hurt me more.

 

How horrible.

[madjac74]

This is not my personal view because I dont judge people for their sexual preference but a guy meeting another guy he met online is going to be viewed as gay.

 

Do you think his friends found out about it and were giving him a hard time about meeting a guy and that is why he suddenly turned into a super jerk? Or that maybe he was in fact curious about a sexual experience with a man and when you actually got there he became conflicted and acted out in anger? Either way instead of telling you like a man, he acted like a child and hurt you to make himself feel better.

 

No matter what is said here it sounds like this friendship is over but I can understand how frustrating it is when you have no clue what went wrong. Hang in there

[seanhex]

I think he had deep feelings for me. No one knew i was there. Also before i went he would talk for hours on skype with me, sing and play guitar and send his pictures and such. Called me his best friend, really got me thinking i was his buddy for life. Yes i think he was hoping i was gay. I also think he is bi or gay. He claims he has affairs with women, that he brings them in for sex and later kicks them out. I am not sure about what is true or not.

But he used facial cream and masks, when he picked me up from the airport, first thing he asked was to touch his face to see how smooth his skin is, while driving pointed a sign that looks like a penis, etc....

 

What guy would do that? Well it is all done and over with. He played mind games with me. There were nights when i slept on the couch and was scared if he would attack me, thinking he is bi-polar, one minute happy and next minute ignoring me. I was a victim of his abuse. Now i am happy that he is not contacting me. I hope he never does again.

 

It will all be a nightmare in my head for life, I hope i can forget it. Somehow I miss him from time to time, but then when i think, he was not a friend, he brought me no happiness.