Caught in Extreme friendzone?

[ca18det180sx]

Hello everyone, new to this site. Been looking for a place to get advice on my situation and this seems to be my best bet. I'll try and give you as much information as I can, so my apologies if my post is long and uninteresting. I'm going to start from the beginning.

 

We met about 8 years ago through mutual friends, and she is two years my junior. At the very beginning I never pursued her because of the age difference. At the time I was 17 and her 15. But I always felt there was a spark between us. Things were very slow in the beginning, meeting up at parties through mutual friends and only ever engaging in conversation and not much more.

 

This went on for about a year, I never pushed and neither did she. She then moved away for a year. (about 1000miles away so there was no bumping into each other). Through this time we grew apart. We spoke to one another very rarely, and I think we seen each other once when she came back for one of her friends graduation. When she came back we were able to carry on much the way we were before like there was never a distance. That following summer she moved back.

 

We started getting really close to one another, spending a lot of time together, going to movies, dinner, to parties, anything and everything that two could do, we did. (except for the obvious, hence this post) We seemed to be the best of friends. I would be there through her breakups, give her the shoulder she needed, tell her what she needed to hear. (Classic friendzone, I know). I knew the situation I was in, and I didn't really care, I enjoyed having her as a close friend. I was even her grad escort, because she figured taking her boyfriend would be silly because she knew eventually they would break up.

 

Fast forward another couple years (there's a period that I don't feel matters, just the usual being friends stuff). I finish college, and decide to take a break from what I'll be doing for the rest of my life and work in a kitchen. Had no major bills or debt so I figured why not. She also worked at this same establishment so I thought it could be fun. I started to find her acting strangely around this time. We've talked about a relationship before on several occasions but always went back to the "didn't want to lose me as a friend if anything happened" bit. So I was particularly surprised when if I would hook up with someone she would become quite jealous. Going as far as slandering my new squeeze (whom I thought she was friends with) and trying to make me stop. Nothing ever came out of these short little relationships anyways so I wasn't too worried (I may have ended them because of her in my sub-conscious, who knows?) Then one night her, I, and a couple of our friends from work decide to go clubbing. The night carries on as per the norm until up on the dance floor something strange happened. We were dancing to a normal club type dance. When it ended they played a slow song. I began to make my way off the dance floor when she pulled me back to dance to this one too. Long story short we and up kissing. Passionate, but not porno, if you will.

 

At this time I figured it's obvious she wanted something more out of our friendship, and I was happy to oblige. Except when I would go to talk to her about it she would clam up. She would say we should definitely talk about what happened that night, but would basically refuse to engage in conversation when I would try. A few days later we were back out, I had given up trying to talk to her about the kiss because it appeared to make her uncomfortable. Then I found out why she wouldn't talk to me about it. Him... A new boyfriend... oh yay.... For some reason this when really hit home, whether my heart strings were just tugged particularly hard that other night, or I had actually fallen for her completely I don't know. But it was obvious my window had closed. (I think I've had many of them, but they all must have plants blocking the view) I quit the job in the kitchen and got to work doing what I was supposed to be doing. Mechanics don't make the greatest cooks anyways, and things carried on like usual.

 

Then it happened, problems with the new boyfriend. Any guesses who she came to to talk about them? I guess he decided he should cheat on her, and then she decided it would be a good idea to give him another chance. I made my decision that I wasn't going to be her shoulder to cry on anymore, especially when she's just doing it to herself. I know why I did this, my heart couldn't bare another thrashing. We grew apart for a period here. Mostly because I told her if she's with him, I wasn't going to give her the time of day. (I look back on this, I think it was harsh, but deserved.)

 

I move on over time, get a new girlfriend, things are looking up. I hear through the grapevine that she has broken up with the cheater boyfriend. By now a couple months have passed and I figure I should patch things up with her, seeing as how I missed having her as a friend. (yeah right huh? We all know why I wanted to get in touch with her, new g/f would be gone so fast) We go for lunch and talk, just try to catch up with each other. Eventually the conversation moves to my new girlfriend. I figured it would happen again, and of course she had nothing nice to say about her. Wouldn't belittle her like some of the last ones, but I could see through the facade. I ended up breaking up with new girlfriend (this time legit reason though, creepy mega clingy) Only to find out that she had gone back to the cheater.

 

Oh well, back to the usual I guess. I did find that we drifted apart again. No more random phone calls or texts to go hang out or just to talk. I would only ever get calls from her for the "Hey you're big and strong, could you come move this incredibly heavy thing then leave promptly?" or the "Hey you're a mechanic, my car is on fire, can you fix it?" I wasn't happy about this, started screening my calls. I wasn't about to be played for a mule. Not more than I already have at least. Then the drift happened again, more than any other time though. I thought I was actually over her this time. I was even quite happy about it too.

 

Another couple months pass, it's the dead of winter (I live in Canada). Not much is happening in the way of anything really. When a friend invites me to her work Christmas party. I figured cheap/free booze is always a good enough reason to attend a function like this. I run into her at the party. (Her and Friend work together, so naturally she would be at the party) We talk, nothing major, drink more, talk, etc. etc. Then something kind of odd happened I bump into one of her co-workers, and he wants to talk to me about something. Turns out he has fallen for her as well. I put it short and sweet for him, "Feel like getting your heart torn out, turned into a paste, and fed to ravenous dogs? Then go for it" He didn't like this response, I didn't care. Turns out someone overhears me, and knowing my history with her, informs her of my comment. Looking back I would have expected a yelling at, instead she comes running over tears in her eyes, apologizing, saying she never meant to hurt me. (I would hope not, but I also hope she wasn't surprised when it did) We end up hanging out the rest of the night. We go to an after party, I see her in a state of drunk-passing-out holding hands with some guy. I decide that no, I'm not going to get myself tangled up in this again and head home.

 

Another year or so passes, all the while she has been with the cheater boyfriend. They've been living together, talking about their future and what not (He turned out to be a not bad guy to be friends with, just a real douche to women) When through the grapevine (that thing is a real wealth of information) I find out they broke up again. I passed a mild interest at this bit of information, thinking it's probably like the last 18 times they've broken up. (slight exaggeration there) Turns out this time is for real. She needs my help moving her stuff out so I agree.

 

She moves into her new place, gets settled in. Starts to move on. We hang out a little bit more, and more, and more. (Now we're at present time) Next thing you know it's close to what it was years ago when we would hang out all the time. Only problem is, oh imagine that! Those feelings I had before come rushing back! Makes me wonder if my brain is wired wrong and I'm just naturally susceptible to these things. Now things get a little confusing for me. We went out partying one night, her place was just around the corner so we head back there after. We share her bed, nothing transpires. Then another night we go drinking together, I stay at her place again. In a bit of a little test when we walk in I make for the couch, only to have her wave me upstairs with her. But again, share a bed, nothing happens. She wants her current roommate to move and for me to move in. I thought this was a good idea. The rent would be cheap, and I need a place to go.

 

Now I sit here, typing this all out. (I imagine a lot of my story is not required, I just figured typing it all out might help me wrap my mind around it and I may not even post it, but it didn't) It should be staring me in the face, in large neon lettering, but the answer won't appear. I have so many thoughts going through my mind. Am I in the extreme friendzone? Am I just another girlfriend to her? (Totally a dude though, in case that wasn't clear) Do I make a move? Do I just leave it be and get random cuddles at night? The biggest thing burning into my head is do I move in with her? If we don't get together then I practically kill any chance with another girl who has even the slightest knowledge of our past history. (which is actually an issue, I refuse to have one nights with randoms, I need to know someone at least a little before I sleep with them. Which is also why I spend a bunch of time friend zoned) I feel like there might be something there, it seems different this time. I can't talk to my friends about this, I just get the "Seriously? This again?"

 

I'm pretty much just looking for any little tid-bit of advice. Hell, even say "Yes go for it! It should be obvious!" or even "Run away man! How can you not see it?" Thanks for reading, and sorry if it turned into X amount of minutes of your life you want refunded. I tried to make it interesting enough to read through it, but I could be wrong.

[Lucky_One]

I think that a few years ago you should have opened up a frank discussion with her. You are way overdue.

 

Tell her that you like her romantically and have done so for years. Tell her that you will stay in the apt only if she is in a committed, monogamous relationship with you and that you are willing to give her two months of "dating" to see how she feels, but otherwise, you will be moving out and finding a place for yourself and cutting all ties.

 

Right now, you are being used for your trustworthiness and strong back and steady wallet.