stray Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 You think mailing her some memento will impress her? Are you serious? NO! Turn the tables. Imagine if someone you loved completely f**ked you over and left you so they could pursue some a**hole ex boyfriend. You would be pissed! You think a little gift is gonna sweep that under the rug, you're wrong! All us dumped people will tell you, the ONLY way you can possibly ever get her back is if you tell her THE TRUTH - acknowledge what you did, why you did it, why you thought it was right at the time, why you now know it's wrong, how your thinking has changed, how YOU have changed, what you definitely want for the two of you in the future, why YOU think it could work, what YOU think needs to happen for it to work, and that you're willing to put in your 50% through love and war. Not some BS that she knows is just you trying to weasel your way back so you don't have to feel lonely anymore. Go big or go home. If your girl is as awesome as you say she is, then gifts aren't gonna cut it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author proteinshake25 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I would have no problem doing that. I have said I'm sorry and that I made a mistake, that was the first time ever, last week in an email. I have yet given a detailed explanation of what happened, but I had GIGS and realized how good the relationship was, andI wanna marry this woman, considering, that she is still the same person. I just wrote her an email last week, when would be a good time to write this detailed explanation to her. I've also been writing letters every few days or so and just keeping them, just to get my feelings out, they're nice letters, should i send them too? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 A case where the dumper becomes the dumpee I think you should go NC since you are now the dumpee and heal from your rejection of your ex and to separate yourself emotionally from her. Leave her alone and move on with your life. I personally would never want to hear from you again after 5 months. I'm 7 weeks out from a similar breakup and my ex knows clear as day to never contact me again Link to post Share on other sites
Author proteinshake25 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Yup, she wins part of this war. I wrote that letter explaining wwhat happeened, and what I was thinking, when do you guys think I should send it? Link to post Share on other sites
stray Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I actually think the letter would help. It would at the very least, give her closure and give you closure knowing you got everything off your chest and tried your hardest to get her back. We always say on here, "if your ex wanted you back, they would try to get you back" - so that's exactly what you should do, if you really mean it. But my advice to you is to not write a half-ass letter. Don't write what you think she wants to hear. Write exactly what happened, how you felt, what you've thought about, how you feel and why you feel about her the way you do. Why her, and not someone else? What events have happened to make you realize you made a mistake? What emotions did you experience? When did you first stat thinking that you had GIGs and made a mistake? I'm 28, I've been through a lot in my life, and included in that, is a lot of relationships. If just ONE ex wrote me a detailed, concise, straight forward letter about our relationship, one that included his perceived accountability and irresponsible behavior; I would be blown away. It would make my day, if not my year. She might not appreciate it right away, but over time she will. It may take her a while to get back to you. Or lets be honest here, she may never get back to you. BUT - you will have dealt with this like a man, even if it's 5 months late - and she'll remember you for that, and you'll know that. Make sure your letter is well written, grammatically correct, is CONCISE (no rambling) and easy to understand. In fact, if you want me to proof read it, I will (I don't know how private messages work) or you should have someone else proof read it. Link to post Share on other sites
stray Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 And you should send it as soon as you feel like it's the absolute best, most sincere letter that details everything you want it to say. Because you may only get this one chance to say whatever it is you need to say. Timing is nothing compared to content. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 As a dumper what makes you regret it? Why change your tune? Link to post Share on other sites
Lemontang Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 As a dumper what makes you regret it? Why change your tune? Although it's Proteinshakes to really answer, put bluntly he had gigs from his 1st post in this thread and after realising the grass wasn't greener he wanted to get back on the original paddock. Fairly text book. A lot of people who do the gigs thing try to keep the gate open so they can go back if the other person doesn't work out. What they fail to realise is once you step one foot on the other side it's extremely hard to get back. It's compounded more by the fact that she's now moved on with someone else so desperation to get back in is increased....and what happens when you try to rush back? You usually make more mistakes than what you would have if you took the time out to fix things over time. Because times the only thing that has any chance to fix anything. But even that's not a guarantee and it's the dumpee's choice in the end if they will take them back or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Lemontang- It seems if the dumpee is with someone else, they seem more desirable to the dumper [in this case]? It seems the dumpers don't like to see us move on, even if there's no option of a second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Lemontang Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Lemontang- It seems if the dumpee is with someone else, they seem more desirable to the dumper [in this case]? It seems the dumpers don't like to see us move on, even if there's no option of a second chance. Couldn't agree more Sugarkane. I've even experienced it myself with an ex fiance years ago. I'd never given her a 2nd thought until she started seeing someone else, and found myself wanting her back. Good thing is I recognised this so never acted on it, as I felt she deserved to be happy making her own choices than have me interfere. It slowly passed too and I got back to not giving her a 2nd thought again. No doubt if I did get back with her though I'd have eventually left again after the feeling of almost losing her passed, and she deserves so much better than someone who flip flops on and off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author proteinshake25 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I first saw pics of them together on facebook, back in april. It really doesnt have much to do with him at all. Ya none of us want their dream spouse to be with another person. I started trying to get her back now, only because I realize how good I had it. What I had is incredibly rare, and I miss all her cool qualities, her laugh,etc. Stray, I may take you up on that offer, that is incredibly nice of you. The reason why Im trying to time it, is because I remember when she was trying to get me back, her words didnt hold much value as I was still blindsided by the other girl. I feel like I need to wait a good while, to where she's over the 'honey moon' phase that I was in, perhaps than my words will have more of an effect? also..Do you guys really think she could be over me? She started dating this guy like 2-4 weeks after I broke up with her, I thought it was 2 but I dont know for certain. Then even back in late june she called me up to yell and cry and say how terrible I was, and she'd never forgive me. My thinking is, if she had such raging feelings just not too long ago, and while still in a relationship, could she really be over me? Link to post Share on other sites
stray Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 If she's already in a relationship with someone else then your best bet is to wait it out. Because if you try and come inbetween her and the guy she's seeing, she will lose respect for you. And she won't take your letter seriously. However, if it were ME - I'd send the letter anyway, even if her relationship has no end in sight. If after a while, she's still with the guy, then just include in the letter that you know she's in a relationship and you don't want to interfere with that, but just wanted to get your thoughts off your chest. Like I said, if just ONE ex had given me a really great letter about hiw version of the break up, why whatever happened happened, and what he think he did wrong or right, it would mean the world to me. Even if she's in a relationship, she will remember what you said. All that really matters, truly, is that she knows how you feel. Then you know she knows and you can sleep a bit better at night. If she rejects your offer, even after her and the new guy have split, then you'll know in your heart you tried. People say 'timing is everything' - it's not. There is an appropriate time for everything, but life doesn't always work on the "appropriate clock". Take a leap of faith, you have nothing to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author proteinshake25 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 Im gonna send it soon. I've been keeping paper in myy desk att work, and during the day, I write down tidbits. I have compiled quite a bit, some of it is lovey dovey stuff, and memomries of how she is loved. thhe other is a deetailed explanation, like you described. At one point after thhe breakuup, she had asked me if I had hooked up with anyone, I didnt want to lie, I told her I did, but lied about it being someone else, andd not the othher girl. Shouuld I tell heer that or arre thhe details after the breakup not important? Link to post Share on other sites
Author proteinshake25 Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 wow, I apologize for my spelling. Im using the internet on my tv and it hits double letters quite a bit, and the backspace does not work correctly. I promise, im smarter than it makes me look! Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Proteinshake- If you were the dumper, what made you check her facebook in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author proteinshake25 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Sugar, your trying to contrast me to your ex? I cant remember exactly what made me want to check her fb. I think Ii just wanted to see pics of her and what she looked like, I guess reminisce in a way as well. Back then when I saw the pics of them, it didnt bother me at all, I didnt see the guy as very threatening. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 No not really. I just want to understand why a dumper would do this is all. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Its just really rare for the dumper to regret it and want them back. Don't see that often. Link to post Share on other sites
Author proteinshake25 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Ya. Id rather be cheated on then breakup with a girl than having to regret doing it. Many times in life, Im very bold with decision making, and didnt think or discuss this with anyone until the breakup was already done. Now all my friends know how badly I miss her. 3 weeks post breakup she said "ohh you know, im just gonna start dating another guy and that'll get you back." She started dating another guy, and that wasnt the case, I still tried hard to hang out with her as friends. I told her I'd make me so happy just to see her smile and be happy again. She was so hurt through the breakup, it hurt me to see her so hurt. We never met back up, and about 3 weeks later she met the guy she's been with . But the months following she'd call and yell and scream at me. I broke up with her because of lust for another woman, and I tried to come up with valid reasons too. I can find a woman more attractive, more in common,etc. but I want her back solely, because I seriously dont think I can find a woman that would love and care for me and my family as much as she did, and she has some awesome qualities as well. Im wondering how in a 3 week span she could go from trying desperately to get me back to not wanting to speak with me at all Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 You screwed up big time with this woman. You wouldn't commit after three years together, and then you took up with an old flame. You showed her you're not worth her spending time in that relationship, and she's moved on. Understandably so. You need to move on as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 (edited) Sorry - but on the ranges of being selfish - im afraid you are at the number 1 spot. In fact i think your name should be Mr Selfish And this is coming from someone who finished with his girfriend and has regretted it for over a year. Difference - there wasnt anyone else and the break up was down to not talking and not seeing enough of each other Within a month she met someone else, got engaged within 2 months and is getting married in 3 weeks time. I tried once to get her back - over a period of 2 weeks - was rejected and let it go. The reason i say you are Mr Selfish is from your statement that you can find someone more attractive and someone that you have more in common with than your ex. Can you imagine how your ex would feel if she knew this - regardless of her being with someone else. The whole wanting her back because you dont think you could find anyone to love you more is .... well ... all about you being selfish. See it ? It appears you only want this girl back because she is with someone else If this girl got back with you you would only stray again. You should want this girl back because you love her and nobody else could love her more. Clearly from what you have said thats not the case. Do her a favour and let her go Sorry Edited July 20, 2011 by Kilty Link to post Share on other sites
TeeStar Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 The whole wanting her back because you dont think you could find anyone to love you more is .... well ... all about you being selfish. I also thought that when reading his post! He did say that he would be willing to do whatever it takes but for some reason, from reading his posts, it's just not coming across as true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author proteinshake25 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 I do not think she can find anyone that will love her as deeply as I did at times. She's been very cold through this breakup, and I still love her. There are other attractive women out there, there are women with more in common, but I love this woman because she has a heart of gold. Never in my life have I met someone so loving and caring to the ones they loved, Im not just talking about loving me. Im talking about her loving her family,my family,friends etc. I dont understand whats so selfish about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Kilty Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I do not think she can find anyone that will love her as deeply as I did at times. She's been very cold through this breakup, and I still love her. There are other attractive women out there, there are women with more in common, but I love this woman because she has a heart of gold. Never in my life have I met someone so loving and caring to the ones they loved, Im not just talking about loving me. Im talking about her loving her family,my family,friends etc. I dont understand whats so selfish about that. The point is that you would not have done what you did if you felt this way when you were still together Look deeper within yourself to find the truth Link to post Share on other sites
Spunge Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Kilty is right, if you truly love her, all you want is for her to be happy. Whether it is with you or not, and if she thought it was with you, she would still be craving for you right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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