Coping With Depression?

[Dredger]

Hi,

I am new here but after searching the internet this site seemed to provide what I need most, some place to vent without childish responses.

 

 

*First off let me say me and my wife are NOT getting a divorce. She is just away and I am struggling with depression for the first time.*

 

 

 

So here is my issue. I am in my mid-twenties, have a wife in her mid-twenties and a 2.5 year old daughter. My wife worked at a day-care and I have a job that requires me to travel, resulting in being away from my family anywhere from 90 to 180 days a year. My wife and I have been together for over 4 years and married for 3. Some more back story, she has had an on again off again addiction to prescription pills since we met. She hides it well, and does take long breaks but this has caused problems galore in our marriage. Prior to our daughter I thought it was just an occasional thing and I could stop it but later I realized it was a full fledge addication.

I want to paint the right picture here so let me say ( this may sound crazy but) she is a fantastic mother. She cares for our daughter so well. However she still uses drugs she is prescribed in ways and doses not prescribed. Just after our daughter was born she was buying drugs from dealers but since we moved across the US she hasn’t. She used to be really bad, once spending $3,000 of my money (she wasn’t working at the time) on pills in just a few weeks. Anyways we moved, far away from her mother and other dealers (yes her mother is a druggy too) to a new city and since moving here she hasn’t bought drugs from any dealers. However after getting back from a 3 month business trip I noticed occasionally she would be messed up. I checked into it and found out she was using her anxiety medicine that she was prescribed to get high. So we fought, we cried, we talked, and I got her to realize that she was destroying our marriage and more importantly destroying her daughter because the poor baby will not have a mother. Either t=my wife would die or become a street addict and never see our daughter. So she agreed to go to a hardcore 30 day inpatient rehab. I wanted this, I wanted drugs out of our life forever, and she agreed that she wouldn’t be able to quite with just weekly NA meetings or similar treatment. She went willingly to save our marriage and make sure she is there for our daughter. She is finally seeking help for a problem that has almost ruined our marriage for so many years, she did horrible things during her “bad years” trying to get drugs.

Anyways why I am here is not because of all this. I hvae stuck by her through some horrible stuff, because I love her and know she is a good person, and also because I want my daughter to have a mother (I didn’t, my mother was a crack addict and I never really knew her outside her calling when I was older asking for money to buy drugs). So I am dedicated to her and my family however I am feeling so bad right now.

It is just me and my daughter and I am not hhandling this well. I am not going to hurt my daughter or anything like that, I am just really depressed, quick to temper, and exhausted. I don’t understand. My wife has depression, I have NEVER been a consistently sad person. Bad things happen to me and I bounce back with a quickness. I just don’t know how to handle this depression. I go to work, ome home and lounge around, try to play with my daughter but honestly I am not in it. I have no motivation, no purpose, no drive. I take care of my daughter, make sure she has everything she needs but I struggle to keep playing with her. I struggle with my temper now to. I notice I use the “stern” voice with her a lot quicker than before, normally I have good patience but now it is almost like three strikes your “getting stern voice”. All of this, the past 4 years, the trouble she has caused in my career progression, the thousands and thousands of dollars she has wasted on drugs and "getting help" that she never took seriously, the lying, all of this stuff my wife has done and more is hitting me so hard. I know she loves me, I truly do, she loves me as much as an addict is capable of loving ANYTHING.

 

 

I know I am depressed, I don’t want medicine for it, I just want to be happy again. Also, buying stuff doesn’t make me happy, tried it but it is fleeting and last moments and for the most part if I go shopping to be “happy” I end up buying a ton of stuff for my daughter and wife and not myself. Any other ideas how to get my happiness back?

 

Thank you.

[Nohbody]

You can't save anyone else. I really hope your wife's drug issues can be resolved, but it will only happen when SHE decides to take responsibility for her weaknesses and decide to become stronger.

 

That being said, your happiness comes from inside of you. If you are depressed you should second guess your reluctance to try antidepressants, as they do work. Physical exercise every day is a good way to deal with depression, and so is counselling. I'd recommend all three as they have helped me with my bad times (my depression is a side-effect of a larger.... issue).

 

You need to take some of the concern you have for your wife and child and put it into yourself, ultimately. You can't be a martyr on the cross, you have to take care of yourself physically, psychologically, and emotionally before you can take care of anyone else.

 

I wish you and your family the very best.

[D-Lish]

I can understand that after witnessing your wife abuse prescription drugs that you'd have trepidation regarding taking AD's, but if you're depressed, there is no shame in seeking help for it- even if it means taking AD's to get you through this.

 

Just because she abuses, doesn't mean you will. I take my meds responsibly and always have. AD's and anti-anxiety meds have always helped me be the person I am supposed to be.

 

I am sorry you are going through this.

 

What meds does your wife use to abuse?

[Dredger]

Thank you Nohbody and D-lish for responding. A lot of what you said is very insightful. I do lift everday before work, so that and even work itself lifts me from my stupor. I am distracted so there is no time to be sad during the day. It is after work that it is hard. I think I just have to tough this one out though. Once I can talk to her and know she is ok I will be stronger. I just have to make it that far.

 

I won't get on AD's. I am the kind of person that doesn't go to the doctor for less than broken bones and I don't take medicine other than excedrin. I just don't like taking pills. I am looking for ways ( like your physical exercise suggestion Nohbody) to help distract or cope with depression until my head is back on the right track.

 

To answer your question D-Lish it used to be pain pills when she was buying them. Now that we moved and she stopped buying it has been abusing her prescription of Zanax.

[D-Lish]

Thank you Nohbody and D-lish for responding. A lot of what you said is very insightful. I do lift everday before work, so that and even work itself lifts me from my stupor. I am distracted so there is no time to be sad during the day. It is after work that it is hard. I think I just have to tough this one out though. Once I can talk to her and know she is ok I will be stronger. I just have to make it that far.

 

I won't get on AD's. I am the kind of person that doesn't go to the doctor for less than broken bones and I don't take medicine other than excedrin. I just don't like taking pills. I am looking for ways ( like your physical exercise suggestion Nohbody) to help distract or cope with depression until my head is back on the right track.

 

To answer your question D-Lish it used to be pain pills when she was buying them. Now that we moved and she stopped buying it has been abusing her prescription of Zanax.

 

Ah, you typical man you.... lol. It's like going to the Dr. is showing weakness.

 

If you break a bone, you get a cast, if you get an infection, you take antibiodics. If you're depressed- there is a treatment available for that as well (and there is no shame in that need).

 

All I can tell you is that AD's have worked for me in a way that has improved my quality of life tenfold.

 

What is the next step for you in all of this?

[jeff2321]

All I do is work and go home and watch movies. I don't have many friends and pretty much dread getting up everyday. I am just barely functional at all.

 

It's been one year since the ex left and I'm probably the most depressed I've ever been.

 

Jeff2321