Weird situation

[Justinian]

OK, so, my origional post was eaten so...I'm going to give a nutshell version of everything here. I'm hopping to get some opinions on the general situation I am in with this girl.

 

We met over four years ago on another online site, and things picked up between us pretty fast. I live in Canada, and she lives in Finland. We're the same age minus a month, so that was never an issue. We started dating in a LDR about a year or so after we started interacting, and we hit it off really good at first, but then, about 8 months in, she called it off, because neither of us had any support really from friends or family in our relationship, and the pressure got to her.

 

After that, I was pretty devastated, and I'm not as good with...controlling my emotions as she is, so things were pretty up and down between us for the next few months, but eventually, things became stable between us. From there we continued to talk and stuff, and our love for eachother actually grew. Today, her and I still love eachother, and we both know that we do...but...we're not in a relationship. We both talked about it in the past, durring the up and down months and after, and pretty much agreed that right now, LDR's are too hard, since we can't actually meet up and see eachother, and thus agreed to look for more 'local' relationships. She';s been with a few guys briefly since our breakup, I haven't, but not from lack of trying (I'm not a ladies man/most of my female friends are taken), yet here we are, dancing around one another. Saying we still love eachother, and miss eachother, and still making eachother happy beyond description. Infact I got a message from her just the other day that begins with...

 

"ImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyou

ImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImiss

youImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyou

ImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImiss

youImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyou

ImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyouImissyou

ImissyouImissyou

......

Was that enough? ;P Yeah, I dont say that often enough, especially since you seem to be the only one nowdays who is able to bring a real smile on my face."

 

Due to both life and time zones, it's hard for us to get together and IM eachother or anything these days, especially on her end cause she doesn't get many breaks. Yet despite this, we both email eachother when we can, we've doen the voice chat and video chats (though not for awhile) and while we haven't had a chance to try it yet, I got her a phone card so she can call me on the phone now and talk to me that way. We've also started sending handwritten letters to eachother, and gifts with them. I've only sent out two letters so far, and only recieved one but, in it I got a bunch of handmade stuff from her. Not exactly a 'friend' type of gift, as they were a necklance and two braceletes.

 

Anyway, point of this rant is, I'm just wondering what others think of this situation I have with this girl? Is it common in LDR's, or is it just her and I's own personal romance drama we've created. Eitherway I have to deal with it but, it's easier to asses a situation like this when you aren't in the equation yourself, and I wanted some opinions from people who have been in LDR's themselves, instead of mr RL friends who haven't been, so, yeah, thoughts and opinions would be nice.

[madjac74]

This is not a weird situation at all. My girlfriend and I have been in and LDR for nearly two years but different from yours is that we have been together physically many times. However we have not seen each other for a year now based on many factors beyond our control. We have broken up and tried to move on many times and we have both seen other people but today we still talk to each other everyday and we continue to want to be together.

 

She told me once when we were trying to move on and had actually tried no contact that "She doesn't know what it is but she needs me in her life" and I feel the same way because no matter how angry i have been with her, I cant stand not talking and sharing with her everyday. There is just something about us that keeps us going despite impossible odds. So I certainly understand how you feel.

 

I think if this girl makes you happy then it doesnt matter where she is so keep fighting for her. And your friends will never understand. Mine know how great we are when we are physically together but they just can't fathom how we maintain a relationship from halfway across the country. Little do they know I think we have a stronger relationship than most of them have ever had. Hope this helped! You certainly are not alone

[Justinian]

Thank you. It's good to know I'm not the only one with these thoughts roaming through my head, especially as it can be hard sometimes. Loving someone you know loves you back, but whom you still can't be with and all.

[madjac74]

For me it is feeling like I have found "the one" and fearing that I'm going to lose her because of the situation and not anything either of us did. Having to consider the possibility of letting her go when you just want to keep fighting for her hoping that something will happen and you will be saved. At times I think I should end it just so the worries of this not working out don't eat at me all the time or I get the terrible news that she found someone else that is lucky enough to be THERE. But that seems selfish to me and also very stupid to give up on something so important to me.

 

These LDR's are physically and mentally draining. We always said we were going to send pictures to everyone who has doubted us (which is basically everyone but us and our kids) of us being married and flipping them off.

[Justinian]

I have those exact same thoughts actually...all the time too. I mean, she lives so far away, and our lives makes it hard to communicate. Even getting her to send emails is hard cause she's busy and tired alot. :/ But well, I kinda feel like my girl is 'the one' too. Not sure if I'm right or not at this point, but eitherway I know I'm too stubberon to give up. lol I know though she feels the same too though, as she herself told me before that I'm her 'soulmate'. The thing about 'letting them go' is that I don't think I could even if I tired lol, cause I did once. Back when she broke up with me, I thought I should try to sever myself with her, and tried two or three times, but each time, I felt even more depressed when I did, and she always told me that she still cared for me, and that I shouldn't be fighting my feelings for her. At first I didn't understand what she meant. Too blinded and confused by our situation, but now I do, and I'm glad she's in my life.

 

Still though, cause of the thoughts you mentioned I do sometimes wonder about worst case situations. I mean LDR's are weird situations, especially ours.

[jonmark]

Nothing happened but i'm just curious what would have been the right thing to do in this situation.

 

I've known my brother in law for only a few years now, he recently "officially" became a part of the family (married). From my Sister he knows about my SA. In his eyes he thinks it doesnt really exist, but being we are Family and he put his thoughts aside and accepts me for who I am and i'm fine with that.

 

I secretly found out from my Sister he had wanted to ask me to work with him for Lowe's delivering appliances, he will be driving a truck along routes and get paid $25 per delivery per person ($50 for two of us and we split it). If you do a lot in a day that's a great amount of cash.

[zoecha]

That's a really tough situation. I can completely understand where both of you are coming from, but it sounds like it's been a whole lot harder on you. I think that the real issue here is that you're mature enough to handle that kind of relationship, but she just isn't there yet. If there is a lot of passion between you two, then I have no doubt that it'll work out eventually. It sounds like you're just dating "emotionally" and you're content with that, but she's out finding other guys she can actually have full relationships with. I don't think that's fair to you at all. You need someone who can love you fully and who is actually willing to enter into a LDR, if need be. I think you should tell her that if she wants you she can have you, but if not then you're unwilling to keep playing games with her and thinking that your relationship is something that it's not.

[Justinian]

Well, like I said I'm also looking for another girl to potentially have a relationship with, but yeah, I know I'm more prepared mentally for an LDR than her, and she's admitted that in the past. Really the issue isn't her though, cause I know her situation through LOTS of talking in the past. The problem is me. On the one hand, I want a 'normal' relationship for once, cause, well all I've had are computer relationships, and don't get me wrong I've learned from them and wouldn't erase them or anything but...well...LDR's want to meet in person for a reason...lol That said, I really love this girl, and if she was willing to go all out for me, then I'd do the same for her in an instant. But like you said, she doesn't want a LDR right now, yet, here we are, stuck in this...weird...middle spot. If I try for a full relationship again, she'll likeley get scared and withdraw, like she has in the past, and if I don't do anything, her and I either stay in this odd limbo, or drift apart eventually. It's a...tricky situation, no matter what I do.