Guys, are you OK dating a girl less attractive than yourself?

[Ruby Slippers]

I think part of my problem in relationships is that I have usually dated very physically attractive men -- men who were in some cases a little more attractive than me. I think it's really hard to be objective about the "scale". But being realistic, I think I'm somewhere in the 6-8 range. The men I've had serious relationships with have been more like 7-9. I have never sought out lookers -- they always come to me.

 

A good example is one boyfriend who was about a 7-8 when we met. At that time, I was probably about a 7 (10-15 pounds extra, not putting a lot of effort into style, etc.). My boyfriend was very handsome, tall, well-built, but slightly nerdy. One of the first things he asked me to do was go shopping with him and help him improve his wardrobe. I also helped him pick out cooler glasses, I cut his hair for him so it looked better, and we worked out and did fitness stuff together a lot so we both got in much better shape. His confidence shot up as well, and he was getting a lot more female attention. I was getting a lot more male attention, too, but I ignored it because I knew where my loyalties were -- with him. Toward the end of our relationship, he was flirting with women in the 9-10 range, and not appreciating me like he used to. That was my thanks for helping him spiff himself up!

 

In the lighter dating I've been doing in the past couple of years, I have found that men a little less attractive than I am -- about in the 5-7 range -- treat me much better. The problem is they often have confidence issues and think I'm out of their league, so that messes everything up.

 

It's really hard to find just the right match.

[KR10N]

Ladies, are you comfortable dating a man better looking, or do you prefer to be the more attractive one?

If an attractive man had an equally attractive personality & I were dating him, it wouldn't be an issue to me. I don't view myself as attractive, never saw myself like that. So really, it's not a problem for either situation.

[oaks]

And I’m not asking if hot guys are OK dating ugly girls. I just mean less attractive. It could be a scenario where the guy is VERY attractive (basically a 10) and the girl is pretty (let’s say an 8). Would this work?

 

I can't speak for guys who are a 10, but since I don't believe in leagues anyway then I think the answer is yes.

[Wolf18]

Definitely don't care , within reason. A lot of girls who are pretty average and I assume only I would find attractive unfortunately, are considered attractive by other people to and it pisses me off so much.

 

It's women who don't date guys in their league. The only time an average looking woman will date an ugly guy is if he's really tall and has massive exagerrated muscles, or a lot of money .

[thehead]

When determining a girl's attractiveness, MY looks don't come into the equation. In assessing hers, I determine what constitutes a 10, 5, 4 in my book and that's all I care about. My buddies don't need to agree. My parents don't need to agree. Me and my penis, the army of two, need only agree.

 

I only date girls I find very attractive. I do have a type and try to stay with it because when I've tried to date outside that type, my eye wanders.

 

So yeah.

 

What was the question again?

[alphamale]

Are you genuinely OK dating a girl less attractive than yourself, or would you always wish she was the same or above you in attractiveness? Be honest please.

no, since i'm good looking i only date good looking women. and by good looking i mean above average

[GivenUp0083]

I think most guys aren’t. I know average to below guys who want very attractive women.

 

And I’m not asking if hot guys are OK dating ugly girls. I just mean less attractive. It could be a scenario where the guy is VERY attractive (basically a 10) and the girl is pretty (let’s say an 8). Would this work?

 

Are you genuinely OK dating a girl less attractive than yourself, or would you always wish she was the same or above you in attractiveness? Be honest please.

 

I woman's personality makes her more attractive physically to me somehow. So yeah, I don't care if she's less attractive, I don't want a woman who weighs more than I do or anything. I've worked hard to get into and stay in shape, I would hope my SO took care of her body as well.

 

If everything else was great, I enjoyed being with her, sex was great, then who cares if she's considered less attractive than me? Those things aren't important to me.

[tigressA]

I was FWB on and off with a good-looking guy who has a habit of dating girls who are clearly not as attractive as he is. All of them were overweight with plain-Jane faces, and not really winners in the personality department either. Everyone who knew us said, "Finally, he's met someone who measures up to him (me) but he doesn't want to be serious with you. He's stupid." He had said to me at one point that he knew he chose women who he felt he was better-looking or smarter than because he's so insecure. That really helped turn me off him forever.

 

I very briefly dated a guy who I met online and was like 15 on the scale of 1-10, for those who believe in numbers. All my girlfriends were in agreement about his scorching hotness, even those who wouldn't go for that type of guy. I at first thought he could never see me as attractive, especially with my unmade-up looks, but he did. Since having dated him I've thought, "If HE thought I was attractive, I can snag pretty much any guy I want with minimal effort." And I have.

[musemaj11]

Men want women who are more attractive than themselves just like women want men who are wealthier than themselves.

 

This is simple nature.

 

Personally I want the hottest woman I can get. But in reality I don't feel comfortable being with a woman whom I feel too much attraction for. So I prefer a woman is average as long as I have at least some attraction for her.

Edited July 13, 2011 by musemaj11

[iJester]

I was unsure of my looks for a very long time. But after being with some really hot girls in college and having them tell me how good looking I am, combined with girls I'm interested in asking me directly or insinuating that I'm a play based on looks alone, I've changed the way I think.

 

I treat all women as less attractive than me, and it has worked wonders. Which brings me to my answer to the original question. Yes, I'm comfortable dating less attractive women.

[Dusk1983]

I was FWB on and off with a good-looking guy who has a habit of dating girls who are clearly not as attractive as he is. All of them were overweight with plain-Jane faces, and not really winners in the personality department either. Everyone who knew us said, "Finally, he's met someone who measures up to him (me) but he doesn't want to be serious with you. He's stupid."

 

First off, those girls might have had 'plain jane faces' to you, but then again you aren't going to the best judge, are you? This misjudgement happens all the time - my female friends labels girls 'plain' who I and ALL of my male friends think are absolutely gorgeous. It happens almost every day.

 

.

 

I very briefly dated a guy who I met online and was like 15 on the scale of 1-10. Since having dated him I've thought, "If HE thought I was attractive, I can snag pretty much any guy I want with minimal effort." And I have.

 

Your post does have a slight air of narcissism and vanity, I'm afraid, and the bit above gets right to the heart of this issue about women 'under-rating' the attractiveness of men vs. themselves.

 

All girls need to understand that even adonis himself will either create or feign attraction for you if he's horny and feels there is a possiblity of having sex with you. Look at almost any universally-desired male celebrity that's been caught with his bits inside a nasty-looking slapper or some haggard prostistute (which is most of them.)

 

That doesn't mean she is on his 'level', it means he was horny. End of story. And even on a smaller, more everday scale, all of us men can't resist eyeing up nearly every woman we see. In both cases, its the male sex drive that distorts the relative evaluations of male/female attractiveness; with the end result being average men getting rejected by average women holding out for Brad Pitt, and women being either perenially lonely or less satisfied with what they have.

[GoodOnPaper]

Are you genuinely OK dating a girl less attractive than yourself, or would you always wish she was the same or above you in attractiveness? Be honest please.

 

As a mid-lifer, the answer would be a definite yes -- my primary criterion would be whether I can let my guard down and truly be at ease and myself when with a woman. If that's the case, then that quality about her would generate plenty of attraction on my part regardless of what others thought about her looks. When I was younger, though, I had a little more superficial mindset.

 

I assume my looks are pretty low-scale as I was always terrible at the initial attraction phase of things. With the few girls I did manage to date, I had no doubts about my attraction to them -- but they always had one foot out the door looking for someone hotter and/or more exciting. This experience created conflicting impulses -- if I found a woman that I felt was attractive enough to pursue, a negative image of lots of potential competition would kick in and sour my enthusiasm. My ideal woman became someone that I found very attractive but whom no other guy would want -- I doubt that that's actually possible . . .

[irc333]

Well, as far as thin people dating overweight people, I've seen this happen.

 

I know a rather thin man that married a rather obese woman, I thought she had gained weight after the marriage, and then I saw their wedding photo...and she was just as sizable.

 

I know of this one woman that's probably 90lbs or less, 5'1" I think, real cute, dating a guy that is chronically obese....I kept scrathin my head about it......it would make sense if they had met in person through friends.

 

But she said she met him on an online dating site.....usually on dating sites, a woman would quickly delete a man of that size.

 

So, I would surmise that people do tend to overlook appearances in certain cases.

 

 

I think most guys aren’t. I know average to below guys who want very attractive women.

 

And I’m not asking if hot guys are OK dating ugly girls. I just mean less attractive. It could be a scenario where the guy is VERY attractive (basically a 10) and the girl is pretty (let’s say an 8). Would this work?

 

Are you genuinely OK dating a girl less attractive than yourself, or would you always wish she was the same or above you in attractiveness? Be honest please.

[irc333]

When determining a girl's attractiveness, MY looks don't come into the equation.

 

When I am looking at the physical, I typically go by who I have been dating in the past.

 

Like if I had been able to attract rather attractive women, then I'll go with just that. (of cousre that's in the eye of the beholder)

 

When I see a woman, and think to myself, "Most of the women I have dated were better looking than her" I probably wouldn't date her.

 

Of course, I do take personality into the equation, too.

[tigressA]

First off, those girls might have had 'plain jane faces' to you, but then again you aren't going to the best judge, are you? This misjudgement happens all the time - my female friends labels girls 'plain' who I and ALL of my male friends think are absolutely gorgeous. It happens almost every day.

I guess you missed the part where it wasn't just me who thought that, it was everyone who knew the two of us--plenty of both guys and girls in that group. And he himself sincerely felt those girls were less attractive and/or intelligent than he was.

[HeavenOrHell]

Agreed, it's a meaningless question.

 

 

There is no one agreed upon rating of attractiveness for any individual, so IMO it's kinda meaningless question.

[carhill]

An interesting nuance I've noted in my age group is those ladies who enjoyed a wide audience in their past due to physical appearances, having aged and changed, not believing the image in front of her but rather than in her mind's eye from the past. IOW, still behaving like every man falls at her feet, and should, simply because she's the gift to all men. On cue, as a prior poster mentioned, men will, due to horniness or beer goggles, validate that perspective to get laid, then move on.

 

So, occasionally, I've run into the conundrum of socializing with contemporaries who perceive themselves (inferring from their direct words) to be far above my 'league'. Fascinating. I leave them to their perceptions. Hopefully their path with be fruitful. My path is seeing any woman whom I find attractive as my equal.

[irc333]

RIght, some women have been blessed with good genes that perhaps even made them continue to look younger or even keep their physical appearances looking decent....though they might have some wrinkles and smile lines, they still look good.....

 

 

...for their age...

 

So these ladies might sometimes still think they can get away with having the kind of standards in men as they did when they were younger, because they can get away with being 45 and looking 35...and attracting even younger men.

 

They sometimes give this away bye even lying about their stats in their dating profile, then "qualifying' it by saying how "Yeah I know I put that I'm 35, but I 'm actually 45...I still look young for my age, and I get carded at nightclubs"

 

LOL

 

They seem to have a level of narcissism about themselves and pat themselves on the back for having look good at that age due to good genetice.

 

 

An interesting nuance I've noted in my age group is those ladies who enjoyed a wide audience in their past due to physical appearances, having aged and changed, not believing the image in front of her but rather than in her mind's eye from the past. IOW, still behaving like every man falls at her feet, and should, simply because she's the gift to all men. On cue, as a prior poster mentioned, men will, due to horniness or beer goggles, validate that perspective to get laid, then move on.

 

So, occasionally, I've run into the conundrum of socializing with contemporaries who perceive themselves (inferring from their direct words) to be far above my 'league'. Fascinating. I leave them to their perceptions. Hopefully their path with be fruitful. My path is seeing any woman whom I find attractive as my equal.

[iris219]

There is no one agreed upon rating of attractiveness for any individual, so IMO it's kinda meaningless question.

 

It doesn’t matter if there is an agreed upon scale of attractiveness. The questions were: Would you date a woman who you deemed less attractive than yourself? Women, would date a man who you thought was more attractive than yourself?

 

I'd be fine dating a man more attractive than myself, but I'd worry that it would ultimately be a problem for him because men often place a lot of value on how women look.

 

 

 

It's women who don't date guys in their league. The only time an average looking woman will date an ugly guy is if he's really tall and has massive exagerrated muscles, or a lot of money .

 

Honestly, I rarely see women with more attractive men. Almost never, in fact. It doesn't make sense. The relationship, in theory, will be more stable if the women chooses someone equal or below her in looks.

 

Where I live, women often date WAY down. Men do notoriously well here. It’s one of the things newcomers comment on: all the attractive women with unattractive men (and, no, these men don’t have money. Some barely have jobs, if they even have one. I'm not kidding.)

[Feelsgoodman]

A lot of guys in this thread are either lying or desperate. No man with options would consider dating a woman that is less attractive than himself. This is generally true for women as well, although women are more likely to overlook looks in favor in things like money and status.

 

The happiest relationships are where both parties are on the same level of attractiveness. That way, neither feels like they are settling for less.

[irc333]

Actually, I think women tend to be attracted to some men, BUT, they think they could do better, physically.

 

So they by pass the average guy, even though they consider him cute, but if "Mr Hunk" is also available, she'll choose him easily.

 

That's what I think occurs, so if they ever decide to go for the average Joe that is "kinda cute".....so they probably aren't settling.

[oaks]

A lot of guys in this thread are either lying or desperate. No man with options would consider dating a woman that is less attractive than himself.

 

Assuming that I decide to date the best woman out of all the "options" I have, if I find her attractive enough to want to date then I'm not going to (consciously) be comparing her level of attractiveness to mine. I already find her attractive, and I want to date her, so what purpose does a comparison with me serve?

 

I'm not entirely sure how to judge how attractive I am anyway, or what I'm measuring. Attractive to who? me?

 

(I think this is one reason why I don't believe in leagues; I can't figure out which one I would be in.)

[KR10N]

An interesting nuance I've noted in my age group is those ladies who enjoyed a wide audience in their past due to physical appearances, having aged and changed, not believing the image in front of her but rather than in her mind's eye from the past. IOW, still behaving like every man falls at her feet, and should, simply because she's the gift to all men. On cue, as a prior poster mentioned, men will, due to horniness or beer goggles, validate that perspective to get laid, then move on.

 

So, occasionally, I've run into the conundrum of socializing with contemporaries who perceive themselves (inferring from their direct words) to be far above my 'league'. Fascinating. I leave them to their perceptions. Hopefully their path with be fruitful. My path is seeing any woman whom I find attractive as my equal.

I hate it when people use the "league" excuse. Makes no sense.

[irc333]

I hate it when people use the "league" excuse. Makes no sense.

 

 

Yeah, some guys would be checking out a woman, and the other guy would say to THAT guy, " Don't bother man, she's WAAAAY out of your league, dude!!"

[Untouchable_Fire]

I very briefly dated a guy who I met online and was like 15 on the scale of 1-10, for those who believe in numbers. All my girlfriends were in agreement about his scorching hotness, even those who wouldn't go for that type of guy. I at first thought he could never see me as attractive, especially with my unmade-up looks, but he did. Since having dated him I've thought, "If HE thought I was attractive, I can snag pretty much any guy I want with minimal effort." And I have.

 

You have posted enough pictures that I would grant you the above average in looks status.

 

Your going to get guys because you fall into that sweet spot... where you are attractive enough to get a guys attention, but not so hot as to be intimidating.