Finally moved out 8 months down the line

[Jamone]

Hello LS. Just thought i'd fill you in with what's happening. The advice given to me here has been very valuable and allowed me to think outside the box so thank you to everyone for your kind words.

 

I joined LS in october last year when i was having serious issues with my marriage. Anyway to cut a long story short i mustered up the balls to leave home. I left nearly a month ago and staying with a friend until i can find a place. It was easily the most difficult thing i've ever had to do. I couldn't face leaving while my daughter was up because i didn't want her to see me upset so i left when she was asleep...maybe not the best option but it seemed to work. I see her twice a week and every time i have to leave it gets harder. Last sunday i took her out for the day and when it was time to leave she gave me a hug and wouldn't let go. She wanted me to stay and that hurt.

 

I'm being civil with her mom and so far no arguments. The only thing is although i'm now out, i don't feel any better. Yeah i was sleeping on the sofa for 8 months but not being there still eats away at me. I'm looking for a new job and using getting a place to live as motivation but i still think about my little girl and the way my life has turned out constantly.

 

The only dream i had in life was to have a family and i feel that that dream was ruined by my wife. It's probably me feeling bitter but that's how i feel. My question now is what next? I feel like i'm starting over in my mid 30s when i should be stable. I have nothing materially speaking and i suppose i feel a bit regretful that i put so much love, effort and finances into my marriage only to have it thrown back in my face. Can anyone understand that?

 

Anyway, i guess what i'm really doing is fishing for encouragement and more advice. It is bl**dy hard trying to cope at work and adjusting to this new life esp when my living arrangement is not the greatest.

 

Any comments/criticism/advice is welcome...please go easy with the criticism part though.

 

Cheers

Jamone