margJarg Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Hey everyone, So it all started more than a month ago when I picked up this girl at a party and she got really really drunk and I helped her get better (held her hair when she was puking, dragged her to bed other wise she'd have slept on the grass etc.) and while I was doing that, she kept on telling me to go away and how she was so embarrassed etc etc. Finally got her to a safe and clean bed, I decided to stay close to her just in case things go worse or better so I slept beside her and eventually she got more sober. We started making out etc etc and finally she rewarded me with sex and I'm only mentioning this because I was a virgin beforehand. I didn't tell her that fact immediately, and come morning, she seemed very happy. She kept repeating how amazing I was because I helped her gt over being so drunk etc. And when we heard some couple arguing about stuff, we talked about how we would never be like them and fight like that. We even held hands there when we went to search for her missing earring (sadly, still M.I.A.) So We left the party separately and afterwards, we IMed and she seemed to have a crush on me (I don't know, this was my first time...) and we hooked up afterwards. We met at her uncle's place (because she lives about 80 miles from me and her uncle's place was sort of her place anyway!!) and after having some (great) sex, she told me that we wouldn't be dating because she had just gotten out of a very long and serious relationship and that she didn't want to hurt me (i didn't quite understand it perfectly), so some time passed by and we hooked up quite a few times when I asked her to go to a concert with me and she agreed! I was really happy because it was the date-iest thing we've had. After the concert, I spent the night with her and she told me that she was a girl who could rarely have an orgasm but she'd had at least one every single time when she was wih me. That made me a seriously happy man and i thought that we'd be dating in no time! Afterwards, she even posted on Facebook that she had "a best night for a long time". Hat showed me even more how she really liked me. But since then, things have gone somewhat worse: we were supposed to meet face-to-face about 2-3 times but she's cancelled them due to various reasons and she wouldn't let me go to her birthday party because she said she didn't want to date and explain to everyone that she's in a relationship etc etc. I gave her a call on her birthday to wish her the best birthday ever and she sort of invited me (said that she wouldn't mind if I came there but it was too late for me to go there, I already had plans + it was like 7pm, it'd take me at least 2-3 hours to get there). This was last friday (8th July) I've been IMing or calling her almoat every day, and just a few days back I realized that that was somewhat of the wrong thing to do, I was too clingy. And she'd been wanting to have a serious conversation face-to-face but we've failed at meeting, so we had it via phone today and she told me that she really didn't want a relaionship, because I'd get hurt in the end and because I'm too young (I'll be 20 in a week, she's 24 now) and she said I got too clingy. I really really do like her and I want to call her my girlfriend but i can't because she wont let me. She also mentioned that she was the one at fault, because I was great to be around (she really did seem to enjoy herself when we were together) and that she let this go too far. She implied that staying "friends with benefits" would be okay to her but I got too emotionally attatched. I think my faults were: bugging her too much because at first I was my normal self (made sick jokes and talked my normal talk) but after a few weeks I started being more of the boyfriend type (asking her every day about her day, talking about boing stuff etc.) I even cheered her up a few times when she was feeling sad (that can't be bad). I think her flaws are: she maybe wants to get back with her ex (I think he's british but we're from Eastern Europe and he still lives in Britain). She met him a few summers ago when she was working in Britain. She doesn't want a relationship with me, although I could see that she was into me and she obviously enjoyed spending all that time with me. Also, she thinks I'm too young but I'm not a typical teen douchebag, I like to think that I'm spiritually somewhat more advanced and I'm not much like alot of my friends who are my age, I seem more mature (at least to myself ). Oh, I also met a few of her friends (went to her friend's graduation party together). That also was a sign that she had accepted me as a boyfriend type... Yeah, a few days back I realized that I was too clingy and I gave her space. I let her initiate the conversations (mainly via IM) and I didn't ask as much. What else can I do to kake her fall in love with me? She does seem perfect to me (she likes similar music, SHE CAN COOK, she's HOT and more experienced, she likes sex etc.) I really want to be her boyfriend!!! Good advice is greatly appreciated! Oh, and i apologize because ofthe long blabbity blah here, That's just me. I tend to write alot of details and now I'm just making it longer. Sorry to make you read through all of this, but she is important to me and I apologize for all the typos here, I've written it on my iPod latr at night in bed. Alone. Thanks for your advice!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I think she liked your company and the sex and saw it as a light-hearted friends-with-benefits type situation, until she felt you were getting too attached. You did get demanding of her time and attention, which wouldn't be a problem if she was infatuated with you but she wasn't. I think she also worried that you might get hurt because you were getting seriously attached. I wouldn't hope for too much out of this, but if you do want her and you want the best chance of her becoming your girlfriend, I'd recommend that you really back off, give her a break, have a fun chat with her once a week or something and busy yourself doing other things. Don't sulk or be miserable without her and don't cling and bother her. Don't stalk her on Facebook or anything else. If she misses you, she'll come looking for you. Be kind and chatty if she does make contact, but don't quiz her about other guys or enquire too deeply into what she's up to. The purpose of this is for her to experience a total lack of pressure and for her to miss you and start to wonder whether she made the right decision about you. As long as you are mature and respectful but certainly not clingy and demanding, she will feel free to muse on this. She may decide she wants to see you, in which case make arrangements but far enough ahead that she has to wait a bit. You want to be a guy whose company is sought rather than one to be avoided in case you get clingy again. You can't guarantee that she will want to spend much time with you or fall in love with you. All you can do at this point is to be an interesting and respectful guy who isn't pushing her away by his demands. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author margJarg Posted July 13, 2011 Author Share Posted July 13, 2011 Thanks for the reply and thanks for reading thrpugh my long post! I'll back away some more and always wait for her to initiate contact and when she does, I'll try to be chill and not pressure her much as you said. Thanks again!! Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I'm a woman and my advice is this girl isn't going to be serious about anyone, including her ex. I bet you she cheated on him and that's why they broke it off, or he did, or they both were lol Casey is a girl I knew back months ago in a similar situation as your girl was, basically all women like to use the excuse "I just broke up" with a guy they don't think they want to screw, see the signs. Now she did screw you but she had her fun and it's over, you need to ignore her totally and never call her again then find a new girl to see. If she has ANY interest at all she'll be banging down your door in no time. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 She might have hooked up with you to help her rebound from her ex, but it didnt work. While she is with you, shes still thinking of her ex, thats why she cant see herself falling for you. Not only that, but you didnt make her earn your heart, you just gave it to her, so now youre not a challenge, and she knows it, which pushes her further away from you. She got with you to sweep her off her feet, make her forget about her ex, and it didnt work. What might be worse, she just hooked up with you to avoid bieng alone, and never saw you as a possibility to make her forget about her ex. Theres nothing you can do to make her fall for you, she will never do it while you are hanging around her, because youre essentially waiting for her to fall for you, and thats not attractive to anyone. YOu will never win with this one, theres no way to win her heart in this instance, so let her go, and find a girl that is willing to give her heart to you from the get go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author margJarg Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 Yeah, she dumped me about a week ago. Depressing -.- I've been talking to her a bit. It seems that she does care somewhat about me (or maybe it's just because she feels bad about it, that does show something...). I can't stop thinking about her even though I know I might get a girl much better than her... Damn brain Thanks for all the advice!! Link to post Share on other sites
copperhead246 Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I'm not sure if I'm replying the right way but I guess I'll find out lol...sometiems you have to listen to just what the person is saying and take it as that. Not everyone is always giving a b.s. excuse cause they are not interested. However, only you know this girl so you would have to with your gut instinct. I'm in a similiar position where I met a guy that I really really like BUT I'm no where in the mental state of wanting to be in a relationship. I don't even want to do the FWB thing with him because I know that I'll get attached and have feelings that I logically don't want to be bothered with right now...so maybe give this girl time like others have suggested. Find other things to do and if you want other people to hang out with and if she comes around great if not, hopefully you get used to not having her around and it won't be a problem Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts