How do you start moving on?

[Stupid Girl]

Today is 1 week NC for me, and I'm finally realizing maybe this really isn't going to work out. Maybe he really isn't going to come back. At the very least I hoped he would "wake up" quickly, but it seems that's not going to happen.

 

Part of me thinks it's selfish to give up on this relationship in a week, after we've been been together so long (5 years). But then the other part of me thinks it's selfish for him to put me through this, so why do I owe him any courtesy when he wouldn't do me the same?

 

I think I need to let this go and start going forward again, moving on with my life. I've just been stuck in a haze of confusion and denial since this breakup of whatever it is happened a couple weeks ago. But it's especially difficult for me, because he just moved out on a spur of the moment, taking only a backpack with him. So all his stuff is still at my house. So obviously, he or somebody on his behalf needs to come get his stuff before I can realistically hope to start moving on. But in order to work this out, I'll have to break NC. So I want to wait for him to contact me, but at the same time I don't want this all done according to his terms.

 

In this situation, what is my best course of action - should I just leave it, is there a chance of me being able to start healing with all this clothes and stuff in my house? or if not, what kind of an effect would breaking NC have right at this point?

 

Or alternately, does anybody thing I should be giving him a little bit more time to decide, like up to the end of the month, based on the duration and prior happiness of our relationship?

[Nohbody]

The first thing you have to do is decide to start moving on. It's a conscious decision you have to make and a commitment you have to stick to. Letting go is hard, but if you make the decision it will begin to happen naturally.

[smudge21]

It's only been a week, so I wouldn't start making assumptions about how things are going to go just yet. People hear back from thier ex's months after they've gone NC. That said, you shouldn't really be focusing on using NC to get an ex back, more to get yourself healed.

 

I do agree that with all his stuff at yours it will be difficult to fully move on as at some point those items will trigger feelings and you know he will want them back. You need to box them up and move them out best you can.

 

I don't know the background to your breakup, but if he's the dumper then emotionally he may have moved on long before he left you. It's a sad fact that sometimes we, as dumpees, have to accept.

 

Just try and occupy your mind and your heart by doing whatever you want now but try to keep busy. Boredom leads to thinking too much which can lead to depression and doing silly things, like breaking NC. I know that for a fact and I've suffered because of it.

 

As I said, it's only been a week but well done for staying NC so far. Keep it up, it will get better.

[Exit]

Congrats on sticking to NC, it's not easy.

 

I agree that you should at least box up his stuff and try to put it somewhere out of the way. You may not have much space depending on your living situation, but still, anything is better than still having the clothes and things in their normal places, feeling like you're living with the ghost of the person no longer there. Box them up, put them aside, and maybe if he ever comes around again, he'll be shocked to see that you were strong enough to move forward and get his stuff ready to go. Realistically you're gonna have to do it sometime, might as well pack it up now. Then when he or a mutual friend texts you and asks if they can have the stuff in a couple days, you can say "actually it's ready to go right now". BOOM. lol

 

I know things are tough right now. It's not "letting go" that is hard, it making that decision TO let go. I've realized that two breakups need to happen. Our partners leaving us is just the first stage. We can choose to stay in love with them and keep hurting for as long as we want. We still need to break up with our exes in our hearts and in our minds.

 

A week really isn't that long, and none of us know what will happen in your situation. No, you may not absolutely need to say your own personal goodbyes to the relationship just yet, but still, he left you in a place to take care of it yourself, that is your space now, and I would still round up his possessions and get them out of my sight. Perhaps it will take you a couple days to get that done with, and you can continue to think and analyze your feelings while you're doing so. And if nothing has improved in a while, then maybe you can decide to finally let go.

 

I know how you feel. My ex left but I kept wanting to hang out. I knew it was up to me to keep the dreams that we shared alive, because if I gave up, I knew there'd be no going back. But I've spent 4 months holding onto these dreams now, while she still can't fully decide to return to me. Don't get yourself stuck in my situation.