What do you think guys and girls? - is silence always a bad thing?

[sadie]

hello, just a little query about men and txting? Basically i like this guy loads whose always at the club i go to every week and we have been chatting and flirting quite alot but he can also be quite elusive with me. Last week he asked me to come back with him just to talk and stuff, not do anything major and i thought we had a good time and he seems a really nice genuine person. He said he wasn't into superficial encounters and that he just wanted to spend the night with me(no sex) to see how we felt about each other. So thats what happened. Now i know hes not a big texter and i'm stupid cuz i erased his number ages ago so that i wouldn't make a fool of myself by txting him, cuz i didn't think he was interested. But he hasn't txt me either and its been 4 days. He knows he'll see me in the week and i think he may be a kinda 'take my time and see what happens' kind of guy so my question is this -

 

1.will he have expected me to contact him first and how will he feel about me not contacting him? am i playing it cool unintentionally or will he think i'm uninterested?

 

2.how do i get his number without looking like a weirdo?

 

3.is it ok that he hasn't text me or am i flogging a dead horse?

 

thanks for your help!!

[greenlantern]

i would say don't contact him, just let it unfold naturally when you see him again. right now you are going to his club, spending the night at his request, waiting for him to text, and basically conducting the relationship on his terms. it's good you have not had sex yet, IMO.

 

i would back down on the intensity, make sure you have lots of other stuff, and possibly other dates, going on. he might be shy, but it sounds more like he is cautious and not interested in a long-term relationship just yet. don't spook him - just see what happens and make sure your emotional needs are being met before investing any more time and effort into him.

 

it's likely he is sincere, but some guys do pull this kind of stuff sometimes to hook and drag a girl - to "raise her Interest level" as the cheesy how-to-get-women-books phrase it. you don't need that; it's beneath you. just be careful; right now you it sounds like you have very little power in this dynamic.