Read- Things get better

[ventdomain]

I can't seem to find my original post but I thought I would let you all know that things do get better. For me, it was all about getting her out of my head. It had been 8 months and I was still obsessing every moment of every day. I signed up for an internet dating account and it has done so much for me. It's all about regainaing your confidence, becoming the person you were before the pain, but with all the knowledge and experience of the past relationship. That's the key to success. Sure, I've been on dates with girls that in no way compared on a thousand levels, but I'll keep dating. I have a new level of confidence about me that attracts the girls I want to be attracted to me.

 

Guys, this girl devestated me on so many levels. I never thought I was going to recover and although I still do gurt from time to time, it isn't the obessive nagging pain that makes me mope around all day. It took me 8 months to get out of the hell I was in. Hang in there. It gets better. Feel free to ask me anything.

 

Thanks,

 

Vent.

[Trappedinyou]

I'm sorry for you that it took 8 months.

I'm hoping to be good by the 8th week.

I read so many people here are still in trouble with it all after years thats really tough I just hope I can move on pretty quickly.

I'm not ready for internet dating yet though but good on you .

[Lemontang]

Good for you ventdomain. Your well on the road of moving on. It's near mirror to my progress at about the same time from when an ex and I broke up. You'll still hit a few pot holes along the way, that's normal. But in another 8 months you'll come back look over your posts and realise just how far you've come and grown as a person.

 

That and internet dating sure is fun isn't it? I met some fantastic people doing that and 10 months in now with someone as a result.

[Rockyb87]

I know exactly what you mean im on my 9 month, i think. I too lost the one person who i thought was going to be there for me when i was there for her when she was at her most vulnerable state. But i guess was wrong, anyway u do start to get a piece of youself if you just let it happen, you wont know but it'll happen. Ive been on a couple dates n yea I do tend to compare them to my ex but i tell myself their not her and i push my ex out of my head and it works. Yes im always going to think about her but eventually it'll pass.

[ventdomain]

Haha. I can still be sad, I'm a bit sad now, but I know that I've come so far. One thing I miss is that face. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I miss the sharpness of her cheek bones and the way we would end words with a 'Y' just to make them sound cutesy and stupid. I miss the feeling of having someone in your life that you would take a bullet for at the first chance. I miss those little hands in mine and the pride I felt having her around my waste. I miss the way my family looked at her with 100% approval.

 

Listen, there were some qualities about this girl that were totally amazing and things I would be so afraid just couldn't exist in someone else. However, it's the fear that keeps you down. The feeling of forever alone, forever comparing with no hope for the same happiness you once had. Listen, instead of thinking of what made her so amazing, think of what makes you so amazing.

 

She misses me. She misses my ability to enter a room and make it mine. She misses my insight, wit, and taste for morality. She misses my humor, my goofy underside that really makes me the catch I am. She misses my intelect, thirst for creative knowledge, and passion. She misses the sex. She misses my family, my sister, and dogs. She misses my heart and my ability to make her feel so good about the moist difficult things in her life. She misses my creativity, sarcasm, and she misses my body. She misses the comfort of someone with the same religious ideologies and someone who has never made her feel so comfortable and right.

 

I messed up! I made mistakes. I room a beautiful girl and made her feel insecure about her body and mind. I was verbally abusive at times because I wanted her to change into the person I am destined to find. Everyone makes mistakes, it's inevitable we've all done things we regret. But it isn't the mistakes we've made, it's the lessons we must learn from them. Talk yourself up and remember how amazing you are. You'll be feeling better in no time.

[wilsonx]

Interesting last post. How do you know she misses you. That should not even be there on the road to healing. It doesn't matter if she misses you does it? Its almost like you still have hope that she will come back when you say these things. I am not trying to pick on you, I am curious how this helps you cope and move on from her!

[Badenov]

Interesting last post. How do you know she misses you. That should not even be there on the road to healing. It doesn't matter if she misses you does it? Its almost like you still have hope that she will come back when you say these things. I am not trying to pick on you, I am curious how this helps you cope and move on from her!

 

Validation. Self-worth. You're right, it shouldn't matter. But he thought that the other person is fine without us is a blow to the self-esteem.

[Almond_Joy]

Haha. I can still be sad, I'm a bit sad now, but I know that I've come so far. One thing I miss is that face. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I miss the sharpness of her cheek bones and the way we would end words with a 'Y' just to make them sound cutesy and stupid. I miss the feeling of having someone in your life that you would take a bullet for at the first chance. I miss those little hands in mine and the pride I felt having her around my waste. I miss the way my family looked at her with 100% approval.

 

Listen, there were some qualities about this girl that were totally amazing and things I would be so afraid just couldn't exist in someone else. However, it's the fear that keeps you down. The feeling of forever alone, forever comparing with no hope for the same happiness you once had. Listen, instead of thinking of what made her so amazing, think of what makes you so amazing.

 

She misses me. She misses my ability to enter a room and make it mine. She misses my insight, wit, and taste for morality. She misses my humor, my goofy underside that really makes me the catch I am. She misses my intelect, thirst for creative knowledge, and passion. She misses the sex. She misses my family, my sister, and dogs. She misses my heart and my ability to make her feel so good about the moist difficult things in her life. She misses my creativity, sarcasm, and she misses my body. She misses the comfort of someone with the same religious ideologies and someone who has never made her feel so comfortable and right.

 

I messed up! I made mistakes. I room a beautiful girl and made her feel insecure about her body and mind. I was verbally abusive at times because I wanted her to change into the person I am destined to find. Everyone makes mistakes, it's inevitable we've all done things we regret. But it isn't the mistakes we've made, it's the lessons we must learn from them. Talk yourself up and remember how amazing you are. You'll be feeling better in no time.

 

 

Vent,

 

This is beautiful to me. I agree with many here that the opposite of love is total indifference. I haven't had really bad things happen to me in any of the relationships I've been in, so maybe I'm speaking from lack of experience. But I have yet to be in a relationship where, with time, your love for someone doesn't outweigh the pain inflicted. Regardless of what bad things happened, you did fall in love with that person. That person made an impact on you. And I believe you can heal from a breakup and still cherish the good experiences that you shared with that person.

 

I especially like your post, Vent, because you not only mention what great things you miss about her, but also the great things about yourself, that you know are great qualities and experiences that she will miss about you. It doesn't mean neither of you will ever find those qualities in someone else again in life, and even if you do, it doesn't lessen the value of what you had with your ex. Those memories are still special to both of you, no matter where your relationship with each other stands now.

 

Just my $0.02.

[ventdomain]

Interesting last post. How do you know she misses you. That should not even be there on the road to healing. It doesn't matter if she misses you does it? Its almost like you still have hope that she will come back when you say these things. I am not trying to pick on you, I am curious how this helps you cope and move on from her!

 

 

There is no evidence to believe she missed me at all. We've been nc for 3 months, broken up for nearly 10. However, it is so much more of a confident gut feeling/self-evaluation. I gave this person the understanding that she was everything wonderful and I was just so lucky to have her. The truth is, we were lucky to have each other. I think that is missed too often. The values and strengths I brought to the relationship were amazing things and whether or not she thinks about them often, I know it's true. Sometimes I find myself totally on, bringing something to the table that is totally unique of me. It could be bringing everyone together at a dinner table or making a sweet joke unique to me. Regardless, those things lift my spirit and remind me why she was so in love with me.

 

Honestly, it's about finally finding those lost qualities that show the real progress. I can be happy again. It's a great feeling knowing that you CAN feel good, whether or not it's all the time is something that will change with ever turn of the calendar.