Help me read between the lines

[secondstage2004]

Ok...here's my sad story......my girfriend broke up with me about 1 1/2 months ago (we dated for over a year). Her reasons for breaking up with me were vague, so it has been difficult for me trying to cope with the situation. I have been very loyal and sincere to her during our time together. Since the break-up, we have met up in person twice already, as we still had some unfinished business affairs together that needed to be completed. It was very difficult for me to see her again so soon after the breakup, but I had no choice because of work. I would describe our meetings as quite ackward, as both of us made feeble attempt to be friendly.

 

On both occassions during our meeting after the breakup, my ex casually mentioned about a debilitating sickness which she had several years ago. She said that there is a possibility that the sickness could recur, if she gets overly stressed. I am very confused as to why she was telling me about her sickness, whereas she has never even mentioned this matter to me at all during the one year that we went steady dating.

 

I have to admit that I am still hoping that we can get back again together. A bigger part of me says that she is telling me about the sickness so I can make the first move and say that I still love her inspite of the sickness (which I do). The other part of me says that she is telling me this ugly part of her life because she has no more desire to continue a relationship with me, and therefore she has no reason to be embarassed about her condition.

 

Since our work together is already completed, I have no more "alibis" to stay in touch with my ex. Now I want to adopt a "no contact" policy with her for my own sake. However, this question still constantly linger in my mind, and I get an urge to call her up and tell her that I love her inspite of her condition. The only thing that prevents me from making contact is the anxiety that I could be making a bigger fool of myself if she rejects me again.

 

Anyone care to share an opinion on this matter?

[uriel]

Who knows why she said this? Could be she wanted sympathy, could be she didn't care what you think now, could be she was letting you know not to bug her again because stress makes her sicker. It's common for everyone to wonder about what things meant after a break-up. Don't let that suck you back in to uninvited contact.

 

If this girl loves you and wants to get back together, she'll let you know. Since she broke up with you, I doubt that's the case. Sorry to say this so bluntly, but keeping the fantasy alive will do you more harm than good.

 

-- uriel

[reggio]

It sounds to me that she needs her time and space. It's possible that she may in fact have this condition and she will need to deal with it. If she needed your help and wanted to be with you, she would have already have asked you by now.

 

At this point, I would leave her alone and move on with your life. It will be hard at first but in time you will feel better.

 

Sorry if I can't give you more encouraging words.

[secondstage2004]

thanks reggio and uriel for your honest opinions. it's not what i wanted to hear but it surely helps put things in perspective for me. i will try my utmost best the "no contact" policy with my ex, and move on with my life... btw, today is the 6th day of my no contact policy. it has been very tough but i think i will make it thru this challenge.

 

i am so thankful i found this forum!!!

[shellen]

eh for me...my approach is to ask whenever in doubt...

I want to minimise the number of "what ifs" in my life...

if i have any question I need to find out the answer

but that is just me...

[bluechocolate]

I have to admit that I am still hoping that we can get back again together.

 

I'll bet she realises that.

 

She said that there is a possibility that the sickness could recur, if she gets overly stressed.

 

and she said that so you won't pressure her to change her mind.

 

Sorry mate, but I think you have to let this one go.