irma Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Hello I know this post may make me come accross as really mean but I would like some of your opinions on this. My ex broke up with me in January. It was really hard for me at first after being together for 3 and a half years. I found out he started seeing a new girl two months after we broke up. Ex and I have kept LC since the split and I met him for lunch yesterday to give him some stuff he had left at mine. Whilst we were at lunch he got a call from his new girlfriend who was in the area and wanting to meet up. At once I said I would get going but he insisted I stay and meet her. I was so nervous as I still hold a little flame for him! Anyway to be brutally honest I was shocked when she arrived. I had this picture of a stunning woman in my head and was really nervous. However she was, in my opinion and I'm sure in the opinion of many, not attractive in the slightest. She was really, really thin, practically unhealthy looking, really pale with thin hair that was greasy and unwashed. She didn't have a scrap of make up and had huge bags under her eyes. If I had seen her in the street I would have assumed she was a drug addict. She wore the most unflattering clothes, really baggy clothes that just hung off her and never looked me in the eye. She seemed really odd. She kissed him as soon as she saw him and my ex looked very uncomfortable with this. She totally ignored me and I would have felt awkward if it wasn't for the fact that I was ever so amused by the weirdness of the situation. She wasn't ugly as such just not attractive, at least she had a good set of teeth. I don't understand what he sees in her. Considering they weren't friends before or anything (one night stand) I just don't get it. It has however made me feel a hell of a lot better about myself!! Since we broke up I have made such an effort to improve myself as I'm out there dating. Why would he be so keen to meet her? He must know how people would react. He's good looking and I would have expected him to move on to someone better looking than myself. I know looks are not everything, it's what inside that counts blah blah blah but I just couldn't see the attraction!!! Very confused. Anyone able to shed some light? Please?
Hot Chick Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Sorry but as much as you think she is physically unattractive, you ex- boyfriend finds your personality and insides just as unattractive. Otherwise he would have stayed with you. I might more be asking myself if I were you, what it is about MYSELF that made him run for the hills.Look inward, not outward. Because obviously there is something about her he finds a lot more attractive than you and it must have something to do with your innerness.
rightfield Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I can't shed any light on that at all. I also don't understand an ex wanting you to meet the new girlfriend. It's like, here, let me rip that bandaid off again so you can start healing all over. I can offer this though: check out the song "Ugly Girl" by Fleming and John. It describes your encounter exactly, and it's quite funny.
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Sorry but as much as you think she is physically unattractive, you ex- boyfriend finds your personality and insides just as unattractive. Otherwise he would have stayed with you. I might more be asking myself if I were you, what it is about MYSELF that made him run for the hills.Look inward, not outward. Because obviously there is something about her he finds a lot more attractive than you and it must have something to do with your innerness. Hmm I expected responses along these lines. I can totally see why you would think that as I didn't know how else to pose the question other than sounding like a complete b****
Hot Chick Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 He is probably more attracted to brains than physical beauty. In the end, a guy wants to be with someone he is emotionally and intellectually connected to. Also did you see the thread on makeup? she obviously didn't have any makeup on and was dressed in very casual clothes. She very well is probably a 9 or 10 once she pulls herself together. Also, apparently he likes "skinny" girls. Maybe you are too big for his personal tastes...just some thoughts. I'm sure the answer is within my responses somewhere, or a combination of some or all the above.
oaks Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Very confused. Anyone able to shed some light? Please? It says something about you that you care who your ex is dating. Let it go.
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 He is probably more attracted to brains than physical beauty. In the end, a guy wants to be with someone he is emotionally and intellectually connected to. Also, apparently he likes "skinny" girls. Maybe you are too big for his personal tastes. She actually looked ill, not just skinny, really unwell. I since texted him to ask if she was OK about meeting me and also if she was feeling well and he did say that she is always tired. I suggested he urge her to go to the doctor. He said people he works with have also mentioned the same. I'm not big - a size 8 but that's besides the point here...
Untouchable_Fire Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 It has however made me feel a hell of a lot better about myself!! Since we broke up I have made such an effort to improve myself as I'm out there dating. Why would he be so keen to meet her? He must know how people would react. He's good looking and I would have expected him to move on to someone better looking than myself. I know looks are not everything, it's what inside that counts blah blah blah but I just couldn't see the attraction!!! Very confused. Anyone able to shed some light? Please? She is probably WAY hotter than you when she does her makeup and preps. I assume that is why he wanted to bring her out. I would bet he was surprised she didn't get all dressed up. The guy dumped you for a reason... and it doesn't seem like he is trying to get back... so this new GF must clean up way better than you. Just imagine how bad you would look with such little effort. I bet way worse judging by this guys actions.
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 It says something about you that you care who your ex is dating. Let it go. Well I wouldn't care if he hadn't been so insistent that I meet her, and I care about him as we've known each other since 2001.
Saxis Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 After I refused to take her back, my XW said that about my recent XGF, right to my face in front of our daughter. I straight up told her "I chose to be with her instead of you, so that's not saying much about yourself!". He's probably thinking the same thing...
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Sorry to say 8 is not exactly thin.... A UK size 8, is a US size 6. Please correct me if I'm wrong. If that's regarded as big then I'm not surprised so many women develop eating disorders
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 She is probably WAY hotter than you when she does her makeup and preps. I assume that is why he wanted to bring her out. I would bet he was surprised she didn't get all dressed up. The guy dumped you for a reason... and it doesn't seem like he is trying to get back... so this new GF must clean up way better than you. Just imagine how bad you would look with such little effort. I bet way worse judging by this guys actions. I don't wear much make up, just wear jeans, top, etc but I DO wash my hair. Anyway I don't view it as a competition between her and me, just wanted opinions. Thanks so far...
primer Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Maybe she is independent or has good work ethics. Maybe she has a great sense of humor. Those things might be important to your ex. Those are just examples. She must have qualities that you lack.
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 The bigger question...why do you care OP? He's my friend. We've known each other since 2001. Friends for way longer than the length of time we were dating. I find it strange. Wouldn't you care just alittle bit if your friend's girlfriend or boyfriend was just so different to who they've dated in the past?
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Maybe she is independent or has good work ethics. Maybe she has a great sense of humor. Those things might be important to your ex. Those are just examples. She must have qualities that you lack. She does have a car and I don't but then nor does he. And he said she is currently studying at school as she didn't get any qualifications so that is admirable as she's in her 30s and it can't be easy to start over. TBH I don't know much about her background. And she must have a good sense of humour to be dating my ex...no, he's a great guy really.
Rinas Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Everyone has a different eye for beauty. Whats beautiful to one person, will be the opposite for another. Your ex clearly thinks she's got it going on. The only flaw here is your insecurities. I believe you choose to see her this way as you still hold a flame. Us women are far more judgmental and tend to pick out any noticeable flaw. It's just unhealthy. She may not look like you, but men like variety, and she must have something good about her for them to be dating.
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Everyone has a different eye for beauty. Whats beautiful to one person, will be the opposite for another. Your ex clearly thinks she's got it going on. The only flaw here is your insecurities. I believe you choose to see her this way as you still hold a flame. Us women are far more judgmental and tend to pick out any noticeable flaw. It's just unhealthy. She may not look like you, but men like variety, and she must have something good about her for them to be dating. I totally agree with this. I like guys that my friends wouldn't even consider and vice versa. It's the hygiene thing that I don't get. She had really greasy hair, dandruff. But I guess as I'm female I noticed this and my ex probably doesn't.
Rinas Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 I totally agree with this. I like guys that my friends wouldn't even consider and vice versa. It's the hygiene thing that I don't get. She had really greasy hair, dandruff. But I guess as I'm female I noticed this and my ex probably doesn't. As a woman myself, I've had times where I look down upon. There has been times where Bf/Exes have told me how attractive a particular actress/model was to them, and I couldn't see it. I would be there thinking 'What?!". But it goes the same for them, I find a variety of men attractive, some in which many people wouldn't agree with. She could have been having a bad day and was in a rush to get out of the house, she could look better on most occasions. She must have something physically attractive about her (and inner beauty). Point blank, you may not accept that she's attractive enough, but to him she is. Time to find yourself a new babe, and quit complaining about this guy.
oaks Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Wouldn't you care just alittle bit if your friend's girlfriend or boyfriend was just so different to who they've dated in the past? If she was just like you you'd be here saying "blah blah and she's just like me" as if that was also significant. Maybe she's good in bed. Just accept that he's attracted to her.
sm1tten Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 What exactly is it that you want opinions on? We didn't see her, we don't know if she's truly ugly or unattractive or just having an off day, or what. Most options presented as to why he might be with her, you've brushed off. The way you've framed this is competitive and petty.
Afishwithabike Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 You met her once. We all have our off days. As another poster suggested, perhaps this girl was in a rush, perhaps she wasn't feeling well, perhaps she ran out of shampoo... And some people clean up well. Have you ever seen stars without bed hair and no makeup? Some of them look downright dreadful. But with makeup and styled hair, they look great. Perhaps this girl is a diamond in the rough. The bottom line is your ex obviously finds something appealing about her.
Author irma Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 What exactly is it that you want opinions on? We didn't see her, we don't know if she's truly ugly or unattractive or just having an off day, or what. Most options presented as to why he might be with her, you've brushed off. The way you've framed this is competitive and petty. I have accepted it could be down to her work ethic - studying for her qualifications and working full time. That's an admirable trait. I guess I was looking for people who have been in the same situation. Maybe they also felt that their friend's new partner was not as they expected and their friend explained why they were with them.
Recommended Posts