Sugarkane Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Sounds almost exactly like my last relationship! Save for the divorce part. Noticing that the other person has become distant but at the same time thinking that maybe it's just the two of you reaching that "comfortable" stage or that maybe you're overanalyzing things. Good times interspersed with uneasy moments that you thought were nothing but "rough patches" that all couples had to go through 'cause they never brought anything up with you. And then the next thing you know, it's over. Man thats so true, its not funny. Why the hell do they do this? Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Until you get it. Then it becomes boring. That's why nice guys finish last. There are millions of nice guys in the world. They are boring. When you've had crazy, depressive, cheater, and stupid... nice is a change. I would take boring. Its not up to my spouse to keep me happy. I am responsible for my own happiness. A good spouse and lover that is boring is very preferable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onlyafool Posted July 17, 2011 Author Share Posted July 17, 2011 A good spouse and lover that is boring is very preferable. I've read your story and I think you might be the exception to the rule, in your preferences. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it seems that the girls I get involved with are looking for anything but boring... Link to post Share on other sites
Author onlyafool Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Today I was at a local drinkery my brother owns, which just so happens to be next door to the workout place of my ex. I haven't been to it since we split. He's been asking me to stop by for the past couple weeks, but i steered clear. Today he asked again and I thought to myself, this is ridiculous. Im not going to stay away from places I want to go, just because she might be there. So I did and had a great time! I go out to my car after and there's a note on the windshield, written on a Wendy's napkin. It reads: "I'm sorry things ended the way they did. I truly value you as a person and I wish that we could still talk. I miss our conversations and you very much". Ahhahahhaha...ahh...hahahhaha....I know you do sweetheart. I know. Great way to end the work day! Link to post Share on other sites
Tryin Hard 2 Make It Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 ....I know you do sweetheart. I know. I can just see you saying this to her in person as you are walking away, smiling at her and giving her a wink of your eye.... Nice closing Link to post Share on other sites
Author onlyafool Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 I can just see you saying this to her in person as you are walking away, smiling at her and giving her a wink of your eye.... Nice closing In actuality, if I would have seen her face to face yesterday, I wouldn't have laughed. I would have just said "I'm sorry too", got in my car and left. I don't want to rub it in. I just want her to leave me alone. Link to post Share on other sites
bdoggle Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 onlyafool...You sound so strong and self assured, but I bet you feel at least a bit as angry as I do. I got dumped after a significant investment in the relationship at the height of the romantic phase. Felt like I was floating all alone with nothing making sense. Got a txt msg saying it was over and she had strong feelings for her new next door neighbor. Next door to the new house I helped her buy. No reason given for what happened, just took everything I had given and vanished like a magic trick. Knowing the "why" is so difficult when they lie and deceive. Acceptance sounds easier for you than me...my work I know. Your mode would work well for manipulative and pathological types I think, but it takes hindsight to know that about someone. In my case I get these periodic text messages which say "I'm in love with you etc..." I have been taken in but get nothing after my response, just silence. Good for you on the napkin note thing! I feel like I have to fix/resolve this for me to be ok, but realistically I'm only looking for validation that I'm not the crazy one for still caring about what happened and seeking appropriate closure which is the least I deserve. Its a hard lesson to learn Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Onlyafool, I really needed this. I think I've been regressing in my recovery this weekend, thinking so much about the relationship and wondering what I did wrong to make him change towards me. I started believing it was my fault again, that I must have done something that was a huge turn-off for him. Reading this, I can understand why he may not have tried to be a friend when he broke things off. He went about it totally the wrong way, but the reasoning you've shown here makes sense. Obviously I'm still looking for answers, and the answer "these things just happen" hurts like hell. But it's the truth. It gives me peace when the pain subsides. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and your reasoning. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenVista Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Remember, YOU are a precious commodity. Sticking around in a pseudo relationship with someone that doesn’t want to be romantically involved with you anymore, reduces your value...reduces your self esteem...reduces your self-worth. You’re better than that. I’m better than that. And I guarandangtee you, there’s someone out there in this great big world that will see just exactly what I’m talking about. I like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onlyafool Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 onlyafool...You sound so strong and self assured, but I bet you feel at least a bit as angry as I do. I got dumped after a significant investment in the relationship at the height of the romantic phase. Felt like I was floating all alone with nothing making sense. Got a txt msg saying it was over and she had strong feelings for her new next door neighbor. Next door to the new house I helped her buy. No reason given for what happened, just took everything I had given and vanished like a magic trick. Knowing the "why" is so difficult when they lie and deceive. Acceptance sounds easier for you than me...my work I know. Your mode would work well for manipulative and pathological types I think, but it takes hindsight to know that about someone. In my case I get these periodic text messages which say "I'm in love with you etc..." I have been taken in but get nothing after my response, just silence. Good for you on the napkin note thing! I feel like I have to fix/resolve this for me to be ok, but realistically I'm only looking for validation that I'm not the crazy one for still caring about what happened and seeking appropriate closure which is the least I deserve. Its a hard lesson to learn bdoggle, I'm sorry for what she's put you through. Those love nugget texts you're getting from her are terrible and then to follow it up with silence is gutless. You aren't crazy for wanting answers and closure. I was seeking both too. It made me very angry that I couldn't get it. But you have to realize, eventually, that there might not be an answer to be had. Take this for what it's worth. I'd rest easy with the thought that you care/cared enough about her and the relationship to get on LS and share your story. From what I've read, you sound like a solid person that only wanted the best for her. You should relish in the fact that, despite all that she's done to you, you still care. A lesser person would tell her to go kick rocks. That being said, it's not doing you any good waiting around for answers to questions from someone incapable of looking inside herself to give you what you need. I'd hate for you or anyone to find themselves as the protagonist in "What a Fool Believes" anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onlyafool Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Onlyafool, I really needed this. I think I've been regressing in my recovery this weekend, thinking so much about the relationship and wondering what I did wrong to make him change towards me. I started believing it was my fault again, that I must have done something that was a huge turn-off for him. Reading this, I can understand why he may not have tried to be a friend when he broke things off. He went about it totally the wrong way, but the reasoning you've shown here makes sense. Obviously I'm still looking for answers, and the answer "these things just happen" hurts like hell. But it's the truth. It gives me peace when the pain subsides. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and your reasoning. You're very welcome I have blips in my recovery too, but it's getting easier everyday. As for what you could have done to make him disappear, I bet you dimes to donuts it had nothing to do with you at all. People that do the vanishing act aren't capable of having a meaningful relationship. For me, the part that hurts like hell is the fact that you don't usually find that out about someone until after the fact. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 quote: Take this for what it's worth. I'd rest easy with the thought that you care/cared enough about her and the relationship to get on LS and share your story. From what I've read, you sound like a solid person that only wanted the best for her. You should relish in the fact that, despite all that she's done to you, you still care. A lesser person would tell her to go kick rocks. That being said, it's not doing you any good waiting around for answers to questions from someone incapable of looking inside herself to give you what you need. I'd hate for you or anyone to find themselves as the protagonist in "What a Fool Believes" anymore. this makes a lot of sense. a good thing to keep in mind Link to post Share on other sites
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