Omg, Here we go Again!! Finding an email accnt

[Rafaela]

Another episode of my story with my boyfriend, it became a joke how until we settle things down and everything goes smooth again till I find out something new that makes me wanna turn his life to hell ‘again’!!

 

As every couple we exchanged passwords of our emails, I was just checking yesterday on his email and I find out some old pics of his car that he sent from his current account to another one (other accnt under his 1st and last name) so it means he got another email that he never told me about and I was always wondering why this account doesn’t have a single of contact.

I want to ask him but I know myself how I am gonna act again very immature, getting angry before hearing the answer. I have a feeling when I will ask him he is going to deny that he got another account, thought if I can create another account and send him an email under another girl’s name and see if he is going to answer. Really silly huh?

I hate playing games just to get an answer.

1-what is the best way to ask or to find out?

2-How I can avoid being jealous or feeling insecure?

3-How can we stop digging in each other past (this point is the funniest he knows that I got no past related to a BF or sexual story but he keeps searching and digging and asking too many questions for no reason. Also I don’t know much about his past, he doesn’t talk about it, he told me before that he had a female class mate that they were in a regular relationship and he had sex with her in his friend’s house, was a birthday party going on that time, and that was long time ago maybe 4yrs, then I asked him about her name recently and he denied everything he said that he was just joking and he never been in relationship and he is still a virgin) it made me laugh but then I was okey maybe he felt embarrassed for being a virgin that’s why he made up a story, Actually I have done this mistake too I am virgin by myself too and I told him in the past that I flirted with someone cuz I thought he would laugh at me if I told him that I never got close to any man even I had alots of male friends but nothing went wrong. Now I don’t know if his 1st story true or not as I am sure he is thinking same as me if my story was true or a made up story.

 

He told me yesterday that we both know that we are clean couple but because we love each other a lot that we cant imagine each of us been with someone else. As he said we love each other so much that we are going to destroy it with doubts

True its funny how we watch each other eyes when we are in public, I wanna move on and get out from this circle we are just losing our energy in fights and doubts but I swear to god that sometimes until I feel like I wanna lose myself to him then I get a bad feeling in my gut that he is not honest about everything then I hold it back again.

 

Thought going in Break would help but he refused my idea he said its just going to cause a gap between us!!! Really is that true?

Edited July 14, 2011 by Rafaela

[BetheButterfly]

Another episode of my story with my boyfriend, it became a joke how until we settle things down and everything goes smooth again till I find out something new that makes me wanna turn his life to hell ‘again’!!

 

Sigh.

 

What ever happened to peaceful and tranquil women? I feel like tranquil women as a species are dying out. Am I the only one left? (Ok, so I'm being dramatic lol.)

 

As every couple we exchanged passwords of our emails, I was just checking yesterday on his email and I find out some old pics of his car that he sent from his current account to another one (other accnt under his 1st and last name) so it means he got another email that he never told me about and I was always wondering why this account doesn’t have a single of contact.

 

Why were you checking? I think you should only see his email when he is beside you. Where was he when you were spying (checking) hmm?

 

I want to ask him but I know myself how I am gonna act again very immature, getting angry before hearing the answer. I have a feeling when I will ask him he is going to deny that he got another account, thought if I can create another account and send him an email under another girl’s name and see if he is going to answer. Really silly huh?

 

Silly is one adjective for it.

 

 

I hate playing games just to get an answer.

1-what is the best way to ask or to find out?

 

When you are with him, take his hand, place it on your body, and make out. After making out for a bit, stop him and lead him to the computer.

Sit down with him, check your email and talk with him about it, then check his email (while he's there.) Ask about the car pictures. Keep your mood pleasant while doing this. Do not freak out. Keep cool.

 

2-How I can avoid being jealous or feeling insecure?

 

First step: Find a guy who is trustworthy.

 

Second step: Trust him.

 

3-How can we stop digging in each other past (this point is the funniest he knows that I got no past related to a BF or sexual story but he keeps searching and digging and asking too many questions for no reason. Also I don’t know much about his past, he doesn’t talk about it, he told me before that he had a female class mate that they were in a regular relationship and he had sex with her in his friend’s house, was a birthday party going on that time, and that was long time ago maybe 4yrs, then I asked him about her name recently and he denied everything he said that he was just joking and he never been in relationship and he is still a virgin) it made me laugh but then I was okey maybe he felt embarrassed for being a virgin that’s why he made up a story, Actually I have done this mistake too I am virgin by myself too and I told him in the past that I flirted with someone cuz I thought he would laugh at me if I told him that I never got close to any man even I had alots of male friends but nothing went wrong. Now I don’t know if his 1st story true or not as I am sure he is thinking same as me if my story was true or a made up story.

 

He told me yesterday that we both know that we are clean couple but because we love each other a lot that we cant imagine each of us been with someone else. As he said we love each other so much that we are going to destroy it with doubts

True its funny how we watch each other eyes when we are in public, I wanna move on and get out from this circle we are just losing our energy in fights and doubts but I swear to god that sometimes until I feel like I wanna lose myself to him then I get a bad feeling in my gut that he is not honest about everything then I hold it back again.

 

Thought going in Break would help but he refused my idea he said its just going to cause a gap between us!!! Really is that true?

 

Eventually you two are going to get exhausted with this.

[Rafaela]

LoL yeah he calls me ''Evil kid'' or ''Doctor Evil'' when i search behind him.

we hv been together for a year and 3 months now i just love him and i cant see him hiding things, if he wants to make me his wife then he must share. i dont wanna get ****ed over till i marry him then i find out about his past as i dont know why he doesnt wanna talk about it i am afraid if its something big, very curious.

[KathyM]

Another episode of my story with my boyfriend, it became a joke how until we settle things down and everything goes smooth again till I find out something new that makes me wanna turn his life to hell ‘again’!!

 

As every couple we exchanged passwords of our emails, I was just checking yesterday on his email and I find out some old pics of his car that he sent from his current account to another one (other accnt under his 1st and last name) so it means he got another email that he never told me about and I was always wondering why this account doesn’t have a single of contact.

I want to ask him but I know myself how I am gonna act again very immature, getting angry before hearing the answer. I have a feeling when I will ask him he is going to deny that he got another account, thought if I can create another account and send him an email under another girl’s name and see if he is going to answer. Really silly huh?

I hate playing games just to get an answer.

1-what is the best way to ask or to find out?

2-How I can avoid being jealous or feeling insecure?

3-How can we stop digging in each other past (this point is the funniest he knows that I got no past related to a BF or sexual story but he keeps searching and digging and asking too many questions for no reason. Also I don’t know much about his past, he doesn’t talk about it, he told me before that he had a female class mate that they were in a regular relationship and he had sex with her in his friend’s house, was a birthday party going on that time, and that was long time ago maybe 4yrs, then I asked him about her name recently and he denied everything he said that he was just joking and he never been in relationship and he is still a virgin) it made me laugh but then I was okey maybe he felt embarrassed for being a virgin that’s why he made up a story, Actually I have done this mistake too I am virgin by myself too and I told him in the past that I flirted with someone cuz I thought he would laugh at me if I told him that I never got close to any man even I had alots of male friends but nothing went wrong. Now I don’t know if his 1st story true or not as I am sure he is thinking same as me if my story was true or a made up story.

 

He told me yesterday that we both know that we are clean couple but because we love each other a lot that we cant imagine each of us been with someone else. As he said we love each other so much that we are going to destroy it with doubts

True its funny how we watch each other eyes when we are in public, I wanna move on and get out from this circle we are just losing our energy in fights and doubts but I swear to god that sometimes until I feel like I wanna lose myself to him then I get a bad feeling in my gut that he is not honest about everything then I hold it back again.

 

Thought going in Break would help but he refused my idea he said its just going to cause a gap between us!!! Really is that true?

Stop checking his Email account. You're just going to ruin the relationship with your suspicions. Unless he's given you a lot of signals that he's cheating, there is no reason to be suspicious, so drop it. The relationships he's had in the past should be left in the past. Stop dredging them up. Going on a break in the relationship is going to ruin it, most likely. Then you'll both start seeing someone else, and it will be difficult to get back together. Just get your insecurities in check and focus on making your relationship the best it can be.

[Star Gazer]

As every couple we exchanged passwords of our emails...

 

Hold the phone. Every couple? I have NEVER shared my password with any BF, ever... And I've never been asked to. If you expect your BF to share all his passwords, you need to ask yourself why you don't trust him.

[PegNosePete]

Hold the phone. Every couple? I have NEVER shared my password with any BF, ever... And I've never been asked to. If you expect your BF to share all his passwords, you need to ask yourself why you don't trust him.

Agree, I've never shared passwords. I wasn't particularly secretive, I didn't cover my hand or turn the screen when I typed it or anything! But have a "password exchange" session... no. I did change them when the relationships ended, just in case.

[TaraMaiden]

my husband knows mine, I know his. This is simply because we're both technical *****kwits and when we first acquired computers, we worked on opening accounts together. You know, just helped each other along a bit....My main PC entry password is my pet name for him, and his is his pet name for me.

 

I have 5 different e-mail accounts ( 2 are separate business-led ones). They all have a different password.

He doesn't know any of them, and even if I type a password in front of him - he actually averts his eyes.

He uses the same password for everything, regardless. I could have access to every single account he's ever had, anywhere.

 

(It's dumb, because even bona-fide tecchie accounts tell you to change your passwords, and even some sign-in pages tell you how good a password you're using (weak, strong....)

 

I would never EVER look into his accounts stealthily or otherwise. Never have, never will.

 

This invasion of privacy and space is deplorable, and I think your actions show more about you, than they do about him.

[BetheButterfly]

my husband knows mine, I know his. This is simply because we're both technical *****kwits and when we first acquired computers, we worked on opening accounts together. You know, just helped each other along a bit....My main PC entry password is my pet name for him, and his is his pet name for me.

 

I have 5 different e-mail accounts ( 2 are separate business-led ones). They all have a different password.

He doesn't know any of them, and even if I type a password in front of him - he actually averts his eyes.

He uses the same password for everything, regardless. I could have access to every single account he's ever had, anywhere.

 

(It's dumb, because even bona-fide tecchie accounts tell you to change your passwords, and even some sign-in pages tell you how good a password you're using (weak, strong....)

 

I would never EVER look into his accounts stealthily or otherwise. Never have, never will.

 

This invasion of privacy and space is deplorable, and I think your actions show more about you, than they do about him.

 

That's cool.

 

I know my fiance's password to get on his laptop, but i have never tried to read his emails or anything, and have never asked for his passwords (he gave me the password to his laptop one day when I was off work at his house and he was working, so I wouldn't get bored.)

 

He has never asked me for mine. We're with each other most everyday and we have peace and trust in each other. He is a good man and trustworthy. I am the female equivalent. Why bring suspicion and fear into a beautiful relationship?

 

When we get married, maybe we will share our passwords, maybe not. However, what matters to me is how he treats me and communicates with me. I know he is not the kind of person that sneaks around with anything, and I'm not either. If he ever wants to be with someone else, I know he will tell me, because that's the kind of person he is.

[Woman In Blue]

Well I guess, according to the masses here, you're not supposed to be a bit alarmed about an email account he hasn't told you about. In fact, YOU'RE the bad guy for having had the colossal nerve to look in his email and discover it.

 

So, a few months down the road when another red flag pops up because you took the advice here and buried your head in the sand, I guess you'll be able to thank all the posters in this thread.

 

Personally, it's always been my opinion that those who have NOTHING to hide, hide NOTHING.

[Rafaela]

Thank you everyone, i am actually not feeling guilty or bad about checking his Emails especially when ur partner give you a reason to dig behind.

 

he denied that its not his Email accnt he related it to his cousin who also have same last name, he said that it belongs to his cousin (Male).

 

Anyways i decided to stop digging as long he is that kind of person who doesnt talk much about his past, as when he decided to give me his facebook accnt password after deleting all the girls and left only his male friends which i found the automatic msgs in his email inbox from facebook when those girls confirmed his friend's request , you can call me a bad girlfriend so i also sent back the invitation to those girls and when i asked him who are they?

 

he said just random girls that i met in facebook i asked him have you ever meet them he said no of course no i just know them thru facebook, which made me ask each of those girls and they all admitted that they used to hung out with him after i show him the conversation he was in shock and very mad but again he accused them for being liars after i threatening him that i will break up with him because i am fed up with his lies he admitted that he was affraid from my reaction which he knows exactly that i always welcome and accept his truth no matter how bad it is, i encourage him so much to start saying the truth and there is nothing to be afraid off and if i ever get mad from hearing the truththen i will be a bad person.

 

he also called my boss after he thought that i hv an affair with because i work sometimes late at the office and my boss told him everything and what kind of a good person and faithful i am. my boss did not tell me about my BF's call but later on my BF admitted by himself and i didnt get mad as long he is saying the truth.

 

whats killing me why is he saying that i am his first relationship if he used to hung out with punch of girls and giving them rides in his car?

why he deny everything even if i have evidence?

Edited July 25, 2011 by Rafaela

[JHS]

Another episode of my story with my boyfriend, it became a joke how until we settle things down and everything goes smooth again till I find out something new that makes me wanna turn his life to hell ‘again’!!

 

As every couple we exchanged passwords of our emails, I was just checking yesterday on his email and I find out some old pics of his car that he sent from his current account to another one (other accnt under his 1st and last name) so it means he got another email that he never told me about and I was always wondering why this account doesn’t have a single of contact.

I want to ask him but I know myself how I am gonna act again very immature, getting angry before hearing the answer. I have a feeling when I will ask him he is going to deny that he got another account, thought if I can create another account and send him an email under another girl’s name and see if he is going to answer. Really silly huh?

I hate playing games just to get an answer.

1-what is the best way to ask or to find out?

2-How I can avoid being jealous or feeling insecure?

3-How can we stop digging in each other past (this point is the funniest he knows that I got no past related to a BF or sexual story but he keeps searching and digging and asking too many questions for no reason. Also I don’t know much about his past, he doesn’t talk about it, he told me before that he had a female class mate that they were in a regular relationship and he had sex with her in his friend’s house, was a birthday party going on that time, and that was long time ago maybe 4yrs, then I asked him about her name recently and he denied everything he said that he was just joking and he never been in relationship and he is still a virgin) it made me laugh but then I was okey maybe he felt embarrassed for being a virgin that’s why he made up a story, Actually I have done this mistake too I am virgin by myself too and I told him in the past that I flirted with someone cuz I thought he would laugh at me if I told him that I never got close to any man even I had alots of male friends but nothing went wrong. Now I don’t know if his 1st story true or not as I am sure he is thinking same as me if my story was true or a made up story.

 

He told me yesterday that we both know that we are clean couple but because we love each other a lot that we cant imagine each of us been with someone else. As he said we love each other so much that we are going to destroy it with doubts

True its funny how we watch each other eyes when we are in public, I wanna move on and get out from this circle we are just losing our energy in fights and doubts but I swear to god that sometimes until I feel like I wanna lose myself to him then I get a bad feeling in my gut that he is not honest about everything then I hold it back again.

 

Thought going in Break would help but he refused my idea he said its just going to cause a gap between us!!! Really is that true?

 

You sound like a paranoid control freak. You need to know every detail about every detail of his life and even then you question it and think he's lying and have to play a game to find out the answer. I bet when he gives you an honest answer you still accuse him of lying. Relationships are supposed to be fun and healthy. You should be glad you have a boyfriend. Sheesh.

[Afishwithabike]

Well I guess, according to the masses here, you're not supposed to be a bit alarmed about an email account he hasn't told you about. In fact, YOU'RE the bad guy for having had the colossal nerve to look in his email and discover it.

 

So, a few months down the road when another red flag pops up because you took the advice here and buried your head in the sand, I guess you'll be able to thank all the posters in this thread.

 

Personally, it's always been my opinion that those who have NOTHING to hide, hide NOTHING.

 

It's only in the past two years that I've even thought to ask for the passwords of my husband's email accounts and I've known him for more than ten years! He gave his passwords to me readily. It never occured to me to be bothered that I didn't know his passwords in the past. I don't check his email regularly even though I know his passwords. I limit it to when I know I need to check it for him when he can't do it himself or when I know we're both expecting an email that affects both of us. I don't need or want to monitor his emails.

 

I agree with the previous poster who said find a trustworthy man and then trust him. My H doesn't do Facebook and he doesn't have any close personal female friends. He has ex-girlfriends, but I don't feel threatened by them. He's not in contact with any of them. Basically, my H hasn't given me a reason not to trust him so I see no need to snoop into his email and vice versa. *shrug* If that makes me naive then so be it. I think there are some who go overboard wanting to know every little thing about their partner and frankly insecurity is never an attractive quality in a partner.

 

 

My two cents.

Edited July 25, 2011 by Afishwithabike

[Rafaela]

you are taking me so wrong!!!

 

i never wanted to search for things or dig in his past, we hv been together for a year and half but this crap started 5 months ago.

 

He started this game:

 

when he comes over if i leave for 5 mnts home to get something from supermarket or taking shower he goes to my room and search between my clothes he found some birthday cards wishes from friends and he contacted all of them to know whats going on i even know those ppl before him and its such a respectful friendship but my statement did not satisfy him.

 

 

he cant believe that i never been in love or dated any guy before him he asks million questions a day.

 

when i had to ask him if he got any girlfriend before he said that he knew somebody that attended his friend's birthday and he slept with her in the same day ... bla bla i was hurt cuz i didnt ask for details.

 

maybe i started this psycho routine cuz whenever we fight i bring up this story now he is searching behind me too to know if i ever had anyone after he realize and got answers from my friends that my past is very clean, he finally stopped looking as he reversed what he said before abt his previous relationship its just a made up story and he actually never been with anyone or had sex before.

 

i guess he said that just to avoid my argument abt her!

 

if you are saying that i dont have right to know his past then let me tell you: this person is planing for marriage and i dont wanna get surprised later on. so many couple gets divorced because of one of them hided something in the past and when it just pops up it ruins everything.

[Rafaela]

It's only in the past two years that I've even thought to ask for the passwords of my husband's email accounts and I've known him for more than ten years! He gave his passwords to me readily. It never occured to me to be bothered that I didn't know his passwords in the past. I don't check his email regularly even though I know his passwords. I limit it to when I know I need to check it for him when he can't do it himself or when I know we're both expecting an email that affects both of us. I don't need or want to monitor his emails.

 

I agree with the previous poster who said find a trustworthy man and then trust him. My H doesn't do Facebook and he doesn't have any close personal female friends. He has ex-girlfriends, but I don't feel threatened by them. He's not in contact with any of them. Basically, my H hasn't given me a reason not to trust him so I see no need to snoop into his email and vice versa. *shrug* If that makes me naive then so be it. I think there are some who go overboard wanting to know every little thing about their partner and frankly insecurity is never an attractive quality in a partner.

 

 

My two cents.

 

as you said he neevr gave you a reason to doubt him, but my BF made so many mistakes in past like going out with his co-woker and taking her for dinners, he turned me to a psycho i swear i never been like this, i am very open and cheerful person i dont care about details but when ur lover talks abt marriage and having kids with u and all the futrue plans then you cannot ignore it

[Afishwithabike]

Rafaela - You two have to find a way to trust each other. Checking his email accounts isn't the way. It's so easy to create a new email account. It just takes minutes. Same thing with cell phones. It's easy to get a new prepaid cell phone these days. You can even have a post office box to have mail delivered to a location other than your home address. The issue isn't email accounts, mail boxes, cell phones or any other electronic medium. It's trust. Either you have it in a relationship or you don't. Sounds like you two don't have it. Without solid trust in each other, a relationship isn't going to last.

Trust can be rebuilt in a relationship, but both of you have to be willing to take steps to do that.

[Rafaela]

True, we dont trust each other at all i just dont know what went wrong, we are both willing to change until we make promises to not get back to the past and 2 or 3 days later something comes up to his mind and we start it all over again. we are both stressed i am losing wieght and he is losing his hair its funny i know but its the truth we are both started looking ugly because of the stress.

 

i tried to break up with him and its just impossible to happen he is not giving up this relationship, we love each other so much but seems we are stucking in circle dont know when are we going to get married or taking any other step.

 

Do we need to add something new in our relationship to be happy again?!

[vsmini]

as you said he neevr gave you a reason to doubt him, but my BF made so many mistakes in past like going out with his co-woker and taking her for dinners, he turned me to a psycho i swear i never been like this, i am very open and cheerful person i dont care about details but when ur lover talks abt marriage and having kids with u and all the futrue plans then you cannot ignore it

 

Give me a break - if you are over the age of 22 you have some issues.

 

If your BF made so many mistakes then you need to dump him.

You blame him for turning you into a psycho? no sweetheart - nobody turns anyone into anything. If you don't like his behavior you let it be known, if it continues then you get out of the relationship. You most certainly don't TURN INTO A PSYCHO in order to deal with his crappy behavior.

grow up.

[vsmini]

i tried to break up with him and its just impossible to happen he is not giving up this relationship, we love each other so much but seems we are stucking in circle dont know when are we going to get married or taking any other step.

 

if you really wanted to break up with him - you would have. Exactly how does someone force you to not break up with them? They may not like it - they may kick and scream...but if you want to break up with someone you can.