Buddie Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 I'm thrilled for you! May I ask if the spark was there in the beginning and then it trailed off? Or was there never much of a spark for her, and you've managed to ignite one now? I only ask out of curiosity when comparing yours to my situation. Obviously, it would be much easier if I could just find it again my H... but it's the "again" part that is posing problems... Actually that is a very good question Cabin, as finding it “again” is originally what I thought that we were doing. What I have learned since exploring this with my wife now makes me unsure. Although sex was better back then as compared to a few months ago, nothing we did before can compare to the sex we are having today. The more that our sex improves, the more that we realize just how bad that it was before, even in the beginning, so getting it back to the “again” stage is no longer our mark. As I said in my original post “I went to fix a pot hole and found myself falling off a cliff”, but now I am beginning to enjoy the fall. Be well.
RepairMinded Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Wow you totally threw me off track with that story. I thought it would end with the doctor finding like four or five STD's or something. Far more realistic than your version.
Buddie Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Actually that is a very good question Cabin, as finding it “again” is originally what I thought that we were doing. What I have learned since exploring this with my wife now makes me unsure. Although sex was better back then as compared to a few months ago, nothing we did before can compare to the sex we are having today. The more that our sex improves, the more that we realize just how bad that it was before, even in the beginning, so getting it back to the “again” stage is no longer our mark. As I said in my original post “I went to fix a pot hole and found myself falling off a cliff”, but now I am beginning to enjoy the fall. Be well. Update: In reviewing my above post I am concerned about confusion between an early lack of skill with a lack of spark. Although this makes me unsure as to the importance of the “again” factor in my situation, the “again” factor is not a limiter on what two people that love each other can achieve if they are willing to put forth the effort.
amoremme Posted July 27, 2011 Posted July 27, 2011 Hello everyone. I can't say that I relate to a sexless marriage but, I do relate to not having chemistry. Though my husband pursued me, I wonder now if it was an infactuation with the age difference (I'm six years older than him.) We do have sex, as married people do, quick and on a routine sort of. I am attracted to him and, I believe he is satisfied with married sex but, he has admitted to having adventurous tastes yet won't express them with me. Essentially, I am not satisfied really. He has always been lazy in bed- and it is rarely passionate - really more like work for me. The irony is, I have an incredibly raging libido and always have. I enjoy adventurous sex, and exploration and everything that he says he enjoys, I have experienced and would like to share with him. I agree that chemistry is important. I love my husband but, we have become friends and I don't think he can seperate the two. He feels awkward talking about it maybe because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? I suppose that I should make some wild effort to seduce him and add "spice" but, at this point it feels strange, fake, and makes me resent him that I have to put forth all of the effort. We have only been married two years but, I fear that he has lost interest and it's making me insecure. I worry about fidelity- mostly I worry that his lack of ability to communicate will eventually ruin something worth saving. I know I could never cheat on my husband but, I find myself fantisizing about all of the unfullfilled desires that I have and, I feel guilty for that. So, how do you create a chemistry once you've become "buds?"
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