puccio Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Hi everyone. I would need some help in human behavior regarding this issue I'm involved in: I work in an office, and there is this girl, I'm 22 she's 19. She is so clearly sending me signs that she has a crush on me that anyone could see them from miles away. She always tries to sit next to me on meetings, or walk by me in the stairs, she chats with me all the time, she even managed to touch me a coupe of times (this is true). What's the deal you might be asking so far, I like this girl, each time more, I think about her all the time. But I just can't stand to talk to her in person for more than 2 seconds and then I just run away as soon as possible. I proposed myself I will not ask her out through chat or text, at least without strike in conversation with her in person. I suffer from anxiety, and this kind of situations makes me really nervous and often the stress makes my blood pressure climb to the roof. I already go to a psychologist, but this it not the kind of help i could get out of it. This situation is killing me, due to this I can no longer concentrate on working or studying, the stress is wrecking my health and the failure is throwing my selfsteem below zero. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 You must enjoy being stressed if yhou get yourself all riled up like that over a woman. Heres your answer, dont bother. You NEVER date people at work. Because when you break up its always awkward and painful when you have to see her every day. And since youre the emotionally unstable one, she will leave you, and you will be the one hurting while watching her talk to other guys at work. So dont even think about doing it. And learn to man up and talk to more women so you get used to it and quit that needless anxiety. Youre not anxious, youre just afraid of rejection, and MEN dont fear rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 You must enjoy being stressed if yhou get yourself all riled up like that over a woman. Heres your answer, dont bother. You NEVER date people at work. Because when you break up its always awkward and painful when you have to see her every day. And since youre the emotionally unstable one, she will leave you, and you will be the one hurting while watching her talk to other guys at work. So dont even think about doing it. And learn to man up and talk to more women so you get used to it and quit that needless anxiety. Youre not anxious, youre just afraid of rejection, and MEN dont fear rejection. wow great advice! i learn alot from it even as a woman reading it. I love the bit about 'since you are the emotionally unstable one, she will leave you". Never thougth much about it, but I am sure this is probably true. so insightful! thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 wow great advice! i learn alot from it even as a woman reading it. I love the bit about 'since you are the emotionally unstable one, she will leave you". Never thougth much about it, but I am sure this is probably true. so insightful! thanks! Oh yeah people overlook that kind of stuff when they first start dating you, and then they many times get turned off by it in the end, and dont even tell you thats the reason, or the point where they get turned off. It happens so often around here. But really, before you even get to that point, keep people at work off limits. You really need to practice talking to women on the street to get over the fear of rejection and anxiety. trying to do it with meds will never work, the fear will always be there until you stand up to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Oh yeah people overlook that kind of stuff when they first start dating you, and then they many times get turned off by it in the end, and dont even tell you thats the reason, or the point where they get turned off. It happens so often around here. Forever Learning's Response: This is an excellent observation! I actually hadn't ever thought much about people 'checking out' of a relationship, but still staying in the relationship for months longer..... until you mentioned it a while back in a couple other threads. That was very valuable insight, you mentioned sometimes people do it MONTHS before they dump you. I don't know why people do this, but I know you are right. Why would people do this? Just hang around for the sex while they scramble to line someone else up them !blammo! - dump you? I'm guessing that is the answer. It seems deceitful. Is all fair in love and war? I suppose that is their motto LOL But really, before you even get to that point, keep people at work off limits. Excellent advice. Too bad work is so often the place where people have the exposure to others to get the ball rolling on connection. But, I really see the wisdom of avoiding that altogether. Too many problems involved. You really need to practice talking to women on the street to get over the fear of rejection and anxiety. trying to do it with meds will never work, the fear will always be there until you stand up to it. Great advice. Practice makes perfect. And, meds won't conquer the root problem, only exposure to that which you fear will help overcome it. Excellent once again. Well done. (for anyone else reading this, I am female and not on meds. that advice was for the guy who started the thread. applies universally to either gender tho, I think, since women can have social phobia too) once again thanks, very good stuff Link to post Share on other sites
Author puccio Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 Thanks a lot, I really apreciate your input, It´s just the fact that I know she is always aware of me, giving me looks, talking to me whenever she can (she is shy) really annoys me. Although eventually she will get bored and look somewehere else. That´s just sad. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 It's good advice not to date someone from work for the reasons many mentioned, but I don't happen to agree that it's always a bad idea. I know quite a few couples in my workplace and mostly they are very happy. They met at work and have formed relationships, got married, had children and seem to get along just fine. It's ridiculous to bar relationships at work, given the amount of time we all spend there. That aside, what you need to do is to desensitize yourself. You are suffering from anxiety when near to this woman or when talking to her. Force yourself to spend just a bit longer with her than you can at the moment. Build it up gradually. Spend a bit longer with her each time. You will feel the anxiety and adrenaline flooding your body but just let it. Allow it to wash over you like a wave and wait for it to subside. Ideally, keep talking until the panic wanes and you start to feel relaxed. Once you feel relaxed, your subconscious will realise you can be with her and not be in panic mode and gradually you will have accustomed yourself to a situation you first felt anxious in. You probably won't feel relaxed when first talking to her, but gradually, if you allow the flood of adrenaline to run its course and see it as incidental rather than something you should panic about and act on, you will gradually get used to being with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 It's good advice not to date someone from work for the reasons many mentioned, but I don't happen to agree that it's always a bad idea. I know quite a few couples in my workplace and mostly they are very happy. They met at work and have formed relationships, got married, had children and seem to get along just fine. It's ridiculous to bar relationships at work, given the amount of time we all spend there. That aside, what you need to do is to desensitize yourself. You are suffering from anxiety when near to this woman or when talking to her. Force yourself to spend just a bit longer with her than you can at the moment. Build it up gradually. Spend a bit longer with her each time. You will feel the anxiety and adrenaline flooding your body but just let it. Allow it to wash over you like a wave and wait for it to subside. Ideally, keep talking until the panic wanes and you start to feel relaxed. Once you feel relaxed, your subconscious will realise you can be with her and not be in panic mode and gradually you will have accustomed yourself to a situation you first felt anxious in. You probably won't feel relaxed when first talking to her, but gradually, if you allow the flood of adrenaline to run its course and see it as incidental rather than something you should panic about and act on, you will gradually get used to being with her. Wow that is great advice too! Good job, well done, thankyou! Link to post Share on other sites
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