So messed up right now. .

[LovelyGirlx0]

I have been married a little over 3 years now. We have had a very rocky relationship to say the least and have been on the brink of divorce more times than I can count. We have been to counseling and have tried to repair what little relationship we have to salvage at this point. I feel as if my husband is not interested in fixing things and as a result, I have become numb and disinterested as well.

 

For the past year I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be with another man. Someone who was affectionate, someone I could laugh with, a friend and someone I could have great sex with. Soon after I actually met someone who was married and in a similar situation and we ended up having sex after about a month of seeing each other. Our chemistry is amazing and I am addicted to him and his friendship. We have been seeing each other for a year now and have admitted that we both love each other.

 

I do not advocate cheating. I feel that it is wrong and that I am being selfish for doing this to his family and mine. The thing is, I am seriously addicted to our physical relationship and I enjoy him very much. I truly do love and care for this man.

 

I hate thinking about him and his wife together, and the fact that she is pregnant. I want to be with him so bad. I miss him when he is with her. I miss the times that we cannot see each other because of his commitments to his family and I know that it is selfish of me. Love and lust make us do crazy things:

 

Recently he has asked me to stop taking my birth control because he wants to get me pregnant. I was surprised that I agreed. We both have kids now and want more and decided to have one together. Having a child with him would make me incredibly happy. Sharing such an important part of life and the fact that he loves me enough to want this makes me happy.

 

But then reality sets in. I know that if we had a child, I would want him to be involved as much as possible. He wants to be there and help me raise the baby and see him or her as much as possible. However, I really do not see this as a possibility without his wife finding out. I do not want to do anything that would bring him pain or trouble with his family (too late for that, I know).

 

I do not know what to do. I do not want to stop seeing him. I dont want to tell him that I cannot have his baby because I love him and I really do want to share this with him. Tonight is one of those nights where I feel like my mind is going to explode with jealousy, regret, hope, worry, etc etc and I just want to make sense of all of this. Please help.

[YellowShark]

First of all children ARE NOT charms you collect and put on a bracelet. So wake the hell up and do not bring a human being onto this planet just because you and the OM like to screw around with each other. That is very very selfish, unfair, immature, and frankly, sick.

 

Secondly you and the OM ARE MARRIED to other people.. so your "relationship" is not a relationship at all, it's TOTALLY a friends with benefits deal. Additionally both of you are throwing your spouses under a bus without dealing with the real issue, your unhealthy marriages.

 

It's really time to stop thinking about yourself and start showing some empathy for all the people around you, (your husband and children), either fix your marriage or leave. Same with the OM, he should fix his marriage or leave.

 

Just please don't think having a baby with your affair partner is going to solve anything... in fact it will cause tons of grief and devastate you HUSBAND!

[TurboGirl]

Op...

 

your head is in the clouds, you are soooo far gone on Love Fog you are no longer seeing reality! There is a bit of hope in that because at least you know that having a child with a MM is a bad idea.

 

Sounds like things weren't good at home, so instead of working on it and trying to fix it, you ignored it and found your MM.

 

You say that you know cheating is wrong. (I've been in a similar situation, so I know what I am talking about here) Yet, you are continuing to see this guy. His family could be ruined by this, and so could yours. To me this sounds like you are addicted to this man and the way he makes you feel. Honey this is NOT real life. This is a fantasy.

 

Just your feelings that you have stated make me think that this is going to blow up soon. All that passion and love... do you think your spouses are not going to find out? What will happen when his baby with his wife comes... you are going to be super jealous. Take a step back from all of this...hopefully you will see how ridiculous this is. This man is not yours.

 

Again, sounds like you are addicted to this man. Suggest that you get yourself to a therapist or counselor and start working through this before everything explodes. It is going to be painful to end it and try and work on your marriage... but don't you think your husband at least deserves a good fair try? 3 years... that is not long and you are still getting used to each other.

 

How do you feel about yourself, OP? Are you proud and happy with your actions? I am thinking probably not. This A can and will ruin your self esteem.

 

PLEASE keep taking the birth control! You will be happy that you did later. A child with a MM is so wrong on many levels.

[bentnotbroken]

I have been married a little over 3 years now. We have had a very rocky relationship to say the least and have been on the brink of divorce more times than I can count. We have been to counseling and have tried to repair what little relationship we have to salvage at this point. I feel as if my husband is not interested in fixing things and as a result, I have become numb and disinterested as well.

 

For the past year I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be with another man. Someone who was affectionate, someone I could laugh with, a friend and someone I could have great sex with. Soon after I actually met someone who was married and in a similar situation and we ended up having sex after about a month of seeing each other. Our chemistry is amazing and I am addicted to him and his friendship. We have been seeing each other for a year now and have admitted that we both love each other.

 

I do not advocate cheating. I feel that it is wrong and that I am being selfish for doing this to his family and mine. The thing is, I am seriously addicted to our physical relationship and I enjoy him very much. I truly do love and care for this man.

 

I hate thinking about him and his wife together, and the fact that she is pregnant. I want to be with him so bad. I miss him when he is with her. I miss the times that we cannot see each other because of his commitments to his family and I know that it is selfish of me. Love and lust make us do crazy things:

 

Recently he has asked me to stop taking my birth control because he wants to get me pregnant. I was surprised that I agreed. We both have kids now and want more and decided to have one together. Having a child with him would make me incredibly happy. Sharing such an important part of life and the fact that he loves me enough to want this makes me happy.

 

But then reality sets in. I know that if we had a child, I would want him to be involved as much as possible. He wants to be there and help me raise the baby and see him or her as much as possible. However, I really do not see this as a possibility without his wife finding out. I do not want to do anything that would bring him pain or trouble with his family (too late for that, I know).

 

I do not know what to do. I do not want to stop seeing him. I dont want to tell him that I cannot have his baby because I love him and I really do want to share this with him. Tonight is one of those nights where I feel like my mind is going to explode with jealousy, regret, hope, worry, etc etc and I just want to make sense of all of this. Please help.

 

 

This is one of the most disturbing posts What gives either of you the right to decide to bring a baby into the lives of two other people without their consent. What makes you think his wife or your husband wants a reminder that you and he were so selfish as to bring an innocent lives into their lives.

 

A child is someone they would have to deal with also, since it would be the half sibling of their children What is wrong with people? Does the libido do all cognitive work in some humans? My God. The maturity level displayed says you two not only shouldn't be thinking of having children together but maybe taking parent classes to learn the affects of certain choices have on the safety and security (physically and emotionally) of the children you already have.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

There is nothing in this world stopping him from leaving his wife and you your husband to be together. If you would have a child with a man who refuses to commit to you just to keep him in your life, then you have much more serious issues to deal with. Children aren't pawns, they are life long commitments. If he loves you and you him then do it the right way. Unless this is all some stupid fantasy.

 

Divorce your husband and show him how easy it is. Then maybe he'll marry you and you can sit at home with your child while he is out making promises to other women.

[ladydesigner]

This is one of the most disturbing posts What gives either of you the right to decide to bring a baby into the lives of two other people without their consent. What makes you think his wife or your husband wants a reminder that you and he were so selfish as to bring an innocent lives into their lives.

 

A child is someone they would have to deal with also, since it would be the half sibling of their children What is wrong with people? Does the libido do all cognitive work in some humans? My God. The maturity level displayed says you two not only shouldn't be thinking of having children together but maybe taking parent classes to learn the affects of certain choices have on the safety and security (physically and emotionally) of the children you already have.

 

Agree with Bents post. This story is sick on so many levels, not because of the A factor , but the kid factor:sick:

 

I'm going to say this is a troll. I'm sorry, but this is a really sick way of thinking and a counselor may be able to help the OP see this.

 

Please don't bring another child into this world, not in this situation.

[PhoenixRise]

I have been married a little over 3 years now. We have had a very rocky relationship to say the least and have been on the brink of divorce more times than I can count. We have been to counseling and have tried to repair what little relationship we have to salvage at this point. I feel as if my husband is not interested in fixing things and as a result, I have become numb and disinterested as well.

 

Are you planning to divorce your husband? Have you separated?

 

For the past year I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be with another man. Someone who was affectionate, someone I could laugh with, a friend and someone I could have great sex with. Soon after I actually met someone who was married and in a similar situation and we ended up having sex after about a month of seeing each other. Our chemistry is amazing and I am addicted to him and his friendship. We have been seeing each other for a year now and have admitted that we both love each other.

 

I do not advocate cheating. I feel that it is wrong and that I am being selfish for doing this to his family and mine. The thing is, I am seriously addicted to our physical relationship and I enjoy him very much. I truly do love and care for this man.

 

I hate thinking about him and his wife together, and the fact that she is pregnant. I want to be with him so bad. I miss him when he is with her. I miss the times that we cannot see each other because of his commitments to his family and I know that it is selfish of me. Love and lust make us do crazy things:

 

The chances that this man will leave his infant child to be with you are not good. Love and lust don't MAKE you do anything. You are making choices. If you wanted to, you could choose differently.

 

Recently he has asked me to stop taking my birth control because he wants to get me pregnant. I was surprised that I agreed. We both have kids now and want more and decided to have one together. Having a child with him would make me incredibly happy. Sharing such an important part of life and the fact that he loves me enough to want this makes me happy.

 

Seems like he already go a jump start on the having more kids thing since his wife is now pregnant. You don't think that you will be even more jealous and upset if you have a child with him that he can't devote sufficient time and energy to because he is spending time with his wife and THEIR new child? You stopped taking your birth control to deliberately get pregnant by a married man whose wife is pregnant? Have you ever thought about the fact that this man has no problem betraying his wife who is the mother of his children and is currently pregnant? Apparently having babies with him has no effect on his behavior, character, or fidelity. You are creating a huge unnecessary mess here.

 

But then reality sets in. I know that if we had a child, I would want him to be involved as much as possible. He wants to be there and help me raise the baby and see him or her as much as possible. However, I really do not see this as a possibility without his wife finding out. I do not want to do anything that would bring him pain or trouble with his family (too late for that, I know).

 

How could he be as involved as possible with your child when you are still married? Are you willing to tell your husband you are pregnant by another man? Will your husband be ok with parental visits from your married boyfriend? Be responsible and unravel your life before you have any more children by anybody. Either fix or end your marriage before you bring another life into the world.

 

I do not know what to do. I do not want to stop seeing him. I dont want to tell him that I cannot have his baby because I love him and I really do want to share this with him. Tonight is one of those nights where I feel like my mind is going to explode with jealousy, regret, hope, worry, etc etc and I just want to make sense of all of this. Please help.

 

It seem to me that telling a married man that you are not going to have a baby with him when you are still married yourself shouldn't be that hard.

 

I'm shocked that you even need to say it. It should be obvious to you both that having a baby together under your current circumstance is a no good, very bad, hot mess of an idea.

[Sharon1961]

I am shocked by this post, too, and wonder if it is a troll.

 

But if it is real I don't understand how the OP could not think something is very wrong with a man who asks his mistress to have a baby when they both have their own families. He sounds really sick. I would be scared to have anything to do with him, much less have a child with him.

 

This is not going to end well. I would suggest the OP get counseling.

[Mimolicious]

Whoa! This story is kinda disturbing. How can this MM think that having a child with you is a great idea? First of all, he has a child on the way... (and cheating on his W. What a charming fella he is!) and wants to impregnate you??? You really think that having a baby with your MM is going to make you happy? Think again. You should really seek help. Maybe IC can help you find the void...

 

Imagine how much pain you will cause your children and yes your H too. Think of the children you already have. Maybe that can smack you back into reality. I hope that when his baby is born, you don't flip your wig when he can't offer you so much of his time.

 

Seriously, why do you even like this guy? Imagine if this was your H doing this behind your back. Would you like him for acting in such manner?

 

Good luck and try to seek some help.

[LovelyGirlx0]

I know how messed up this is. I never would have thought or suggested to have a baby with him. When we are away from each other I keep thinking that I need to end this and wonder how to bring it up with him. I have not stopped taking my birth control and will not stop taking it as long as we are seeing each other while still being married to other people.

 

I need help. I wonder what kind of man he really is to be the kind of person to want to have a baby with me. I am surprised that I got excited about it. Obviously I am in a really bad place in my life to be in this kind of situation.

 

I know that I am addicted to him and I know that I will regret this later. I want to understand why I am feeling this way and why I allowed any of this to happen.

[LovelyGirlx0]

I am not a troll. Perhaps I should have made other posts before adding such a shocking one. I am in shock myself and came here for help. More than anything I want my marriage to work but nothing has been able to fix our mess and it is worse now than ever (my fault).

 

I never thought I would be involved with a married man let alone while I am married! I have no one to talk to. I am not sure if any one else has been in this situation because of how messed up it is. Does anyone understand why he would want a baby with me while he is still with his wife? I am trying to make sense of it all.

[ladydesigner]

I am not a troll. Perhaps I should have made other posts before adding such a shocking one. I am in shock myself and came here for help. More than anything I want my marriage to work but nothing has been able to fix our mess and it is worse now than ever (my fault).

 

I never thought I would be involved with a married man let alone while I am married! I have no one to talk to. I am not sure if any one else has been in this situation because of how messed up it is. Does anyone understand why he would want a baby with me while he is still with his wife? I am trying to make sense of it all.

 

Who know what he is thinking. If I were you I would leave it alone. Get an IC (independent counselor) and work through any issues, grief, and most importantly save your marriage (if that's what you really want). If you do want your marriage you know what you have to do next then...end the affair.

 

Please get the help you need and keep posting here. Glad you see how wrong it is to be thinking of getting pregnant by another man.

[MissBee]

LovelyGirl,

 

I'm going to be honest with you, upon getting to the meat of your post (particularly the aspect about this man with a pregnant wife asking you to stop taking birth control so that you can be pregnant too) rang loud alarm bells for me.

 

My first thought was OMG what a douche....is he crazy?????? Are you crazy???

 

Anyway, understanding the background of your story and your barely-there marriage, I get why you would gravitate towards this man, I get that you had been fantasizing about all that has been lacking, you've been numb, probably depressed. My gut reaction to your post is that this man has issues and you're in a vulnerable state thus perfect for him. You have said nothing about him loving you, wanting to leave his wife for you etc. It just seems like, you're addicted to him as you've said and he's taking it for a ride. He's caught up too and it's a high for him to know you feel that way and he's going along with this crazy ride asking for babies, completely ignoring the REALITY! I can probably bet you that if you really did follow through and allowed yourself to be pregnant....your life would not be peaches and cream....it would be a MESS that you'll regret. You may see this knight in shining armor turn a douche in a rusty costume soooo quickly or never hear from him again!

 

PLEASE DO NOT BE FOOLISH! DON'T GET PREGNANT FOR THIS MAN!

 

Behind everything you realize the truth of this situation, that it is neither romantic or cute...you're behaving like teenagers, who often lack the ability to think through their whims. I was never that teenager, but I always wondered how girls could have unprotected sex (condoms, not even just birth control, as I'd rather be pregnant than have HIV or some such) with men not committed to them, who are having sex with other people. I then realized as I got older that GROWN women do it too. It's a very foolish risk. This man is married to another, and the devil knows who he messes around with besides you, I don't know if you use condoms, but unless you've seen his medical papers or are in a MONOGAMOUS, committed relationship with him, you don't need to be doing that.

 

Love doesn't make you do foolish things IMO and IME....being caught up in emotion fueled drama, especially those that surround feeling loved and validated by another, does. You've already admitted such is the case. You're not getting that love and validation from your husband, I can imagine how it affects your self esteem, self worth and how finally getting that from some man seems to be everything.....but it's not. It clearly isn't, as all it's doing is turning you into some jealous, anxious, regretful person who is placing herself in precarious situations. This is beyond this man and your husband.

 

 

I think you should do something about your marriage once and for all. You've tried counseling, sooo what is the next step? Can it be repaired or no? If not....you deserve to move on and be happy elsewhere, with a single man, who will love you and make you feel secure and not knock you up on the low while his wife is currently with-child. Sorry, that man doesn't sound like much of a catch, you're just addicted to how he makes you feel about yourself and not because he is so innately great.

 

I think you should get individual counseling and start working through these feelings. I hope you find the strength to leave your husband and you get back to a place where you're strong, confident, happy and can let good sense prevail, versus this shaky ground you're on where you're scared of doing the right thing for yourself and are almost agreeing to utter fakkry in order to keep the attentions of some man. I've been in that place and it makes you feel helpless and desperate, anxious and sick to your stomach everyday because you're truly addicted to this unstable substance (this man) and you go down into the pits of insanity but continue because you don't have the strength and presence of mind to be all and everything for yourself. It's a horrible position . I hope you take the advice here and get out of it before you make a HUGE mistake. (((hug)))

Edited July 15, 2011 by MissBee

[Summer Breeze]

I thought I'd heard it all. Please please please listen to what everyone has said. Do not play with the life of a child that way. Do not start a child in life knowing you're creating what could be very hostile environments to grow up in. Think of the 4 or 5 year old child that is resented and disliked by one or the other of your families. What will that child grow up with.

 

The world is tough don't selfishly bring an innocent life into such a ridiculously horrible situation. Please stay strong and don't.

[TurboGirl]

OP,

 

This is serious...sounds like you are addicted to this MM. I was addicted to someone years ago and literally it almost ruined my life. This person is like a drug, you feel almost euphoric when you are together... and you long to talk with him, spend time with him, etc etc etc.

 

You are not seeing clearly. If you truly want your marriage to work, muster up the all the strength you can, break it off with the MM and get yourself into counseling now. It will be painful. You will cry. But trust me, if you continue on this path you will be crying ALOT more in the future. And other people in your life, whom you never wished to hurt, will be crying too.

 

It's unhealthy and not real... can you see that?! You are not living life with this guy, you are like a soothing happy place for each other without the pressures of daily living. Like, constant vacation and feeding each other's ego every time you are together. Not real, not real by a long shot.

 

Don't you think your H deserves a really fair honest good try? If you get yourself some counseling... and then maybe MC for you and hubby, you might see positives in your marriage that you didn't before. And hopefully if you can take a step back from the A you will see how messed up things are becoming. Talking about having a child with a guy who is married to someone else... OMG. Unfair to everyone involved... especially a child. You know all of this, OP. You know.

[YellowShark]

Ditto on what everyone has said to you LovelyGirlx0. Human beings are not pawns to collect. That a married man WITH A PREGNANT WIFE at home wants you to get pregnant now too should be sending off frikkin' alarm bells in your head. He's married with a pregnant wife, you're married with children... what the hell is wrong with this picture LovelyGirlx0?

 

And frankly if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.. and where does that leave you when you are pregnant with his baby?

 

Is he gonna pay for the next 18+ years of this child's life? How about visitation? Will all the other kids shun this "affair baby?" Or will it be accepted. If your husband walks out the door because the OM knocked you up can you handle taking care of everything and everyone while working? Who's last name will this love child take? Who's healthplan?

 

Not trying to be a dick about this, but damn... please, hit the brakes and shut it down.

[LovelyGirlx0]

Who know what he is thinking. If I were you I would leave it alone. Get an IC (independent counselor) and work through any issues, grief, and most importantly save your marriage (if that's what you really want). If you do want your marriage you know what you have to do next then...end the affair.

 

Please get the help you need and keep posting here. Glad you see how wrong it is to be thinking of getting pregnant by another man.

 

Right now I am in counseling and my husband and I have been in counseling our entire marriage. I am discouraged because several of my counselors have told me that they do not see our marriage lasting because of my husbands immaturity and and disinterest in fixing our problems. I have tried to fix things and now I have made huge mistakes out of my new insecurity due to my marriage problems. I feel all of this is out of my hands because my husband will not work on the marriage with me. Honestly I do want a healed marriage but it doesn't seem like that is going to happen and I wonder if I should seek a way out.

[LovelyGirlx0]

LovelyGirl,

 

I'm going to be honest with you, upon getting to the meat of your post (particularly the aspect about this man with a pregnant wife asking you to stop taking birth control so that you can be pregnant too) rang loud alarm bells for me.

 

My first thought was OMG what a douche....is he crazy?????? Are you crazy???

 

Anyway, understanding the background of your story and your barely-there marriage, I get why you would gravitate towards this man, I get that you had been fantasizing about all that has been lacking, you've been numb, probably depressed. My gut reaction to your post is that this man has issues and you're in a vulnerable state thus perfect for him. You have said nothing about him loving you, wanting to leave his wife for you etc. It just seems like, you're addicted to him as you've said and he's taking it for a ride. He's caught up too and it's a high for him to know you feel that way and he's going along with this crazy ride asking for babies, completely ignoring the REALITY! I can probably bet you that if you really did follow through and allowed yourself to be pregnant....your life would not be peaches and cream....it would be a MESS that you'll regret. You may see this knight in shining armor turn a douche in a rusty costume soooo quickly or never hear from him again!

 

PLEASE DO NOT BE FOOLISH! DON'T GET PREGNANT FOR THIS MAN!

 

Behind everything you realize the truth of this situation, that it is neither romantic or cute...you're behaving like teenagers, who often lack the ability to think through their whims. I was never that teenager, but I always wondered how girls could have unprotected sex (condoms, not even just birth control, as I'd rather be pregnant than have HIV or some such) with men not committed to them, who are having sex with other people. I then realized as I got older that GROWN women do it too. It's a very foolish risk. This man is married to another, and the devil knows who he messes around with besides you, I don't know if you use condoms, but unless you've seen his medical papers or are in a MONOGAMOUS, committed relationship with him, you don't need to be doing that.

 

Love doesn't make you do foolish things IMO and IME....being caught up in emotion fueled drama, especially those that surround feeling loved and validated by another, does. You've already admitted such is the case. You're not getting that love and validation from your husband, I can imagine how it affects your self esteem, self worth and how finally getting that from some man seems to be everything.....but it's not. It clearly isn't, as all it's doing is turning you into some jealous, anxious, regretful person who is placing herself in precarious situations. This is beyond this man and your husband.

 

 

I think you should do something about your marriage once and for all. You've tried counseling, sooo what is the next step? Can it be repaired or no? If not....you deserve to move on and be happy elsewhere, with a single man, who will love you and make you feel secure and not knock you up on the low while his wife is currently with-child. Sorry, that man doesn't sound like much of a catch, you're just addicted to how he makes you feel about yourself and not because he is so innately great.

 

I think you should get individual counseling and start working through these feelings. I hope you find the strength to leave your husband and you get back to a place where you're strong, confident, happy and can let good sense prevail, versus this shaky ground you're on where you're scared of doing the right thing for yourself and are almost agreeing to utter fakkry in order to keep the attentions of some man. I've been in that place and it makes you feel helpless and desperate, anxious and sick to your stomach everyday because you're truly addicted to this unstable substance (this man) and you go down into the pits of insanity but continue because you don't have the strength and presence of mind to be all and everything for yourself. It's a horrible position . I hope you take the advice here and get out of it before you make a HUGE mistake. (((hug)))

 

Thank you so much for your very helpful post. I appreciate not being attacked and having some understanding from someone.

 

You are right, I am addicted to him and it's a terrible experience really. I do want to get back to a place where I am confident and able to say what I need and want with no doubt in my mind that I can have it because I should have it and deserve it.

 

I have been afraid to end this relationship because I know that once I do, things are not going to be perfect or even "ok" at home and I will miss his company and go through withdrawals, depression, and anxiety but I know that I need to do this for myself and for my marriage.

 

Like I said before, I do want to repair my marriage but we have been working on this and we have a very, very unique situation and I am having doubts that my marriage can work at all. Things were very bad before I started this stupid affair and really being with this guy has helped me to be a little happier and not feel as lonely. So I am scared to end it even though I know deep down inside that doing so will bring me to a happier place where I can heal and decide if I want to get a divorce or work on my dysfunctional marriage. Such a hard situation.

[LovelyGirlx0]

I thought I'd heard it all. Please please please listen to what everyone has said. Do not play with the life of a child that way. Do not start a child in life knowing you're creating what could be very hostile environments to grow up in. Think of the 4 or 5 year old child that is resented and disliked by one or the other of your families. What will that child grow up with.

 

The world is tough don't selfishly bring an innocent life into such a ridiculously horrible situation. Please stay strong and don't.

 

I know it's horrible. I am still taking my pill and I am withdrawing from the situation even though it is very difficult and I so very badly want to see him right now.

[LovelyGirlx0]

OP,

 

This is serious...sounds like you are addicted to this MM. I was addicted to someone years ago and literally it almost ruined my life. This person is like a drug, you feel almost euphoric when you are together... and you long to talk with him, spend time with him, etc etc etc.

 

You are not seeing clearly. If you truly want your marriage to work, muster up the all the strength you can, break it off with the MM and get yourself into counseling now. It will be painful. You will cry. But trust me, if you continue on this path you will be crying ALOT more in the future. And other people in your life, whom you never wished to hurt, will be crying too.

 

It's unhealthy and not real... can you see that?! You are not living life with this guy, you are like a soothing happy place for each other without the pressures of daily living. Like, constant vacation and feeding each other's ego every time you are together. Not real, not real by a long shot.

 

Don't you think your H deserves a really fair honest good try? If you get yourself some counseling... and then maybe MC for you and hubby, you might see positives in your marriage that you didn't before. And hopefully if you can take a step back from the A you will see how messed up things are becoming. Talking about having a child with a guy who is married to someone else... OMG. Unfair to everyone involved... especially a child. You know all of this, OP. You know.

 

 

I did not know that I could feel like high from someone and feel literally sick by not seeing them and getting that high that I do when I talk to him or kiss him. It is a bad feeling and I hate it. I want more than anything to have a "normal" relationship with someone who loves me and can be with me in my normal day-to-day life and I will NOT have that if I stay with this guy and have his baby. What am I supposed to say to my husband if we are still together or to another man that I may meet someday and fall in love with? I don't want to have to explain it or have a child who grows up in that situation.

 

Seriously I can see how it is unhealthy and not realistic which is why I am reaching out. I have told him on several occasions how I feel about this and he really knows what to say to me. He makes me feel safe in a weird way and makes me feel like everything will be okay and I heartbroken...? Weird? I mean, I do not know how he does it. He really knows what to say to a woman and I know he probably just knows how to play me. It's crazy.

 

I think everyone deserves a second chance. I am frustrated. I have tried my very hardest with my husband and he is the most cruel and hateful person I have ever been with. This is why I am so drawn to the "gentle", "affectionate" other man. This is why it is so hard for me to end it. The OM is always so kind and understanding and Im not stupid, I know he is not perfect and most certainly is not on his best behavior all the time or with his wife even but that is why I am drawn to him because I like being treated that way and i like being heard and respected. My husband and I have so many issues to work through and I am very willing. It would be much easier for me if my husband would tell me that he wants to try and will work on being the husband that I need him to be. That would seriously be the best thing he could say and do and would make it so easy to end this other relationship but I know I need to end it regardless of what my husband does or says.

[LovelyGirlx0]

You claim you want your marriage to work yet you are doing this? Lady you two are really disgusting you are actually considering bringing a child into this world with a man that simply wants you as a trophy and on top of that you plan on tricking your H into raising the kid.

 

Kids are not some toy that you can just play with.

 

If you have one ounce of decency you will confess to your H and brace for divorce. You are way too selfish to stay married

 

Please do not be rude with me. I came here for help which is very hard to do! I am NOT considering having this mans child. I said that I might if we were together and no longer married to other people. When he asked me I was surprised that I considered it but as soon as I went home I told myself that I couldn't do it. It's like he puts me under some kind of spell and I act irrationally. It's hard to explain because I do not understand it at all.

 

I do not believe that kids are some toy that you play with. I have children of my own who I love very much. I am a good mother and I do not want to have another child under these circumstances. It would be a terrible way for a child to be raised. I know this.

 

It's not about decency. There would be nothing good that could come out of telling him about the affair. Doing so would just tear apart my marriage, that is already hanging my a thread as it is. What I want to do is continue going to marriage counseling without having most of my heart attached to this other guy. Telling my husband would do no good. If he cheated I would not want to know either. I couldn't handle it and neither could he.

 

Also, I have done selfish things by having an affair, yes, but that does not define me. I am not a selfish person. I give to my kids and husband all day and I have tried my very best to fix our marriage. An affair happened because of deep pain and neglect in my marriage which led to very low self-esteem and depression. Of course I felt better about myself when a handsome man came onto me and told me everything I wanted to hear. It's completely natural. I should have had the brains to stop it before it got this far. I am human and I make mistakes and I am trying my best to fix it now which is what is important!

[fooled once]

First of all children ARE NOT charms you collect and put on a bracelet. So wake the hell up and do not bring a human being onto this planet just because you and the OM like to screw around with each other. That is very very selfish, unfair, immature, and frankly, sick.

 

Secondly you and the OM ARE MARRIED to other people.. so your "relationship" is not a relationship at all, it's TOTALLY a friends with benefits deal. Additionally both of you are throwing your spouses under a bus without dealing with the real issue, your unhealthy marriages.

 

It's really time to stop thinking about yourself and start showing some empathy for all the people around you, (your husband and children), either fix your marriage or leave. Same with the OM, he should fix his marriage or leave.

 

Just please don't think having a baby with your affair partner is going to solve anything... in fact it will cause tons of grief and devastate you HUSBAND!

 

Op...

 

your head is in the clouds, you are soooo far gone on Love Fog you are no longer seeing reality! There is a bit of hope in that because at least you know that having a child with a MM is a bad idea.

 

Sounds like things weren't good at home, so instead of working on it and trying to fix it, you ignored it and found your MM.

 

You say that you know cheating is wrong. (I've been in a similar situation, so I know what I am talking about here) Yet, you are continuing to see this guy. His family could be ruined by this, and so could yours. To me this sounds like you are addicted to this man and the way he makes you feel. Honey this is NOT real life. This is a fantasy.

 

Just your feelings that you have stated make me think that this is going to blow up soon. All that passion and love... do you think your spouses are not going to find out? What will happen when his baby with his wife comes... you are going to be super jealous. Take a step back from all of this...hopefully you will see how ridiculous this is. This man is not yours.

 

Again, sounds like you are addicted to this man. Suggest that you get yourself to a therapist or counselor and start working through this before everything explodes. It is going to be painful to end it and try and work on your marriage... but don't you think your husband at least deserves a good fair try? 3 years... that is not long and you are still getting used to each other.

 

How do you feel about yourself, OP? Are you proud and happy with your actions? I am thinking probably not. This A can and will ruin your self esteem.

 

PLEASE keep taking the birth control! You will be happy that you did later. A child with a MM is so wrong on many levels.

 

This is one of the most disturbing posts What gives either of you the right to decide to bring a baby into the lives of two other people without their consent. What makes you think his wife or your husband wants a reminder that you and he were so selfish as to bring an innocent lives into their lives.

 

A child is someone they would have to deal with also, since it would be the half sibling of their children What is wrong with people? Does the libido do all cognitive work in some humans? My God. The maturity level displayed says you two not only shouldn't be thinking of having children together but maybe taking parent classes to learn the affects of certain choices have on the safety and security (physically and emotionally) of the children you already have.

 

I agree with all the above posts!

 

I cannot even begin to understand why you would think you could pass off a new baby as your H's. How cruel to him and to the child.

 

So you know the MM is having active sex with his wife and you aren't turned off? It doesn't bother you that he has sex with her? Most OW here are in total denial about the MM they are having an affair with in regards to sex with the wife; yet YOU know he is having sex with her and that turns you on, because it doesn't turn you off.

 

Divorce your H. He deserves better. He deserves someone who isn't acting in a selfish manner. He deserves someone who isn't sleeping with someone else and having unprotected sex with them. You could potentially give him a life altering STD; do you even care?

 

Go tell MM's wife that he wants you to have his baby. Let HER make up HER mind about staying with him or leaving him. Give her the same opportunity that you and he have - the ability to know the ENTIRE story. Tell your H too.

 

Man, this is just .... wow.

 

I don't buy it that you are 'so addicted' to him that you can't stop. You don't want to stop. You don't love your H; you don't do what you are doing to someone you love.

 

I think I have read it all now

[LovelyGirlx0]

I agree with all the above posts!

 

I cannot even begin to understand why you would think you could pass off a new baby as your H's. How cruel to him and to the child.

 

So you know the MM is having active sex with his wife and you aren't turned off? It doesn't bother you that he has sex with her? Most OW here are in total denial about the MM they are having an affair with in regards to sex with the wife; yet YOU know he is having sex with her and that turns you on, because it doesn't turn you off.

 

Divorce your H. He deserves better. He deserves someone who isn't acting in a selfish manner. He deserves someone who isn't sleeping with someone else and having unprotected sex with them. You could potentially give him a life altering STD; do you even care?

 

Go tell MM's wife that he wants you to have his baby. Let HER make up HER mind about staying with him or leaving him. Give her the same opportunity that you and he have - the ability to know the ENTIRE story. Tell your H too.

 

Man, this is just .... wow.

 

I don't buy it that you are 'so addicted' to him that you can't stop. You don't want to stop. You don't love your H; you don't do what you are doing to someone you love.

 

I think I have read it all now

 

God am I not being clear!?!?!?!?!? I NEVER said I could pass this child off as being my husbands. I never for a moment thought that would be possible. Hello? I am STILL taking my pill. Get a grip! I do not want to have this mans child! I am concerned because he asked me to and am trying to find a way out. It has gone too far!

 

I am not turned on by him having sex with his wife. I told him I didn't want to hear about it. But come on people....you'd have to be an idiot to think a man was not sleeping with his wife on the side too. I know damn well he was. Most men will get it whenever and however they can. I am not an idiot and from what I can see men can compartmentalize things a hell of a lot easier than women. What about Arnold? His wife and mistress had babies at the same time? Sick? Yes! But it happens! I am NOT turned on by it at all. I have cried about it. I have asked myself, "what the hell are you doing?"

 

I really do not care what you buy or do not buy. You are not in my shoes. Had I not been through this, I never would be able to understand or sympathize with these feelings. It is like a drug this whole experience. Today he has texted me and i have yet to respond. I came her for some support, help and accountability and I do not need to be judged. I already feel bad enough. And for the last time.....I AM NOT HAVING HIS BABY!

[LovelyGirlx0]

I agree with all the above posts!

 

I cannot even begin to understand why you would think you could pass off a new baby as your H's. How cruel to him and to the child.

 

So you know the MM is having active sex with his wife and you aren't turned off? It doesn't bother you that he has sex with her? Most OW here are in total denial about the MM they are having an affair with in regards to sex with the wife; yet YOU know he is having sex with her and that turns you on, because it doesn't turn you off.

 

Divorce your H. He deserves better. He deserves someone who isn't acting in a selfish manner. He deserves someone who isn't sleeping with someone else and having unprotected sex with them. You could potentially give him a life altering STD; do you even care?

 

Go tell MM's wife that he wants you to have his baby. Let HER make up HER mind about staying with him or leaving him. Give her the same opportunity that you and he have - the ability to know the ENTIRE story. Tell your H too.

 

Man, this is just .... wow.

 

I don't buy it that you are 'so addicted' to him that you can't stop. You don't want to stop. You don't love your H; you don't do what you are doing to someone you love.

 

I think I have read it all now

 

And I really did not want to go into all of the details of my personal life but my "Dear" husband cheated on me which is part of the reason why I began thinking about doing it myself. I could not get over his cheating and thought that doing it myself would make it easier for me to understand and forgive. You know what? It has! SO please do not tell me or act like you know what he deserves and that he deserves better. I do not think any one deserves to be cheated on and every one deserves a second chance. I wish neither one of us had done it. I am trying to leave this situation and better my marriage and family life which I think says a lot.

[fooled once]

God am I not being clear!?!?!?!?!? I NEVER said I could pass this child off as being my husbands. I never for a moment thought that would be possible. Hello? I am STILL taking my pill. Get a grip! I do not want to have this mans child! I am concerned because he asked me to and am trying to find a way out. It has gone too far!

 

I am not turned on by him having sex with his wife. I told him I didn't want to hear about it. But come on people....you'd have to be an idiot to think a man was not sleeping with his wife on the side too. I know damn well he was. Most men will get it whenever and however they can. I am not an idiot and from what I can see men can compartmentalize things a hell of a lot easier than women. What about Arnold? His wife and mistress had babies at the same time? Sick? Yes! But it happens! I am NOT turned on by it at all. I have cried about it. I have asked myself, "what the hell are you doing?"

 

I really do not care what you buy or do not buy. You are not in my shoes. Had I not been through this, I never would be able to understand or sympathize with these feelings. It is like a drug this whole experience. Today he has texted me and i have yet to respond. I came her for some support, help and accountability and I do not need to be judged. I already feel bad enough. And for the last time.....I AM NOT HAVING HIS BABY!

 

Why would you post about the whole "he wants to have a baby with me" if you never intended to even consider it? Trying to find a way out? HELLO - tell him that is sick and you would never do that to a child or to yourself or to your H. Did you really need feedback from strangers to help with that?

 

He isn't sleeping with his wife on the side; that is you He is sleeping with you on the side because he is married to his wife.

 

You came here for support...for what? To tell you how great it is you are sleeping with a pregnant woman's husband? I am honestly not understanding what you want help with? Ending the affair? Again, that's easy - SAY NO. If you can clearly grasp that he is have sex with his wife, why can't you easily see that the way to end the affair is to say ENOUGH?

 

So you claim your H cheated...did he tell you he did?

 

Why won't you give him the same courtesy and tell him you are cheating and have been for 1.5 years? Give him the same opportunity he gave you - the chance to decide if he wants to continue to be married to you. You obviously chose to 'forgive' him, even though you thought it was a good idea to have a revenge affair. Maybe he will decide he wants out. if your marriage is so unhappy, why not divorce instead of you each choosing to cheat on the other? Tell the MM you are leaving your H and want him to leave his wife...see what he says? Maybe you two will run off together and you can have that baby that he wants you to have.