browneyedgirlie Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 Please help me. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and we bought a house together. He comes to me last weekend and says that he needs space because he isn't happy. I say ok, move to the extra bedroom. Then two days later he says that he wants to work things out and wants to go and see a councelor and he loves me and all this other stuff. Now he wants to separate. I finanally said last night let's just break up. Even though I don't want to do that, I can't keep going back and forth like this. It hurts me so much when he says things like he isn't in love with me anymore but he wants to work things out. I don't get it. I want to work things out with him, but I don't know how. I love him with all my heart and I hate for things to be like this between us. I also don't know what to do about this house. We aren't talking because of this whole situation and one of us can't live here alone on what we make. I don't want either of us to leave. I don't know why he is being so wishy-washy. One day he loves me and the next day he doesn't. He did say that he missed out when he was your on dating and that I am the first real relationship he has been in. He said that he doesn't want to lose that, but he feels like he has a void in his life. I am just so confused. Please help me here. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 It's not uncommon for someone to have regrets about missing out on things they didn't experience when they were younger. But we ALL miss out on one thing or another. That's what making choices is about. You make ONE choice, and you miss out on other ones. I wish I had some great wisdom for you as far as what you need to do now, but it sounds like you just need to decide whether to work things out if he wants to, or move on. I know you said that you don't want either of you to have to move, but there may be no other choice if you two are no longer together. Perhaps you could try telling him to take a couple of weeks and decide one way or the other. Tell him you love him, but you can't just hang on when he's so wishy washy and that you would like a firm decision from him soon so you two can go from there. I'm very sorry for what's happening to you, and like I said, wish I had more wisdom for you. It's just a tough situation to be in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author browneyedgirlie Posted April 23, 2004 Author Share Posted April 23, 2004 It will just be so hard to live in the same house as roomates and not be together but that is what we will have to do. I am just so upset because one minute he wants to save what we have and the next he doesn't. I just don't know. I have told him to decide what he wants, but he said that he doesn't know when that will be. I couldn't think of him being with another girl. That would break what there is left of my heart to break. He says that he wants his freedom to go out and do the things that he missed out on, but he doesn't want to lose me. I told him that he can't have it both ways. I just don't know what he wan't from me. I am just so sad. I thought that he was the one. We have talked about getting married and having a baby and all that stuff. He just said that he changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 I'm so sorry. That must be so hard. I know you probably don't feel this way now and you'll probably hate hearing this, but it really is better to find out that he's feeling this way NOW then sometime after you have had a child or gotten married. I hope you hang in there. Perhaps giving him some space will make him realize how good he really has it. The grass always looks greener on the other side (ie, being single and fancy free in this case), but usually we find out it's not so green after all. Link to post Share on other sites
indicolite Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 don't prolong it. he wants to date--it will come up again and not just go away. it would be worse if there was another person involved but if he is being honest about wanting to try the scene out, read the signals now to prevent heatache later. in a past relationship we had mutually broken it off because it seemed neither wanted to give up their freedom (not dating freedom--but not being tied financially, like married )--then we got back together out of loneliness and financial considerations living together. and i should' ve had the clean break then. it was much complicated when we broke up later. Link to post Share on other sites
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