Awkwardness and lack of conversation

[alxne]

I'm 26, and have suffered from this for 10 years now, ever since leaving school - where I did get bullied during a 4/5 year period. Home wasn't great either. I haven't had any confidence for years, and I wasn't blessed with good looks which has never helped that.

 

I can't talk to people very well apart from add the odd comment in to someone elses conversation or conversation someone else has started.

 

If I try to say more I sometimes end up getting words muddled up as I'm not used to it.

 

The last two girls I've met say I'm too awkward. The last one actually asked me to talk to her but my mind was blank and I couldn't do it despite wanting to.

 

I was even struggling to find something to talk about with my mother today after she commented that I was quiet.

 

I went doctors last week and they've just given me a book to read - Overcoming low self-esteem. It's not really helping. The doctor said I could be referred to therapist but how soon depends on how depressed you are.

 

I feel really down about it right now and I can't get out of it and fear I'll always be the same.

Edited July 15, 2011 by alxne

[Dooda]

I have this problem too. I'm quiet, because I'm thinking too much.

I'm thinking too much, about things that really don't matter. What if I say this? And what if it's not as perfect as I'd like to say it? What if whatever I'm saying is actually stupid? Then you start thinking about how you're not speaking, or you're ultra sensitive to what people say. What did he mean by that? I wonder why I'm not able to be myself? etc etc...

The cycle goes on.

 

I'm going through my own revelation, so I can offer you little advice.

Good luck in whatever it is you're going through.

[Ross MwcFan]

I think it's probably just because you're not used to socialising.

 

I've not socialised properly for quite a few years, and I've found that I do get words muddled up, and find it hard to explain things, and get tongue tied when having a conversation.

 

I never ever, used to be like this.

 

The solution is to just socialise more, no matter how painful.

 

As for not being able to think of things to say, it could be because of being shy, or it could be down to the type of people you're with.

 

If you're with people you don't have as much in common with, you'll struggle to think of things to say. If you're with people who are just like you, then you shouldn't, unless you're shy.

[alxne]

I've always been very shy too. Not a great combination all of this.

[Dooda]

I think it's probably just because you're not used to socialising.

 

I've not socialised properly for quite a few years, and I've found that I do get words muddled up, and find it hard to explain things, and get tongue tied when having a conversation.

 

I never ever, used to be like this.

 

The solution is to just socialise more, no matter how painful.

 

As for not being able to think of things to say, it could be because of being shy, or it could be down to the type of people you're with.

 

If you're with people you don't have as much in common with, you'll struggle to think of things to say. If you're with people who are just like you, then you shouldn't, unless you're shy.

 

Yea, there are 2 types of people, IMO. There are laid-back people that really don't pay too much attention to what you say and focus less on stigma such as social awkwardness, and then there are those who are too consumed with stigma (and themselves) to ever escape and just be themselves.

Basically, you want to focus on befriending a group of people who will accept you for who you are, because if not you'll just end up being uncomfortable and changing who you are.

[NicoleM]

Dude I am feeling the same way!!!! I have low self-esteem and I have this great guy but it's like the honeymoon phase is over. We had so much fun together texting and calliing on the phone but now that phase is over. There is all of the awkwardness and lack of conversation. I try and he doesn't talk much and I don't talk much so it's like what's going on here??

[akazid]

I find the below quotes as very insightful:

 

The solution is to just socialise more, no matter how painful.

 

As for not being able to think of things to say, it could be because of being shy, or it could be down to the type of people you're with.

 

If you're with people you don't have as much in common with, you'll struggle to think of things to say. If you're with people who are just like you, then you shouldn't, unless you're shy.

 

Yea, there are 2 types of people, IMO. There are laid-back people that really don't pay too much attention to what you say and focus less on stigma such as social awkwardness

 

Basically, you want to focus on befriending a group of people who will accept you for who you are, because if not you'll just end up being uncomfortable and changing who you are.

[swirlyq]

I have similar problems as well. Sometimes I just don't know what to say. But at the same time, it doesn't matter what you say, just that you say something. It could be a topic that has nothing to do with the situation at hand, or not. I find if you reach a middle ground with someone, conversation can go places. Or sometimes it doesn't, which can suck, but atleast you're trying. What if you did something that didn't require you to talk, but you could if you wanted to. Like taking a class, exercising with someone wether it be biking or walking.

[alxne]

I have similar problems as well. Sometimes I just don't know what to say. But at the same time, it doesn't matter what you say, just that you say something. It could be a topic that has nothing to do with the situation at hand, or not. I find if you reach a middle ground with someone, conversation can go places. Or sometimes it doesn't, which can suck, but atleast you're trying. What if you did something that didn't require you to talk, but you could if you wanted to. Like taking a class, exercising with someone wether it be biking or walking.

The problem is sometimes I just can't say anything, I'm there thinking of something to say but I seriously can't do it. I've had enough of being like this.

[bson1257]

I have severe social anxiety so I know this all too well.

[tb24]

I'm the same way.

 

I always feel really awkward trying to introduce a fresh topic to the conversation. Either because it doesn't follow what's already been said or because there's little to no point to it and it seems totally irrelevant to everything.