Insecurity or something

[pete]

I've been with my girl for more than two years now. I do believe we are in a loving relationship where we care for each other deeply. We always spend time together, talk on the phone, fight like any other couples, etc. We even still have our moments where we cuddle and talk for what seems like hours. And when we have these moments, we always talk about the possiblity of marriage and how we're going to spend the rest of our lives together. In sum, I feel like I'm the luckiest man alive to share such love with my girlfriend.

 

However, I have been getting these feelings lately where I'm starting to believe our relationship is not going to last. We realize that we're both still too young to get married anytime soon (Our ideal age is to get married in our mid to late twenties, so we can be financially secured). She's 21 and I'm 23, that means we would have to wait at least five years to get married. Hence, my problem: I honestly don't believe my girlfriend and I are going to end up married because I would have to wait another five years. I always hear, read, and watch people break up even after being together for years and I also hear the chances to get married are better when couples aren't together for a long time. I do not want to waste my time nor my girlfriend's by staying together and not end up getting married. Plus, I have this feeling I'm not being fair to my girlfriend by not letting her enjoy single's life like all of her close friends.

 

Am I crazy to even think like this? Is it possible for a relationship to last forever? Damn, am I an idiot to have this kind of insecurity?

[Tony T]

Am I crazy to even think like this?

 

Yeah, kind of. There are absolutely no guarantees in life. You are right in that the relationship could get somewhat stale and the zeal for marriage may wane before you attain your age goal. But it's much better that it happen while you're off the clock than after you're married. Meanwhile, you have the challenge of keeping the relationship interesting and alive. That will take some work but it sounds like you have such a nice relationship and one worth keeping together.

 

Is it possible for a relationship to last forever?

 

Oh, yes!!! It is absolutely possible. The odds are 50/50 so that's pretty good...a lot better chance than me winning the lottery. It's really up to the two of you and just how seriously you work at it and honor your committment to one another and the relationship.

 

Damn, am I an idiot to have this kind of insecurity?

 

No, I think you are pretty practical and realistic. I commend you for thinking ahead and not being blinded by the current bliss. However, you can analyze everything you do right into the ground. Take the results of your analysis and then take the steps you deem necessary to achieve the results you desire. In this case, you have a desire to have this relationship last forever. If she does as well, that's an excellent start. But don't kid yourself, it doesn't stay wonderful forever without a hell of a lot of work.

 

Frankly, I think the two of you ought to consider getting married in a couple of years and working together to achieve your financial and other goals from that point. The bond formed during building a life from scratch is an awful strong one...and romantic too.

[Nina]

Yesterday my fiance ran in to an old friend who was excited to hear about us getting engaged. She wanted to know how he knew he wanted to marry me. He said, you just know when it's right.

 

We're very young, though. He's 22, I'm 21. He'll be 23 when we get married next year. We talked about it a lot before we decided to go for it. Really, we already live like we're married. We share financial responsibility, live together, cook together, do laundry together, pay our bills together.

 

Why am I telling you this? I see you're insecure and kind of scared. If you question the relationship, why are you still in it? Why continue to be involved with someone you can't see yourself with in five years?

 

Marriage is a big step. A big committment. But with the right person, it feels like the best decision in the world. so maybe this isn't the right one, if you're not sure. My fiance has always been very sure with me. He said he knew he would marry me only a few weeks after meeting me.

 

Youth isn't the issue, it's maturity and how you personally respond to pressure. Some people are ready at 19. Some never are. But it's always about personal choice. Those who choose not to grow up and become mature are the ones who have relationship problems.

[Tony T]

I think Nina put this whole thing about being ready for marriage absolutely perfectly!!!

[Deejette]

If you broke up with her now, wouldn't that bring useless heartbreak and pain. And when your friends ask you why are you suffering so much, you can say, "Well, I was worried that we would break up further down the line so we broke up now." That is sacrificing present happiness for a future of uncertainty.

Am I crazy to even think like this? Yeah, kind of. There are absolutely no guarantees in life. You are right in that the relationship could get somewhat stale and the zeal for marriage may wane before you attain your age goal. But it's much better that it happen while you're off the clock than after you're married. Meanwhile, you have the challenge of keeping the relationship interesting and alive. That will take some work but it sounds like you have such a nice relationship and one worth keeping together. Is it possible for a relationship to last forever? Oh, yes!!! It is absolutely possible. The odds are 50/50 so that's pretty good...a lot better chance than me winning the lottery. It's really up to the two of you and just how seriously you work at it and honor your committment to one another and the relationship. Damn, am I an idiot to have this kind of insecurity? No, I think you are pretty practical and realistic. I commend you for thinking ahead and not being blinded by the current bliss. However, you can analyze everything you do right into the ground. Take the results of your analysis and then take the steps you deem necessary to achieve the results you desire. In this case, you have a desire to have this relationship last forever. If she does as well, that's an excellent start. But don't kid yourself, it doesn't stay wonderful forever without a hell of a lot of work. Frankly, I think the two of you ought to consider getting married in a couple of years and working together to achieve your financial and other goals from that point. The bond formed during building a life from scratch is an awful strong one...and romantic too.