BlueHeavens Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 Question for all y'all... I have an acquaintence who got married last summer and never actually lived with their spouse after marriage. So...months later, not surprisingly, they are divorcing. I'm curious about the fate of the gifts. She claims it's entirely proper for her to keep them all. My thinking is that they were given to help the married couple set up their home together...and they should be returned since that is not happening. Thoughts? (btw, I suspect that gifts are the only reason she got married). Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 I think the general rule is that if a wedding happens, they keep the gifts. As for each situation being different, I think it would be "proper" to return the gifts since they never lived together... but that is just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueHeavens Posted April 24, 2004 Author Share Posted April 24, 2004 I know a gift is a gift, and once given, it's none of your business...but cashing in the gift cards, and selling unwanted things...seems downright tacky to me. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 Since they never even set up house together, much less made it to an anniversary, they should be returned. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 My understanding of wedding gifts are that they are to help the new couple set up their new home. If they never lived together then they should give them back. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 Emily Post said: "A divorced couple does not give back any wedding gifts, although a woman whose marraige was annulled, and who never lived with her husband, should do so." 15th ed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueHeavens Posted April 24, 2004 Author Share Posted April 24, 2004 Yeah....it's such an odd thing. I mean, they never even went on the honeymoon, but they're getting a divorce, not an annulment. Go figure! She was even going to keep his name bc it was "easier to spell". She said something about how it's cheaper to get a divorce...? Not that I am a person who wishes any kind of sadness on others, but I think hey. I'm single. I managed to furnish my home on my own. I can't imagine NOT returning the gifts, personally...esp the ones from "his side", bc I'd be too upset thinking about where they came from . But then again, she hasn't really been upset by this one bit, as far as I can tell. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 How convenient. Got an easier name, a lot of presents... I think I suspect the same thing you mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted April 24, 2004 Share Posted April 24, 2004 From what I've read, the generally accepted thing in the U.S. in modern times (Emily Post is timeless generally speaking but I think in this case she might be a bit dated) would be that the couple keeps the presents if the wedding actually occurred. Gifts get returned when someone gets left standing at the altar (god, how awful, and to then have to go through humiliation of returning gifts... yeesh), or when the wedding is otherwise called off. Then gifts should absolutely be returned. After that, I'm pretty sure most etiquette mavens today would say the couple should keep the gifts. But of course should you be so fortunate as to be invited to the bride's next wedding -- just send a card. Link to post Share on other sites
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