yulaw911 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hey guys, Its been awhile since i posted here. Its been about 6 weeks since i last spoke to my ex and i've been NC since then. The first three weeks were like hell and i couldn't spend a moment without thinking about her and i was barely eating. After about the fourth week i started feeling a lot better and i've been working out regularly and eating better than i ever have. I was actually spending time with my friends and really feeling great. I deleted her off of twitter and facebook when we first broke up and blocked her on both. Today i saw her picture in a mutual friends album and its like someone punched me in the stomach. I'm at work right now and i'm barely keeping it together. I know 6 weeks is nothing after a 4 week relationship but i really was feeling better and was actually moving on except for the random thoughts of her that would pop into my head. Now i feel like i'm slipping back in. I don't know what to do. I feel like i can't breathe, all the feelings i had for her are just rushing back. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hey guys, Its been awhile since i posted here. Its been about 6 weeks since i last spoke to my ex and i've been NC since then. The first three weeks were like hell and i couldn't spend a moment without thinking about her and i was barely eating. After about the fourth week i started feeling a lot better and i've been working out regularly and eating better than i ever have. I was actually spending time with my friends and really feeling great. I deleted her off of twitter and facebook when we first broke up and blocked her on both. Today i saw her picture in a mutual friends album and its like someone punched me in the stomach. I'm at work right now and i'm barely keeping it together. I know 6 weeks is nothing after a 4 week relationship but i really was feeling better and was actually moving on except for the random thoughts of her that would pop into my head. Now i feel like i'm slipping back in. I don't know what to do. I feel like i can't breathe, all the feelings i had for her are just rushing back. Ugh. Wow, you're that hung up on a girl you've only known for 4 weeks? All I can say is distract yourself. Concentrate on your job and make a conscious effort to put thoughts of her out of your mind. Replace them with other thoughts. That's all you can do right now. Distraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yulaw911 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Wow, you're that hung up on a girl you've only known for 4 weeks? All I can say is distract yourself. Concentrate on your job and make a conscious effort to put thoughts of her out of your mind. Replace them with other thoughts. That's all you can do right now. Distraction. 4 Years** sorry, im trying my best, why is it that they always look so much better once we can't have them anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 why is it that they always look so much better once we can't have them anymore? Because it has always been this way. Greek tragedies were written 3,000 years ago which covered this topic. Human nature is a B. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 4 Years** sorry, im trying my best, why is it that they always look so much better once we can't have them anymore? Laws of nature. We always want what we can't have. And once we have it, we take it for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
TaintedHeart Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 4 Years** sorry, im trying my best, why is it that they always look so much better once we can't have them anymore? I can't understand this either. I know how you feel, feels like you've just been stabbed and someone is twisting the knife. Sorry for being graphic! They always look so much happier too I don't really know what to say apart from stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 First off, don't beat yourself up over this. NC is a great tool, but it's so easy to be set back. I know first hand how seeing a pic of an ex can bring back so many feelings, especially after not seeing them for so long. I go out of my way to avoid seeing any pics now, I know it'll only end up hurting. You've had the bad first few weeks, then the good few weeks, now you're getting the repeat bad. You've gone a while without thinking about her and now all those thoughts are slamming into your head. All those good memories (bet there's no bad ones - there never is). It totally sucks. You have to sadly just accept them and fight your way through this storm. I reckon everyone on here who has gone through NC knows exactly what you're going through now, and we all do have something in common. We all got through it. For some it took a few weeks, for others a few months. Some still get these moments even after a year. There's no set period of time for us to heal - it will happen when it happens. So just do whatever you can to get past this and then carry on with NC. I bet you will fall again at some point, but with each time it happens, you'll start to notice how easier you deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yulaw911 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 First off, don't beat yourself up over this. NC is a great tool, but it's so easy to be set back. I know first hand how seeing a pic of an ex can bring back so many feelings, especially after not seeing them for so long. I go out of my way to avoid seeing any pics now, I know it'll only end up hurting. You've had the bad first few weeks, then the good few weeks, now you're getting the repeat bad. You've gone a while without thinking about her and now all those thoughts are slamming into your head. All those good memories (bet there's no bad ones - there never is). It totally sucks. You have to sadly just accept them and fight your way through this storm. I reckon everyone on here who has gone through NC knows exactly what you're going through now, and we all do have something in common. We all got through it. For some it took a few weeks, for others a few months. Some still get these moments even after a year. There's no set period of time for us to heal - it will happen when it happens. So just do whatever you can to get past this and then carry on with NC. I bet you will fall again at some point, but with each time it happens, you'll start to notice how easier you deal with it. Yeah i never care to think about the bad times i had with her only the good times and all the comfort she brought to me. Ive tried my best to go out of my way to not see any pictures from her and ive blocked updates from all her friends. The biggest reason why i was feeling better was that in a way she just didn't exist to me anymore and as long as i kept it that way i was feeling fine. Now that i saw the picture of her dressing pretty provocatively which she didn't do when we were together just kinda shows me how different shes become now. I guess that's what hurts more than anything, i don't have a desire to get back with her because i know we would never work for many reasons but i still can't help but miss her. Its been more of a "i miss the way her hair smells" or "I miss the way her voice sounds" but not really a burning hurtful "miss" if that makes any sense? What this girl did to me and put me through has been a nightmare that im glad is over but hopefully in time ill be rid of these damn panic attacks. All i can say is im feeling really low right now and i want so badly to hear her voice one more time. For her to apologize or at least ACKNOWLEDGE that i was a big part of her life but she seems to have moved on without any hiccup and like i never existed. Here is the thread to the whole story if anyone's interested. Click Me Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Fight through this pain, as any more contact will only set you back. I know, believe me. Seeing one pic then looking for more info only to end up feeling even worse. Trust me, don't do it. Just accept this as a bad time right now, but you will feel fine again soon once those memories start to fade again (like they did before). As for the thought she has moved on and is over you due to one pic, just remember that pictures we see are simple one moments of someones life. They're like holiday photos, and you never show anyone the bad times of your holiday do you. It's always the good, happy times. That's what this is - the good times, but for all you know, the rest of her life she may be as miserable as sin. You don't know, so don't make assumptions. I could easily do the same and look at a pic of my ex and think she's so happy without me, but it's just the same - just one pic from one second in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yulaw911 Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 You're right, i think the hardest part about it is to maintain perspective when these things happen, i honestly felt all helpless and i almost looked for more information but i stopped myself since i know its just gonna make me feel way worse. I'm feeling a lot better now but before i felt like i was in some sort of trance where all rationality flew out the window. Can't wait for this pain to go away and not have to worry about seeing or hearing information about her that will just level me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sebstian Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Realize and accept that you'll have good and bad days. This helps when you have a bad one. You'll learn that it's temporary. When I get a bad one, where I can't work, smile or do anything I hit the gym and work out frantically. You have no idea how much steam this lets out and as a nice side effect makes you feel good about yourself. And btw. don't go and wait for her to acknowledge that you had something special together. You were together for 4 years so she will of course have tons of feelings for you still. No one normal can shake off 4 years just like that. But she might think that giving you the silent treatment is what will make you heal the quickest (I tend to agree). At least it's a lot better than her feeding you breadcrumbs to relief her own feelings of guilt and then have to reject you again and again. // Seb Link to post Share on other sites
Author yulaw911 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 Thanks guys. I realize that this is just a bad day it just came as such a shock to me since I've been doing so well. As soon as I got home I just broke down and cried for a little. I never cry and haven't done so since the very first day. Talk about bad day lol. Hopefully I can get through this, I have plans to go to the gym tonight and just exhaust myself so I can move past this set back. Link to post Share on other sites
marieCSR Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I really feel for you. I get into that cycle, too, of looking at my ex's photos online. I know I should just DELETE my old facebook account, but instead I deactivate it so I can continue to have access and log in on the sly so nobody knows. You have to somehow find the way to completely stop looking at her information online or you will never heal. And I agree that total silence is way way better than breadcrumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yulaw911 Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 I honestly haven't been checking up on her at all since i know that ANYTHING i see is gonna make me upset even if its just a normal picture. This was completely random as the picture was on some mutual friends album. Today i woke up feeling a little better, my drive to work is a nice drive by the ocean so that calms me down. I really hope i haven't regressed again, thats my biggest fear, falling into that horrible feeling i had back when it first happened. I keep telling myself she might be miserable and that i only saw a picture from a wedding and who doesn't smile big in wedding pictures! All the angry thoughts seem to be coming back to me. This girl chased me for a good 6 months after we broke up the first time after we were NC for a year and a half. She confided in me that she had depression and that she needed help. I took care of her and in the process of that i guess i saw how vulnerable she was and i fell for her again. Soon as she got better she bounced. I dont know how ill ever get over this anger and betrayal i feel towards her. Link to post Share on other sites
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