MoonlightShadow Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 ok, i posted this in another section, but i wasn't ure if i put it in the right spot, so i'm posting it here, hoping it's in the right area now. i'm sorry, this is my first time on this website. hi everyone... i'm a new member here. i've been looking around this website and decided to make an account. OK, here's my issue... my ex and i broke up about 1 1/2 ago. he was the one that ended it. it ended because of a bad argument. i got tired f the way he treated me and i just told him about himself and he got upset and he broke up with me. Just recently, i decided to do NC. i've been doing NC for about 2 days and then he texted me in the morning and said "Morning". then i texted him back and said "Morning to u 2. nice to hear from u, but i can't txt/talk 2day. im busy so txt me next week&we'll try 2 talk then"...i feel like i made a mistake and shouldn't have texted him. he texted back saying "Bull**** im not waiting til next week" ....so my question is, do i answer the text? and if i do, then what should i say? i'm really confused. this is my first time doing NC and i don't really know what to do. Please, please, please please please please please please help me :'( oh...and sorry for the way i typed the title, it was to hopefully get attention Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Just recently, i decided to do NC. i've been doing NC for about 2 days and then he texted me in the morning and said "Morning". then i texted him back and said "Morning to u 2. nice to hear from u, but i can't txt/talk 2day. im busy so txt me next week&we'll try 2 talk then"...i feel like i made a mistake and shouldn't have texted him. he texted back saying "Bull**** im not waiting til next week" haha what you texted him back was great. You instantly took away all his power and he's pissed about it. dont feel bad about it. You have control again of your life and what you want to do. This is the perfect opportunity to go NC and move on with your own life without him in it. He's going to be stewing and doing everything possible to regain control back since he's the dumper. If you maintain NC then you still regain control of your power. The only person you answer to is yourself Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 personally, i wouldn't have even responded to the first text say "morning" or i would have said "morning" and left it at that. no need to expound. he dumped you, you don't owe him any explanations for why you can't talk to him further. and no - - don't respond to the last text he sent you saying "bullsh*t".that will just undermine what you told him in the last text about you being too busy to talk until next week. you want him to respect you and your space. ignoring him and staying silent is the best way to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonlightShadow Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 oh, thanks haha i figured it would make him upset a bit, but i didn't think it would make him that mad lol. thank u so much for ur advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonlightShadow Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 @radiodarcy, yea i kinda figured i shouldn't have responded to his text and i regretted it right after i sent it..i still love him and want to get back with him, but it's his behavior that i want to change a little. for once, i dn't wanna chase him anymore... thankyou for ur advice and i'll continue to do NC Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonlightShadow Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 i didn't answer his last text like u guys said i shouldn't do, but he sent me another text saying "Y the hell do i have to wait till next week!" i guess i should give him more time to relax??? :/ Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Bull**** im not waiting til next week Y the hell do i have to wait till next week! He's testing you. But he will have to wait until next week now. He doesn't have a choice. Your ex does not seem to understand that communication involves two people. It's not on just his terms. He seems rather controlling. Morning to u 2. nice to hear from u, but i can't txt/talk 2day. im busy so txt me next week&we'll try 2 talk then Stick to what you wrote. He needs to respect your boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 If I was in your shoes, you have no obligation to ever talk to him again. The more you do, the more it helps him get over breaking up with you. I would just delete his number and move on. Look at how hes acting... he broke up with you, he should be out having fun and the time of his life. You do not want to get back together with someone like this Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonlightShadow Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 i'm getting scared....he keeps texting and he called once, but i didn't answer these are his texts: u there Damn it (my name) i know ur not ****ing doing anything y cant u text (then he calls) where r u where r u y wont u just tell me ill keep texting until u tell me Link to post Share on other sites
marieCSR Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He can't treat you like ****, resulting in a breakup, and expect you to contact him. Honey, you had a really good reason to break up with him! You should never cheapen yourself and allow yourself to be treated poorly. You did the right thing and I advice continuing NC. Change your number or block his number. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonlightShadow Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 thank you so much for ur advice...i didn't think it would only take 2 days for him to break....at first i was excited but now im scared...he's really throwing me off my spiritual mood :/ Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 (edited) i'm getting scared....he keeps texting and he called once, but i didn't answer these are his texts: u there Damn it (my name) i know ur not ****ing doing anything y cant u text (then he calls) where r u where r u y wont u just tell me ill keep texting until u tell me this guy sounds like a total control freak - -not to mention incredibly selfish. you've already told him you'll speak to him later so he shouldn't be continuing to harass you like this - - and yes -- that's exactly what this is: harassment. i agree with westrock, your ex is under the delusion that communication must be on his terms. sorry that's not how it goes. i realize this may sound drastic but if this continues you may want to consider changing your number. not to rub salt in the wound but this is why it's never a good idea to play games with NC. you may have thought you were piquing his interest by telling him you'd talk to him next week - - but now he's taking it to a whole other level. and a creepy one at that. Edited July 19, 2011 by radiodarcy Link to post Share on other sites
Trappedinyou Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I have deleted my dumpers messages and contact details from my phone and email. Sure there are ways of getting her number from somewhere but I will hopefully realise what I'm doing in the process and quit. Some good advice has been posted here and some good theory too ie: Wilsonx and the handing/taking of power. I learn something new here every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 What is he in such a hurry to talk about? It would be one thing if he was saying he wanted to apologize or wanted to talk about what happened, then it might be more tempting to hear him out, but he has given no indication of what his big hurry is. If he has something to say, with both of your best interests in mind, he can be patient and wait a week after everything that happened. If he can't understand that you need your space right now, then he is only looking out for himself and what he wants. This is a good thing, people need to understand that a breakup is not something to be taken lightly. You don't dump someone and then expect that they'll be willing to talk to you just as normally as before. Stick to what you said, make it through til next week. See if he keeps trying or if it's not even worth it to him to wait to talk to you. Link to post Share on other sites
sabienne Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 This may sound drastic, but if you are serious about NC, send him back a text saying "Automated Message: Your number has been blocked from contacting this service" Or like radiodarcy suggested, change your number. He should get the message loud and clear. HOWEVER, if you are going to go that path, be warned that he might get crazy. If he is already sending you loads of texts and threatening to keep pushing until he gets his way, be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
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