mangofreeze Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hey guys... So my boyfriend and I went to a strip club this past weekend. We had gone once before, and there were no problems-- we had a great time. This most recent time, however, I found myself feeling quite jealous when he had his eye on one particular stripper. We've been together for a little over 2 years, and this is our 2nd time going. The reason we go together is because he knows that I enjoy looking at the women as well, and in fact, brought up the idea in the first place. What separated this recent time from the first time was that he openly said he wanted to get a lap dance from one particular stripper. He said he didn't want to do it alone, he wanted me there, which I was fine with, but after it was all over, he kept talking about how great she was and how he would come back just to see her. We came home, and I was upset, and we slept separately. The next day, I tried to talk to him about it, and he told me I was pretty much ridiculous for being jealous of a stripper because I had so many other things going for me... and that I seemed to be implying he was "falling in love with strippers," which is far from the case. I felt stupid for even feeling upset about this.... so I tried to let it go... but it's been bothering me ever since. My question is, should I let it go? I know if I bring up the conversation again, he'll be upset for me not bringing it up in the first place.... And he did ask me several times before if I really wanted to go to the strip club, and I said yes, thinking it would be just like last time. I know he loves me, and other than this, he's been great to me.... Should I let this one slide? I don't see us going again any time soon... Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Hey guys... So my boyfriend and I went to a strip club this past weekend. We had gone once before, and there were no problems-- we had a great time. This most recent time, however, I found myself feeling quite jealous when he had his eye on one particular stripper. but the thing is, you sent him the wrong message by letting him know its ok to go, but to go with him as well. We've been together for a little over 2 years, and this is our 2nd time going. The reason we go together is because he knows that I enjoy looking at the women as well, and in fact, brought up the idea in the first place. this type of lifestyle inevitably brings about jealousy sooner or later. Its not ok for him to have his eye on a particular stripper, but its ok if you do? What separated this recent time from the first time was that he openly said he wanted to get a lap dance from one particular stripper. so? maybe he didn't want to spend alot of money and had to be picky about which one. He said he didn't want to do it alone, he wanted me there, which I was fine with, but after it was all over, he kept talking about how great she was and how he would come back just to see her. We came home, and I was upset, and we slept separately. The next day, I tried to talk to him about it, and he told me I was pretty much ridiculous for being jealous of a stripper its only ridiculous for you to be jealous about a stripper because you basically are condoning going to strip clubs in the first place. Otherwise its ridiculous of him to think someone would not be at least a little jealous over this. because I had so many other things going for me... and that I seemed to be implying he was "falling in love with strippers," which is far from the case. I felt stupid for even feeling upset about this.... so I tried to let it go... but it's been bothering me ever since. My question is, should I let it go? I know if I bring up the conversation again, he'll be upset for me not bringing it up in the first place.... And he did ask me several times before if I really wanted to go to the strip club, and I said yes, thinking it would be just like last time. I know he loves me, and other than this, he's been great to me.... Should I let this one slide? I don't see us going again any time soon... Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks maybe you need to decide if going to a strip joint with your boyfriend is the kind of relationship you really want if you are going to get jealous over it. Doesn't matter if you and he go or not. The reason to go is to get turned on by other people. Either you condone that, or you don't. Since he likes to go, like to get off on other women stripping, and you are now not liking it, this may not be the relationship for you. Because he is getting defensive of it and if you say you don't want to do it anymore, he'll REALLY get defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mangofreeze Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thanks. I think you're right in that I've been sending him mixed messages. I'm wondering what sort of resentment a man carries after this. He's been more than willing to not go knowing I am uncomfortable with it. I wouldn't mind him going with his buddies for a bachelor party or whatnot if that came up. I just don't know if I want to go *with* him again. Do you think he'll carry some sort of resentment because of this? Link to post Share on other sites
David Cain Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Why would you want to go to a strip club in the first place with him? Link to post Share on other sites
sm1tten Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I think this is no biggie, unless you really blew up at him over this. Definitely a misstep but I'd just let it drop. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 My advice is to not complicate your life any further by availing yourself of this kind of entertainment. Some people have open relationships and ice water in their veins. Others feel things. You seem to be a feeler. Act accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Why would you want to go to a strip club in the first place with him? The reason we go together is because he knows that I enjoy looking at the women as well, and in fact, brought up the idea in the first place. My advice: It's still bugging you. If you suppress it, there is a possibility that it will just grow into resentment ten years later. I've seen it happen many times with my friend's relationships. Talk to him like a mature, reasonable adult. No need for accusations, yelling or overly-dismissive comments from either side. Gauge his reaction. Gauge your reaction. Use it as a primer to determine how you will both deal with future problems. Sweep it under the rug and neither of you will have learnt anything from this experience. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Let this one slide? You'll have to as you brought this on yourself. Next time dont go to stip joints with your man Link to post Share on other sites
April72 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 Oh I hate when I open myself up to something thinking I'm cool with it and then it bites me in the butt. Have you considered that maybe the first time you guys went your feelings weren't as strong as they are now? Your relationship wasn't were it is now? Maybe you was still trying to impress him ? I went with my ex-husband a time or two. I never really got jealous just uncomfortable. I would say let it go if you can because if I have to guess he will not understand why you were up for then got upset. If it's eating at you then talk to him but I would go from the angle of how it made you feel and how your feeling. If he doesn't get it you can't make him and chances are he won't. Don't go again. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Thanks. I think you're right in that I've been sending him mixed messages. I'm wondering what sort of resentment a man carries after this. He's been more than willing to not go knowing I am uncomfortable with it. I wouldn't mind him going with his buddies for a bachelor party or whatnot if that came up. I just don't know if I want to go *with* him again. Do you think he'll carry some sort of resentment because of this? who knows. all I know is you let him know its ok, now you are changing the game at halftime. Link to post Share on other sites
t_i Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 My ex went to a strip club and didnt tell me, (i went abit mental at the dishonesty) he then went back again the next time for the same girl. I asked her what happened and she basically said he waited there for hours for her to finish work. And that she'd never do anything more than do lapdances for customers. I'd say me being angry about it the first time only made it a more appealing idea next time. If you get upset about it he may not feel like he can tell you next time. However do voice your concern. If he's kind he'll give you the reasurrance you need, and then you wont need it to upset you again Link to post Share on other sites
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