Pain changes people.

[MJ2]

I miss that innocent, some-what naive gal I was before I experienced

heartbreak. I miss that person more than I ever missed him. I've accepted things between he and I & moved on months ago. Now, if only I cld accept that I'll never be the person I was when I met him.

 

Maybe I'm weird. Does anyone know where I'm coming from??

[wilsonx]

What? Why? It makes you stronger and smarter to have gone through a rough situation and get back on your feet

[shortee143]

I miss that innocent, some-what naive gal I was before I experienced

heartbreak. I miss that person more than I ever missed him. I've accepted things between he and I & moved on months ago. Now, if only I cld accept that I'll never be the person I was when I met him.

 

Maybe I'm weird. Does anyone know where I'm coming from??

 

Nah I understand ya. I mean, heartbreak, supposedly is a necessary part of life and dating etc...so at the end of it all, even if you cant see it fully, you did learn from it. However, I can say, after my first 2 legit heartbreaks over the last few years- I too have changed. I had been hurt by guys before all this but never let it really effect me, but heartbreak, that's a whole other story. I do think it damages us, and the majority do learn and grow from it all in due time. But I feel like I was happier in life. That whole saying, "it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all"...well for me, sometimes I wonder, bc before losing love, I was a lot more chipper!! Getting my heartbroken, esp the second time around, really made me feel broken as a person..so I feel ya.

[radrluv72]

I miss that innocent, some-what naive gal I was before I experienced

heartbreak. I miss that person more than I ever missed him. I've accepted things between he and I & moved on months ago. Now, if only I cld accept that I'll never be the person I was when I met him.

 

Maybe I'm weird. Does anyone know where I'm coming from??

 

No, you're not weird. I'm 38 years old, and I only genuinely, truly fell in love for the first time in my life with my current ex. When he broke up with me, I was devastated. That was 7 months ago, and for a lot of that time, I'd been walking around feeling like someone turned my "light" out. I couldn't even begin to grasp what it felt like to be "me" before he came along.

 

But I had kind of a small revelation last week...I'd realized that I'd been spending way too much time for the past 7 months thinking about him, when what I should have been doing was thinking about me. Next thing I know, I'm back in my old workout routine, refusing to listen to any more damn sad music, remembering the things that made me happy before I was in my last relationship. I'm not necessarily ambivalent about the whole breakup now, but I am a lot more logical. I've accepted that I did everything that I could have done to try to save the relationship from being over, but I have a life that I have to live. And I care about myself too much to waste it.

 

Eventually, you will come back to "you". But you have to do it in your own time.

[D-Lish]

No, you're not weird. I'm 38 years old, and I only genuinely, truly fell in love for the first time in my life with my current ex. When he broke up with me, I was devastated. That was 7 months ago, and for a lot of that time, I'd been walking around feeling like someone turned my "light" out. I couldn't even begin to grasp what it felt like to be "me" before he came along.

 

But I had kind of a small revelation last week...I'd realized that I'd been spending way too much time for the past 7 months thinking about him, when what I should have been doing was thinking about me. Next thing I know, I'm back in my old workout routine, refusing to listen to any more damn sad music, remembering the things that made me happy before I was in my last relationship. I'm not necessarily ambivalent about the whole breakup now, but I am a lot more logical. I've accepted that I did everything that I could have done to try to save the relationship from being over, but I have a life that I have to live. And I care about myself too much to waste it.

 

Eventually, you will come back to "you". But you have to do it in your own time.

 

I'm in a similar boat. 41- divorced, only seriously dated 2 men in ten years since my divorce. One for 9 months, one for 5 1/2 months. I hung out with other men- but those relationships were FWB's, and men I left because I couldn't handle the commitment with.

 

I've changed- I can't imagine giving my heart to anyone ever again.

I'm hardened, I'm jaded, I'm resolved that I'll never let someone into my heart ever again.

 

I was pretty much single for 6 years before I met my last ex- and he broke my heart. I don't think I could endure this kind of pain ever again.

 

I feel like the pain of being broken up with isn't worth the allure of falling in love. I meet someone, develop feelings for them- then worry far too much about things falling apart (as they always do). I've never been able to enjoy falling in love- because I always focus too much on the ending- which I always believe is inevitable.)

 

 

I opened my heart to someone after a long period of being single- and he broke my heart. I can't imagine ever investing in ANYONE ever again.

I'm done, and I don't believe in love at all anymore.

[Madi in evergreen]

OP;

 

I think 'being innocent' and 'naive' are way too overrated in general.

 

Before you were naive and innocent.

Now you are wise and strong.

 

The difference is;

 

Before this heart breaking experience, you managed to be happy while you didn't know (or refused to face) certain aspect of yourself or the relationship you were in.

 

Now you are in the process of learning to be happy in true sense while you know and accept those. You are becoming more stable and stronger. You are only becoming wiser through experience if you allow yourself to be.

 

You are on a life long journey to get to know yourself. There will be growing pain in every corner. You are not loosing anything. You are growing out of your old shell. Don't try to stay in your old shell. Let it go.

Edited July 19, 2011 by Madi in evergreen

[lamp65]

No, you're not weird. I'm 38 years old, and I only genuinely, truly fell in love for the first time in my life with my current ex. When he broke up with me, I was devastated. That was 7 months ago, and for a lot of that time, I'd been walking around feeling like someone turned my "light" out. I couldn't even begin to grasp what it felt like to be "me" before he came along.

 

But I had kind of a small revelation last week...I'd realized that I'd been spending way too much time for the past 7 months thinking about him, when what I should have been doing was thinking about me. Next thing I know, I'm back in my old workout routine, refusing to listen to any more damn sad music, remembering the things that made me happy before I was in my last relationship. I'm not necessarily ambivalent about the whole breakup now, but I am a lot more logical. I've accepted that I did everything that I could have done to try to save the relationship from being over, but I have a life that I have to live. And I care about myself too much to waste it.

 

Eventually, you will come back to "you". But you have to do it in your own time.

 

I agree completely.

[radiodarcy]

initially i felt the same way - - that i would never get back to the person i was before. but over time - - i have found that person i used to be; and i'm much more appreciative of her. so much so that i really don't want to get into a relationship and run the risk of losing myself again.

 

i know it sounds egotistical but really - -i'm tired of compromising who i am in order "keep the peace" or avoid turning someone off. i really think it's a myth about being able to find someone who will accept me for me. i think the best i can do is just appreciate me for me and stop trying to find someone who will.