Shall I ask him out?

[nea clementine]

Hey everyone, I need your opinion on something…

 

I am having a crush on a guy whom I used to work with (I quit last month). We were only working together for around two months (he’s new there) before I quit. In the beginning I was attracted to his confidence and just the overall way he carries himself – and a bit envious that I can’t pull the same style haha! I also noticed that he’s gather himself quite a large pool of female fans – fellow teachers, mothers (we both are teachers there) and there’d been quite a buzz over him. Everyone seemed to want to know anything about him.

 

I initiated by inviting him to come along in a group outing. It was swimming, but it ended up only both of us made it as everybody else cancelled at the last minute. I was shy so I did not initiate any body contact at all. We just talked, but from that talk I gathered that he was looking for something casual. He kept mentioning he wanted to know how to flirt in my language (he’s a foreigner) and when we stopped at a shop, he was openly flirting with the attendant. In the conversation, as well, he mentioned he already had a long-distance girlfriend but that he’s considering her an option, and that he pursued her in the beginning because she was a challenge – I believe he said that she was “pursued by 73 other guys”. Upon hearing this, my gut immediately said, “flee!”, but still – the heart wants what the heart wants.

In the belief that I should not appear aggressive at all, I made what I think is a big mistake, by offering to be his wing

 

Much later on, after talking to a close mutual friend, she told me that I should never have offered to be his wing if I do fancy him. Only back then, I did not know that I would like him this much – if that makes sense…I thought it was just a crush that would go away in time. But anyhow, we met again for coffee a couple of weeks after that (he asked where I would be on that day and asked if he could come along – doesn’t constitute ‘asking out’) and I found myself more fascinated by him during our convo.

 

This mutual friend also nonchalantly asked him one day (he was very open to her) of her ideal woman, but the answer was vague. My friend then asked, “what about Nea? She’s smart, you guys can be compatible.” But he said he only thought of me as a friend. Later on that week he openly told my friend he was interested in a fellow teacher at school. When I inquire about this, he confirmed. I thought then, that was it, I didn’t even get my chance. He then broke up with the long-distance girlfriend and started hanging out with this fellow teacher. But then I found out from the same friend that they broke up already – one week after that (to be honest, I wasn’t even sure if there was ever a “relationship” – seeing that they only went out two or three times in what could only be considered hanging out as opposed to dating).

 

I also heard it through the grapevine that he never asked a woman out, and he even admitted to my friend (again, I heard this all from a third party – hence the ambivalence) that it was always girls/women who asked him out.

I might be wrong, but I think my feeling/crush develops because I spent much time with him (back then – at school and also hanging out). But still, I am interested in him, and I enjoy his company. My question is: should I ask him out? I want to see where this goes. This crush/curiosity is starting to bug me, and I think it will not go away until I at least see/ find out what will happen…but on the downside, well, if this goes nowhere, I feel that I’ve already invested emotionally (cliché-alert! ) and that it will bite me back in the end. I think I am not making much sense here, but I hope you guys know what I am trying to get at LOL

 

So again, after all the background story and the anticipation, the q remains: should I ask him out, or should I just let this one go?

 

Your replies are much, much appreciated.

 

Nea

[susanfollows]

If you ask him out he's going to screw you, definitely. But it won't lead to anything lasting IMO. He doesn't know how many guys were after that girlfriend of his it's just his fantasy, he wants a challenge? Nonsense. The girl must be really hot for him to have gone through that trouble or have alot of money. My advice as a woman that knows teachers and whose best friend is one, you got caught up in the culture and atmosphere of the place and began feeling the way everyone else did. What do you like about him? Why?

 

I am a girl with a oppositional defiance disorder ;-! I would not like him because everyone else DOES lol But anyways ask him out if you want to know what it's like to have sex with him, but don't expect anything SERIOUS.

[nea clementine]

Thank you, susanfollows.

 

I think deep down I knew it's a bad idea. I just want affirmations. *sigh*