marriedms Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 (edited) I want to adopt and have no desire to have children biologically....my husband feels differently....help! Edited July 19, 2011 by marriedms Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I want to adopt and have no desire to have children biologically....my husband feels differently....help! Does he know your reasons for wanting to adopt, and his for wanting a bio child? What conversations did you have before marriage on this subject? Why not do both? (have a bio child, and also adopt) Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I would really want to examine why my spouse wouldn't want a biological child with me (regardless of which sex we are). If it was because of a physical issue, that would be one thing. But if it was a psychological issue, that might be something entirely different. Did you not talk about children prior to marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
scaredandalone1223 Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I think adoption is awesome. To be open and willing to bring a child who has noone into a family who will love and support them. I also understand your husband's point of view because so many of the men I know have a strong primal desire to carry on their legacy. The one thing you want to avoid is there being resentment for the child from the parent who wanted to bring them into the home the other way. I think in your case the resentment would more likely come from your husband. If you decide to have a child biologically after carrying them for 9 months your motherly instincts will more than likely kick in. This is not always the case however and you should not move forward with the pregnancy until you are sure you are ready. Even though in most cases you build and unbelievable bond with your baby during pregnancy and once the baby arrives you can build an even stronger bond while nursing that does not always happen and not really wanting to carry a child could bring on extreme PPD. With adoption though if your husband feels pushed into going that route it will be much harder for him to bond with the child and there may end up being long term resentment from him toward both you and the child. Both routes can be extremely rewarding and the love greater than you can fully imagine until you hold the baby in your arms for the first time. The MAIN thing is to make sure you are both on the same page and completely comfortable with whichever way you decide to go. I would suggest counseling beforehand for both of you and once a decision is made on what works best for you both wait 6 months before beginning the process. This will help ensure that you are both ready to accept the other ones choice 100%. Best of luck and for the record I think adopting one child and having one biologically is a great compromise and will give two kids a loving home. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa_H Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 My oldest daughter is adopted because my first husband and I could not get pregnant. Going through infertility put lots of strain on our marriage and eventually with me wanting to adopt again and also trying some other methods to carry a child - I drove a wedge in us and we divorced. Looking back, I could have handled the situation differently. You two MUST talk about this. Really talk, try to understand. I have a relationship coach that does a really cool thing called "peace treaties". You actually write down your agreement. Would either of you revisit one of the options a year from now? Can you both really try to understand where the other is coming from? Sometimes just understanding the importance of what our partner wants and the reasons behind it can bring about a great compromise. Were there any decisions made about this before marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
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