HerbDaline Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I messed up. . . . Of course the names have been changed to protect me. And a warning, I tend to over explain. Expect a long post. The history . . . . I'll call myself Archie. When my ex-wife (Veronica) & I broke up I started seeing Betty. Betty & I had been in a previous FWB relationship (before I married Veronica) when she broke it off to be in a committed relationship with her then boyfriend Numnuts. We lost track, then got reacquainted around the time Veronica & I broke up. Veronica and I later divorced. I didn't want a committed relationship and as Betty & I talked, it was mutually agreed that we would be "friends with benefits plus". The plus part consists of spending time outside the bedroom with each other and her kid. Each is allowed to be with others if they choose to. She has a high sex drive, so she wanted me all to herself when I was home (I work out of town 90% of the time). I wasn't supposed to be "distracted" when I was home. [Now I think I let myself be conned into a relationship. Just an observation, let's leave it for a different thread]. It has been like this for the last 18 months. Here's the dilemma . . . . Veronica my ex-wife started calling me for advice & to get stuff she left at the house with increasing frequency. Then she asked if we could do the FWB thing as she was sexually frustrated. [Here is problem 1] She asked if I had been with anyone. I said no. She asked to make sure that I didn't acquire a STD from some one night stand while working out of town. Also, historically there has been easy access to prostitutes in my industry. While I am positive that Betty is STD free (as well as Veronica & myself) I still feel bad that I lied. It is in my nature to be discrete & I just kept my private life private. Veronica & I did have sex & plan on continuing to for at least a little while. (Side note - she lost a lot of weight and looks awesome. Best looking woman I have ever been in bed with. Obviously I would like it to continue. Just as good, were going back to having great conversations again. I don't want either to end.) During this time Betty has been out of town and will be for the entire summer. [Now for problem 2] When Betty returns from summer vacation and Veronica & I are still seeing each other it will violate the "no distractions clause" in our agreement (between Betty & I). [And problem 3a] Of course Veronica doesn't know about the true relationship that Betty & I have. She thinks that Betty & I are just friends. [And problem 3b] On top of everything else, Betty thinks that Veronica & I rarely ever talk. Maybe I should've made this into a comic strip instead of just using the names? Chart perhaps? I'm not sure anyone can follow it. On to the bottom line . . . . Problem 1 - How do I tell Veronica that I lied without ending that FWB relationship? I know how to man up and tell her the truth. Trouble is that any way I can conceive of bringing it up is probably a relationship ender, and not just the FWB part, likely no contact ever again. Problem 2 - Have to let Betty know what is happening w/ Veronica and get the rules changed. Problem 3(a&b) Will obviously be resolved when dealing w/ the first two problems. I just want to get it all to work so I can have both relationships. Thanks for taking the time to read this & providing any instructive help. Herb Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 You're goin to mess it all up pal, don't DO ANYTHING just lie and be a man. You already lied anyway. Besides Veronica divorced you right? She could care less. And Betty knows your agreement is FWB just forget the one little clause of no distractions that's stupid Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 My suggestion would be to dump the Betty and get back with your X wife. You risk losing her by being involved with other women. Sounds like you'd be losing quite a bit if Veronica left you. Don't risk it. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingSmall Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Yikes... You got yourself into quite a jam kemosabe. Well, they WILL find out about eachother, that's inevitable. So really you have two choices, face the consequences and come clean (Thus relieving your conscience) Likely you will lose one or the other and most likely Betty seeing as I think she wants a relationship and not just a fwb. You can't have a no distractions clause in fwb deal. That's silly. I think as long as you handle it carefully with Veronica it could be ok, she will probably be upset, but if she's just looking for sex then I'm guessing she'd get over it. Or of course you could just continue lying and have countless close calls and sweat over the day it all comes crashing in around you and have 2 very angry woman to deal with, not to mention who will TALK. Yes we talk about EVERYTHING to our close friends, so look forward to being a total monster. Of course you can do this and attempt to enjoy what little time you have left but it will come out and it will be messy. How they find out will determine how black you'll be painted. Personally I'd come clean. I don't have the foggiest idea on what you would say, but handled gently you may not lose as much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HerbDaline Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 You're goin to mess it all up pal, don't DO ANYTHING just lie and be a man. You already lied anyway. Besides Veronica divorced you right? She could care less. And Betty knows your agreement is FWB just forget the one little clause of no distractions that's stupid I agree w/you that the "no distractions" clause is stupid. Time to make a change. Herb Link to post Share on other sites
Author HerbDaline Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 My suggestion would be to dump the Betty and get back with your X wife. You risk losing her by being involved with other women. Sounds like you'd be losing quite a bit if Veronica left you. Don't risk it. Absolutely do not want more than FWB w/ either woman. For different reasons neither meets my standards for a committed relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HerbDaline Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Yikes... You got yourself into quite a jam kemosabe. Well, they WILL find out about eachother, that's inevitable. So really you have two choices, face the consequences and come clean (Thus relieving your conscience) Likely you will lose one or the other and most likely Betty seeing as I think she wants a relationship and not just a fwb. You can't have a no distractions clause in fwb deal. That's silly. I think as long as you handle it carefully with Veronica it could be ok, she will probably be upset, but if she's just looking for sex then I'm guessing she'd get over it. Or of course you could just continue lying and have countless close calls and sweat over the day it all comes crashing in around you and have 2 very angry woman to deal with, not to mention who will TALK. Yes we talk about EVERYTHING to our close friends, so look forward to being a total monster. Of course you can do this and attempt to enjoy what little time you have left but it will come out and it will be messy. How they find out will determine how black you'll be painted. Personally I'd come clean. I don't have the foggiest idea on what you would say, but handled gently you may not lose as much. Agreed they may find out about each other, yet the likelihood of that is low. They don't travel in the same circles anymore and Betty is definitely unhappy w/ Veronica. Probably the same in the other direction as well. Could happen, just not likely. In that Betty wants a relationship I agree w/ you. She has been slowly going in that direction. That is the secondary reason she is not relationship material. We talked & I made it clear that I did not want a relationship. Perfect I'm not, but I do know what I want. Herb Link to post Share on other sites
Author HerbDaline Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Guess I'm just going to have to talk w/ the ladies (separately) & spill the beans. If it blows up hopefully the explosion won't be as large. Veronica's birthday is real soon. Should I wait till after or have her hating me for also ruining her birthday? Herb Link to post Share on other sites
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