SecretFlower Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 My fiance and I have been together for a just under 3 years and while I know I love him I sometimes wonder if I love him enough....I met him days before I ended a very complicated relationship and during those early days I definitely had feelings for him but I considered him more of a friend. Our entire relationship has been quick and I know my past has been a bit of a problem for his family. I do love my fiance and I know I could be happy as his wife, but I don't want to settle. So, do you think these are just cold feet or do I have a serious problem? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 i have been there where i rushed a relationship and needed a friend more than a partner. but because i didn't want to lose my friend, i became his partner. i know this sounds complicated too. it was. here's the thing. i personally feel you have to get over or get through old baggage before truly beginning anew with someone. it appears, since you met this person days before your last break up....you probably didn't resolve everything within you, regarding the last relationship or person you dated. then you went right into another relationship. and although it lasted (3 years) and you will be getting married, you question is this right because you apparently didnt step back and get a breather. this new person in your life could be perfectly ok. but if youre not ok and feel settled with things in yourself and your life, marrying now may not be ok. jitters is one thing. but i do worry about how you question if your settling? that's a wee bit worrisome. i dont just think its cold feet. but i dont think its a serious problem either. dont talk to friends because they could be jealous and put thoughts in your head that dont belong there. maybe talk to your mom or dad and even talk to your fiance. tell him how you feel. let him know you love him and are not calling things off...but that you do feel unsettled because you went from one relationship to the other and you want to make sure...you dealt with your past proper. maybe even talk to a professional. but dont worry. you obviously love him and see something in him. Link to post Share on other sites
Alfie Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I think you and I are in the same situation, except we are not YET engaged, but I feel it coming soon. Why do you think you are settling. Are you wondering if there is better or more for you out there. Have you ever had doubts before? Or is this something you are only now thinking about after you two got engaged? This is such a difficult place for someone to be in, almost married but not sure if you really want it. Hope both of us can find some answers. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Don't get married if you have doubts. Definitely don't settle because you'll regret it down the road. It might hurt him now, but it's better to come clean about your conflicted feelings. Why not date him some more? There's no reason to get married now, right? Why does his family judge you for your past? Maybe the answer lies in her other thread where she said she had an on/off affair with a married man for about 7 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SecretFlower Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 I would be happy to marry a man that treated me like gold. I hope the OP was smart enough to keep this affair to herself. In laws do NOT need to know everything. My in laws will never know about my mood disorder, because people judge others for having that illness. Actually they know bits and pieces. They know how we met and the more glamorous parts of the backstory, but that's about it. I think it's a series of things and I'm sure eventually they'll have to come around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SecretFlower Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 What kinds of things? Are you hesitant to marry this man because of the potential in law problems? Just, like I said, my past. The relationship, my family, that kind of thing. It definitely plays a factor, as he is very close to his mother, but I know he loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts