shook187 Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 as i have previously posted on here. I recently rekindled with my girlfriend after 2 months apart. we were together 5 years before hand, she's 20 and i'm 21. everything was great for the first week, until the reality set in that my previously untouched girlfriend in our break had been sleeping with another guy, and staying at his house on several occasions. she tells me he was a mistake and that she found out how much she loved me in these 2 weeks with this guy. am i stupid for wanting to now let her go because while i was at home writing on here / crying she was out banging another guy? seems so cold. and the sad thing is that shes amazing, always treated me great. GIGS got the better of her. and deep down I know she won't pull that crap again. but how do i get past this? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Its not GIGS... Shook, I just got out of a relationship like that. So did HeartofaPhoenix. I posted in your thread that you would be back. If I was you I would end that **** now because IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. No matter how good she treats you IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. Save yourself some hurt and pride and self respect. Your not going to get past it ever. Its going to eat at you for the rest of the relationship like it did me Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 I'm telling you right now, you have no concept of how bad this hurts the second time. The first time was easy even knowing she slept with someone else but it ate at me for over a year. The second time is going to crush you internally at least 15 times worse. I have my good days but when I have bad days, they are really really bad. My roommate actually suggested I get counseling. He said he had to get counseling when he dealt with a similar situation years ago. I already had to go to the ER 2-3 weeks ago because my body was so messed up and I was coughing up blood. My blood pressure was through the roof 165/121. I have not been able to sleep for over 3 months now more then 4 hours a night and maybe a 45 minute nap during the day even on ambian or lunestra. Yes I have a prescription for both. I have never been so hurt/betrayed in my life and if theres something you can learn from this, listen to my advice or heart's advice. We both just went through this bull**** and no girl is worth the pain and suffering that I went through. I am a month NC and I realize that I made poor decisions taking her back. Nothing changed, shes not going to change because you took her back freely and she did not have to do any work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shook187 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 we were broken up when it happened. and she was with me her entire dating life. i wonder if its normal for girls to explore? should i really end a possible future with this girl over that? i dunno. i need time to think. guess that's why im asking. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Shook, so were my ex and I, she broke up with me to go sleep with another guy, 2 months later, she came back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shook187 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 yeah but we were broken up a month before she did it. it just hurts that she stayed somewhere else. I think because we were together her entire dating life she wanted to make sure the feeling wasn't the same elsewhere. i dunno, i somewhat understand it but at the same time its killing me! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 but at the same time its killing me! ^^^^^^ DING DING DING DING^^^^^^ I pm'ed heart and told him to post in this thread. If its killing you, its time for you to take action. You should never be hurt in a relationship and sacrifice your own well being like I did and like heart did Link to post Share on other sites
Author shook187 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 i think no matter what we're going to take them back to learn from it, and trust me. she did work for it. it took me 2 weeks to let her even come over again. she got to the begging stage. maybe in some cases it won't work ever again to be the same as it was. but i think we all wanna believe and need to learn from it. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 This is my FAVORITE POST on all of LS http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3514786&postcount=3 It's 100% true She did not work for it, talking to you for 2 weeks is not working, you are her safety net. She is comfortable around you. The second she gets bored, its going to happen again Link to post Share on other sites
Author shook187 Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 she didn't get bored, i treated her like dirt when we moved in together. its any wonder she ever returned. i think i was the problem here. and maybe she did get bored. and maybe will again, but i gotta do some real hard soul searching and see whats best for me for once. Link to post Share on other sites
Lemontang Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Aaargh dude I sooo want to bitch slap you. lol. Take it from WilsonX, him and I have been through similar crap. If they gave out prizes for doormats him & I'd be on the podium...feel like joining us? Podium's usually involve 3. I felt after the 1st incident we had enough integrity still left to bring the relationship back and work through it. When in reality I was just trying to convince myself away from what it really was. For a short time things seemed good...well I at least thought they were. When in actuality she got back to her old tricks and it was twice as worse. It will eat you like a 200kilo+ fatman in McDonald's after a week of Jenny Craig. Yes it will be tough once you pull the pin, I won't pull the wool over your eyes on that. But you'll be patting yourself on the back months, maybe years later that you had the self respect to walk away and act on what your guts already telling you. Better to prove to yourself 1st what your both willing to and not willing to accept in life. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 History repeats itself, live by that. I'll briefly tell you my story... ex and I dated for 3.5 years, high school sweethearts, made plans for the future together, I went on her cell phone plan, BOOM!!! she dumps me... again. april 2010 my ex dumped me because "she couldn't make me happy". I spent 3 or 4 hours being single before I got her back into the relationship with me. We agreed that we just needed time apart from each other so we went 3 or 4 days without seeing each other but did exchange IM's and texts during this time. After this "break" everything seemed to be fine, actually it seemed better than ever to be honest. And I felt that nothing could ever come between us again. I went on 2 trips out of state with her family, got more involved with her non-immediate family (helping her uncles, grandparents, cousins, ect.), even went on family dinners with her and her family, AND I went to her brothers graduation from the marine corps and she bought me a shirt that said "Proud to be a Brother In-Law of a US Marine". Not even a year later she dumps me yet again, out of the blue, and on the previous day we were talking about our future together, and to top it all off I had not only my family members, but also hers asking when I was going to propose to her. She dumped me at the end of march 2011, I couldn't even give you an exact date because she never really said "it's over". she just beat around the bush for a few days and even when I asked "are we broken up?" she would reply with "I don't know, are we?". Fast Forward to present time.... She's dating (or friends with benefits) my ex-best friend, started drinking heavily (family history of alcohol abuse), is into drugs after telling me throughout the relationship that she was 100% against the use of drugs, and she keeps trying to open lines of communication between us (this just happened recently) but I'm not responding. Why am I not responding? Why wouldn't I take her back? it's simple... As much as I loved this girl, and as much as I would like to converse with her. I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT I WANT, and it's not that I can't let everything go if she did want to reconcile. It's that I absolutely refuse to let any of this go, history repeats itself... so wtf is stopping her from doing it again? nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally-65 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I'm not sure I entirely agree with the others. My ex did the same when we were apart last year for a couple of months. He saw a girl for a couple of weeks. We then got back together and were happy. What actually ended it for us, was the fact that I had trust issues. This girl he was seeing was a member of the same MC club so he saw her still sometimes. He just didn't tell me that that was the case. Although he said they didn't speak to each other... I had a problem dealing with it which eventually led to the break up. If you are able to deal with the fact and trust her, then I don't think you should leave her over something she did when you and her were not together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shook187 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 valid point ally, it seems members on here are so strict with the NC and not forgiving. i've never given her a 2nd chance. and i certainly don't give out 3rd ones. im too good for that ****. but all advice is valuable and i appreciate it all. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 valid point ally, it seems members on here are so strict with the NC and not forgiving. i've never given her a 2nd chance. and i certainly don't give out 3rd ones. im too good for that ****. but all advice is valuable and i appreciate it all. No I forgive my ex completely for everything, I just know better than to trust her again. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 valid point ally, it seems members on here are so strict with the NC and not forgiving. i've never given her a 2nd chance. and i certainly don't give out 3rd ones. im too good for that ****. but all advice is valuable and i appreciate it all. Im confused? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t287581/ You are giving her a second chance? We do forgive, thats how we move on. Its called Forgive and Live. Not forgive and forget. you have 3 people posting in this thread about being doormats in the past to help you prevent the heartache that your intuition is telling you that you are hurt by her leaving and sleeping with someone else. I posted in your last thread that we will see you soon and sure enough you post here again saying you are hurt about what she did in the past to you. Whats the verdict? Link to post Share on other sites
Lemontang Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 No I forgive my ex completely for everything, I just know better than to trust her again. This is where you want to be. Because once it's done you really can't trust them again, the same you did the 1st time. No different to trying to glue a broken tea pot together, it will never be the same as it was originally. Letting go and forgiving is the hard part, true. But best to try and reach that stage of acceptance in yourself 1st before you try anything else. You'll waste far more energy keeping it bottled up running through "what if's" in your mind and mulling over it like a broken record. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shook187 Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 i'm not her doormat trust me. she'll turn up to my house everyday and i'll practically make no effort because at this point in time i'm really confused. it's not like im chasing her. and its oh so different when you know this girl is possibly the one for you, but at the same time you cant forgive her. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 i'm not her doormat trust me. she'll turn up to my house everyday and i'll practically make no effort because at this point in time i'm really confused. it's not like im chasing her. and its oh so different when you know this girl is possibly the one for you, but at the same time you cant forgive her. I think you need to start thinking with your logical mind and not your emotional mind. Read the other posts about the broken hearts who thought they found their soul mate, The ones who are shedding tears several months down the road because they still miss their ex, and even the ones that did the dumping and now realize that they might have shattered everything they had with their potential soul mate. the point is, your situation isn't as unique and fairytale like as you think or would like it to be. Everyone thinks they had "the one" for them so I have to disagree when you say your situation is "oh so different". just look at how you worded that sentence and its oh so different when you know this girl is possibly the one for you You could point at ANY girl and say this because like you said she is a possibility and you don't know for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Im pretty sure this last ex of mine was the one, I had planned on buying a ring in december for her... Had the money saved up and everything. Im sure heart thought his was the one too... we all had the wool pulled over our eyes Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts