Coworker hit me

[stillafool]

You must be a dude. A guy friend of mine suggested this, but outside of work. I can't do this. If she has me arrested and files a civil suit, I have a lot to lose. This is probably why I didn't hit her back against a very deep rooted desire.

 

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No I am woman. At first you seemed like you didn't want to go to HR because you didn't want her to lose her job. Glad to hear you did something and not roll over for this woman or you could be sure it will happen again. All I was saying was there is NO WAY I would let her get away with hitting me in the face twice. You have much more control than I do because that second punch would have never happened (at least not to me.)

[donnamaybe]

Good for you Daphne. You've been proactive and asserted your rights. You most likely also contributed to better working conditions for others.

[daphne]

Is it possible that this is a positive sign? A sign that instead of rolling over and submitting to people and allowing them to dominate and dump on you, you are finding your strength as an individual to stand up for yourself, declare the boundaries that are important to you, and say "no, this is not acceptable, this is not how I will let you treat me."

 

If that's the case, then I say you recognize it for the sign of strength and growth that it represents.

 

Look at it another way: in each case, would your life really be better off - overall and in the long run - if you had just rolled over and "taken it", not set your boundaries? Usually, when you "lose" people for those kinds of reasons, doesn't that mean they really weren't people who were positive factors in your life anyway? I don't mean to be glib, but it's a kind of housecleaning: keep the good stuff, the positive stuff, but don't be afraid to discard the bad stuff, the stuff that drags you down.

 

I guess I never saw myself as someone who let myself get dumped on. So I wonder why they are still trying. I do think that I will have to be careful about setting my boundaries regularly with people who are domineering. They just don't seem to get it, so you have to push them back constantly.

 

Yes, I cleaned house. But the body count is getting high. I generally get to the point where I just dont' want to even bother and just want them out of my life when they cross the line. It's tough, because she was, at one time, a huge support for me. But it's not worth it now.

 

There are myriad possible reasons for their choices, but what matters is that you know where your boundaries are and you have made it known you will assert yourself through use of reasonable means (e.g. HR) when those boundaries are encroached on. Consistent messages are the best way to teach others about what you will and will not accept.

 

As for losing them, think of it as creating space between you and them for something new to take shape in. They may choose to cut you off, or they may choose to modify their behaviour and so create a differently shaped relationship with you. One that you like more.

 

I did send consistent messages. I yelled at her to stop. However, I should have backed it with action the very first time. But it wasn't like she hit me hard the first time. They never do.

 

No I am woman. At first you seemed like you didn't want to go to HR because you didn't want her to lose her job. Glad to hear you did something and not roll over for this woman or you could be sure it will happen again. All I was saying was there is NO WAY I would let her get away with hitting me in the face twice. You have much more control than I do because that second punch would have never happened (at least not to me.)

 

I didn't want her to lose her job. I doubt she will. But I couldn't sit still knowing there was a decent chance that she might repeat the aggressive behavior. She didn't punch, but yeah it was really difficult. I'm afraid if she hits me again, I won't have the same control. And I'm a completely different person when that happens. You can ask my abusive ex husband. After years of abuse, I had enough and I completely lost it. He ended up looking something out of Fight Club. When you've had enough, you've had enough.

 

Good for you Daphne. You've been proactive and asserted your rights. You most likely also contributed to better working conditions for others.

 

Thanks. I hope so. But something tells me, that she'll tell herself I shouldn't have gone to HR. I don't care. I did what I thought was the right thing.

[ilikesunita]

No offence to anybody, but some of the responses in this thread are overly PC. Not wanting her to lose her job? lol.. nonsense.

 

Nobody [/b]should be put in physical harm in the workplace. Surely workplace violence should be a standard HSE practice. Why have safe machinery, non-slippery floors, safe electrics, ergonomic chairs, etc. and then complain (as society does) that preventing workplace violence is too PC? lol.. Is there an elemental difference in not hitting somebody and having a non-slippery floor?

 

This said, report her arse and she should be summarily dismissed. Nobody should hit another in a work environment, no matter how much the other irritates them or annoys them. She should also learn to control her emotions and probably needs anger management counselling. I hope to own a business soon, and in my workplace I would fire instantly anybody who hit a work colleague/co-worker.

[ilikesunita]

I think I'm going to start calling you welike. You're right. She has cost me a lot. And she doesn't understand the stressful situation she has put me in. I've lost sleep, I don't eat well and my job performance is totally suffering. But I've already gone to HR, so it's done. But I still wouldn't have been able to approach it like a business transaction.

 

 

 

Thanks. She did create this mess. I would have hated myself, if, months later she could care less what happened and went back to similar aggressive behavior with impunity.

 

I feel like it's less synchronicity, more just crummy people that don't know how to behave. I doubt I'll ever make friends at work again. One of my friends at the same company sexually harrassed me. This one beat the crap out of me. Another, seemed to be a married guy lying in wait. I'm good. I don't need any more lessons.

 

I am considering going to talk to someone. I think that having all of this pile up back to back is compounding the stress. It's like people are trying to teach me that setting boundaries is wrong. And that isn't going to fly.

 

Seriously? Do you have confidence issues? it is cliche, but if we let others walk over us, they will.